For those who have just tuned in, may have forgotten, or just need to be sure, here is how we roll.
Criteria:
1) Skater needs a complete package to potentially be a top skater at Euros/4CC's/Worlds/Olympic level
2) Skater needs to have the ability to absolutely rock one day and splat the day after. Even better: rock and splat during one program
3) Skater is not afraid of breaking one's heart over and over again
4) Skater needs more splat/messy performances than great ones
Rules:
1) Worlds/Olympic medalists and Euro/4CC's champions are not eligible
2) Multiple Euros/4CC's medal winners are not eligible
3) Membership and changes to the Rules and Qualities shall be decided by consensus among longstanding posters in the #TeamTrainwreck Threads, subject to points 1) and 2)
4) The pinky166 is not allowed to make more than one proposal a day
5) Proposals can be submitted in the #teamtrainwreck thread
6) New membership is granted only to current skaters
7) New membership is only granted to senior skaters (at least one international senior competition)
8) Membership can be cancelled due to points 1) and 2), numerous decent skates in a row or not being competitive on elite level anymore.
Qualities:
1) Student of Volchkova/Rukavicin
2) Big boobs/nice ass
3) Boobs/belly/nipples showing
4) Mule kick
5) Uzbek/Russian
6) Last name called Schott
7) Bizarre off-ice incidents
8) Coach
9) Costume (-Malfunction)
10) Splats
11) Bizarre choreography
12) Hair
13) Bizarre salchows
14) Melting down in the second half of the Free program
Glossary:
#TTW = Team Trainwreck
Big Bro = Michal Březina
Bossman = Jeschke (not Norman Jeschke)
Cave In = Kévin Aymoz (from the French pronunciation of his first name and his tendency to cave in)
Danny Salmon = Daniel Samohin
Elvis = Nicolas Nadeau (from his Elvis Presley Free Skate of a few of seasons ago)
Lil Sis = Eliška Březinová
Lovebirds = Two young skaters who display their affection for each other on social media (exact meaning depends on context)
Narcissus and Echo = Guillaume Cizeron and Gabriella Papadakis
Our boy = Dmitri Aliev
Perkov = Anton Shulepov (through his marriage to Perkova)
Perkova = Alena Leonova
Poster girl = Stanislava Konstantinova
Pressman = Vagabond
Romsky = Roman Sadovsky (from his moniker on social media)
Telenovela = Deniss Vasiljevs, either with or without his coach (for obvious reasons)
TM1 = Maria Artemieva (Trainwreck Maria #1)
TM2 = Maria Stavitskaya (Trainwreck Maria #2)
Tsareva = (1) To react impassively to success or failure; (2) not to suffer fools gladly.
Unknown kid = Mark Kondratiuk
Van hostage = Alexander Samarin
Vice = alchemy_void
Well-known kid = Mark Kondratiuk (#TTW in-group humor)
MEEPOTS = Most Epic Ending Pose of the Season
MESS = Most Epic Splat of the Season
MIMOS = Most Important Minion of the Season
POTS or -POTS = Performance of the Season
Tursy-POTS = Kiss and Cry Performance of the Season (from Elizabet Tursynbayeva's mother)
FAQ:
If I post in this thread, does that mean I'm on #TTW?
No, the skaters are the ones on the Team, not us. But you may aspire to joining the Fans' Auxiliary.
Why isn't being hot and Italian one of the Criteria?
The Criteria have to do with
skating, not physical appearnce, you silly thing! You, of all people, should know better.
Okay, sorry! Why isn't being hot and Italian one of the Qualities?
It is implicit in the listed Qualities. Let's move on.
Who decides whether a skater's membership should be cancelled on grounds other than medalling or retirement?
Normally, the bossman, possibly with the advice of vice. But there's always a first time for everything.
Why are Elizaveta Tuktamysheva and Han Yan on the List?
The bossman has his delusions, and we humor him.
Do you have to be voidy to be on the Team?
No, but it helps. You do, however, have to be heartbreaking.
Is there an anti-American bias here?
Not at all. Several Americans are or have been on the team,
e.g., Amber Glenn, Camden Pulkinen, and Gracie Gold.
Isn't this "Team" just a haven for the bossman's favorites
No. If it were, Alexander Samarin would have been on it years ago.
What is the Black Mark of #TTW?
It's our own special curse, bestowed when the bossman allows a skater to the Team based on a certain number of votes rather than his own judgment or a consensus, as required by Rule #3. The curse has been known to end skaters' careers or send their lives into a tailspin
Sally Skater and Peter Partner fell on their opening pose at last weekend's competition. Surely that makes them worthy of the Team.
In and of itself, falling once or even several times in one program does not warrant membership. Please reread the Criteria.
Why aren't skaters allowed on the Team before they skate Seniors at the international level?
We want to give them time to mature without putting too much pressure on them.
Do Junior World medals disqualify a skater from consideration?
No. If anything, they add to the luster of a #TTW candidacy.
Can a thread be #TTW?
Only if it's this one.
Why is this thread in The Trash Can, whereas the Russian Ladies thread is in Great Skate Debate?
We care about the company we keep.
Is there a King and Queen, or is everybody equal?
No, but we
do have the bossman and vice.
Will #TTW survive after this season?
Stay tuned.
Can someone explain what this thread is about/for?
No.
)
and well, Danny hasn’t been for some time now.
In reality, Sofia will be lucky to be top ten in this field, but I'll cheer her on anyway.
Slay Sofia!
