I thought it at the time and I still think Sappenfield knew very well what happened in the past and was way more afraid she was going to be caught up in a lawsuit. She was trying to set up a defensive parameter.
Please STOP. How do you know this??? Are you inside Dalilah Sappenfield's head? She lost someone she cared about very deeply. Assessing blame to her for not wanting to believe the worst of someone she cared about does not solve anything. I am not going to judge or slam her for having sly, ulterior motives without solid, incontrovertible proof. I don't have her original statement on Instagram in front of me, but the little I recall of it strikes me as someone experiencing deep pain, anguish and grief. I make a point of not participating in too much back-and-forth on Instagram, Twitter or Facebook, especially on highly emotional subjects and controversies. It's mentally exhausting enough engaging in discussions about supposedly lighthearted topics involving figure skating events. AFAIK, Dalilah was distraught over the death by suicide of a dear friend whom she thought very highly of. ITA with
@insideedgeua's post #73:
"... they were mourning someone they knew as a friend..."
There are deeper issues surrounding this that strike home for all of us. We do not live in a vacuum. I bet everyone has had something happen to them directly involving assault or harassment at some point in their lives, or else know someone personally who has experienced such incidences. The quantity and devastation of such grievous situations of sexual abuse and trauma happening in families is endless, not even counting what happens in the wider world. When Bridget Namiotka came forward, my immediate thought was, "We are all culpable." Our larger societal culture, as well as figure skating culture has culpabiity.
The finger-pointing (& vindictive high-horse blaming as if this is a contest) on all sides, about what is a very sad and tragic situation for everyone needs to stop. Ashley came forward for a reason,
'to shed light on dark places,' to get people
"to talk more about these experiences" -- and to try and prevent something similar happening to another young skater. As Ashley said,
"We need to do better for our next generation." That's not just in figure skating, it also applies to the larger culture (including globally, and in our local communities, and in our families). This getting on high horses and lashing out by some people in this thread (on all sides) only perpetuates the pain, anger, sadness and confusion.
The truth is what has needed to come out, no matter how hard, painful, and devastating. I hope more truths continue to be revealed. I feel so sorry for Bridget, Ashley and for everyone who has suffered from any egregious act perpetrated by John Coughlin. But what I can't countenance and I will never get on the bandwagon and the lynch mob with is demonizing a person whose behavior was terribly wrong and sadly should have been noticed and addressed by adults much much sooner, which might have saved his life (helped him to rehabilitate as a teenager) and prevented at least some of the abuse perpetrated on others that he has been accused of. Nor will I ever compare or equate his behavior with the egregious misdeeds of other guilty sexual assaulters in our culture. These so-called 'monsters' who are human do not come from outer space. It's better for all of us to examine our own lives, and to reflect upon the 'monsters' that reside within our own individual psyches. Constantly projecting outward will not resolve the ills of our society.
And let me be clear, that I do not think Ashley or any of the other victims are responsible in any way, shape, or form. Nor is there any expectation or magic formula that exists for them to immediately speak out. It just doesn't work that way. Everyone who is victimized should be sympathized with and listened to. We all react in differing ways to traumatic incidents. Just as we all react in varying ways to sudden news of someone we personally experienced as kind and thoughtful being investigated for alleged, but unspecified sexual misdeeds. Later learning or learning suddenly at the same time that this person has committed suicide is very disorienting and saddening. There is not one way to feel, except to try and reserve harsh judgment of anyone until incontrovertible truths are revealed. Those who are in close contact with the victims have more information than anyone else. But the victims have a right to maintain their anonymity and their privacy. The decision to come forward is courageous and needed. But those who decide not to come forward are no less brave for facing each day and trying to overcome the physical and emotional trauma they experienced.
The only people who need to apologize surrounding this tragic situation are those who seem to delight in vindictively lashing out on social media blindly assessing blame, and those who are acting as if this is all some kind of finger-pointing contest or grudge match in which judges' tallies are being kept on a scorecard.
Read Sally Field's memoir,
In Pieces; read Maya Angelou's autobiography,
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings; read
Educated, by Tara Westover; read
Hunger: a memoir of (my) body, by Roxane Gay. Read and weep, read and reflect on your own personal human experiences.
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