#TeamTrainwreck 25: Maximum Chaos

[Jeschke]

-Patron-Saint:
Pogorilaya, Anna

Women:
Chen, Karen
Glenn, Amber
Honda, Marin
Kiibus, Eva-Lotte
Konstantinova, Stanislava
Lim, Eunsoo
Nugumanova, Elizaveta
Peltonen, Emmi
Schott, Nicole
Tuktamysheva, Elizaveta

Men:
Aymoz, Kévin
Březina, Michal
Frangipani, Gabriele
Ignatov, Makar
Kondratiuk, Mark
Sadovsky, Roman
Yan, Han

Ice Dance:
Khudaiberdieva, Elizaveta / Bazin, Egor

 

[taz'smum]

What no pairs and only 1 dance team?

 

[mjb52]

The dance teams keep splitting!

 

[Jeschke]

So, here we go.
Drama week is on.
Show your cards, who you are rooting for.



Women:

#1: LaTuk
#2: Sinitsyna
#3: Valieva/Khromykh (no order)
#4: Rest

Men:
#1: Aliev, Kondratiuk, Samarin (in that order)
#2: Mozalev, Semenenko (no order)
#3: Volchkova-trio-of-power aka Yablokov, Erokhov, Anisimov (no order)
#4: Ignaotv, Gumennik (no order)
#5: Savosin, Danielian (no order)
#6: Rest (incl. Kolyada )

Pairs:
#1: Mukhortova/Evgenyev
#2: Mishina/Galliamov, Tarasova/Morozov, Pavliuchenko/Khodykin (no order)
#3: Akopova/Rakhmanin
#4: Artemeva/Nazarychev, Kadyrova/Balchenko, Geinish/Mironov
#5: Rest (incl. B/K )

Ice Dance:
#1: SinKats
#2: Stepanova/Bukin
#3: -daugther/Jon, Morozov-daughter-Bagin
#4: Khuda/Bazin, Skoptcova/Aleshin
#5: Rest




Men:

#1: Kagiyama
#2: Tomono
#3 Hanyu, Uno (in that order), Yamamoto
#4: Rest

Women:
#1: Mihara, Miyahara (no order)
#2: Higuchi, Sakamoto (in that order)
#3: Shiraiwa, Nitaya
#4: Rest

 

[Jeschke]

So, I just realized, RUS women is totally meh for me. Of course I am all in for LaTuk but I could not care less about the rest; at least it will bring some drama.

I'd die if Tomono somehow could make it - not that I believe it. No Hanyu fan, but can't deny, when he's on, he's on, so I would take him above Uno. Alone for the chance of a 3rd gold in a row.
For women it's funny as I am no Higuchi fan, but her FS is splendid and somehow I am rooting hard.

 

[Jeschke]

Hard task for RUS dudes: finishing 1st or with pewter to make it save to Beijing.
As we all know, either 2nd or 3rd place finisher will be switched after not-worthy-result in Tallinn.

 

[Karen-W]

What no pairs and only 1 dance team?

I nominated Calalang/Johnson after/during Golden Spin but apparently that was rejected by @Jeschke. He has no love for US pairs teams that can't land the SBS jumps even though the rest of their skating is top notch and they've shown flashes of brilliance despite some pretty bland Team Great Parks Ice program offerings.

 

[Jeschke]

I nominated Calalang/Johnson after/during Golden Spin but apparently that was rejected by @Jeschke. He has no love for US pairs teams that can't land the SBS jumps even though the rest of their skating is top notch and they've shown flashes of brilliance despite some pretty bland Team Great Parks Ice program offerings.

Great analysis

 

[rfisher]

I'll play
Rus Women
1. Trusova, Shcherbakova, Valieva (in no order)
2. Tuk, Kromykh
3. All the amazing juniors
4. The rest of the seniors

Men
1. Aliev, Kolyada and Ignatov (in that order)
2. Mark, his training partner, Gummenik, Semenenko
3. The juniors
4. All the rest of the seniors.

Pairs
1. Tarasova/Morozov, Mishina/Galliamov, DARIA
2. Let the best teams do their best: they're just paving the way for Panfilova's great return next season.

Dance
1. SinKats, Step/Buk, Zag/Gon
2. Khuda and her boy, Morozovadottor and her boy
3. What ever since Angelopov can't be there.

Japan
Women
1. Mihara and Sakamoto
2. Don't care

Men
1. Kagiyama, Tomono, Hanyu (just for the sheer drama)
2. Don't care.

 

[Jeschke]

his training partner

Dying.
In the end I get you all!

 

[her grace]

Wishes:

Rus ladies
1) Valieva
2) Tuk, I guess
3) anyone but Kromykh Shcherbakova, mini-grace caught me and asks "Where is Shcherbakova?"

Rus men
1) Kolyada
2) unknown kid
3) whoever skates the best

Rus pairs
1-2 T/M, M/G
3) B/K

Rus dance
1-2 already decided so I don't have to make any wishes
3) Scoptova/Aleshin

JPN ladies

1-3 Mihara, Higuchi, Sakamoto


JPN men
1-3 Kagiyama, Uno, Tomono

If Hanyu skates top three, fine for him to be there, too. But none of this, "He used to be great!" nonsense.

 

[Karen-W]

Okay... so, Drama Week #1 is upon us!

Russian Nats
WOMEN -
#1 La Tuk
#2 Valieva
#3 Trusova
#4 Shcherbakova

MEN
#1 Maximum Chaos - that's what I'm rooting for, and I know they'll all BRING it!
Oh, I'm supposed to pick some skaters to root for?
Kondratiuk, Semenenko (can the costume changes work, please?), Kolyada

PAIRS
#1 BoiKoz - I'm like the only person on FSU who doesn't loathe their programs - goth, choker Black Swan FTW!
#2-4 PavKho, ArtNaz and AkoRakh because they have at least one interesting program each this season
#5 MishGal - unless Tamara has fixed that last 45 seconds of their FS, I'm fine with them once again imploding at RusNats
#6 - TarMor - BORING and their SBS jumps are as reliable as US Pairs!

DANCE
I'm just ignoring the presence of SinKats and StepBuk
#1 ZagGuer - if they manage to finish on the podium it might be the best "I'm not crying, you're crying" moment of the season.
#2 SkopAle because I like them better than KhudaBaz, DavSmo, and MorBag.

Will follow up with Japanese Nats later.

 

[Dobre]

Stepanova & Bukin, Tuk, Mishina & Galliamov, Aliev, Trusova.

 

[Vagabond]

For those who have just tuned in, may have forgotten, or just need to be sure, here is how we roll.

Criteria:
1) Skater needs a complete package to potentially be a top skater at Euros/4CC's/Worlds/Olympic level
2) Skater needs to have the ability to absolutely rock one day and splat the day after. Even better: rock and splat during one program
3) Skater is not afraid of breaking one's heart over and over again
4) Skater needs more splat/messy performances than great ones

Rules:
1) Worlds/Olympic medalists and Euro/4CC's champions are not eligible
2) Multiple Euros/4CC's medal winners are not eligible
3) Membership and changes to the Rules and Qualities shall be decided by consensus among longstanding posters in the #TeamTrainwreck Threads, subject to points 1) and 2)
4) The pinky166 is not allowed to make more than one proposal a day
5) Proposals can be submitted in the #teamtrainwreck thread
6) New membership is granted only to current skaters
7) New membership is only granted to senior skaters (at least one international senior competition)
8) Membership can be cancelled due to points 1) and 2), numerous decent skates in a row or not being competitive on elite level anymore.

Qualities:
1) Student of Volchkova/Rukavicin
2) Big boobs/nice ass
3) Boobs/belly/nipples showing
4) Mule kick
5) Uzbek/Russian
6) Last name called Schott
7) Bizarre off-ice incidents
8) Coach
9) Costume (-Malfunction)
10) Splats
11) Bizarre choreography
12) Hair
13) Bizarre salchows
14) Melting down in the second half of the Free program

Glossary:
#TTW = Team Trainwreck
Big Bro = Michal Březina
Bossman = Jeschke (not Norman Jeschke)
Cave In = Kévin Aymoz (from the French pronunciation of his first name and his tendency to cave in)
Danny Salmon = Daniel Samohin
Elvis = Nicolas Nadeau (from his Elvis Presley Free Skate of a few of seasons ago)
Lil Sis = Eliška Březinová
Lovebirds = Two young skaters who display their affection for each other on social media (exact meaning depends on context)
Narcissus and Echo = Guillaume Cizeron and Gabriella Papadakis
Our boy = Dmitri Aliev
Perkov = Anton Shulepov (through his marriage to Perkova)
Perkova = Alena Leonova
Poster girl = Stanislava Konstantinova
Pressman = Vagabond
Romsky = Roman Sadovsky (from his moniker on social media)
Telenovela = Deniss Vasiljevs, either with or without his coach (for obvious reasons)
TM1 = Maria Artemieva (Trainwreck Maria #1)
TM2 = Maria Stavitskaya (Trainwreck Maria #2)
Tsareva = (1) To react impassively to success or failure; (2) not to suffer fools gladly.
Unknown kid = Mark Kondratiuk
Van hostage = Alexander Samarin
Vice = alchemy_void
Well-known kid = Mark Kondratiuk (#TTW in-group humor)

MEEPOTS = Most Epic Ending Pose of the Season
MESS = Most Epic Splat of the Season
MIMOS = Most Important Minion of the Season
POTS or -POTS = Performance of the Season
Tursy-POTS = Kiss and Cry Performance of the Season (from Elizabet Tursynbayeva's mother)

FAQ:

If I post in this thread, does that mean I'm on #TTW?
No, the skaters are the ones on the Team, not us. But you may aspire to joining the Fans' Auxiliary.
Why isn't being hot and Italian one of the Criteria?
The Criteria have to do with skating, not physical appearnce, you silly thing! You, of all people, should know better.
Okay, sorry! Why isn't being hot and Italian one of the Qualities?
It is implicit in the listed Qualities. Let's move on.
Who decides whether a skater's membership should be cancelled on grounds other than medalling or retirement?
Normally, the bossman, possibly with the advice of vice. But there's always a first time for everything.
Why are Elizaveta Tuktamysheva and Han Yan on the List?
The bossman has his delusions, and we humor him.
Do you have to be voidy to be on the Team?
No, but it helps. You do, however, have to be heartbreaking.
Is there an anti-American bias here?
Not at all. Several Americans are or have been on the team, e.g., Amber Glenn, Camden Pulkinen, and Gracie Gold.
Isn't this "Team" just a haven for the bossman's favorites
No. If it were, Alexander Samarin would have been on it years ago.
What is the Black Mark of #TTW?
It's our own special curse, bestowed when the bossman allows a skater to the Team based on a certain number of votes rather than his own judgment or a consensus, as required by Rule #3. The curse has been known to end skaters' careers or send their lives into a tailspin
Sally Skater and Peter Partner fell on their opening pose at last weekend's competition. Surely that makes them worthy of the Team.
In and of itself, falling once or even several times in one program does not warrant membership. Please reread the Criteria.
Why aren't skaters allowed on the Team before they skate Seniors at the international level?
We want to give them time to mature without putting too much pressure on them.
Do Junior World medals disqualify a skater from consideration?
No. If anything, they add to the luster of a #TTW candidacy.
Can a thread be #TTW?
Only if it's this one.
Why is this thread in The Trash Can, whereas the Russian Ladies thread is in Great Skate Debate?
We care about the company we keep.
Is there a King and Queen, or is everybody equal?
No, but we do have the bossman and vice.
Will #TTW survive after this season?
Stay tuned.
Can someone explain what this thread is about/for?
No.

 

[Laney]

So even not Poster boy anymore??? That's true TTW spirit from Samohin! Seems he left the team completly

 

[Elisheba]

So even not Poster boy anymore??? That's true TTW spirit from Samohin! Seems he left the team completly

Skater has to be competitive and well, Danny hasn’t been for some time now.

 

[Elisheba]

Rusnats
Women: Tuk and Samodurova
Dance: Step/Buk, Tiff/Jon, Khuda
Pairs: Daria, Mishina, Artemeva
Men: meh

Japan Nats:
Women: Miyahara, Sakamoto, Higuchi
Men: Uno, Kagiyama
Dance: Dai

 

[rfisher]

Skater has to be competitive and well, Danny hasn’t been for some time now.

Even worse: he didn't exit in a wave of glory or even a spectacular wipeout which would have potentially earned him a spot in the pantheon. He just started surfing the kiddie beach.

 

[Wyliefan]

Rusnats
Women: Tuk and Samodurova

Twinsies! In reality, Sofia will be lucky to be top ten in this field, but I'll cheer her on anyway.

 

[Elisheba]

Twinsies! In reality, Sofia will be lucky to be top ten in this field, but I'll cheer her on anyway.

Hope dies lastSlay Sofia!

 

[Jeschke]

Skater has to be competitive and well, Danny hasn’t been for some time now.

I think @Laney referred to the fact that he got even kicked out of the glossary by pressman as „Posterboy“

Badass pressman I approve

 

[Jeschke]

Twinsies! In reality, Sofia will be lucky to be top ten in this field

Never gonna happen.

 

[Laney]

I think @Laney referred to the fact that he got even kicked out of the glossary by pressman as „Posterboy“

Badass pressman I approve

True! @Vagabond could he please still be Posterboy???

 

[Wyliefan]

Never gonna happen.

And that comes right from the original "Hope dies last" guy!

 

[Rhumba d’Amour]

So, here we go.
Drama week is on.
Show your cards, who you are rooting for

Five wishes for RusNats:

Tuktamysheva
Aliev
clean White Crow
Pav/Kho
Zag/Gue

all the rest is fluff

 

[Vagabond]

True! @Vagabond could he please still be Posterboy???

I am flattered that you would ask little old me, but the matter is out of my hands.

Please point your browser here.

Job available: Posterboy
Applications can be send to the press office.
More informations on job description can be found under #4 in this thread.
Jobs likely available in near future: Postergirl

 

[Immortelle]

My RusNats dream team:

Men
UnknownKid
Kolyada
Gummenik (yes, I’m delusional)…
Being (only slightly) more realistic? Makar.

Women
Tuk
Shcherbakova
Trusova

Pairs
M/G
P/K
T/M

Dance
Tiff/Jon
S/B
Khuda or Morozov

 

[Karen-W]

Following up with my Japanese Nats wishes:

DANCE
#1 Kana/Dai - they are a much more interesting team than Team KoKo

WOMEN
#1 - Kaori
#2 - Yuhana - her FS is awesome

MEN
#1 - Maximum Chaos - always need this from all the men - I mean, it's a foregone conclusion that the Olympic team will be Hanyu, Kagiyama, & Uno, unless someone else wins - so I'm rooting for pretty much any other man to win. And then Uno 2nd & Kagiyama 3rd, and Hanyu off the podium. What would the JSF do??????

 

[alchemy void]

So, I just realized, RUS women is totally meh for me. Of course I am all in for LaTuk but I could not care less about the rest; at least it will bring some drama.

Same. Desperate for Tuktamysheva to skate clean and make it to Euros, but unless Samodurova has somehow gone back to Burlesque, the rest of the field is not exciting for me. Hopefully I'll discover the heir apparent to Talalikina and Leonova.

Much more interested in pairs and the hot mess crapshoot that is men.

I'd die if Tomono somehow could make it - not that I believe it. No Hanyu fan, but can't deny, when he's on, he's on, so I would take him above Uno. Alone for the chance of a 3rd gold in a row.
For women it's funny as I am no Higuchi fan, but her FS is splendid and somehow I am rooting hard.

Why am I agreeing so much with you

 

[Dobre]

MEN
#1 - Maximum Chaos - always need this from all the men - I mean, it's a foregone conclusion that the Olympic team will be Hanyu, Kagiyama, & Uno, unless someone else wins - so I'm rooting for pretty much any other man to win. And then Uno 2nd & Kagiyama 3rd, and Hanyu off the podium. What would the JSF do??????

Pay the Russian Fed for one of their unneeded men's berths?