Baby Question

[Susan1]

Good grief. Lynn wrote that CS is planning to keep working until she goes into labor and driving herself to the hospital. The hospital she has to go to is 10 minutes away from the mall where she works, 30 minutes from their house. Never mind the mall traffic!!! You'd think her co-workers (she's an assistant manager) at the store would not want her going into labor there. She didn't even mention how far away it is from school if it happens while she is taking a final. Lynn wrote "she doesn't know what she's getting herself into". Duh. You're 56 years old. Act like a mother, not a friend. (no I didn't write that back!)

 

[VALuvsMKwan]

Duh. You're 56 years old. Act like a mother, not a friend. (no I didn't write that back!)

Why not, if you really feel that way? You don't seem to be shy about sharing your thoughts in general.

 

[Skittl1321]

Good grief. Lynn wrote that CS is planning to keep working until she goes into labor and driving herself to the hospital. The hospital she has to go to is 10 minutes away from the mall where she works, 30 minutes from their house. Never mind the mall traffic!!! You'd think her co-workers (she's an assistant manager) at the store would not want her going into labor there. She didn't even mention how far away it is from school if it happens while she is taking a final. Lynn wrote "she doesn't know what she's getting herself into". Duh. You're 56 years old. Act like a mother, not a friend. (no I didn't write that back!)

If her doctors are okay with it, what's the issue? Leave time (even unpaid) is limited, if you can still work, why take it BEFORE the baby is there? That leaves less time WITH the baby. It's not like babies know when their due dates are. You could take off a few days before you expect the baby, then wait 2 weeks for the baby to arrive!

My doctor had suggested I work until I go into labor unless there was a medical reason that prevented me from doing so. She just told me to not try to drive myself, and if my water broke to get to the hospital within an hour, otherwise I could labor at home or work until a certain point. (A friend went to the mall and ran errands for 3 hours while she was in labor because she lived far from the hospital and wanted to be closer, but didn't want to go in and get hooked up to monitors yet.)

It might not be what everyone wants to do, but this girl gets to make her own decisions, she's the Mom now. Her mom can only make suggestions, it's not her pregnancy.

 

[agalisgv]

I worked and studied up until my water burst . I was still in school when I had my last one, and graduated with an A average. I won full rides to grad school based on my college performance. It works

 

[Xela M]

I was working and passing work-related accreditation exams the day before I went into labour. Labour isn't a quick process anyway. It's not like in the movies. It takes forever until anything happens, so she will be fine.

 

[Habs]

Good grief. Lynn wrote that CS is planning to keep working until she goes into labor and driving herself to the hospital. The hospital she has to go to is 10 minutes away from the mall where she works, 30 minutes from their house. Never mind the mall traffic!!! You'd think her co-workers (she's an assistant manager) at the store would not want her going into labor there.

That actually doesn't seem unreasonable to me. Many women work right until they go into labour (myself included!).
Granted, I also know lots of women who are special snowflakes who think they need a month off before the due date.

 

[TheGirlCanSkate]

I tried to be a special snowflake. I was 19 and going to school full time and was waitressing at one job and standing in one place for the second. All of a sudden I felt like I could not go into work the next day, so after my shift I went to HR and filled out my paperwork. I went home and went into labor. So much for being a special snowflake. He was due May 10 and I had him April 14.

 

[Veronika]

FMLA only applies if the employee has worked 1250 hours in the last year and the employer has more than 50 employees...

 

[Susan1]

I worked and studied up until my water burst . I was still in school when I had my last one, and graduated with an A average. I won full rides to grad school based on my college performance. It works

Gosh you guys (a general term, obviously this is just for ladies!) are tough! Can you see her waiting on a line full of male customers when her water breaks? Sorry, gotta go - clock me out......running down the mall leaking, to the end of the parking lot leaking, hopping in her car and spending half an hour trying to get out of the mall in Christmas shopping traffic, even if she's not having excruciating labor pains. That's dangerous for her, the baby and everybody else on the road.

She's 23 (since Saturday) years old and has no idea it's not like how they do it on sitcoms.

I've worked in offices for over 30 years, and I can't count how many baby showers we had. Never, ever, ever did someone go into labor at work.

 

[oleada]

Well, that's unusual then. My boss went into labor at work with her third child. My aunt's water broke at her office (my little cousin was born something many, many hours later).

 

[maatTheViking]

It is not that common that the water breaks before the labor starts. And it is not a gush that keeps going, it is more like peeing your pants.

My water broke before labor started with no 1. I was at work the same morning, water broke at 11pm. Could easily have happened at work. I could have driven myself in.

For my second labor started (contractions) before my water broke. I waited pretty long (in the end I had 2.5 min between the contractions in the car, they were not 1 min long though). I could not have driven myself, I was too distracted/in pain.

this was a Sunday, and I was not working at that moment. .

So it depends on the circumstance. Normally they say to go to the hospital when contractions are 1 min long and 5 min apart. She should talk about this with ob/gyn or midwife. If she is driving herslef, she might go a little earlier and just wait at the hospital (they usually wont admit you too early).


I do envy my SIL in Denmark, whose leave started 4 weeks before her due date, but that is unusual.

 

[Skittl1321]

Can you see her waiting on a line full of male customers when her water breaks? Sorry, gotta go - clock me out......running down the mall leaking, to the end of the parking lot leaking, hopping in her car and spending half an hour trying to get out of the mall in Christmas shopping traffic, even if she's not having excruciating labor pains.

First thought- what do male customers have to do with it? Most adult men are aware how babies get into the world. But you do know that most women's labor doesn't start by their water breaking (most baby sites say this only happens 10-15% of time; it isn't TV, as you pointed out). And for those who do, it isn't necessary to run anywhere, you can get to the hospital at a normal pace. Even 30 minutes away. It's pretty rare when water breaking also means "baby is coming out right this second", and that's what 911 is for. Most labor, especially first time, is pretty slow. My friend had her water break at Home Depot, on her third child. She actually pressed the page button and asked the manager for a mop, she felt bad so said she would clean it up. She actually had her water break near the beginning of labor for 2 of her five children. The other time it was at home.

I've worked in offices for over 30 years, and I can't count how many baby showers we had. Never, ever, ever did someone go into labor at work.

I've been in the workforce for 11 years. I've seen 3 people go into labor at work, but no one's water break. They just emailed us all to say they were headed to the hospital. One drove herself, one called a husband, the third had her boss drive her, IIRC. I think I only know of 2 women who went on vacation before they had their baby- they had extra saved up and decided to just take some time off to rest. But usually people don't have vacation time to spare. Mostly it seems women just keep working until they are no longer able to: they go on bed rest because the doctor requires it, or they call to say they aren't coming in because they've gone into labor and are now at the hospital. But if you work 8 hours a day, that's more than 60% of the time you aren't at work, so a lot of these people will go into labor at home, or the grocery store, or somewhere else.

How do you expect people to pay their bills if they aren't working? Pregnancy, in most cases, is not a disability. Financial obligations don't go away when you get pregnant. It's hard enough for most people to afford to take time off after the baby. It sounds unlikely this girl has huge savings or a lot of vacation time saved up. If she is able to work, it seems like she should be. Especially if her baby might have challenges and she is going to need a lot of time off afterwards for various appointments. (Though I will say I wish the landscape in our country was such that it wasn't necessary to work until the very last minute, and that all women could afford and be guaranteed time to take afterwards. FMLA doesn't cover so many people- and that's unpaid leave!)

 

[TheGirlCanSkate]

I think a kind thing to do would be for people who live near her or work with her to offer to drive her if she feels she is unable. At 18, 23 or 33, help can be of more assistance than well meaning advice. She is going to be 100% responsible for a new life. I'd let her decide without giving advice about how long she can work. She is going to be making a LOT of decisions in the next 18 years on her own. In retrospect, this will be a tiny one.

My water didn't break for 2 pregnancies, it had to be broken. Every experience and body is different and unique. Help her learn to trust herself.

I think it is perfectly acceptable for her to say, I'm sorry, someone else will need to ring you up, I am in labor and need to go. I'm sure in her 9th month it may be apparent she is expecting. She should be able to ask mall security to help her get to her car quickly. They may even permit her to park in an area normally off limits that is closer or give her a lift on a golf cart to her car and direct traffic so she can get out more easily.

 

[Susan1]

Why not, if you really feel that way? You don't seem to be shy about sharing your thoughts in general.

Lynn and CS have always had sort of a reverse mother/daughter relationship. Lynn's one of those "whatever" people. (I don't know how to get there, but if I get lost and am an hour late, so what. - not the upcoming trip to the hospital!, just in general).

But she read one of those new age parenting books 23 years ago or something. We all thought it was very strange. I can't think of a good example, but sort of like "Can you tell me why it's not a good idea for you to ride your bike out in the street?.....Now, do you really want to ride your bike out in the street? It's your decision." when she was 3-4 years old. And CS has been in charge ever since. She has always come and gone whenever. "If she has a problem, she'll call me." She has always eaten strange things; the only example I can think of off the top of my head is putting loads of pepper on just about EVERYTHING.

She has her own checking account, never carries any cash, and uses her debit card for everything, including a piece of pizza in the food court. (I asked if she had unlimited withdrawals without a fee!!!) But she is also a cosigner on her mother's accounts. Lynn does not even know how much she makes an hour.

CS picked out the tile in their bathroom and the paint for the kitchen. She brought home a puppy (who is not house trained) from the pound a month ago because every kid (the coming baby) should grow up with a dog in the home without mentioning it to her mother. So Lynn just got another baby to take care of while CS is at school and work. CS will probably go back working at the mall as soon as she can walk comfortably because her mom will be taking care of the baby. But Lynn says she doesn't mind. She hopes CS and the baby will say with her for at least the next 5 years.

They aren't going to ask the "father" for child support because he lives in a house with three other guys who forgot to pay the electric bill and had their heat turned off. He's 24 and worked part time at Radio Shack, which has gone out of business, so I don't know how she would get any money anyway. Lynn's never even talked to this guy's parents. He might have little "accidents" all over Ohio. And they don't want to get WIC because someone else might need it more than they do. It's all very strange. I just ask questions. Lynn tells me when she knows the answer.

The ultrasound was today. I hope everything is o.k. I'm sure she'll write tomorrow.

 

[Skittl1321]

I hope that the ultrasound went well and everything is okay.

But I think you need to step back and say "not my circus..."
Also- are there really people who pay a fee on debit withdraws? I thought that was a relic of decades ago.

 

[Susan1]

I think a kind thing to do would be for people who live near her or work with her to offer to drive her if she feels she is unable. At 18, 23 or 33, help can be of more assistance than well meaning advice. She is going to be 100% responsible for a new life. I'd let her decide without giving advice about how long she can work. She is going to be making a LOT of decisions in the next 18 years on her own. In retrospect, this will be a tiny one.

My water didn't break for 2 pregnancies, it had to be broken. Every experience and body is different and unique. Help her learn to trust herself.

I think it is perfectly acceptable for her to say, I'm sorry, someone else will need to ring you up, I am in labor and need to go. I'm sure in her 9th month it may be apparent she is expecting. She should be able to ask mall security to help her get to her car quickly. They may even permit her to park in an area normally off limits that is closer or give her a lift on a golf cart to her car and direct traffic so she can get out more easily.

Yeah. I just keep remembering all these stories on the news of cab drivers delivering babies, or husbands in a snow storm. Heck, teenage girls pop them out in school restrooms. ha ha

I am of the better-safe-than-sorry school. Always have been. Ack - just thought of hoping it won't be snowing!!!! It's going to be 60* here on Saturday. I hope this weather holds in Cincinnati too (when the time comes, anyway).

 

[Susan1]

I hope that the ultrasound went well and everything is okay.

But I think you need to step back and say "not my circus..."
Also- are there really people who pay a fee on debit withdraws? I thought that was a relic of decades ago.

1. Yeah. I know. Lynn is writing to me and I worry about her. I'm just venting to you guys since I started the thread!
2. I have no idea. I was thinking something about using it at a bank that is not yours or something or having your identity stolen easier than with a credit card. She doesn't check her statement. No big deal; if it happens, it happens. Whatever, somebody else will take care of it........

And this is a girl who got A's in AP classes and took satellite (or whatever) college classes to get a jump on Xavier in high school. Has student loans up the you-know-what and doesn't think she needs WIC while her mommy (yeah, she still calls her that) is stuck at home with her grandchild for the next 5 years.

 

[maatTheViking]

I'm not sure what the debit card has to do with having a baby?

I never use cash. I hardly ever carry cash. Almost everyone my age is the same. If we go out to lunch at work, we split the check and everyone uses a card. If buy tickets for an event for a friend, they paypal me the money.

 

[TheGirlCanSkate]

It sounds like Lynn might be using you as her sounding board. She doesn't want you to fix anything or tell her what to do, she is wanting someone to listen. Totally my guess.

Lynn is not stuck at home with a grandchild. She is choosing to be home with a grandchild.

They are not choosing to use WIC or to have the father support the child. He may be unemployed but if they file, no matter where he works in the future, his wages will be garnished before he can spend the money, but they do not have the foresight to see this. Their argument for not using WIC is silly because it can ultimately hurt the child. And mom will be spending her limited resources on items that could be covered so she has more cash for diapers. But Lynn and CS are not ruled by logic and reasoning and are the ones who are making decisions. She just wants you to be in her court. If things go downhill from here - Lynn and CS lose their jobs, medical expenses require them to go on public aid of some sort, the system will find the father and garnish wages anyway.

I hope the baby is healthy and they enjoy their new roles of mom and grandmother.

 

[Artistic Skaters]

They aren't going to ask the "father" for child support because he lives in a house with three other guys who forgot to pay the electric bill and had their heat turned off. He's 24 and worked part time at Radio Shack, which has gone out of business, so I don't know how she would get any money anyway. Lynn's never even talked to this guy's parents. He might have little "accidents" all over Ohio. And they don't want to get WIC because someone else might need it more than they do. It's all very strange. I just ask questions. Lynn tells me when she knows the answer.

"And they don't want to get WIC because someone else might need it more than they do." Why do you consider this something to criticize, or am I misreading your assessment of your cousin & her daughter? You said they have a nice home, cousin has disability income & wants to babysit the grandchild (which saves a huge amount of $$$). Her daughter sounds like she has a good work ethic & is driven to graduate from college & get a better job. There ARE people who cannot afford milk & cereal & probably need it much more than they do, so good for them for making that determination. If they can't afford milk & cereal, etc they should reconsider but it sounds like they believe they can.

You sound like you love your cousin & worry about her. If that's the case, there is no time like the present to be supportive, not critical. Just because you say it here & don't say it to them directly doesn't mean they don't know you have some of these biases, especially if you discuss it off the cuff with other relatives & friends.

On another note - Really, who knew unplanned pregnancies usually only happen in the inner-city & always have to be a negative thing? Also, isn't is mandatory in OH to name the father when government assistance is provided so the state can pursue child support? I doubt the state will see someone who worked at Radio Shack as unemployable & there's probably a DNA test in his future.

 

[oleada]

LOL. Actually I posted on the train without completing my train of thought. My former boss actually went overdue and worked until the two days before her induction (actually, we all wished she'd stopped working earlier in that case....for all our sanities). Anyway, the OB/GYNs I work with, feel, strongly, that a healthy woman with a normal pregnancy can work up until their due date. Pregnancy is not a disability. Modifications are often encouraged/needed but most women can keep working. Pregnancy leave is not unlimited and most people want to spend as much as they can with their baby. For a first time mom, labor can last a very long time, and as others said, it rarely starts with your water breaking.

Anway, I'm not sure what the problem is with the debit card. I'm not much older than your niece, and at that age, I nearly always used my debit card (didn't have a credit card). I rarely carry cash. And if she likes pepper...so? Those are weird things to judge a person and don't say much about them.

 

[clairecloutier]

I have to say, I stopped work several weeks before I had my twins, and I'm so glad I did. (And that I could [kind of] afford to do it.) I think every pregnancy is different, and mine wasn't terrible, but I was so extremely tired throughout it. The most exhausted I've ever been. I would fall asleep in meetings sometimes, and at my desk. I also had low-grade nausea throughout the whole pregnancy. And some other problems. Overall I just didn't feel well. Im sure it varies, but to expect every woman to work up until delivery may not be realistic. OTOH, one of my coworkers was at work all day one day, then had her baby a few hours later at the hospital! ETA: I should note--it was actually at my OB's suggestion/recommendation that I stopped work a few weeks before I had the twins.

 

[Japanfan]

Interesting thread - but it does sound like mom and daughter have a workable, albeit odd scenario in place in terms of caring for the child.

Also, throughout time plenty of women have just gone on with their lives and their work until the moment baby arrives. My grandmother emigrated from Russia around the turn of the 19th century and said she'd witnessed women dropping their babes in the field, taking them to an older female relative, and then getting right back to work.

They are not choosing to use WIC or to have the father support the child. He may be unemployed but if they file, no matter where he works in the future, his wages will be garnished before he can spend the money, but they do not have the foresight to see this. Their argument for not using WIC is silly because it can ultimately hurt the child.

While this is true, child support can be really problematic if the father of the child is poor. If what is taken from his wages makes it impossible for him to live, he might choose not to work or to work for cash, so not to pay child support.

Plus, fathers commonly don't pay up on time, which can cause the mother a huge amount of stress. She never knows whether he'll pay up or not.

Until recently, mothers on welfare here (British Columbia Canada) were not able to collect child support without having their government cheques cut. That rule recently change, and mothers can collect child support on top of their monthly stipend. I have a friend on assistance who would like to collect from the father of her child, who is a piece of work. Turns out the government agency responsible for collecting child support doesn't want to be bothered with the legal/administrative proceedings. Just too much trouble.

And mom will be spending her limited resources on items that could be covered so she has more cash for diapers. But Lynn and CS are not ruled by logic and reasoning and are the ones who are making decisions.

The world is full of parents - and people in general - who don't make the ideal decisions about how to allocate their limited resources. Most of their kids don't suffer lasting harm.

 

[Susan1]

"And they don't want to get WIC because someone else might need it more than they do." Why do you consider this something to criticize, or am I misreading your assessment of your cousin & her daughter? You said they have a nice home, cousin has disability income & wants to babysit the grandchild (which saves a huge amount of $$$). Her daughter sounds like she has a good work ethic & is driven to graduate from college & get a better job. There ARE people who cannot afford milk & cereal & probably need it much more than they do, so good for them for making that determination. If they can't afford milk & cereal, etc they should reconsider but it sounds like they believe they can.

You sound like you love your cousin & worry about her. If that's the case, there is no time like the present to be supportive, not critical. Just because you say it here & don't say it to them directly doesn't mean they don't know you have some of these biases, especially if you discuss it off the cuff with other relatives & friends.

On another note - Really, who knew unplanned pregnancies usually only happen in the inner-city & always have to be a negative thing? Also, isn't is mandatory in OH to name the father when government assistance is provided so the state can pursue child support? I doubt the state will see someone who worked at Radio Shack as unemployable & there's probably a DNA test in his future.

I don't know why this posted without my reply. I think I opened it, but then started another comment by itself. So this is my reply!!!

 

[Susan1]

Trying to remember some things to comment on -

I know - I'm old. I only use my debit card to get cash out of the ATM. I just can't used to all these newfangled technologies the kids are using these days. ha ha I can't imagine using a card to eat at McDonald's. I use my credit card for anything over $10 cause I get cash back points.

They wouldn't need to do a DNA test. He was "it". He went to her baby shower. Got there late because his 20 year old car broke down. His name will be on the birth certificate, but the baby will have her last name.

I checked out his FB page a few months ago. He hasn't posted much lately (another one of those - I guess the young 'uns don't use FB much anymore ), but his pictures and comments make him look like a cross between a punk and a gangster! Wonder if he'll post a picture of his new son.

I just picture my 56 year old disabled cousin raising a baby (and a dog) on her own. (And we all love dogs, so........) CS spends all day at school, then works till the store closes. She wanted to fix up their basement like it would be their own apartment, but Lynn can't even go down the steps anymore. She uses a cane quite a lot and a TENS unit. Now she has this shoulder problem. If she's going to be in charge of the baby 16 hours a day, everything will have to be on the main floor. She's already said she won't be able to be carrying the baby, the seat, the diaper bag, and whatever else paraphernalia in and out of the car to go places alone very often.

IF CS finishes school in June, she said (Lynn told me) that she will be able to get a good job right away since the school has a placement service. Welcome to Fantasy Island. Yes, I know it could all happen - CS could get a high paying job the day after she graduates. And then work full time while Lynn grandbabysits full time. And work at the mall at night too?

And the WIC thing - who knows what could happen down the road. It's not like if CS gets the benefits she is entitled to, it will take away from someone else's benefits. Lynn's been hospitalized for diabetes complications twice, and a car accident, and depression in the last 10 years. And she's not getting any younger or healthier. Anything can happen - especially if the baby has "special needs". And they don't seem to be worried about the student loans that will have to be paid back eventually, won't they?

I've never had a baby (or grandchild obviously), but their "everything will work out perfectly" view of life is so unrealistic. When Lynn's girlfriend was alive, they had to file for bankruptcy because of the girlfriend's health problems. (TMI, but just sayin'.....) Could have lost the house. CS was really little then. I sent her money; my parents sent her money. It's not like we needed it to buy groceries or expected to be repaid, so I am not being petty all these years later, but when everything was settled, the three of them took a vacation to Florida!!!!! Sheesh.

 

[PDilemma]

Lynn and CS have always had sort of a reverse mother/daughter relationship. Lynn's one of those "whatever" people. (I don't know how to get there, but if I get lost and am an hour late, so what. - not the upcoming trip to the hospital!, just in general).

But she read one of those new age parenting books 23 years ago or something. We all thought it was very strange. I can't think of a good example, but sort of like "Can you tell me why it's not a good idea for you to ride your bike out in the street?.....Now, do you really want to ride your bike out in the street? It's your decision." when she was 3-4 years old. And CS has been in charge ever since. She has always come and gone whenever. "If she has a problem, she'll call me." She has always eaten strange things; the only example I can think of off the top of my head is putting loads of pepper on just about EVERYTHING.

She has her own checking account, never carries any cash, and uses her debit card for everything, including a piece of pizza in the food court. (I asked if she had unlimited withdrawals without a fee!!!) But she is also a cosigner on her mother's accounts. Lynn does not even know how much she makes an hour.

CS picked out the tile in their bathroom and the paint for the kitchen. She brought home a puppy (who is not house trained) from the pound a month ago because every kid (the coming baby) should grow up with a dog in the home without mentioning it to her mother. So Lynn just got another baby to take care of while CS is at school and work. CS will probably go back working at the mall as soon as she can walk comfortably because her mom will be taking care of the baby. But Lynn says she doesn't mind. She hopes CS and the baby will say with her for at least the next 5 years.

They aren't going to ask the "father" for child support because he lives in a house with three other guys who forgot to pay the electric bill and had their heat turned off. He's 24 and worked part time at Radio Shack, which has gone out of business, so I don't know how she would get any money anyway. Lynn's never even talked to this guy's parents. He might have little "accidents" all over Ohio. And they don't want to get WIC because someone else might need it more than they do. It's all very strange. I just ask questions. Lynn tells me when she knows the answer.

The ultrasound was today. I hope everything is o.k. I'm sure she'll write tomorrow.

My whole family puts loads of pepper on many things. I had no idea that was so odd that none of us can handle life or that it indicates bad parenting.

Someone who is 23 years old, holds a job and is a semester away from graduating college and about to have a child should have her own checking account. In fact, considering that most employers now pay exclusively via direct deposit, she would have to have an account. Also, you don't need to look at statements for a checking account these days. You can access it online, on phone apps and even by text messaging. My previous bank had a texting system where I could text "Bal" to a certain number and it would text my checking account balance back to me in seconds. As for debit cards, as many have explained to you, they are not the same as ATM cards and a transaction is not considered a withdrawal.

My parents had no idea what I made when I worked during college, either. That was my money and choice not theirs.

As for her name being on her mother's accounts, that is not a bad financial choice. Since her mother has a disability and physical limitations, her name being on the accounts will allow her to handle banking matters if it becomes necessary without the complications of establishing a POA for the bank. My name is on many of my mother's accounts. My brother's name is on those that my name is not on. Both of our names are on a few. She does not have a single account without one of our names on it. This also includes rights of survivorship which will simplify matters when she dies.

And why is it a big deal that the daughter picked out a paint color? Maybe her mother didn't care. Maybe mom narrowed the choices down and daughter picked. Maybe mom didn't want to go get it. Who cares?

Honestly, it sounds like they are doing their best to make plans that will be as responsible as possible. Including allowing the new mom to have an income and finish school. If it doesn't work as planned, they can adjust their plans. That is actually how life tends to work for most of us. Even if we do like pepper on food.

 

[Susan1]

My whole family puts loads of pepper on many things. I had no idea that was so odd that none of us can handle life or that it indicates bad parenting.

Someone who is 23 years old, holds a job and is a semester away from graduating college and about to have a child should have her own checking account. In fact, considering that most employers now pay exclusively via direct deposit, she would have to have an account. Also, you don't need to look at statements for a checking account these days. You can access it online, on phone apps and even by text messaging. My previous bank had a texting system where I could text "Bal" to a certain number and it would text my checking account balance back to me in seconds. As for debit cards, as many have explained to you, they are not the same as ATM cards and a transaction is not considered a withdrawal.

My parents had no idea what I made when I worked during college, either. That was my money and choice not theirs.

As for her name being on her mother's accounts, that is not a bad financial choice. Since her mother has a disability and physical limitations, her name being on the accounts will allow her to handle banking matters if it becomes necessary without the complications of establishing a POA for the bank. My name is on many of my mother's accounts. My brother's name is on those that my name is not on. Both of our names are on a few. She does not have a single account without one of our names on it. This also includes rights of survivorship which will simplify matters when she dies.

And why is it a big deal that the daughter picked out a paint color? Maybe her mother didn't care. Maybe mom narrowed the choices down and daughter picked. Maybe mom didn't want to go get it. Who cares?

Honestly, it sounds like they are doing their best to make plans that will be as responsible as possible. Including allowing the new mom to have an income and finish school. If it doesn't work as planned, they can adjust their plans. That is actually how life tends to work for most of us. Even if we do like pepper on food.

She's just been teased about the pepper thing all of her life - on the salad, meat, baked potato, vegetables. She's just been a really quirky eater. Doesn't like birthday cake, so they've always had to have something special for her on other people's birthdays, I can't even remember what else.

Of course she should be on her mother's account in case of emergency, but it just seems weird that she knows how much her mother has, but her mother doesn't know how much she has or what she spends it on, "living under her roof" as the old saying goes, and being supported by her mother.

CS picks out things because that's what she wants. And Lynn would never do anything CS didn't want to do.

The latest in case you are interested -

""They were concerned about the length of his bones and the size of his kidneys but yesterday's ultrasound showed everything is ok. The Dr.'s can't guarantee but they are fairly sure everything is ok. The main reason why they can't be as sure is because CS is running out of room because she is so close to her due date. CS says she would like to be in labor tonight so that she can spend her few days in the hospital and be out in time to take her exams as scheduled.""

She's had how many ultrasounds now and the doctors change their minds every time?
The second part of that - um, she's not just going to go have her appendix out or something. It sounds like she's going to pop the baby out, hand it to her mother, and go on with her life.

 

[oleada]

How is it weird to put pepper on any of those things? Legitimately baffled at that. All of those things taste better with pepper and it is commonly used at some point in the preparation.

I am not sure what part of that means she's handing the baby off to her mother and going on with her life. It makes sense to me that she'd ether have be baby and be out in time to do her exams and get everything over with, rather than having to reschedule later on. I would think that a young woman who finds herself unexpectedly pregnant and is trying to finish college ASAP as a good thing! In a perfect world, women would get to take a huge amount of time of to recover, without worrying about school or work but that isn't the world we live in.

Things change in ultrasounds sometimes. Sometimes things are suspected but change as the baby grows or something wasn't visualized well initially is later. Also, you're getting this info at least 3rd hand. What the doctor said is not necessarily what CS, her mother or you understood.

 

[clairecloutier]

I'm glad to hear things are looking well in the latest ultrasound.

 

[Deleted member 1204]

She's had how many ultrasounds now and the doctors change their minds every time?

That's not fair. Obstetric ultrasound is, at best, an imprecise tool. It uses sound waves to bounce of a target after passing through the pregnant woman's body (and all the extra "baby weight") plus the amniotic fluid, and the fetus moves almost constantly. Give the ultrasound techs and the doctors a break.