Work woes

[MacMadame]

More Finally: There must be some way to explain this (on your resume?) or in future interviews so that they, and not you, look bad--hours, workload, personalities.

Speaking as a hiring manager, there is no way to complain about a former job and not look bad. And you most certainly wouldn't put it on your resume.

 

[iloveemoticons]

I don't have anything to add to all the great advice already given, just wanted to say hang in there, I know the situation is difficult now but you will get through this. When I was younger, I used to be so caught up in my career and was a huge workaholic. Then I had some serious health issues, which made me realize that all the work stuff I cared so much about before just isn't important at the end of the day. I realized that we work to live and not live to work. Being healthy, being happy, having friends and family who are there for you...those are the things that truly matter in life IMO.

 

[once_upon]

I too went from star performer to being overworked - like you 60 hour weeks - developed a bleeding ulcer and other health issues, within 6 months before they developed the plan to get me to resign. At greater risk to my health - I had angina pain heading towards a heart attack - I stayed to the bitter end, forcing them to make a decision to write a new job description and to pay severance.

You're considerably younger than me, look for another job. Don't risk your well being document what task is and how long it takes to do it. Make a decision to only work xx number of hours. Create a spreadsheet (yeah I know more work) with status progression. Then ask your new boss to prioritize which of the total projects are most urgent and document those interactions immediately following the interaction. She is a project management expert Written documentation via email follow up is essential. Oral conversation is too risky, as she will deny given the chance.

((Jayar)) you are too young to endure this much stress.

 

[Jayar]

Thanks everyone for the advice, the empathy, and the dose of reality. I do realize that I am allowing myself to let this happen, and I am working on changing that reality through therapy. I am fortunate that I have a great therapist who is completely tuned in to what is going on. He suggested that I take a Leave of Absence, but I don't think that I am ready to do that yet. I had further meetings today with my leadership, and after being completely honest about everything with them today-- I called specific people out on poor behavior directed at me, I gave specific incidences of times that I asked for support to no avail, and I specifically brought up the issue of salary. I was kind of shocked that they still want to work with me after what I said, but honestly I was on top of my game even if they gave me zero time to prep for the conversation. They are adding experienced staff to the project to start picking up the slack, and asked me what I needed to be successful, wanted to know what they could do to help me recover, and said that they want me to continue talk with them about how I am feeling physically and emotionally so that they can help recalibrate the workload. So, I am choosing to continue for now, albeit cautiously. I didn't expect to have this kind of feedback from them, but I was very direct, questioned things in a very precise manner (for example, 'What does my future look like here?' and 'What is the impression of leadership in terms of my reaction to being overworked? Is it understood that this is a cultural versus a performance issue?'). Shortly after this meeting, my counterpart in a different department who leads the content development of this project (I manage the overall project, she the content) had a similar meeting with leadership and she ended up in tears. So, I am not the only one who is feeling this pressure, and I think that they are starting to understand that our culture is crumbling. I want to thank you all from the bottom of my cold heart for taking the time to respond to me as I struggle through this. It's been the biggest test of my career, and I hadn't a clue how to navigate these waters. I don't know that I did much of anything right, but tonight I feel more peaceful, and honestly, that is what I've needed. I am going to continue to look for a new place of employment because I am ready for a new challenge, but today is a better day.

@Veronika -- We need to work on being better to ourselves! @once_upon I'm not that young... unless middle aged is young. And to everyone else, <3 THANK YOU!

 

[crzesk8dad]

Be strong, Jayar. Keep your focus on what is right for you. I've been there on more than one occasion and it's not easy, but staying focused got me through. Remember you always have the upper hand, you can quit. I'm not saying you should quit, but remember you hold the ultimate tool. Work to live, don't live to work.

 

[once_upon]

@Jayar I am fairly certain that when we met in Omaha, you are 20 years younger than me .

 

[skatesindreams]

((((Jayar))))

These developments are signs of progress.
Keep us posted.
We care.

 

[smurfy]

@Jayar - thanks for update. Good for you being so articulate and communicating with those above you.
In a previous job, my director was being such an ass. I figured out he was getting pressure from the VP.
but I finally told him I did not like the way he was treating me, that I was part of the solution, not the problem.
He did back down some.
I know this has been hard, and I have been there. but please know you are really learning alot and you will be stronger in the future. Most times I have learned the most at work in the worse conditions.
Keep doing what you are doing, you seem to know how to read the situation and speak up for yourself.

 

[quartz]

 

[Garden Kitty]

Glad you got some positive feedback and that the management proposed some specific actions that may help alleviate the stress and workload. I'm also glad that you're still keeping an eye out for a new job that may be a better option, while still maximizing your options at your current job.

 

[Aussie Willy]

Glad you were able to be open and honest with them but more importantly that they listened to you. Not surprised the other person was in tears. The problems are usually indicative of the business culture.

Good luck with it. Hope things improve.

 

[MacMadame]

It's been the biggest test of my career, and I hadn't a clue how to navigate these waters.

It sounds like you did a good job in your meeting. It's really hard to know how honest to be with these things.

 

[Spun Silver]

Well done, @Jayar!

 

[Foolhardy Ham Lint]

Reading your first post reminds me of my own former working situation.

I worked a high-pressure, deadline driven, 75 hour plus week for more than 18 months (Saturdays and sometimes, Sundays included). Overtime was in the form of time in lieu (and even that had to be fought out).

The culture promised much (in the form of full time assistance when my workload doubled) but delivered little. That never happened. Beware of the proverbial dangling carrot, and get it in writing if you can.

In the end, when an overworked colleague in another department dropped dead from a heart attack, and the fact that the company virtually reacted with a 'whatever' mentality, that was enough for me to leave.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter where you are working or how they are handling work flow (or not), your health is everything.

 

[Jayar]

I've worked 'only' 39 hours this week so far. I will finish out the week with approximately 47. I am somewhat more comfortable with that. We have a new hire starting on Monday who is going to offload another colleague so that she may support my team a few hours each day. Because of that, I might actually get to MANAGE my project in moving forward. I am hopeful, but I am definitely not convinced yet. I do feel better-- less heart palpitations and less stomach pain today, and I even left the office for lunch! The seasons are changing, and I was somewhat surprised to realize that I missed summer But I think that if it continues like this, I can get back to a normal life. I plan to get my butt back into the gym next week, which will help me in MANY ways. Thanks again for all of your support! It means the world.

 

[skatesindreams]

Please, keep us posted, Jayar.

 

[crzesk8dad]

Atta boy!!

 

[Jayar]

I had lunch with my husband today after I went for a run. As we spoke, I said to him, "This is the first day since July 5th that has been absent of stress." It was a true revelation, and I am hopeful that I will continue to defeat this. Thank you all for your continued support. It means the world.

 

[tylersf]

I don't know where you live, but I would sue for a "hostile environment" reasons. Find an employment lawyer.

I wish I had sued my previous employer. Although you are going through a lot, my last company was worse. I was ready to write a very long post, but I'll summarize. Although I am in California, this particular company was racist, discriminatory, played favorites, extremely political etc.. In addition, those promoted were incompetent and had bad habits (i.e. personality disorders, drug use, several abortions in one year etc..). The ones with an education and high productivity were fired for bogus reasons similar to what is happening to you at your organization.

You have done a lot for the company, but they took advantage of you. You stood up for yourself and asked for what you needed and they punished you. Document everything, find a lawyer, then sue.

Suing does have its consequences. You could be blacklisted from other places, and other employers don't like to see someone with previous lawsuits.

Been working on a crazy project since February, and it will finish up Phase I in December. Phase II begins in January, and Phase III on the tail of II. Since the beginning of the fiscal year, I have been working an average of 20+ hours of overtime. I am salaried. My workload has increased, responsibilities have ballooned, and the stress is out of this work and causing health issues. I've started therapy to try to help figure this out, and it is helping me to add clarity to my life. The problem-- 3 weeks ago after working 70 hours for 2 weeks in a row, my boss calls me in for a meeting. A colleague (there are two of us at the same level) is being promoted (she does the other half of the project), and she will be my new boss. I ask a lot of questions because although we are good friends, I do not think that she will be a good match for me. Additionally, I am the only permanent employee reporting to her, and there are four others at my level (and one junior) who still report to the Director (my former boss). So, even though I have not been demoted in salary or title, I am pushed down the rung one step. When I discussed the promotion with my boss, I asked if there was going to be a replacement hire to backfill my new boss's position. The answer was a resounding no, and that not much would change except that new boss would take charge of the program level pieces (I am at the project level). What that means is that she will no longer have Project Management responsibilities, and that will fall to me. And I already work way too much overtime. Also, decisions about how to project will work are going to be wholly decided by new boss when before I had a voice. It was made clear that those are her decisions to make. So, I said that I didn't see how I would be able to continue given the current climate of the position and the promise of even more work. Note-- I have been asking for help, providing a business case, and proving out the need. Each time we hire a contractor, I find them, train them, and then they move to the other half (new boss's side) of the project. In late August, I finally got help and I was to get a second person, but because of logistics, I couldn't get them to start until early September when I was in full swing with multiple aspects of the projects crashing. During this time is when old boss announces the new boss promotion. Quite honestly, I was completely demoralized at that point anyway, and this just sealed it. I went home, thought about it, and then organized a meeting with old and new boss, telling them that I either (1) Need more money, (2) Want to reduce my hours, or (3) Have another person come on board to help me. Walked away very upset while the rest of the office was at our annual summer picnic. With nobody else in the office, I had an emotional reaction (tears), and a colleague that I have known and loved for 16 years comes back to pick something up and sees me upset. After pushing her off for a bit, I finally confess that I am overwhelmed by my workload, am exhausted, and I think that I just quit my job. She comforts me, goes to picnic, and tells the office gossip. Next day I am out of the office for a scheduled day off, and apparently all hell breaks loose. Apparently I told everybody about me quitting, and I caused an office culture problem. When I come back to the office, I am told that (1) No more money because if they give in to me, others will follow, (2) That overtime will continue and it is expected that I continue, and (3) That they are hiring another person to come on board (contract) to help new boss. None of these things help me, but I trudge on, and I work nearly 60 hours over 4 days. Last week, Senior VP flies in from Chicago to see what is going on, has a long meeting with me, and tries to blame me for being disruptive. I explain that I can live with my actions, and I explain to him the reality of what actually happened. He decides that I am 'committed' to my work, apologizes that I have had problems handling the stress, and lets me know that I made my old boss feel like a failure. Anyway, I endure for another week, am training three new people (1 for new boss), and am still struggling with my workload. So today I create a spreadsheet with all of the overtime that I've worked this fiscal year, show how that decreases my per hour rate, calculate the additional costs of working so many hours (ordering in since I work most nights until 10 or 11, medication for stress, therapy, commuter costs since I used to carpool),and I give it to old boss. I also ask for a midyear review since I will be getting a new boss and want my performance documented before the transition. I walked away, and immediately heard my colleagues congratulating my new boss. My timing stinks-- the announcement came out as I was walking to my boss's office. Anyway, I'm overweight, out of shape, stressed out, have no personal life, and probably won't have a job much longer. What is a boy to do? (Besides use paragraph breaks... sorry about that.) Any advice?

Late note-- Two years ago I received the highest rating in our entire organization in my annual review. I've always received high ratings. Now I am 'difficult'. Culture or personal issue?

 

[Debbie S]

In addition, those promoted were incompetent and had bad habits (i.e. personality disorders, drug use, several abortions in one year etc..).

I'm not sure how the number of abortions someone has had would affect their suitability for a promotion, or why it would even be a co-worker's business. "Bad habits" are only an issue at work if they impact whether one's work gets done properly or threaten the safety of others.

 

[Japanfan]

In addition, those promoted were incompetent and had bad habits (i.e. personality disorders, drug use, several abortions in one year etc..).

Having an abortion is only rarely something that be called a 'bad habit'. Having several in one year is really quite rare. Several in a lifetime is far more common, although even that is relatively rare.

And many employees are back to work or school within one-two days of having an abortion. Often, colleagues and school-mates who are not close friends don't even know about it.

 

[tylersf]

Debbie S, Japanfan I didn't learn about an employee's multiple abortions until after I had left the company. She was a drug user (pill popper) who made many mistakes on the job under the influence, was rude to co-workers and customers ( I had to address a lengthy FB complaint about her which resulted in an apology to the customer from the CEO) and yes, multiple abortions in one year where she kept taking days off. She didn't enjoy birth control, thus the need to abort her fetuses on a regular basis. She was a single mother with 2 boys anyway.

She was a burden to the organization, but because she was sort of attractive AND white, she was promoted in spite of her work performance. Her own boss didn't even recommend the promotion, but management insisted upon it.

 

[Debbie S]

( I had to address a lengthy FB complaint about her which resulted in an apology to the customer from the CEO) and yes, multiple abortions in one year where she kept taking days off.

People are entitled to take days off (assuming your employer provided PTO/vacation/sick leave) for any reason. It makes no difference whether they are having a medical procedure or attending a skating competition, or any other reason. Being rude to customers and making mistakes are a problem, whether drug-related or not, but the mere act of taking days off, unless she exceeded her allotment and/or left people in the lurch amid important deadlines, is irrelevant.

ETA: I see you added another tidbit. Her opinion on birth control (seriously, is this something she discussed with you? I can't imagine a workplace where a colleague would discuss this) is also irrelevant to her job performance.

I don't want to hijack this thread, so I'll say to Jayar that I think it's great that you were able to resolve the issues and are feeling less stressed, and I hope that your workplace becomes more tolerable.

 

[Japanfan]

People are entitled to take days off (assuming your employer provided PTO/vacation/sick leave) for any reason. It makes no difference whether they are having a medical procedure or attending a skating competition, or any other reason. Being rude to customers and making mistakes are a problem, whether drug-related or not, but the mere act of taking days off, unless she exceeded her allotment and/or left people in the lurch amid important deadlines, is irrelevant.

I meant to post much the same thing. And I'll add that SFAIK (being self-employed), people take time off work for far less serious or legitimate reasons than having an abortion.

My husband works with mentally handicapped adults, and he takes time off at the mere hint of a cold coming on. He's justified in that he doesn't want to pass a cold on to his clients, many of whom are elderly and/or medically fragile. But I would never consider taking time off for the reasons that he does, given that I don't get paid if I don't work.

 

[tylersf]

She did exceed her allotment, AND left her supervisor in the lurch, but management forgave it. This employee was Caucasian, and there was a push to promote white people up the ladder. This was the most blatant example of favoritism. According to her supervisor, the FB compliant was the third one in a 2 week time period. Other employees have been fired for lesser offenses. They overlooked her mistakes and poor customer service skills. Her pill-popping caused her to make huge errors and treat people badly at work. She was even disrespectful to me and I was 2 levels above her. On top of that, her mulitple writeups would have merited termination. However, she has been promoted twice along with several raises along the way.

People are entitled to take days off (assuming your employer provided PTO/vacation/sick leave) for any reason. It makes no difference whether they are having a medical procedure or attending a skating competition, or any other reason. Being rude to customers and making mistakes is a problem, whether it's drug-related or not, but the mere act of taking days off, unless she exceeded her allotment and/or left people in the lurch amid important deadlines, is irrelevant.

 

[Aceon6]

@tylersf Jayar's situation was specific to the culture of overwork. I believe he's handling it spectacularly.

 

[Aussie Willy]

Debbie S, Japanfan I didn't learn about an employee's multiple abortions until after I had left the company. She was a drug user (pill popper) who made many mistakes on the job under the influence, was rude to co-workers and customers ( I had to address a lengthy FB complaint about her which resulted in an apology to the customer from the CEO) and yes, multiple abortions in one year where she kept taking days off. She didn't enjoy birth control, thus the need to abort her fetuses on a regular basis. She was a single mother with 2 boys anyway.

She was a burden to the organization, but because she was sort of attractive AND white, she was promoted in spite of her work performance. Her own boss didn't even recommend the promotion, but management insisted upon it.

Taking time off is an issue when it comes to work. Our company let a couple of people go recently for that reason. And poor performance too is a justifiable reason to let someone go.

However the reason for it should not be subject to judgement or condemnation. Your comments about this woman's abortion are judgmental and unacceptable, regardless of what you think. If that was given as a reason for termination of her employment, I would think she would have reason to sue for discrimination.

 

[debo]

I don't know where you live, but I would sue for a "hostile environment" reasons. Find an employment lawyer.

I wish I had sued my previous employer.

Why didn’t you?

 

[Jayar]

I only worked 8.5 hours today-- and I took a lunch break!!! :O

 

[Aussie Willy]

I only worked 8.5 hours today-- and I took a lunch break!!! :O

Congratulations. You are learning fast young Padawan.