I don't think anybody here is blaming Harry for not wanting to be a full-time royal. Where some posters have taken issue with the Sussexes' actions is that (1) they seem to want to trade on their royal status without putting in the work ,(2) they're still going to live off money provided by the BRF and by taxpayers (and no, it's not great that Prince Andrew gets that money, either), and (3) the announcement was not done well and appears to be inconsiderate of his other family members, including the Queen who is elderly, and William who also endured childhood trauma but can't just step away. If you think their service to their country is limited to riding in carriages and waving from balconies, you're not paying attention.
The only reporting on the royal family's reaction to Harry becoming involved with Meghan is that William may have told him that he was moving too fast, and even that's not confirmed. There is no credible reporting that anyone in his family objected to her because she's an American, an actress, or biracial. Maybe they did, but that's an accusation that requires corroboration, IMO.
It seems like Harry and Meghan still want to live a fairly public life, just public in a different way. But he's Diana's son, and his life, unfortunately, will always be tabloid fodder. I hope that he's prioritizing his mental health by going to therapy and not just assuming that a move to a different country will fix everything.