#TeamTrainwreck 15: His hair didn't have stamina, so why should his athletes?

Jeschke

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Bossman #1 and #2 have gone with this thread title presented long ago by @Vagabond as lead-up to the upcoming Hunger Games.

:gallopin1-Patron-Saint:
Nevskaya, Anna

Ladies:
Gold, Gracie
Honda, Marin
Konstantinova, Stanislava
Lecavelier, Laurine
Leonova, Alena
Park, So-Youn
Radionova, Elena
Sakhanovich, Serafima
Schott, Nicole
Tuktamysheva, Elizaveta

Men:
Aliev, Dmitri
Aymoz, Kévin
Březina, Michal
Nadeau, Nicolas
Sadovsky, Roman
Samohin, Daniel

Pairs:
Peng, Cheng / Jin, Yang

Ice Dance:
Fournier Beaudry, Laurence / Sorensen, Nikolaj
Shpilevaya, Anastasia / Smirnov, Grigory

Watch List:
Ladies: Robertson, Karly
Men: Orzel, Conrad
Pairs: Panfilova, Apollinariia / Rylov, Dmitry
Dance: tba
 
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SamuraiK

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Well it's going to be hard to bump Sima out of the Top 24 SB for next season GP. That's at least some consolation but I would seriously consider continuing if I was her.

Those RUS nats dance entries are so sad. All I can think of is "That's wasted ice time for at least another ladies group".
 

Vagabond

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@Vagabond , pressman, will you post the :COP:'s too please?
Criteria:
1) Skater needs a complete package to potentially be a top skater at Euros/4CC's/Worlds/Olympic level
2) Skater needs to have the ability to absolutely rock one day and splat the day after. Even better: rock and splat during one program
3) Skater is not afraid of breaking one's heart over and over again
4) Skater needs more splat/messy performances than great ones

Rules:
1) Worlds/Olympic medalists and Euro/4CC's champions are not eligible
2) Multiple Euros/4CC's medal winners are not eligible
3) Membership and changes to the Rules and Qualities shall be decided by consensus among longstanding posters in the #TeamTrainwreck Threads, subject to points 1) and 2)
4) The pinky166 is not allowed to make more than one proposal a day
5) Proposals can be submitted in the #teamtrainwreck thread
6) New membership is granted only to current skaters
7) New membership is only granted to senior skaters (at least one international senior competition)
8) Membership can be cancelled due to points 1) and 2), numerous decent skates in a row or not being competitive on elite level anymore.

Qualities:
1) Being a student of Volchkova/Rukavicin
2) Big boobs/nice ass
3) Boobs/belly/nipples showing
4) Mule kick
5) Being Uzbek/Russian
6) last name called Schott
7) Bizarre off ice incidents
8) Coach
9) Costume (-Malfunction)
10) Splats
11) Bizarre Choreo
12) Hair

Pantheon:
Gimazetdinova, Anastasia
Hubert, Laëtitia
Miner, Ross
Sandhu, Emanuel

Fans' Auxiliary:
alchemy_void
pinky166
SmallFairy

Glossary:
#TTW = Team Trainwreck
1930's Belarussian = Katsiarina Pakhamovich
Big Bro 1.0 = Michal Březina
Big Bro 2.0 = Jorik Hendrickx
Bossman = Jeschke (not Norman Jeschke)
Cave In = Kévin Aymoz (from the French pronunciation of his first name and his tendency to cave in)
Comfy Balls = Sondre Oddvoll Bøe (from his brand of shorts for underwear, as reflected on his social media posts)
Danny Salmon = Daniel Samohin
Elvis = Nicolas Nadeau (from his Elvis Presley Free Skate of a couple of seasons ago)
Empress, The = Aliona Savchenko
Lil Sis 1.0 = Eliška Březinová
Lil Sis 2.0 = Loena Hendrickx
Lovebirds = Two young skaters who display their affection for each other on social media (exact meaning depends on context)
Our boy = Dmitri Aliev
Perkova = Alena Leonova
Poster boy = Daniel Samohin
Pressman = Vagabond
Queen U = Elizaveta Ukolova
Romsky = Roman Sadovsky (from his moniker on social media)
Silver Fox = Sergei Voronov
Susie = Ksenia Stolbova (from Google Translate)
Telenovela = Deniss Vasiljevs, either with or without his coach (for obvious reasons)
TM1 = Maria Artemieva (Trainwreck Maria #1)
TM2 = Maria Stavitskaya (Trainwreck Maria #2)
Tsareva = (1) To react impassively to success or failure; (2) not to suffer fools gladly.
Vice = alchemy_void

MEEPOTS = Most Epic Ending Pose of the Season
MESS = Most Epic Splat of the Season
POTS or :gallopin1-POTS = Performance of the Season
Tursy-POTS = Kiss and Cry Performance of the Season (from Elizabet Tursynbayeva's mother)

FAQ:

If I post in this thread, does that mean I'm on #TTW?
No, the skaters are the ones on the Team, not us. But if you may aspire to joining the Fans' Auxiliary.

Can I submit a nomination during the offseason? And if I do, will it be considered?
Yes, of course. But prepared for da bossman to shoot your suggestion down. It will help, however, to back up the nomination by citing to the Criteria, Rules, and Qualities.

Who decides whether a skater's membership should be cancelled on grounds other than medaling or retirement?
Normally, da bossman, possibly with the advice of vice. But there's always a first time for everything. :sneaky:

Why is Alena Leonova on the List? She has a World Silver Medal.
There's a Perkova Rule, which is so obvious it doesn't need to be included in the Rules above, namely, a skater is on the Team if she (1) has only one World or Olympic Silver or Bronze Medal and no international gold medals, (2) has never won her home country's National Championship, and (3) is Perkova.

What about Elizaveta Tuktamysheva?
Da bossman has his delusions, and we humor him.

Do you have to be voidy to be on the Team?
No, but it helps. You do, however, have to be heartbreaking.

Is there an anti-American bias here?
Not at all. Several Americans are or have been on the team, e.g., Ross Miner, Richard Dornbush, Gracie Gold, and Mirai Nagasu.

Why isn't being French and hot one of the Qualities?
It's implicit in being French and hot that a skater has the listed Qualities in spades.

Sally Skater fell on her triple flip at last weekend's competition. Surely that makes her worthy of the Team.
In and of itself, falling once or even several times in one program does not warrant membership. Please reread the Criteria.

Why aren't skaters allowed on the Team before they skate Seniors at the international level?
We want to give them time to mature without putting too much pressure on them.

What is the Pantheon?
The Pantheon is something we cooked up here in the #TTW Press Office to promote those skaters who have retired. Each member of the Pantheon must embody in his or her own way the essence of Team Trainwreck as determined by the pressman. :judge:

How do I get on the Fans' Auxiliary?
Not by asking or campaigning for it.

Is there a King and Queen, or is everybody equal?
No, but we do have da bossman and vice.

:gallopin1
 

Jeschke

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@Jeschke Check Mari’s insta stories immediately! She’s teasing “something exciting upcoming” and the next story is a pair of skates!
😱 🚨 😱 🚨
Oh boy! I try keep my expectations and excitement down (we all know I am already over the moon and dreaming of an epic Blommaert's revenge mission :gallopin1)

2 skating related posts within few days and the tease.

Likely mllemaricoco's scenarios for this:
1) Fooling her sole desperate fan out there :drama:
2) Someone of the German Stars on Ice got injured and she stepped in.
3) Joined some cruise ship.
4) Joined Holiday on Ice.
5) Joined another freaking ice show out there.
6) Is part-time coaching.
7) Plays the new 'stunt' double for german figure skating tv show 'alles was zählt' ('all that matters).
...
18) Skating as christmas angel on a small christmas market somewhere in GER.
....
31) Having try-outs.
...
56) Switched to dance and teamed up with Joti for epic battle against her bf.
...
71) Is back in serious pairs practice.
...
834) Returns to competitve skating.

Is it finally happening? :eek::love:
The suspense :drama:
Checking her insta half-hourly :watch:

But, on a serious note: there is no one halfway decent out there, or? 🤷🏼‍♂️
 
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Mad for Skating

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😱 🚨 😱 🚨
Oh boy! I try keep my expectations and excitement down (we all know I am already over the moon and dreaming of an epic Blommaert's revenge mission :gallopin1)

2 skating related posts within few days and the tease.

Likely mllemaricoco's scenarios for this:
1) Fooling her sole desperate fan out there :drama:
2) Someone of the German Stars on Ice got injured and she stepped in
3) Joined some cruise ship.
4) Joined Holiday on Ice.
5) Joined another freaking ice show out there.
6) Is part-time coaching.
7) Plays the new 'stunt' double for german figure skating tv show 'alles was zählt' ('all that matters).
...
18) Skating as christmas angel on a small christmas market somewhere in GER
....
31) Having try-outs.
...
56) Switched to dance and teamed up with Joti for epic battle against her bf.
...
71) Is back in serious pairs practice.
...
834) Returns to competitve skating.


The suspense :drama:
Checking her insta half-hourly :watch:

But, on a serious note: there is no one halfway decent out there, or? 🤷🏼‍♂️
Seriously, and you call me and @rfisher delusional for our Team Stolbova spirit...
 

Ka3sha

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Stasia skated SP at SPb Championship today :gallopin1
3lz step-out
2a
3lo-2t

Obviously not her best skate, but at least they have finally changed her content and get rid of the flip!
 

Jeschke

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Stasia skated SP at SPb Championship today :gallopin1
3lz step-out
2a
3lo-2t

Obviously not her best skate, but at least they have finally changed her content and get rid of the flip!
I am against ditching the flip :mitchell:
#splatordie

If she ****s up the lutz, as seen above, 3lo is so much harder to put a 3t on.
Her 3flip, if on, is good. So go for that.
And if you go down, go down big way :gallopin1
#thetaleofstasiaandtheflip
 

alchemy void

#missionNHK2019 #stillhere
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Wow he really likes the gym :rofl:

That would certainly brighten up my gym visits if that was my view :lol:

Is he the Spanish judge?
Yup.

I have to admit I followed him on instagram yesterday after being inspired by his dedication to fitness :shuffle:
And now I've just gotten a few likes back. :lol:
 

Jeschke

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Important update on mllemaricoco's hints:
new IG story outta TV studio in cologne.

Joti mentioned he is going to a shoot and posted later from the same studio. According to Joti the shoot has nothing to do with Dancing on Ice and is secret for now.
So whatever it is, comeback not going to happen :drama:
#onedayhopeatleast
 
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alchemy void

#missionNHK2019 #stillhere
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Important update on mllemaricoco's hints:
new IG story outta TV studio in cologne.

Joti mentioned he is going to a shoot and posted later from the same studio. According to Joti the shoot has nothing to do with Dancing on Ice and is secret for now.
So whatever it is, comeback not going to happen :drama:
#onedayhopeatleast
Lame.

Call me when he likes your Grm- or Klotz posts instead of your do-hard-list-applications shirtless-beach-strolling-selfies ;)
#sluts :p
He can’t like my semi-tragic Grm or Klotz posts because it might show bias to OES. :p Shirtless selfies are fair game though.
 
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