Just thinking generally after reading a few posts touching upon these issues, I think there are two things to think about regarding sex, consent, and male-female interactions (not to take such a binary view on this, but I'm talking specifically about hetero cis-gender male-female interactions since that's the situation Ashley Wagner described). First is seeing the images we perpetuate and messages we send both men and women regarding sexual/relationship interactions that make it ripe for these things to occur. The second thing is that although we should recognize the role these images play in shaping our attitudes in these interactions, it is still important to make the aggressors responsible for their actions, as they truly are responsible for how they violated victims and the impact their actions have on them and nothing excuses that.
Regarding the first topic, the attitudes and images we perpetuate really do basically reduce women down to being their bodies and vaginas aka trophies, and men are seen as aggressive hunters who must win that "trophy". These attitudes, images, and messages can often be romanticized and thus create an attitude that women are a trophy for men to win and that men can do what it takes to win that trophy. One can see this toxic attitude seeping into so many of our messages, images, and stories that are told in life and we see the result in how men treat women in this country and practically every country, some of which are places where women really have a status of basically being nothing but objects for men to trade, sell, and own so they could treat women as they please. If we think about it and if we really reflect upon many of our past dating experiences to see how it's been played out against us or even played by us with varying degrees of severity, we see how this toxic attitude is so prevalent and normalized. This explains a lot of negative reactions to Ashley's story and many of the excuses being made towards Coughlin because the experience Ashley had does seem very normal and no big deal to a lot of people. That's how bad it is.
If you add "community" settings as explained earlier, like say a figure skating setting where male partners in ice dance and pairs teams have a bloated sense of self and entitlement because they were raised in an environment where they are valued more then women (we see this played out culturally outside of skating rinks every day) and often have their bad behavior excused or even seen as cute because they are such "cute" and "nice" boys while women do not tend to get this treatment at all as much more is expected of them regarding how they conduct themselves and they consequently do not get the same level of excuses or understanding but rather get blamed for exhibiting "bad behavior", then it just makes what already exists worse. I doubt Dalilah would have been so gung-ho if a female student of hers was accused of something bad and was reported by SafeSport and consequently killed herself. I often see boys coddled by adults (often female mother figures) in a way girls are not.
As for the second topic, because our attitudes towards women are so twisted, it's easy to see why a seemingly "nice guy" like Coughlin would think it's ok to sexually assault women because it's really just another extension of what he and other men (and women) are taught about male/female interactions, about how their worth, women's worth, and what they deserve. However, we all live in this society and many men would never do what Coughlin did. I bet many straight male partners would never think to do what Coughlin, Giuletti-Schmitt, and Varner did. So any talk about societal treatment of women should not be used in a way to excuse the actions of sexual assaulters. What Ashley described shows an incredible disregard for her well-being and value as a person by Coughlin. What Melissa Bulanhagui described also shows an incredible disregard towards women and her value as a person by Coughlin, Giuletti-Schmitt, and Varner. They should be taken to task for this and I don't have much tolerance for any poster trying to shame other posters for calling these men what they are based on their actions towards women. And we actually do not know how aware they were that their behavior was unacceptable but chose to conduct themselves in that manner any way. The only thing we do know is they committed great harm to others, and that's enough to take them to task.
instagram.com
at this.. what a crazy 'article'
www.rt.com
