#TeamTrainwreck 19: The Journey of a Thousand Miles Starts with a Single Splat

[Jeschke]

Farewell Anastasiia Gubanova!
Entry: Feb 23rd, 2015
Exit: Nov 25th, 2019
Career highlights: JGPF 2016, 2nd; CS CRO 2018, 2nd; Nationals 2018, 7th

Your star rose in young years. You stunned as in your first junior season and made it all the way to silver at the JGPF. Unfortunately your trainwreck path began shortly after when you failed to make the team for junior worlds in finishing 7th at nationals. The next season '4th' was your unlucky number. After a fourth place at JGP you got denied a 2nd one. And the drama reached its peak at junior nationals once again when you dropped from medal position to another 4th place finish and got denied a spot on the junior worlds team, again.
Now after the switch to -coach-legend Rukavicin the star has lost its spark unfortunately. As a member of the original -Four we will root for you until the bitter end. Until then, we have this sweet reminder of your stunning skating and stunning look!

До свидания!

 

[Jeschke]

Farewell Serafima Sakhanovich!
Entry: Nov 17th, 2015
Exit: Nov 25th, 2019
Career highlights: Junior Worlds 2014, 2nd; Junior Worlds 2015, 2nd; GP USA 2017, 5th

With your stunning 'Oblivion'-program you got our attention in early years! (What the hell was Vik doing there with her? Looking young and good before the botox hit in). Unfortunately the early success was quite a burden and turned into a trainwreck ride. Constant coaching changes from Pisarenko to Tutberidze to Plushenko to Rukavicin to Turenko followed. After 2 junior worlds medals reality hit in with a 7th place finish at JGP, a JGP-WD and a dead-last 17th place finish at junior nationals the season after. Thus we were even more happy to see you having a blast and solid comeback with a CS-win and a GP-Top-5 finish 2017/18.
The finger gun will remain iconic, especially in the original TM1-dress!
We are losing our second oldest member, so in your honour, we are all allowed to get a bit moody today.

До свидания!

 

[Jeschke]

Farewell Watch List!
Entry: February '16 (TTW #6: Join the Heartbreak Express!)
Exodus: November 25, '19
Career highlights: not many

The TTW Watch List was created in TTW #6 to appease certain posters who were living in danger by constantly nominating skaters not immediately worthy of inclusion on the team, but showed some potential for the future. After all, we didn't want to give the sign to distinguished stars Mari Vartmann and Alisa Fedichkina that TTW wasn't elite!

Fun fact: Additionally, an even worse defined idea, a sibling of the Watch List called the "Waiting List" was introduced at the same time, but no one knew what distinguished it from the watch list, and it was promptly forgotten. So kind of like Brezina and Brezinova.

The Watch List indeed had a beautiful life for over three years, with iconic stars Anastasia Galustyan, Conrad Orzel, Angelina Kuchvalska, Apollinariia Panfilova, and Dmitry Rylov being the longest-tenured members. Perhaps it was a cruel summer for some when Karly Robertson (by the way, apparently half the posters here think her last name is Robinson ) was included on the watchlist in TTW #15. But after British fed politics denied her a spot at Worlds and Euros, I'd like to think it was all that she really wanted.

Jorik Hendrickx was the shortest-tenured watchlist member at 3 months, as apparently he posted enough underwear shots on insta to demand our attention.

Like Galustyan storming out of a K&C after 6 downgrades, don't turn around, but look forward. The Watch List had a thoroughly adequate almost 4 year run, but it's time has come to an end. Thanks for the memories and nearly two dozen posts over the past 4 years.

 

[Ka3sha]

So, someone had too many drinks yesterday, I see..

 

[SmallFairy]

So, the moment Panfilova/Rylov turns senior...

 

[SmallFairy]

Welcome Vlad

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[Dobre]

You realize this means that Brezina will start campaigning again.

Ladies:
Galustyan, Anastasiya New

I feel this is more than adequate evidence that Popova & Mozgov are elite enough for the Team.

Gubanova, Anastasiia Removed

Ah, things are looking up for her finally!

 

[rfisher]

I guess #TTW has left me behind with no skaters. All things come to an end.

 

[Jeschke]

I guess #TTW has left me behind with no skaters. All things come to an end.

Leonova?

 

[rfisher]

Leonova?

I got the message loud and clear

 

[Jeschke]

By the way @Jeschke is Hase/Seegert KnC from last weekend Tursy-POTS worthy?

No.

 

[Vagabond]

#nomoresoftybossman
#fornow

 

[Vagabond]

For those who were wondering, here's how we roll here:

Criteria:
1) Skater needs a complete package to potentially be a top skater at Euros/4CC's/Worlds/Olympic level
2) Skater needs to have the ability to absolutely rock one day and splat the day after. Even better: rock and splat during one program
3) Skater is not afraid of breaking one's heart over and over again
4) Skater needs more splat/messy performances than great ones

Rules:
1) Worlds/Olympic medalists and Euro/4CC's champions are not eligible
2) Multiple Euros/4CC's medal winners are not eligible
3) Membership and changes to the Rules and Qualities shall be decided by consensus among longstanding posters in the #TeamTrainwreck Threads, subject to points 1) and 2)
4) The pinky166 is not allowed to make more than one proposal a day
5) Proposals can be submitted in the #teamtrainwreck thread
6) New membership is granted only to current skaters
7) New membership is only granted to senior skaters (at least one international senior competition)
8) Membership can be cancelled due to points 1) and 2), numerous decent skates in a row or not being competitive on elite level anymore.

Qualities:
1) Being a student of Volchkova/Rukavicin
2) Big boobs/nice ass
3) Boobs/belly/nipples showing
4) Mule kick
5) Being Uzbek/Russian
6) last name called Schott
7) Bizarre off ice incidents
8) Coach
9) Costume (-Malfunction)
10) Splats
11) Bizarre Choreo
12) Hair

Pantheon:
Gimazetdinova, Anastasia
Hubert, Laëtitia
Miner, Ross
Sandhu, Emanuel

Fans' Auxiliary:
alchemy_void
pinky166
SmallFairy
rfisher

Glossary:
#TTW = Team Trainwreck
1930's Belarussian = Katsiarina Pakhamovich
Big Bro 1.0 = Michal Březina
Big Bro 2.0 = Jorik Hendrickx
Bossman = Jeschke (not Norman Jeschke)
Cave In = Kévin Aymoz (from the French pronunciation of his first name and his tendency to cave in)
Comfy Balls = Sondre Oddvoll Bøe (from his brand of shorts for underwear, as reflected on his social media posts)
Danny Salmon = Daniel Samohin
Elvis = Nicolas Nadeau (from his Elvis Presley Free Skate of a couple of seasons ago)
Empress, The = Aliona Savchenko
Lil Sis 1.0 = Eliška Březinová
Lil Sis 2.0 = Loena Hendrickx
Lovebirds = Two young skaters who display their affection for each other on social media (exact meaning depends on context)
Narcissus and Echo = Guillaume Cizeron and Gabriella Papadakis
Our boy = Dmitri Aliev
Perkov = Anton Shulepov (through his marriage to Perkova)
Perkova = Alena Leonova
Poster boy = Daniel Samohin
Poster girl = Stanislava Konstantinova
Pressman = Vagabond
Queen U = Elizaveta Ukolova
Romsky = Roman Sadovsky (from his moniker on social media)
Susie = Ksenia Stolbova (from Google Translate)
Telenovela = Deniss Vasiljevs, either with or without his coach (for obvious reasons)
TM1 = Maria Artemieva (Trainwreck Maria #1)
TM2 = Maria Stavitskaya (Trainwreck Maria #2)
Tsareva = (1) To react impassively to success or failure; (2) not to suffer fools gladly.
Vice = alchemy_void

MEEPOTS = Most Epic Ending Pose of the Season
MESS = Most Epic Splat of the Season
MIMOS = Most Important Minion of the Season
POTS or -POTS = Performance of the Season
Tursy-POTS = Kiss and Cry Performance of the Season (from Elizabet Tursynbayeva's mother)

FAQ:

If I post in this thread, does that mean I'm on #TTW?
No, the skaters are the ones on the Team, not us. But you may aspire to joining the Fans' Auxiliary.

Who decides whether a skater's membership should be cancelled on grounds other than medalling or retirement?
Normally, the bossman, possibly with the advice of vice. But there's always a first time for everything.

Why is Alena Leonova on the List? She has a World Silver Medal.
There's a Perkova Rule, which is so obvious it doesn't need to be included in the Rules above, namely, a skater is on the Team if she (1) has only one World or Olympic Silver or Bronze Medal and no international gold medals, (2) has never won her home country's National Championship, and (3) is Perkova.

What about Liza Tuktamysheva and Yan Han?
The bossman has his delusions, and we humor him.

Do you have to be voidy to be on the Team?
No, but it helps. You do, however, have to be heartbreaking.

Is there an anti-American bias here?
Not at all. Several Americans are or have been on the team, e.g., Ross Miner, Mirai Nagasu, and Camden Pulkinen.

What is the Pantheon?
The Pantheon is something we cooked up here in the #TTW Press Office to promote those skaters who have retired. Each member of the Pantheon must embody in his or her own way the essence of Team Trainwreck as determined by the pressman.

How do I get on the Fans' Auxiliary?
Not by asking or campaigning for it.

Why isn't being French and hot one of the Qualities?
It's implicit in being French and hot that a skater has the listed Qualities in spades.

Sally Skater and Peter Partner fell on their side-by-side triple flips at last weekend's competition. Surely that makes them worthy of the Team.
In and of itself, falling once or even several times in one program does not warrant membership. Please reread the Criteria.

Why aren't skaters allowed on the Team before they skate Seniors at the international level?
We want to give them time to mature without putting too much pressure on them.

Is there a King and Queen, or is everybody equal?
No, but we do have the bossman and vice.

Can someone clarify what this thread is for/about?
No.

Why is this thread in The Trash Can, whereas From Russia with Love is in Great Skate Debate?
We're too cool for GSD.

 

[DobrinFan]

So apparently Leonova is not competing because she has a knee injury. Also she said that the St. Pete fed has no money to send her (some other skaters) to challengers. So I guess we know why they were not sending so many people to these events. Skaters don't want to pay at their own expenses.

" - Now I took a break, because there are small problems with the knee. And I have a little rest from training. I’m more focused on my health. I train once a day purely for keeping fit or, as my trainer says, for keeping my pants on. "
- Judging by what you say, do you plan to continue performing after healing your knee?
- This year, definitely not. I don’t know what will happen from January. If the St. Petersburg Federation has money, maybe they will give some kind of challenger, which is after the New Year. I would like to go to such a start, because it is very important for me to show my program not only to my judges, but also to foreign ones. But while they say that there is no money. Unfortunately, I cannot go at my own expense. So let's see. "

Алена Леонова: «Колено сказало мне: "Старушка, давай потише". С четверного я точно убьюсь» (фото)

«Я только в 26 лет начала получать кайф от фигурного катания». История фигуристки, которая в два раза старше Трусовой, но продолжает соревноваться

www.fontanka.ru

OMG, that title: "the knee told me: old lady, let's be quite."

 

[Cayuse]

Poor Grandpa Voronov, why such tragic costumes, always?

Purple color block IS an improvement over chicken feathers! Isn't it amazing that he is still in the game?

 

[Jeschke]

I need Samsonov and Voronov at next‘s WTT, just because

 

[SmallFairy]

The Cool Kids! And Voronov as well!

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[Vagabond]

Congrats to @pinky166 Is this your first succesfull campaign? (Litvintsev)

Pinky also successfully nominated Laurine Lecavelier.

 

[Vagabond]

@Jeschke

Do Queen U, TM1, and TM2 still need to be in the Glossary? (Just checking. A more thorough housecleaning may occur some time in 2020. )

 

[alchemy void]

I guess #TTW has left me behind with no skaters. All things come to an end.

Join me on the Galustyan train. You'll be in for one hell of a ride.

And I do have a feeling Brezina will make a compelling case to make it next season...

 

[Jeschke]

@Jeschke
Do Queen U, TM1, and TM2 still need to be in the Glossary?

TM1 and TM2 are the reasons for this thread! They should be the last ones to be crossed off

If you meant it like that, 'Do they still need to be there because everyone knows are 3 legends' , it would sound better, but still, the Trainwreck Marias have to stay!

 

[Vagabond]

TM1 and TM2 are the reasons for this thread! They should be the last ones to be crossed off

If you meant it like that, 'Do they still need to be there because everyone knows are 3 legends' , it would sound better, but still, the Trainwreck Marias have to stay!

We here in the Press Office will continue to monitor the frequency of references to the two Marias and Queen U and will make our decisions accordingly. It's not like da bossman actually reads or needs to use the Glossary.

 

[Vagabond]

I do have a feeling Brezina will make a compelling case to make it next season...

He might render himself ineligible by earning a second European medal before then.

 

[Doggygirl]

Purple color block IS an improvement over chicken feathers! Isn't it amazing that he is still in the game?

Oh no. Chicken feathers RULE the costume world!

 

[SmallFairy]

WOW!

Queen LaTuk ain’t going down without a fight bitchezzzz!

 

[Ka3sha]

Large Calibre Weapon

 

[alchemy void]

Queen LaTuk ain’t going down without a fight bitchezzzz!

#stillhere

 

[Jeschke]

#untilthebitterend

 

[Jeschke]

Check 2nd photo. The bending
#bob4ever

Stanislava Konstantinova on Instagram: “👀”

4,684 Likes, 64 Comments - Stanislava Konstantinova (@stasya_konstantinovaa) on Instagram: “👀”

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Looks almost like Shpilevaya's mid-steps-posing.

 

[Jeschke]

So we get Tsareva again. With her daughter. So much drama potential for the years to come here