What is the stupid recurring argument that you & your spouse keep having?

[just tuned in]

@hanca, are you joking? I drink my coffee and tea without any sweetener whatsoever, so 700 packets of Splenda all for him -- a two-year supply.

200 trash-bags = three-year supply.

He bought two ginormous rolls of food-service parchment paper that do not fit into any of our drawers...

 

[once_upon]

@hanca, are you joking? I drink my coffee and tea without any sweetener whatsoever, so 700 packets of Splenda all for him -- a two-year supply.

200 trash-bags = three-year supply.

He bought two ginormous rolls of food-service parchment paper that do not fit into any of our drawers...

When we had our big house, we went to Sam's routinely and bought in bulk for just two people. When we moved, we had enough zip lock bag boxes that we probably would need to buy anymore until 2030. Paper towels until January or February 2021. We bought napkins 3 years ago and are on the last of them. We have big rolls of trash bag sizes we wont use at the condo, and enough kleenex for 2 years - mostly because we found 12 or more open boxes that he opened because he needed a box in every corner of the office, garage, shed, and various other places. I also have rolls of aluminum foil and parchment paper, which will probably last until 2035.

I didn't look to see if we had plastic plates or heavy duty paper plates and bought more. We could have parties every other day and maybe go through them in 2 years. I suspect most of the trash bags and paper plates will go to son as he has large family and entertains every Fri, Sat, Sun pool parties in the summer.

How did we accumulate all this crap? So that's on both of us. We need to stop going to Sam's or focus on the few things that get used within months of purchase.

 

[PRlady]

I don’t belong to Sam’s or Costco because we can’t store giant economy size of anything. DH loves Costco but I remind him he’s no longer living in a giant apartment with entertainment duties five times a week (his ex is a diplomat.) I also hate shopping at big box stores...

 

[once_upon]

We don't have room anymore, fortunately there is some storage in on of the store room for the current stuff. But no more big box store, other than inexpensive premade margaritas and cheap wine (not for guests, just us at home)

 

[Finnice]

Lightning in wintertime. He feels it is cosy and romantic when it is half dark in the living room. My eyes start to water and ache if I try to read there.

 

[Foolhardy Ham Lint]

Reading these comments is enough reason to keep me single. FOREVER.

 

[VGThuy]

That Costco story reminds me of my husband getting excited every time he sees a great deal on toilet paper/paper towels/dishwasher detergent/laundry detergent in bulk when he's browsing for his electronics on Amazon or shifting tabs between that and his fantasy football league rankings. At first it was nice, but now it's not cute anymore and I had to cut him off. I mean I didn't know I was marrying a middle aged coupon cutter who is afraid he'll lose out on a deal on toiletries and is paranoid of us running out and having to pay too much for it. Also, before law school and before he met me, he never really had to buy household items or groceries on his own before so maybe he's making up for lost time.

To be fair, before I met him, I never used a dishwasher before and we had some stupid fights about using it for what it was meant for and not a place for me to house clean dishes to save space like I was taught. I was stubbornly holding on to the idea that hand washing was the only way to wash dishes. Now I don't know why I was so resistant.

 

[Prancer]

Retirement can bring up several new issues. My husband is semi-retired now and he alphabetized my spices (I preferred my method of keeping the ones most often used at the front), and in general he finds my ways inefficient and he has many suggestions for me.

This will so be my husband after retirement--or, as he calls, it, after he no longer has a job and can focus all his attention on improving me.

He told me that alphabetizing the spices would be more efficient than my system (same as yours, more or less) so I told him to have at it. He found it REALLY annoying that all the bottles and cans are not the same sizes or shapes or, really, anything, and so don't fit in neat rows with the labels all facing outward, which is how they work in his mind.

He also sometimes advises me on laundry. He has never done laundry. He told me that I should be operating the machines efficiently; apparently I was too dim to understand that when two machines have cycles that run at the same time, there is an efficient way to manage their operation. When I informed him that the washer and dryer do NOT cycle at the same time or anywhere close to it, he thought I was mistaken and has quizzed at least five other people to find out if this is true. He was amazed to find that yes, indeed, washing and drying cycles are quite different. He still finds it shocking that two machines that do the same job do not work exactly the same way. When I point out that washing and drying are actually quite different things, he gets very exasperated and says "But it's all laundry!"

I also don't cook efficiently. He doesn't cook, either, but he has a great deal of advice on how I should do things. You don't want to know.

We have reached three conclusions from all this:

1. He is not allowed to retire, ever.
2. The world is an inefficient place in which manufacturers create insanely inefficient products.
3. He needs a hobby--one that does not involve me.

It might be possible that all three things could work together to the benefit of all.

The look on this woman's face when her husband says he thinks he likes helping around the house? Yeah.

It's too bad he doesn't have an account here so he could do his own post.

 

[VGThuy]

This will so be my husband after retirement--or, as he calls, it, after he no longer has a job and can focus all his attention on improving me.

He told me that alphabetizing the spices would be more efficient than my system (same as yours, more or less) so I told him to have at it. He found it REALLY annoying that all the bottles and cans are not the same sizes or shapes or, really, anything, and so don't fit in neat rows with the labels all facing outward, which is how they work in his mind.

He also sometimes advises me on laundry. He has never done laundry. He told me that I should be operating the machines efficiently; apparently I was too dim to understand that when two machines have cycles that run at the same time, there is an efficient way to manage their operation. When I informed him that the washer and dryer do NOT cycle at the same time or anywhere close to it, he thought I was mistaken and has quizzed at least five other people to find out if this is true. He was amazed to find that yes, indeed, washing and drying cycles are quite different. He still finds it shocking that two machines that do the same job do not work exactly the same way. When I point out that washing and drying are actually quite different things, he gets very exasperated and says "But it's all laundry!"

I also don't cook efficiently. He doesn't cook, either, but he has a great deal of advice on how I should do things. You don't want to know.

We have reached three conclusions from all this:

1. He is not allowed to retire, ever.
2. The world is an inefficient place in which manufacturers create insanely inefficient products.
3. He needs a hobby--one that does not involve me.

It might be possible that all three things could work together to the benefit of all.

The look on this woman's face when her husband says he thinks he likes helping around the house? Yeah.

It's too bad he doesn't have an account here so he could do his own post.

OMG.

 

[flyingsit]

Let me just humble brag that my husband does 95% of our laundry, and pretty well at that. He has learned that NONE of my pants go in the dryer, whether they are jeans or workout leggings.

 

[quartz]

We rarely argue anymore - neither one of us has the energy to do the same old same old crap, so its mostly eyerolls and smirks.
He tends to mansplain, A LOT. The most recent example is that his winter project, now that he can’t fish, is to go through all our old home movies of the kids and family reunions, and convert them to CDs. He calls me in the other night, (he’s all set up in the spare bedroom) to see something, and so I go in and watch for a few minutes, saying “aw” over our kids, and then he says, “This is when Andi was born and Mark was meeting her for the first time”. BECAUSE I APPARENTLY FORGOT I WAS THE ONE WHO JUST GAVE BIRTH AND NEEDED HIM TO REMIND ME.

 

[oleada]

My husband also loves Costco. He loves going there and walking around and has his “rounds”. Except he can only go on weekends and wants me to go with him and our Costco is a ZOO on weekends. Our Costco membership is worth it on the gas savings alone and it will be super worth it when it comes to diapers and wipes, but I have 0 desire to wander around the Costco aisles for hours when it’s completely packed.

He’s also really invested in getting good deals. A while back he saw some great deal for all these metal containers that mantain temperature. How great! You can take you lunch to work in these! Except I already have Tupperware and I had access to a fridge and microwave, and the metal containers are not microwave friendly. And we lived in NYC with minimal storage. He bought them anyway and we have used them exactly zero times. They just take space in my cabinets.

He also bought a six pack of water bottles on a deal despite the fact that we have approximately seven million water bottles already and he gets free water fancy bottles through work all the time. Again, they are just space takers in our cabinets. We do not need all this stuff. It drives me nuts.

 

[jeffisjeff]

My husband loves Costco as well, but for me that is a good thing. We have two teenagers, including a 16 year old son who somehow uses a ridiculous amount of toilet paper and who seems to think that 5 Kind bars is a nutritious meal.

 

[once_upon]

When I was full time grandma day care for 4, Sam's was great. I got the diapers, wipes (reimbursed of course) because it was easier for me to know when I was about to run out. Also all the goldfish, applesauce to go, fruit snacks, mac-n-cheese, yogurt, cereal, juice boxes, granola bars, and lunch items in bulk. (That I just provided) Essentials for a grandma daycare environment.

Now it's the 2 of us and we don't need snacks and stuff. But we sometimes just go to walk around especially on cold snowy days.

And basically we don't need stuff.

 

[clairecloutier]

My husband does a BJ's run once a month, mainly for bulk toilet paper, tissues, paper towels, hand soap, etc. Also we get certain bulk food items there, like bags of string cheese sticks, coffee beans, Honey Nut Cheerios, peanut butter, diced tomatoes, etc. But yeah the store was the most useful when the kids were 1 to 4, and we were buying lots of diapers, wipes, formula, and other baby items.

When we first belonged there, my husband would sometimes bring home a very large bottle or box of something or other that he thought might be "useful." A couple years ago, he brought home a huge stack of large cleaning cloths. We are still making our way through those!

 

[Prancer]

My husband does a BJ's run once a month, mainly for bulk toilet paper, tissues, paper towels, hand soap, etc. Also we get certain bulk food items there, like bags of string cheese sticks, coffee beans, Honey Nut Cheerios, peanut butter, diced tomatoes, etc. But yeah the store was the most useful when the kids were 1 to 4, and we were buying lots of diapers, wipes, formula, and other baby items.

It's good when they are teenagers, too, because they eat ALL THE FOOD.

 

[once_upon]

It's good when they are teenagers, too, because they eat ALL THE FOOD.

Yep. Now that my son who has an almost 10 year old and almost 8 year twins, Costco is essential (they are all hitting growth spurts right now). They have one free standing freezer, three fridges with some freezer space (although one fridge is dedicated to beer, wine, water, juice boxes and Gatorade - they do a lot of entertaining especially in the summer with pool parties).
They pretty much do a Costco run every 6 weeks.

 

[Japanfan]

My husband is pretty good at grocery shopping, he does the most of it.

But a major issue is that he won't throw anything out. I am enthusiastic about getting rid of stuff I don't want or need, but it's pretty hard for me to haul boxes around these days.

We have a garage that is mostly occupied by his stuff, and it's not organized at all, as well as some other people's stuff. For example, a friend's father passed away some time ago, probably 15 years ago, and the father's paintings have been in the garage since then. They shall remain there until we both either die of move.

I call the garage 'the vortex'.

I am a minimalist, living in his sea of detritus.

 

[paskatefan]

My husband is basically a good guy, but he gets annoyed if I end up repeating something I've said. I do it to make sure he heard it the first time (if I consider it important enough for him to know). He also cuts me short when I answer a question. Not every question can be answered with a simple yes or no! I might need a sentence or two to clarify what I'm saying, but he is rather impatient about it all. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a robot!

 

[Japanfan]

My husband is basically a good guy, but he gets annoyed if I end up repeating something I've said. I do it to make sure he heard it the first time (if I consider it important enough for him to know). He also cuts me short when I answer a question. Not every question can be answered with a simple yes or no! I might need a sentence or two to clarify what I'm saying, but he is rather impatient about it all. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a robot!

Mr. Japanfan can be likewise dismissive of me. Yesterday he said 'okay, but why does it matter'? And I pointed out to him that I listened to talk about something the previous day, which was no more important than what I had talked about.

I think it is somewhat a learned behavior, at least for older-ish folks. Remember the old saying that 'women chatter, while men talk'? Unfortunately I think it view is still somewhat true today.

 

[hanca]

My husband is basically a good guy, but he gets annoyed if I end up repeating something I've said. I do it to make sure he heard it the first time (if I consider it important enough for him to know). He also cuts me short when I answer a question. Not every question can be answered with a simple yes or no! I might need a sentence or two to clarify what I'm saying, but he is rather impatient about it all. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a robot!

Maybe try to cut him off a few times too, so that he knows how it feels. And next time he ask a question and then cut off your answer, advise him not to ask questions if he doesn’t want to hear the answer. And start answering with one word replies that don’t really say anything, such as ‘perhaps’ or ‘maybe’. That’s the short version that includes both yes and no, if he doesn’t want to hear the whole explanation. Or, if he ask a question, ask him if he is really, really sure he wants to hear the answer and if he says that he is, ask him whether he will listen without interrupting you.

 

[TygerLily]

My husband is basically a good guy, but he gets annoyed if I end up repeating something I've said. I do it to make sure he heard it the first time (if I consider it important enough for him to know).

Ohhhhh, I empathize. My partner does this. Like, he’ll make no movement, won’t say anything, won’t do anything to indicate that he’s heard or is listening and then be annoyed with me if I either repeat myself or stop to ask if he’s listening. (“Of course I’m listening.”)

I think I’ve overcorrected to an extent. In the last two days, we discovered that he didn’t hear me when I said a couple of really important things.

Ok, one wasn’t important, but it involved at least three conversations over a week:

1. Hey, this would be a great Christmas gift for me.
2. I decided to put this great Christmas gift idea for me on our shared Amazon wish list so you can take a look at it if you’re stuck for gift ideas.
3. You didn’t get this gift idea, right? I researched it some more and the model best for me has some terrible reviews, so I’m taking it off the wish list.

Yesterday, he said, “This looks like something you might be interested in.”

No, no it is not.

The other conversation was about my family delaying their next visit here, so I’m actually a little upset he didn’t hear that one because it included some important reasons.

Everyone has flaws, and mine are plentiful, so it’s ultimately okay, but I wish there were a way to tell when he’s actually listening and when he’s not.