At this point, Bruno’s looking up at the sky, tracking his catch like he’s playing right field for the Milwaukee Brewers—only he’s not catching a baseball, but an adult woman! That’s just ludicrous. Look how high up she is—it’s like he got a frisbee stuck in a tree and thought, “Oh yeah, I’ll just casually chuck my coworker up there to knock it loose.”
That’s not a position any human being ought to find themselves in. And you know what’s really scary? Having the emotional vulnerability to trust Bruno here to catch you, so you don’t flop down and explode like an overripe honeydew. But that’s what pairs skaters do. Not 15 seconds after completing this death-defying move, Bruno picked Aljona up again, spun her around, and chucked her a good 10 feet horizontally. And rather than falling to the ground in tears of existential terror, like any reasonable person would, she executed a no-look landing on one skate blade.
I’m starting to fear not only pairs skating, but pairs skaters themselves. I don’t want to know anyone whose idea of a good time is
nearly getting Pamchenko to death on international TV.