John Coughlin has died

[leafygreens]

https://radaronline.com/exclusives/...lin-suicide-partner-caydee-denney-devastated/
The mother apparently has spoken to Radar.

I was afraid to ask, but I wondered if Caydee had spoken. I am out of the loop on if they were still in a relationship. There are photos together on her Facebook, but they were three years old.

The tragedy of John Coughlin's death will certainly require some consideration, but we do not know the full story of his death - did he tend to depression, were there previous suicidal thoughts/attempts, etc. Other coaches have gone through similar suspensions in other sports and come out the other end exonerated and back in coaching.

Mervin Tran claims John had "demons." I don't know what he means by that. Normal emotions, or something darker? He probably shouldn't have said that, without clarification.

 

[Foolhardy Ham Lint]

Mervin Tran claims John had "demons." I don't know what he means by that. Normal emotions, or something darker? He probably shouldn't have said that, without clarification.

Agreed.

You can bet that Brennan, will try and sniff it out of him at Nationals. How soon until she scores another book deal?

 

[Kasey]

Everyone has demons. Maybe Tran meant that John suffered depression, or anxiety (since many seemingly very happy people do, as a form of overcompensation). Maybe John had been abused in some way. Maybe John had insecurities. And maybe John was a jackass and/or a predator of sorts. There are all kinds of interpretations of "demons", and I think Tran probably chose that word very carefully to convey emotional difficulties without presenting what they were.

 

[MsZem]

Mervin Tran claims John had "demons." I don't know what he means by that. Normal emotions, or something darker? He probably shouldn't have said that, without clarification.

It's impossible to say. John's mom died back in 2010, and it was hard for him - maybe even harder than he let on. But that's really speculation.

 

[bardtoob]

I hope he is found innocent so his name is clear and there was no abuse.

I am sorry he died and I am sorry someone felt compelled to report him.

 

[once_upon]

Put yourself in the accusers shoes for a minute. You are reading all these wonderful tributes to John. Are you asking "why did he treat everyone else differently than me? why me? what did I do to deserve this?" If you are not, then may I suggest you put it in those terms?

People can be different to each other. He could be a nice, great guy but have a different side that others don't see. He may not have seen or felt that he did anything wrong, but the perspective of the accusers was certainly different.

He took the option for accusers to be heard. He chose to end any investigation. His family/friends and accusers will never have closure.

Suicide is a complex issue, bringing out all kinds of issues.

 

[centerpt1]

He may not have seen or felt that he did anything wrong, but the perspective of the accusers was certainly different.
.

Agree

 

[madm]

Sorry if this has been mentioned before. There is a GoFundMe page raising funds to help with John's funeral and legal expenses. So far it has raised over $36,000 with 547 donations made.

 

[newbatgirl]

Looking at the comments in this thread, I am not really surprised that Larry Nassar was able to abuse HUNDREDS of women and girls. Copy paste USA Swimming. Copy paste USA Tae Kwon Do, the list goes on...

People are so quick to dismiss the lived experiences of others. People are so quick to shame victims into silence.

As a sexual assault survivor, may I educate a few of you here on the amount of courage it takes to come forward and report someone you know? You are terrified that people won't believe you and even if they do, that they will still find a way to make it your fault. Was your skirt too short? Did you not say "no" loudly enough. Did you not fight hard enough?

I'm not assuming John Coghlin was guilty but it's clear that many of you here are just assuming that those who reported him MUST be lying. Everyone concerned here DESERVES a thorough investigation.

Moreover, SafeSport exists to ensure victims are separated from abusers and the abusers cannot threaten, retaliate or continue abusing their power. As such, the allegations MUST be available to those who have to trust their children to be in the care of the adults in this sport. The goal of SafeSport is to protect those who are vulnerable. SafeSport was created because so many sports organizations have FAILED to do this in the past. They have been more concerned with PR, people's reputations, revenue and less concerned with protecting the youth.

 

[newbatgirl]

Put yourself in the accusers shoes for a minute. You are reading all these wonderful tributes to John. Are you asking "why did he treat everyone else differently than me? why me? what did I do to deserve this?" If you are not, then may I suggest you put it in those terms?

People can be different to each other. He could be a nice, great guy but have a different side that others don't see. He may not have seen or felt that he did anything wrong, but the perspective of the accusers was certainly different.

He took the option for accusers to be heard. He chose to end any investigation. His family/friends and accusers will never have closure.

Suicide is a complex issue, bringing out all kinds of issues.

Thank you.

 

[misskarne]

Sorry if this has been mentioned before. There is a GoFundMe page raising funds to help with John's funeral and legal expenses. So far it has raised over $36,000 with 547 donations made.

It should be pointed out that the GoFundMe was originally only for funeral expenses, and that it wasn't changed to include legal expenses until after quite a lot of money had been donated.

 

[nyrak]

Put yourself in the accusers shoes for a minute. You are reading all these wonderful tributes to John. Are you asking "why did he treat everyone else differently than me? why me? what did I do to deserve this?" If you are not, then may I suggest you put it in those terms?

People can be different to each other. He could be a nice, great guy but have a different side that others don't see. He may not have seen or felt that he did anything wrong, but the perspective of the accusers was certainly different.

He took the option for accusers to be heard. He chose to end any investigation. His family/friends and accusers will never have closure.

Suicide is a complex issue, bringing out all kinds of issues.

You bring up a very good point, but at this time we don't know what the allegations are...Rape? Inappropriate comments? Inappropriate touching (could be as simple as an unwanted touch of the back or shoulder or as serious as grabbing the ass or boobs? Telling a dirty joke at the wrong time & someone was offended? Sexual misconduct is pretty broad category. I might regret hitting send at the end of the message...but in my mind only one of the accusations listed above is a crime worthy of actually punishing someone for.

 

[overedge]

@nyrak It's public record that the initial suspension was changed from a temporary suspension to an interim one. Christine Brennan said there were three separate complaints about different incidents. It's very doubtful that scenario would involve something like a dirty joke or a misinterpreted comment.

 

[once_upon]

I can't search safe sport site to get an answer, but I believe that someone posted what the definition of sexual misconduct was according to safe sport. As far as I can recall, it was not the sexual harassment of dirty jokes, or inappropriate comments. I was pretty blown away by what I read, because it did not include the things that people are referring to with inappropriate comments or dirty jokes.

I absolutely have to stop posting here because I totally think that the accusers should be protected. I said before that John may not have felt that whatever the incidents happened were wrong, but the victims did. It was serious enough that additional victims came forward. Maybe...maybe one person could have had a vindictive mindset, but when several others come forward, there is some sort of issue. But even if there is a single accuser, they deserve to have an investigation.

Everyone loses here. John, his family, the victims and their families, the ENTIRE skating world. USFS has an opportunity to do the right thing by making clear statements of support for anyone who reports to safe sports.

 

[newbatgirl]

I can't search safe sport site to get an answer, but I believe that someone posted what the definition of sexual misconduct was according to safe sport. As far as I can recall, it was not the sexual harassment of dirty jokes, or inappropriate comments. I was pretty blown away by what I read, because it did not include the things that people are referring to with inappropriate comments or dirty jokes.

I absolutely have to stop posting here because I totally think that the accusers should be protected. I said before that John may not have felt that whatever the incidents happened were wrong, but the victims did. It was serious enough that additional victims came forward. Maybe...maybe one person could have had a vindictive mindset, but when several others come forward, there is some sort of issue. But even if there is a single accuser, they deserve to have an investigation.

I hope you won't let certain members who can cram a lot of ignorance into their posts discourage you.

People like to spout off about "political correctness" spawning this but the reality is, the #MeToo movement began as a response to some people in positions of power devaluing and dehumanizing people, especially women, and abusing them, knowing their power would shield them. Every industry, from music, movies, business, higher ed, religion, and sports, has seen this.

FACT: Rape, sexual assault, sexual abuse of children, and sexual harassment are underreported offenses in the United States and are under-prosecuted. Statistically speaking, there is no epidemic of false allegations in any of the above fields.

For reference:
https://www.rainn.org/statistics/criminal-justice-system
http://victimsofcrime.org/media/reporting-on-child-sexual-abuse/child-sexual-abuse-statistics
https://www.edisonresearch.com/sexualharassmentworkplace/

In fact, most people stay silent, for exactly the reasons we've seen in here.

 

[Twizzler]

John’s obituary:

http://www.signaturefunerals.com/john-patrick-coughlin/

 

[Badams]

I can't search safe sport site to get an answer, but I believe that someone posted what the definition of sexual misconduct was according to safe sport. As far as I can recall, it was not the sexual harassment of dirty jokes, or inappropriate comments. I was pretty blown away by what I read, because it did not include the things that people are referring to with inappropriate comments or dirty jokes.

I absolutely have to stop posting here because I totally think that the accusers should be protected. I said before that John may not have felt that whatever the incidents happened were wrong, but the victims did. It was serious enough that additional victims came forward. Maybe...maybe one person could have had a vindictive mindset, but when several others come forward, there is some sort of issue. But even if there is a single accuser, they deserve to have an investigation.

Everyone loses here. John, his family, the victims and their families, the ENTIRE skating world. USFS has an opportunity to do the right thing by making clear statements of support for anyone who reports to safe sports.

I dunno...The Salem Witch Trials come to mind. I'm not saying that this is at all the case here, but things like that do actually happen. Rare, but they do. That's why we have investigations.

 

[kwanatic]

I really hate to say this but Coughlin's actions speak volumes. Guilty or not, he should not have taken his life over this. If you are innocent, you fight like hell to prove it; if you are guilty, you own up to your mistakes, take the punishment that follows and try your best to atone for what you did. I can't pretend to know what was going on in his mind and what other issues he was facing, but it must have been extremely dark for him to conclude he had nothing and no one to live for anymore. It's clear he had a support system that could have helped him get through this one way or another. It's tragic his story ends where it did.

I truly hope the accusers are okay. I don't doubt they are struggling with the fallout from coming forward and that there may be no small amount of guilt associated with Coughlin's suicide. It takes a tremendous amount of strength and courage to speak up and they did the right thing. His actions are not their fault at all. In no way are they worthy of blame in any of this. I pray their identities remain protected and that they are able to heal and move on from this.

I also hope that the USFS doesn't just sweep this under the rug. It's going to be difficult without Coughlin present to defend himself but the victims need to be heard. Ignoring this is not going to help prevent it from happening again...

This whole thing is beyond sad.

 

[PRlady]

Brennan has built her career on exploiting other people's personal tragedies.

They deserve each other.

Brennan is a professional reporter.

The definition of ‘news’ is something out of the ordinary. On most beats that means bad or illegal behavior, conflict or something else negative. Everything going along smoothly is not a news story.

The Coughlin investigation was obviously news for the two or three regular reporters like Brennan, Hersh, Longman who cover figure skating.

Unless you think the entire media is exploitative for covering everything from earthquakes to the Mueller investigation, there’s nothing exploitative here.

 

[sap5]

I really hate to say this but Coughlin's actions speak volumes. Guilty or not, he should not have taken his life over this. If you are innocent, you fight like hell to prove it; if you are guilty, you own up to your mistakes, take the punishment that follows and try your best to atone for what you did. I can't pretend to know what was going on in his mind and what other issues he was facing, but it must have been extremely dark for him to conclude he had nothing and no one to live for anymore. It's clear he had a support system that could have helped him get through this one way or another.

There are many things to talk about as a result of this incident, not the least of which is mental health -- the way it is perceived in this country & within in figure skating, access to mental health support for both coaches and skaters, etc. It may be clear *to you* that he had a support system, but it may not have been so clear to him.

 

[Teamgracie]

I really hate to say this but Coughlin's actions speak volumes. Guilty or not, he should not have taken his life over this. If you are innocent, you fight like hell to prove it; if you are guilty, you own up to your mistakes, take the punishment that follows and try your best to atone for what you did. I can't pretend to know what was going on in his mind and what other issues he was facing, but it must have been extremely dark for him to conclude he had nothing and no one to live for anymore. It's clear he had a support system that could have helped him get through this one way or another. It's tragic his story ends where it did.

I truly hope the accusers are okay. I don't doubt they are struggling with the fallout from coming forward and that there may be no small amount of guilt associated with Coughlin's suicide. It takes a tremendous amount of strength and courage to speak up and they did the right thing. His actions are not their fault at all. In no way are they worthy of blame in any of this. I pray their identities remain protected and that they are able to heal and move on from this.

I also hope that the USFS doesn't just sweep this under the rug. It's going to be difficult without Coughlin present to defend himself but the victims need to be heard. Ignoring this is not going to help prevent it from happening again...

This whole thing is beyond sad.

What do you mean by his actions speak volumes? I hope you don’t mean that because he killed himself it proves his guilt. And to be clear I’m not saying the opposite. WE don’t know. And we certainly don’t know his reasons for taking his life. Only he felt what he felt. Unless you have been there please don’t make assumptions.

 

[Moustaffask8r]

What do you mean by his actions speak volumes? I hope you don’t mean that because he killed himself it proves his guilt. And to be clear I’m not saying the opposite. WE don’t know. And we certainly don’t know his reasons for taking his life. Only he felt what he felt. Unless you have been there please don’t make assumptions.

I would have to say, like Kwanatic, if I was wrongfully accused of anything, I would fight like Hell!! So that' why it,s hard to understand I guess. But I don't know the person or what was going on in his head, mental health issue are complex. Hope the investigation will go on to at least bring some light or closure on the presume victims,or reporter they're the one who need support and help right now.

 

[Teamgracie]

I would have to say, like Kwanatic, if I was wrongfully accused of anything, I would fight like Hell!! So that' why it,s hard to understand I guess. But I don't know the person or what was going on in his head, mental health issue are complex. Hope the investigation will go on to at least bring some light or closure on the presume victims,or reporter they're the one who need support and help right now.

Yes, but that’s what you might do. I might become so overwhelmed and feel like I couldn’t go on in the face of things, knowing I was innocent. I’m just saying that every person feels things differently and we can’t make assumptions. It is so very sad for all.

 

[vesperholly]

I have had suicidal thoughts on rare occasions, and I was not going through a tenth of what John was going through. You have no idea what is going on inside someone else's head.

I'm just sad that John had to die for all of his friends in the skating world to post such loving messages about him.

 

[Perky Shae Lynn]

I really hate to say this but Coughlin's actions speak volumes. Guilty or not, he should not have taken his life over this. If you are innocent, you fight like hell to prove it; if you are guilty, you own up to your mistakes, take the punishment that follows and try your best to atone for what you did. I can't pretend to know what was going on in his mind and what other issues he was facing, but it must have been extremely dark for him to conclude he had nothing and no one to live for anymore. It's clear he had a support system that could have helped him get through this one way or another. It's tragic his story ends where it did.

Misunderstanding of mental health is as bad as misunderstanding of abuse. His suicide cannot be looked upon as admission of guilt. It was an admission of inability to handle the situation psychologically.

 

[Perky Shae Lynn]

I would have to say, like Kwanatic, if I was wrongfully accused of anything, I would fight like Hell!! So that' why it,s hard to understand I guess. But I don't know the person or what was going on in his head, mental health issue are complex. Hope the investigation will go on to at least bring some light or closure on the presume victims,or reporter they're the one who need support and help right now.

It's really not that simple. I have previously brought up a situation where a woman was falsely accused of child abuse, and attempted suicide during the investigation. Once the investigators started visiting the neighbors, with very pointed questions, and went to the children's school - she lost it. She thought she couldn't fight the system, and she was convinced everyone would believe the worst. She did not know who the accuser was and what she was accused of, until she was cleared. The accuser was charged but didn't go to jail. She was the lady's disgruntled mother in law. The accused ended up moving out of the area and cutting all ties with us (local friends / neighbors) because she's too embarrassed.

PS. The gossip during the investigation was rampant. Everyone knew she was being investigated; and she was tried and convicted (where there's smoke there's fire ) within hours of two neighbors being visited by child protective services.

 

[kwanatic]

What do you mean by his actions speak volumes? I hope you don’t mean that because he killed himself it proves his guilt. And to be clear I’m not saying the opposite. WE don’t know. And we certainly don’t know his reasons for taking his life. Only he felt what he felt. Unless you have been there please don’t make assumptions.

As I stated I don't know what was going on with him to cause him to take his life. However, his suicide does not help the perception of him as innocent as most innocent people fight back when they are wrongly accused. If I'm being perfectly honest, his suicide makes me think he was guilty of the charges. (It's just my perception of the situation--please don't attack me over it). It may be wrong of me to assume that but, unfortunately, people who view this situation will likely assume the same thing because he took his own life before the investigation concluded.

HOWEVER we will never know for sure as he is gone and cannot defend himself. We are becoming more and more aware how much mental issues plague athletes in this sport and people in general. It's obvious there was something going on with Coughlin if he felt his only option in this situation (whether guilty or innocent) was death. Many people get very, very low and depressed...but it takes a different level of sadness, hurt, hopelessness or despair to take your life. There could have been many other things that motivated his suicide but without having inside knowledge of what he was going through, we can only speculate based off of what we know: he was accused of sexual misconduct, went from "restricted" to "suspended" by SafeSport and the USFS, and took his life a day later. That's all we know so far and again, we may never know what really happen and that in itself is truly sad.

No matter which way you look at this it is tragic and heartbreaking for everyone involved.

 

[LarrySK8]

If his family is certain of his innocence and lack of misconduct - I recommend considering legal action, a civil case.

Be careful, though, as if John was guilty of misconduct his reputation would be destroyed - oh wait - it already was.

You have nothing to lose.

 

[Moustaffask8r]

If his family is certain of his innocence and lack of misconduct - I recommend considering legal action.

Sometimes you never really know the person you are with.... not saying he's guilty but beside him and the alleged victims, no one really know!

 

[Perky Shae Lynn]

If his family is certain of his innocence and lack of misconduct - I recommend considering legal action, a civil case.

Be careful, though, as if John was guilty of misconduct his reputation would be destroyed - oh wait - it already was.

You have nothing to lose.

In a way they have nothing to lose. In the court of public opinion, he's already a convicted rapist and child molester. But John took away his family's ability to defend him by taking his life.