#TeamTrainwreck 17: Just don't screw up like you always do!

[Ka3sha]

I bet Daddy never saw this one coming

Just imagine his reaction - to be back to dictatorship after holidays only to see Gabby on the team

Am all in for it

 

[SmallFairy]

Just imagine his reaction - to be back to dictatorship after holidays only to see Gabby on the team

Am all in for it

She’s so worthy of cheerleading our team I can’t believe we didn’t think of it sooner.

 

[Laney]

-Patron-Saint: Anna Nevskaya
TTW--Cheerleader: Gabby
...
...
...
I love this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Ka3sha]

I forgot to mention it here earlier:
TAT was absolutely desperate after Samarin's SP and today during entire men's event she was talking only about Aliev - 'we miss you so much' , 'don't let us forget you' , 'come back to the top' and etc

 

[alchemy void]

Before this gets out of hand:
Big NO to anything P/C related on this team. No special categories, NO NO NO.

You guys are making @Mad for Skating look reasonable and measured!

If y'all find drunk karaoke that endearing, I'll do an insta live next time I go out.

 

[alchemy void]

I forgot to mention it here earlier:
TAT was absolutely desperate after Samarin's SP and today during entire men's event she was talking only about Aliev - 'we miss you so much' , 'don't let us forget you' , 'come back to the top' and etc

Now this is AMAZING. She's so crazy, in all the best ways possible.

And yes, TTW definitely won't forget Aliev.

 

[SmallFairy]

Before this gets out of hand:
Big NO to anything P/C related on this team. No special categories, NO NO NO.

You guys are making @Mad for Skating look reasonable and measured!

Too late, it’s already consensus!

 

[SmallFairy]

Now this is AMAZING. She's so crazy, in all the best ways possible.

And yes, TTW definitely won't forget Aliev.

Our boy!!!!

 

[SmallFairy]

I forgot to mention it here earlier:
TAT was absolutely desperate after Samarin's SP and today during entire men's event she was talking only about Aliev - 'we miss you so much' , 'don't let us forget you' , 'come back to the top' and etc

 

[alchemy void]

Too late, it’s already consensus!

Might I recommend the P/C fan thread?

https://www.fsuniverse.net/forum/threads/papadakis-cizeron-8-oh-lover-hold-on.104953/

 

[Vagabond]

I forgot to mention it here earlier:
TAT was absolutely desperate after Samarin's SP and today during entire men's event she was talking only about Aliev - 'we miss you so much' , 'don't let us forget you' , 'come back to the top' and etc

I suspect that lurks in these threads.

Before this gets out of hand:
Big NO to anything P/C related on this team. No special categories, NO NO NO.

You guys are making @Mad for Skating look reasonable and measured!

If y'all find drunk karaoke that endearing, I'll do an insta live next time I go out.

Don't worry. Echo is not going to be on the Team. However, you should always be prepared for something like this:

Criteria:
1) Skater needs a complete package to potentially be a top skater at Euros/4CC's/Worlds/Olympic level
2) Skater needs to have the ability to absolutely rock one day and splat the day after. Even better: rock and splat during one program
3) Skater is not afraid of breaking one's heart over and over again
4) Skater needs more splat/messy performances than great ones

Rules:
1) Worlds/Olympic medalists and Euro/4CC's champions are not eligible
2) Multiple Euros/4CC's medal winners are not eligible
3) Membership and changes to the Rules and Qualities shall be decided by consensus among longstanding posters in the #TeamTrainwreck Threads, subject to points 1) and 2)
4) The pinky166 is not allowed to make more than one proposal a day
5) Proposals can be submitted in the #teamtrainwreck thread
6) New membership is granted only to current skaters
7) New membership is only granted to senior skaters (at least one international senior competition)
8) Membership can be cancelled due to points 1) and 2), numerous decent skates in a row or not being competitive on elite level anymore.

Qualities:
1) Being a student of Volchkova/Rukavicin
2) Big boobs/nice ass
3) Boobs/belly/nipples showing
4) Mule kick
5) Being Uzbek/Russian
6) last name called Schott
7) Bizarre off ice incidents
8) Coach
9) Costume (-Malfunction)
10) Splats
11) Bizarre Choreo
12) Hair

Pantheon:
Gimazetdinova, Anastasia
Hubert, Laëtitia
Miner, Ross
Sandhu, Emanuel

Fans' Auxiliary:
alchemy_void
pinky166
SmallFairy

Cheerleader:
Gabriella Papadakis

Glossary:
#TTW = Team Trainwreck
1930's Belarussian = Katsiarina Pakhamovich
Big Bro 1.0 = Michal Březina
Big Bro 2.0 = Jorik Hendrickx
Bossman = Jeschke (not Norman Jeschke)
Cave In = Kévin Aymoz (from the French pronunciation of his first name and his tendency to cave in)
Comfy Balls = Sondre Oddvoll Bøe (from his brand of shorts for underwear, as reflected on his social media posts)
Danny Salmon = Daniel Samohin
Elvis = Nicolas Nadeau (from his Elvis Presley Free Skate of a couple of seasons ago)
Empress, The = Aliona Savchenko
Lil Sis 1.0 = Eliška Březinová
Lil Sis 2.0 = Loena Hendrickx
Lovebirds = Two young skaters who display their affection for each other on social media (exact meaning depends on context)
Narcissus and Echo = Guillaume Cizeron and Gabriella Papadakis
Our boy = Dmitri Aliev
Perkova = Alena Leonova
Poster boy = Daniel Samohin
Poster girl = Stanislava Konstantinova
Pressman = Vagabond
Queen U = Elizaveta Ukolova
Romsky = Roman Sadovsky (from his moniker on social media)
Silver Fox = Sergei Voronov
Susie = Ksenia Stolbova (from Google Translate)
Telenovela = Deniss Vasiljevs, either with or without his coach (for obvious reasons)
TM1 = Maria Artemieva (Trainwreck Maria #1)
TM2 = Maria Stavitskaya (Trainwreck Maria #2)
Tsareva = (1) To react impassively to success or failure; (2) not to suffer fools gladly.
Vice = alchemy_void

MEEPOTS = Most Epic Ending Pose of the Season
MESS = Most Epic Splat of the Season
MIMOS = Most Important Minion of the Season
POTS or -POTS = Performance of the Season
Tursy-POTS = Kiss and Cry Performance of the Season (from Elizabet Tursynbayeva's mother)

FAQ:

If I post in this thread, does that mean I'm on #TTW?
No, the skaters are the ones on the Team, not us. But you may aspire to joining the Fans' Auxiliary.

Can I submit a nomination during the offseason? And if I do, will it be considered?
Yes, of course. But be prepared for da bossman to shoot your suggestion down. It will help, however, to back up the nomination by citing to the Criteria, Rules, and Qualities.

Who decides whether a skater's membership should be cancelled on grounds other than medaling or retirement?
Normally, da bossman, possibly with the advice of vice. But there's always a first time for everything.

Why is Alena Leonova on the List? She has a World Silver Medal.
There's a Perkova Rule, which is so obvious it doesn't need to be included in the Rules above, namely, a skater is on the Team if she (1) has only one World or Olympic Silver or Bronze Medal and no international gold medals, (2) has never won her home country's National Championship, and (3) is Perkova.

What about Elizaveta Tuktamysheva and Elena Radionova?
Da bossman has his delusions, and we humor him.

Do you have to be voidy to be on the Team?
No, but it helps. You do, however, have to be heartbreaking.

Is there an anti-American bias here?
Not at all. Several Americans are or have been on the team, e.g., Ross Miner, Richard Dornbush, Gracie Gold, and Mirai Nagasu.

What is the Pantheon?
The Pantheon is something we cooked up here in the #TTW Press Office to promote those skaters who have retired. Each member of the Pantheon must embody in his or her own way the essence of Team Trainwreck as determined by the pressman.

How do I get on the Fans' Auxiliary?
Not by asking or campaigning for it.

Why isn't being French and hot one of the Qualities?
It's implicit in being French and hot that a skater has the listed Qualities in spades.

Sally Skater and Peter Partner fell on their side-by-side triple flips at last weekend's competition. Surely that makes them worthy of the Team.
In and of itself, falling once or even several times in one program does not warrant membership. Please reread the Criteria.

Why aren't skaters allowed on the Team before they skate Seniors at the international level?
We want to give them time to mature without putting too much pressure on them.

Is there a King and Queen, or is everybody equal?
No, but we do have da bossman and vice.

Can someone clarify what this thread is for/about?
No.

Why is Gabriella Papadakis the Cheerleader?
https://youtu.be/EAJOMCx2xbQ?t=412 (Unfortunately, this is currently geoblocked in the U.S.)

 

[SmallFairy]

It feels like our glossary just keeps expanding and expanding

 

[rfisher]

Before this gets out of hand:
Big NO to anything P/C related on this team. No special categories, NO NO NO.

You guys are making @Mad for Skating look reasonable and measured!

If y'all find drunk karaoke that endearing, I'll do an insta live next time I go out.

Will you wear a tutu and do the hula? I demand equal endearment.

 

[sharsk8s]

we also had narcissus slapping morgan cipres's butt with a tambourine

 

[Vagabond]

The French are so much more entertaining in the Kiss and Cry at these team competitions than the Russians are.

 

[Mad for Skating]

Tsss, he has to break our hearts to be worth a TTW member. And I can tell you, my heart also gets bored like the rest of me when he skates. Greatest boreman is not by chance his name here

He’s a snooze, but so was Kovtun. Fair game.

Just imagine his reaction - to be back to dictatorship after holidays only to see Gabby on the team

#TTW and the Rise Against Fascism!

Before this gets out of hand:
Big NO to anything P/C related on this team. No special categories, NO NO NO.

You guys are making @Mad for Skating look reasonable and measured!

If y'all find drunk karaoke that endearing, I'll do an insta live next time I go out.

I told y’all I’m the sane one here!

we also had narcissus slapping morgan cipres's butt with a tambourine

I’ve never wanted to be Morgan Cipres more in my life

The French are so much more entertaining in the Kiss and Cry at these team competitions than the Russians are.

#ShouldveSentSusie

 

[alchemy void]

I had an identical reaction to Tuktamysheva's LP, too, Nam

In fact, Nam seemed to be in full Tursy-POTS mode today. Look at this hip action! Get this guy out of those Canadian sweaters ASAP!

 

[rfisher]

Skating season is over. I'm exhausted. Is it August yet?
Things to look forward to:
the Russian 3As take on the seniors. Will quads be the new triples in ladies?
Lots of new juniors coming up. How many will be bringing their 3A and quads to competition.
How much of #TTW will survive the end of season purge (it's OK if it's because they've become too consistent for the train because we always know they'll be back.)
What classic rock group will Rizzo senior bring out for Rizzo junior to skate to?
Will the wolves become mere puppies with no teeth?
Will Aliev actually land that 3A-4T in competition?
Will Schott actually do a 3A anywhere? Practice? In her living room?
Will Aliona's baby be a girl? Start her young! She and Bruno's baby boy can start learning a twist before they can walk.
Will Susie finally show us what she's been doing?
Will Gubanova be robbed again?
Do my wishes mean nothing?

 

[Vagabond]

I told y’all I’m the sane one here!

 

[muffinplus]

Will Gubanova be robbed again?

Yes

 

[Ardarys]

I forgot to mention it here earlier:
TAT was absolutely desperate after Samarin's SP and today during entire men's event she was talking only about Aliev - 'we miss you so much' , 'don't let us forget you' , 'come back to the top' and etc

I was saying the same thing Samarin is cute but I am relieved that I am never going to have to sit through this greatest showman program ever again.

 

[Dobre]

I don't mind the Greatest Showman program for him, actually. (The opening selection is different than the other numbers I've heard this year, and at least he's not threatening to kill me in it). That pale I-am-about-to-die-Jeremy-Abbott look he has about him before a nerve-wracking competition, though...I was quite happy when I thought I was never going to have to see that look again.

Let's face it, the kiss of death was the moment when fans started proclaiming Samarin as the one "consistent" Russian man following Europeans. Their premise being flawed, as there are no consistent Russian men in the current scenario. (The fact that Aliev somehow managed to miss this year's World team is quite a feat. I think we should consider him for Czech citizenship).

 

[Ardarys]

I don't mind the Greatest Showman program for him, actually. (The opening selection is different than the other numbers I've heard this year, and at least he's not threatening to kill me in it). That pale I-am-about-to-die-Jeremy-Abbott look he has about him before a nerve-wracking competition, though...I was quite happy when I thought I was never going to have to see that look again.

But bizarrely I always found that look on Jeremy sort of endearing. I wanted to hug him and tell him it was all going to be ok.

(And then, of course, it was almost NEVER ok)

 

[NAOTMAA]

But bizarrely I always found that look on Jeremy sort of endearing. I wanted to hug him and tell him it was all going to be ok.

(And then, of course, it was almost NEVER ok)

But did you still find him endearing after he opened his mouth and started talking?

 

[Mad for Skating]

Will Aliona's baby be a girl? Start her young!

Wait, Aliona is pregnant? How did I not know this?

 

[rfisher]

Wait, Aliona is pregnant? How did I not know this?

 

[Mad for Skating]

Secret Sources. I see.

 

[Ardarys]

But did you still find him endearing after he opened his mouth and started talking?

what can I say, I have horrible taste in men. I can forgive a LOT when I like someone's skating

 

[taz'smum]

Just imagine his reaction - to be back to dictatorship after holidays only to see Gabby on the team

Am all in for it

I'm in too!

 

[alchemy void]

what can I say, I have horrible taste in men. I can forgive a LOT when I like someone's skating

I still have a thing for Righini.