Final update on my husband

[cocotaffy]

Condolences @judiz . So sorry for you and your son. Sending thoughts to you both.

 

[floridaice]

I am so sorry @judiz. Peace to you and your son.

 

[Jayar]

I am so sorry. There are no words that I can offer other than I hope that you and your son take the time that you need and find the resources you need to adjust to your new reality. Please keep us in the loop on your journey. We are here for you.

 

[Gazpacho]

Oh, Judiz. I am so sorry. You were an amazing wife who stayed by your husband's side. There is no doubt that his time on earth was better because you were with him. I hope you can take some solace in knowing that you did all you could do. He is no longer suffering and I hope you and your son can one day soon say the same.

A college classmate committed suicide. His parents had sent him to an abusive "conversion therapy" when he came out as gay. They had cut off tuition, causing him to have to work an ungodly number of hours. They told him all the time how ashamed they were of him, that he couldn't have done anything to hurt them more. He was the type that was always very eager to please, so he internalized their abuse.

At the funeral his parents were like, I can't understand why he would do this, I wish he had told us he was feeling bad, we would have done anything for him, yada yada yada. I felt like spitting in their faces.

Reactions to suicides often leave me very cynical. Family members, especially parents, claim ignorance when they had refused to let their child take psychiatric medications because all they needed was prayer or, like in my classmate's case, would not accept him for who he was to the point that he could not accept who he was, yet he could not change it. The only way out was suicide.

Out of the woodwork come all these sobbing supposedly devastated "friends" who miss them sooo much but who never reached out when they knew the person was suffering, told them to suck it up and stop trying to get attention, and in many cases distanced themselves or flat out refused to talk with their so-called friend because the friend was such a downer.

Some people encourage the person to see a therapist which is all well and good, but they feel that's the end of their role, as if one hour a week with a therapist would make isolation the other 167 hours disappear and make cruel remarks and cruel treatment bearable.

You're different judiz. We all know how much you tried to actively help him. We all know how you worried about him and cared about him and stayed by his side until the very end. Your husband's suffering was a tragedy, and you have my deepest condolences.

As BigB08822 said, please take solace in the fact that he is no longer suffering. I have suffered from serious mental illness, and words cannot describe the pain. Your husband's condition was even worse. I can't even contemplate someone suffering more mentally than I have at times, yet it's clear that he did. I see suicide as a very courageous act that I wish I could carry out, that I wish I had carried out decades ago when I had my first bout of depression, as it would have saved me so much pain over the years. I hope you find peace in knowing that he has found relief.