Helping husband overly sensitive to sound?

[Anita18]

Or I guess my question really is, can we have a kid without us both going postal?

My dear Alf is overly sensitive to loud noises. They stress him out, a lot. So much so, that he can't even work in an office - he works from home or at a quiet out-of-the-way coffee shop, by himself.

He'll lash out verbally against the landscapers, although at least they come out during the day so he wears those huge noise-dampening headphones. And there is our old cat Mickey, who's getting a little senile. He yowls in the middle of the night, usually when he wanders out of the bedroom for a snack/litter box trip and forgets where his humans are. It's loud but not bad in terms of duration, it usually lasts less than 30 seconds, but it angers Alf so much that he hits the wall or door really loud to get him to stop. (Which usually only lasts for about 15 seconds anyway, before Mickey starts again, if he hasn't found us yet. And then wakes ME up so I can't get back to sleep either. Cat yowls are okay with me, but a sudden bang on the wall is not.)

He's getting better about the banging, but last night Mickey was up 2-3 times yowling, and he proclaimed this morning that it was the "worst night of his life" and that he'll "bomb his job interview tomorrow" because of his bad sleep last night. (He needs 9 hours to feel good.) And then stormed off to the beach to decompress, he probably won't be back until the afternoon.

I'm really stressed out because he's spoken recently about expanding our family. It's been on my mind as well (especially since I'm in my early 30's now), but I honestly don't know if he'll be able to handle a screaming baby/toddler, or if I'll be able to handle the stress of worrying about the baby AND his well-being at the same time. I function pretty well on 2-3 hours of sleep at a time (always have), so I'm not really worried about myself, but I don't know how these things can work when one parent is overly sensitive to noise or having his necessary sleep disturbed. I mean, my mom has assured me that I was a very quiet, well-behaved baby/toddler who slept through the night early on, but my sister definitely was not, and I don't know if we should just roll the dice that way. He doesn't seem to be worried about it (or maybe he's just ignoring the inevitable), but he doesn't have many friends who have kids. I have quite a few, and have heard the stories about hours-long tantrums or screaming sessions. I don't know what it's like exactly, but at least I'm aware that these things do happen. He doesn't seem to.

What are our options? Separate guest house or really sound-proofed bedroom for him? Earplugs? Therapy? Telling him to get the eff over it so I don't have to be babying a plus one? I mean, if it's the last option, then so be it, but I'd like to explore other options if possible. This is literally the only thing about our marriage that stresses me out like this.

 

[skatesindreams]

Would a consultation with a therapist/physician be in order to see if the situation can be improved before you have a family?
Even the best behaved baby is going to have "issues", from time to time, that may be difficult for him to cope with.

 

[PDilemma]

My mother is hyper-sensitive to sound as well. She survived having babies; two of them. And she survived having my nephew in the house as an infant and toddler as well.

She responds with being unduly (in the opinion of those of us who are not hypersensitive to it) startled and gets very amped up--heart rate etc...at loud noises. She always has. If she does not know what the sound was, she can't really calm down without finding out, either. BUT she can handle it without getting angry or throwing a tantrum as you describe Alf doing.

If I were you, I would be discussing with him if and how he can learn to calm himself down without those inappropriate responses. As an adult, he should be able to channel the response in a more appropriate way emotionally. If he can't or won't, then you need to think very hard about the ramifications of having a child in the presence of someone who would get angry at normal child behaviors.

 

[Anita18]

Would a consultation with a therapist/physician be in order to see if the situation can be improved before you have a family?
Even the best behaved baby is going to have "issues", from time to time, that may be difficult for him to cope with.

What sort of therapist/doctor would that be? I bet he'd be open to it - he's just never had to really confront it before since he could always make a living without having to deal with loud noises.

If I were you, I would be discussing with him if and how he can learn to calm himself down without those inappropriate responses. As an adult, he should be able to channel the response in a more appropriate way emotionally. If he can't or won't, then you need to think very hard about the ramifications of having a child in the presence of someone who would get angry at normal child behaviors.

I have mentioned it, but we don't really know where to start. I think he would make an excellent parent, but the child would have to be the age where you can have a chance at reasoning with one.

And yeah, every time he lashes out due to loud noises, I momentarily entertain the thought of getting a tubal ligation so "will we or won't we?" won't stress me out anymore.

 

[agalisgv]

I think he would make an excellent parent, but the child would have to be the age where you can have a chance at reasoning with one.

Do let me know what the magical age is

every time he lashes out due to loud noise

It sounds like the issue is how he chooses to respond to loud noises. The behavior you describe sounds more like anger management and immaturity than anything. I don't know if you need therapy for that or just a bright red line. You could tell him I f he wants kids, he'll have to go 6 months/1 year without lashing out over noise. If he can't manage that on his own, refer him to a therapist.

 

[skatesindreams]

What sort of therapist/doctor would that be? I bet he'd be open to it - he's just never had to really confront it before since he could always make a living without having to deal with loud noises.

A good internist may be able to determine whether there is a physical cause for his reactions; or whether he needs the help of a psychiatrist/psychologist.

 

[Spun Silver]

I have a feeling children can cope with anger (as long as it doesnt hurt them physically) if they are sure they are loved and safe. It doesnt sound like you're afraid he would hurt anyone. Do you think he would be a loving, protective father, apart from the outbursts?

It seems to me that if you are open to solutions as extreme as separate bedrooms there should be a way to make it work. No parents are perfect.

 

[PDilemma]

I have a feeling children can cope with anger (as long as it doesnt hurt them physically) if they are sure they are loved and safe. It doesnt sound like you're afraid he would hurt anyone. Do you think he would be a loving, protective father, apart from the outbursts?

It seems to me that if you are open to solutions as extreme as separate bedrooms there should be a way to make it work. No parents are perfect.

I don't think those are solutions unless Anita is completely prepared to never leave the child alone with its own father until it is much much older. There is also such a thing as emotional abuse and being subject to a parent who is prone to anger outbursts when the child is acting normally (crying and making noise are normal things for young children to do) is not an emotionally safe environment. It also does not provide a model of how to appropriately handle emotions or appropriately respond to situations.

The solution has to be that Alf has to learn to handle noise and disruption with an appropriate response. That doesn't mean he has to like it nor does it mean that he has to stop being more startled or having more reaction to it than those of us who are less sensitive. But before children are brought into his life, he needs to learn to handle it as a mature adult.

 

[Spun Silver]

Of course it's not ideal, and of course Alf should learn to react differently. But changing oneself is very hard and chances are there will be some slips. Should he be prohibited from having kids? Should other actions that might ameliorate the situation not be implemented as well?

Kids survive a lot worse than someone who bangs on the wall because of loud noises.

 

[Rock2]

Do you have kids now? You should consider having some of your friends bring kids over and see how he reacts. Not sure if it makes sense to tell him before hand if it's a test or not.

@agalisgv asked about magical age to reason with kids. My understanding is that kids do not begin to develop powers of reason until they are in the 5-7 range. Doesn't mean they are good at it at that time but that's when it starts. This is why 'reasoning' with a younger child is often ineffective. They can only parrot back what you tell them but they don't really 'get it'. Saying "don't do this because I said so" is pretty much all you need up until that point.

The affliction you speak of is called Misophonia and is connected to an overdeveloped part of the brain that is extremely sensitive to certain noises. I actually have it myself but a mild case and is almost always connected to 'mouth' noises (snoring, sound of chewing, etc), which is typically where the base case starts. If I can hear you eat I have to leave the table. There's no stopping me. I don't go ballistic or anything but I have to leave the situation or I will ask you to stop. Cracking gum is another one. Makes me literally mental to hear that sound.

Here is a page on webMD with more info and treatment options: http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-misophonia

Hope you find that a good place to start.

 

[PDilemma]

Of course it's not ideal, and of course Alf should learn to react differently. But changing oneself is very hard and chances are there will be some slips. Should he be prohibited from having kids? Should other actions that might ameliorate the situation not be implemented as well?

Kids survive a lot worse than someone who bangs on the wall because of loud noises.

Yes, they have. But that doesn't mean it is good for them.

And what happens when he is alone with a screaming baby and has to pick that baby up and handle the problem rather than pound the wall then run off to the beach? If it were my child, I'd be concerned that something far worse than pounding a wall would happen in that situation.

I would not intentionally have a child with someone with an anger problem. That is the bottom line of Anita's question here, it is "should I have a child with my husband who has an anger problem?" even though she did not frame it that way.

The good news is that this is a problem that likely can be dealt with through therapy or other intervention. And it should be before they consider having a baby.

 

[her grace]

An occupational therapist could do auditory processing therapy to help him desensitize to sounds.

Also, you may want to consider the likelihood of having a child who also has the same challenges. Do you think you can/want to handle that?

 

[Ania]

Or I guess my question really is, can we have a kid without us both going postal?
.

From the description you gave, you & your husband 'going postal' does not seem like the top concern. Bigger concerns are (a) physical harm to the child (you can google 'shaken baby syndrome') and (b) psychological harm to the child (poor modeling of ways to deal with stress, living in fear of a parent's outbursts, stress of having to walk on eggshells in one's own home - the kid will be much less equipped to deal with it than you are).
I'm sorry, but whether your husband's affliction is physiological in nature or is 'simply' anger management, bringing a child into a household you described would be a disservice to the child.

 

[maatTheViking]

Babies cry. Not just during the night. They cry a lot of times, for a lot of reasons. Even 'easy' babies cry. And you may get a colicky baby that cries all the time.

I agree, look up shaken baby syndrome. You rock a baby to quiet it, and whe it doesn't you get frustrated. Even people not sensitive get really frustrated.

Kids don't STOP crying because they are no longer babies. Our 5 year old whines and cries. When he is sad. When he is hungry. When he doesn't get his way. Even if he normally can be reasoned with he can't always.

Our 2.5 year old yells and screams and stomps when he doesn't get his way. He also yells and stomps when he pretends he is a tiger - just for fun.

Part of being a kid is to be loud!

Today school is out, so we are at an indoor playspace. The noise is infernal. But the kids are having fun, and not tearing the house apart and get moving.


I am sure older kids are loud too. Screaming teen girls?

You have to confront him about how loud and noisy kids area, it is not just the baby state! I think hitting the wall because a cat wails for 30 sec is troubling. That is a very angry response.

I agree, talk to any therapist, I would have him talk with his GP first and ask for a recommendation.

I am sure there are ways to avoid the worst noise, but he has to come up with an appropriate response to noise.

 

[Hedwig]

I am very sensitive to noise as well. Not only loud noises but noises like knuckle cracking or people eating. It stresses me out so much that I really feel my blood pressure rising.
And I KNOW that it is not an adequate response to this kind of noise but I cannot help it. If someone chews chewing gum near my ear, I want to kill that person slowly and painfully.

It is very hard to find a therapy for that kind of stuff. I tried a little bit but in order to heal this anormality, one has to work on very specific triggers and eliminate the overblown inner response to them. It helped but it did not erradicate my responses completely.

I have a child who was and is an easy child but is loud all the time and does a lot of the noises that drive me crazy. I can cope with it very well but I won't promise you that that would be the same for everyone with these issues.
I have a partner who jumps in when I need a break but when he isn't there, I have to do it myself - and just because I must, I can.

 

[Anita18]

I have a feeling children can cope with anger (as long as it doesnt hurt them physically) if they are sure they are loved and safe. It doesnt sound like you're afraid he would hurt anyone. Do you think he would be a loving, protective father, apart from the outbursts?

It seems to me that if you are open to solutions as extreme as separate bedrooms there should be a way to make it work. No parents are perfect.

I'm not afraid that he will hurt anyone. He's never gone after the cat physically, even when Mickey's been the bane of his existence at times. But if I can prevent emotional trauma to our future child, of course I'd want to do that.

Turns out Alf's dad was also sensitive to noises. Alf used to torment his dad as a kid by flinging marbles down the stairs, then his dad would yell and storm out to the driveway and sit in the car to calm down. So there is familial precedence for his behavior. (Figures!) Although his parents got divorced early on, so I'm not sure if we want to follow their example exactly.

Do you have kids now? You should consider having some of your friends bring kids over and see how he reacts. Not sure if it makes sense to tell him before hand if it's a test or not.

@agalisgv asked about magical age to reason with kids. My understanding is that kids do not begin to develop powers of reason until they are in the 5-7 range. Doesn't mean they are good at it at that time but that's when it starts. This is why 'reasoning' with a younger child is often ineffective. They can only parrot back what you tell them but they don't really 'get it'. Saying "don't do this because I said so" is pretty much all you need up until that point.

The affliction you speak of is called Misophonia and is connected to an overdeveloped part of the brain that is extremely sensitive to certain noises. I actually have it myself but a mild case and is almost always connected to 'mouth' noises (snoring, sound of chewing, etc), which is typically where the base case starts. If I can hear you eat I have to leave the table. There's no stopping me. I don't go ballistic or anything but I have to leave the situation or I will ask you to stop. Cracking gum is another one. Makes me literally mental to hear that sound.

Here is a page on webMD with more info and treatment options: http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-misophonia

Hope you find that a good place to start.

One of his friends (who lives close by) has a year-old boy, and he's a pretty well-behaved one. He seemed to handle a few hours with him perfectly okay. Although he didn't like spending any time with my former coworker and her year-old girl, but it was probably a combination of the screaming and my coworker's anxious fussing...he picks up on other people's anxiety very easily, which is probably he likes being around me, since I'm so chill.

Thanks for the info. I'll look more into it.

I am very sensitive to noise as well. Not only loud noises but noises like knuckle cracking or people eating. It stresses me out so much that I really feel my blood pressure rising.
And I KNOW that it is not an adequate response to this kind of noise but I cannot help it. If someone chews chewing gum near my ear, I want to kill that person slowly and painfully.

It is very hard to find a therapy for that kind of stuff. I tried a little bit but in order to heal this anormality, one has to work on very specific triggers and eliminate the overblown inner response to them. It helped but it did not erradicate my responses completely.

I have a child who was and is an easy child but is loud all the time and does a lot of the noises that drive me crazy. I can cope with it very well but I won't promise you that that would be the same for everyone with these issues.
I have a partner who jumps in when I need a break but when he isn't there, I have to do it myself - and just because I must, I can.

Thanks for sharing your experience Hedwig. I understand that it's gonna be hard, but hearing other people's experiences will help.

 

[StitchMonkey]

Turns out Alf's dad was also sensitive to noises. Alf used to torment his dad as a kid by flinging marbles down the stairs, then his dad would yell and storm out to the driveway and sit in the car to calm down. So there is familial precedence for his behavior. (Figures!) Although his parents got divorced early on, so I'm not sure if we want to follow their example exactly.

In that case have you thought about the fact your child could inherit this? Are you ok with this? If they do inherit this, and can't find work (like your husband) are you ok with them living with you long into adulthood to help them out?

 

[smurfy]

I am not sure what advice to give. But I want to share what I have seen.
I have a newer acquaintance - that I met in a genealogy club. We driven together with others to some events/seminars 2+ hours away.
She has been married 27 years and has 1 teenage son. Her husband told her just before their wedding the he suffered from a disease (can't remember the name at all) - that he is sensitive to sound.
They have a dog - she told me she told her husband 5 years ago if she could not get a dog, she would divorce him.
Due to the dogs panting when anyone eats - they never have dinner together anymore, as he can not stand the dogs' panting and the dog in general.
I asked if they ever eat dinner together as a family and she said no.
Their house - has the kiddie gates around their living room - that is his room. She uses the den. As far as I can tell from listening to her and being at their house once - I do not think they spend much time together.
From the way she said 'he told before the wedding he had some disease' - I am not sure she took him seriously and now she seems very resentful.
I appreciate that you seem so caring and are investigating this issue. I get the sense from my acquaintance that she ignored it and now has regrets.

 

[Veronika]

Reactions to loud, sudden noises can be a symptom of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). Irrational anger can be part of depression.

I agree with the sentiment here that this is possibly a psychological issue with some physical implications.

 

[algonquin]

An occupational therapist could do auditory processing therapy to help him desensitize to sounds.

That is my suggestion as well, see an OT. Therapeutic Listening helped my son with his auditory issues.

 

[Japanfan]

They have a dog - she told me she told her husband 5 years ago if she could not get a dog, she would divorce him.
Due to the dogs panting when anyone eats - they never have dinner together anymore, as he can not stand the dogs' panting and the dog in general.

Dogs don't have to be near the dinner table when people are eating. Training a dog to go to "your place" (dog bed) is really easy - easier than advanced commands - because place is a physical thing. You show the dog his/her place, say "your place", and reward. It doesn't take an insane number of repetitions.

When we eat dinner on the couch, our dog politely lies down in his place/dog bed. It's in the same room, but our dog understands the boundaries of his place. He does leave his place to be nearer to us, but that's our fault, as we haven't trained the release consistently.

Still no begging or panting when we are eating.

 

[Anita18]

In that case have you thought about the fact your child could inherit this? Are you ok with this? If they do inherit this, and can't find work (like your husband) are you ok with them living with you long into adulthood to help them out?

Alf is a software engineer who could technically work anywhere, his dad works as an accountant in a small office. It's not so bad with either of them that they can't find work to do, period.

I am not sure what advice to give. But I want to share what I have seen.
I have a newer acquaintance - that I met in a genealogy club. We driven together with others to some events/seminars 2+ hours away.
She has been married 27 years and has 1 teenage son. Her husband told her just before their wedding the he suffered from a disease (can't remember the name at all) - that he is sensitive to sound.
They have a dog - she told me she told her husband 5 years ago if she could not get a dog, she would divorce him.
Due to the dogs panting when anyone eats - they never have dinner together anymore, as he can not stand the dogs' panting and the dog in general.
I asked if they ever eat dinner together as a family and she said no.
Their house - has the kiddie gates around their living room - that is his room. She uses the den. As far as I can tell from listening to her and being at their house once - I do not think they spend much time together.
From the way she said 'he told before the wedding he had some disease' - I am not sure she took him seriously and now she seems very resentful.
I appreciate that you seem so caring and are investigating this issue. I get the sense from my acquaintance that she ignored it and now has regrets.

I agree with @Japanfan that refusing to train the dog over a happy marriage is probably the wrong choice. As is an ultimatum as strong as that "dog or divorce." As is him only telling her "just before" the wedding. Lots of things went off the rails there.

One thing I do appreciate about Alf is that we can communicate very freely and honestly. He is aware of his flaws, when he inadvertently hurts people, and does try to work on them. And feels bad when he fails to. The anxiety I think will need work, as well. He gets overwhelmed easily, which is probably part of the noise sensitivity. (Hates crowds, hates drama.) Like today, I suggested that maybe he should see a doctor to get a referral for the noise sensitivity/anger management and that looked to be about enough for one day. When the landscapers came by, he did some breathing exercises and not freak out. He does try.

If/when he has another outburst, that will be the time I'll yell "tubal ligation!" and send him referrals. Thanks for the advice, everyone!

 

[Angelskates]

I have sensory issues, and have learnt to manage them quite easily myself. My sensory issues, coupled with me being an introvert, needed to be worked on for me to be remotely social, and I learnt this early. I work in special education so my training (and growing up with a sister who is blind and with a hearing impairment) helped. My students, especially those with autism, no longer bother me, and I can handle their noises without issue. I can cope with my dog barking quite easily. It's not hard to work on yourself (without a therapist, OT or otherwise) but it doesn't ever go way, you just learn to cope with and accept it. Like everything, some days are better/easier than others. You need to learn what you can cope with, and if you want to, try and increase/change that by increasing either volume of sounds, or amount of time spent with certain times or in certain environments. If your husband would rather see a therapist, a creative therapist like a music therapist would be useful, or an OT or psychologist. Look for one with experience in sensory processing disorders or sound sensitivity.

I do think the potential for "going postal" is what needs to be worked on the most here. Like others have said, it's the reaction to issues (sensory or otherwise) that can mean more than the issue. Even with my issues (which are more than just sound), I have never lashed out - I would more likely do the opposite, retreat to a quiet place to breathe etc. I also have anxiety.

When did your husband acquire his sensitivity? If he was plummeting marbles down the stairs as a child without issue, then he obviously hasn't always had it. In that case, rather than a sensory processing issue, it is more likely just that loud sounds annoy/disturb him, and he reacts to that poorly, which is more of an anger management issue.

 

[judiz]

My husband, who you know is battling mental illness, has always been sensitive to noise. Strange that he is okay blasting his stereo but gets annoyed at any other loud noises. It has caused quite a few arguments in our household, especially when I point out his need to blast his music. Our solution was ear plugs to drown out some of the noise.

 

[BigB08822]

There has to be a reason for his lashing out over such small things as a cat yowling or people doing yard work. Is he on the autism spectrum? Is there a physical issue he needs to go to a doctor for? It sounds to me like he needs to learn some coping mechanisms because it is completely unrealistic to go through life without any noise. Having children seems totally out of the question if he is going to slam doors when a cat makes noise for a few seconds. What will he do during a birthday party for a child or during a sleepover? The focus should be on his behavior unless you find out there is a physical issue, in which case get treatment so he can feel better.

 

[Anita18]

When did your husband acquire his sensitivity? If he was plummeting marbles down the stairs as a child without issue, then he obviously hasn't always had it. In that case, rather than a sensory processing issue, it is more likely just that loud sounds annoy/disturb him, and he reacts to that poorly, which is more of an anger management issue.

You know, I'm not sure. From what he's told me, he seemed to handle parties and public transportation much better when he was a child, and how he can't stand either. It seemed that after high school, he became much more antisocial. Or maybe he always was and concentrated more on rebelling against his parents back then. He was a real punk when he was a kid.

@BigB08822 I always suspected he was on the autism spectrum, but he's never been officially diagnosed. It's never affected his daily life that much, since he's found a way to get around it. And it's not all noise - he seems to react specifically to piercing loud noises. We live right across from an elementary school and the daily morning announcements and schoolchildren screaming don't bother him. The distance matters, it doesn't echo in the apartment.

 

[Angelskates]

You know, I'm not sure. From what he's told me, he seemed to handle parties and public transportation much better when he was a child, and how he can't stand either. It seemed that after high school, he became much more antisocial. Or maybe he always was and concentrated more on rebelling against his parents back then. He was a real punk when he was a kid.

@BigB08822 I always suspected he was on the autism spectrum, but he's never been officially diagnosed. It's never affected his daily life that much, since he's found a way to get around it. And it's not all noise - he seems to react specifically to piercing loud noises. We live right across from an elementary school and the daily morning announcements and schoolchildren screaming don't bother him. The distance matters, it doesn't echo in the apartment.

Does he want to cover his ears or leave the situation, or does he just get mad?

 

[Spun Silver]

I'm just throwing this out because I know so many people who are dealing with it -- any possibility he had a brain injury at some point that was never properly diagnosed or treated? There are people in my TBI caregiver support group whose mates have similar issues with noise, and many whose mates were released without rehab years ago. From the outside the long-term side-effects sometimes resemble autism. I recognize it in a friend's husband here in my town -- not concussion in his case, but he had brain surgery for a tumor decades ago, and IMO one or the other (surgery or tumor) may have left him with TBI-like side-effects; my friend is thinking Asperger's (there is no diagnosis as yet).

At any rate, maybe a review of his medical history would be a good idea?

 

[Andrushka]

Have you considering testing for High Functioning Autism/Aspergers?(I am aware that Aspergers is not considered it's own separate thing now,it's under HF Autsm but they do have a slight difference,my son has HF autism) Or auditory Processing disorder.

Also,Angelskates...a lot of the time kids with autism can handle the noises THEY make but less so the loud sounds others make.I know.I live with it on a daily basis lol My eldest makes tons of noise but he can't stand it when his brother does.Or if we're somewhere where it is loud.

 

[Angelskates]

Also,Angelskates...a lot of the time kids with autism can handle the noises THEY make but less so the loud sounds others make.I know.I live with it on a daily basis lol My eldest makes tons of noise but he can't stand it when his brother does.Or if we're somewhere where it is loud.

Thanks, well aware of this, as I've been working with kids with autism for more than a decade and been around them my whole life. I said nothing contrary to this. I was saying that I can handle the noises my students with autism may make, even though I have sound sensitivity. I said nothing about what my students can and can not deal with, though I have many with sound sensitivity (who also make noises themselves); I also have some who don't. Also, there is no such diagnosis as HF autism. Asperger Syndrome is not under HF autism, Asperger Syndrome is now under ASD, as is PDD-NOS, but HF autism has never been a specific diagnosis, or an official diagnosis, it's only been used informally and it's quite controversial. HFA has never been recognised by the DSM or ICD as a diagnosis on its own; it has either fallen under ASD, Asperger Syndrome, or PDD-NOS, which is the reason they are now all combined as ASD.

I don't think testing for ASD would be useful - it doesn't change the symptoms or reaction, and it's not as if a diagnosis would help him get services as his age (or would it??). I do think it's worth thinking more about his reaction to his discomfort, and possibly looking into therapy, especially if you want children but also because it's just not a nice thing to lash out at people/things/situations for something like this, but no diagnosis should be needed for that. How has your husband reacted when you've spoken to him about this? He obviously understand he has an issue, which is great, but what does he think should/can be done about it? Is he willing to go to therapy? Would you consider saying he needs to go if you want to have children?