Grieving for a pet

[alj5]

My sweet Sashakins (the dog in my avatar) died of sudden-onset acute pancreatitis yesterday. It was surprising as 24 hours earlier she was acting completely normal.

I adopted Sasha about 10 years ago towards the end of residency, and she helped me keep going through some rough times. I knew she was mine right away. She was the only one hiding (really cowering) in her dog crate. Once I saw her sweet face, I recognized her as my first child (well dog child anyway).

She was the sweetest dog - had these big brown eyes that just bored right into your soul. Everybody loved her, even people who didn't like dogs. She loved to snuggle, eat, and wander around the backyard smelling everything possible. She took to her dog sister Winky like a duck to water, and they would often share a small beddie. She fell in love with my husband the first time they met, and was (mostly) a great "big sister" to our twin 5 year olds. She would sleep under their crib when they were babies, became a master at finding a "hidey hole" where the girls couldn't get to her during their toddler years, but warmed up to them when they were about 4 and could provide constant petting (and let's be honest...vegetables from their dinner plates).

I literally am having twinges of chest pain as I write this. I've been alternating shock/numbness with sobbing for the last 6 hours. I can't sleep, and have to be at work in 6 hours. I'm not "adulting" well this morning.

I could use any prayers and good thoughts as I try to process and adjust.

 

[Finnice]

I am very sorry for your loss, alj5.
Could you take a day off from your work? Losing a family member is reason enough.
Many hugs.

 

[Japanfan]

I'm so sorry, alj5. Of course you are emotional and in shock. You've just lost a beloved member of your family, and chest pains are a physical manifestation of that.

The emptiness of a pet's passing can be unendurable. But, it is a cost we pay for loving them. I ultimately think it is a cost well spent, and hope I never become one of those people who won't get another pet because they can't bear the idea of losing a pet ever again.

It is a cost well spent because what we give to a dog is returned 1000 times. The affection and joy of life they have is something that money itself can never buy.

We have had three dogs pass over the past 20 years and the last was sudden and expected, due to cancer. Luna was eight, fine one day and gone eight days later. Her passing was harder to take than the passing of the other two, because I had time to prepare for those.

Your post caused me to acutely remember the events of the day when we lost Luna. So brutal!

Perhaps it well help to commemorate Sasha's passing? I made a shrine of sorts for my Luna, and in the beginning I talked to her at that shrine (part of the kitchen counter top) every night.

And one thing that helped me was something a person we have boarded our dogs with says: "Dogs don't say goodbye. They are very much hello sort of creatures".

I think what I'm saying is: cherish the memories and be deeply grateful to have had such a wonderful relationship with such a wonderful creature. Love is a bountiful quality when it comes to relationships with dog.

There is a reason that dogs were the inspiration for Rainbow Bridge, after all.

 

[Buzz]

So sorry for your loss @alj5 Sending lots of hugs and nose bumps (from my cats Hazel & Abigail) your way.

 

[skatesindreams]

Sending sympathy and hugs.

 

[rfisher]

I'm so sorry. You grieve for a pet just as you do a human member of your family. Cry when you need to. I think it helps to gather your favorite pictures and get a nice frame for them. It's a way of remembering. And, when you are ready, go look for another friend who needs someone to love them. That is a good way to keep Sashakin's legacy alive.

 

[quartz]

Sending ((((hugs)))) and support.
Let yourself grieve. It's not just an animal, it was your baby and a beloved family member.
A pet is a part of your day to day life, and that is what makes it so devastating. Nothing in your home dynamics will be the same. It's a huge loss and a big change to adjust to.

 

[Garden Kitty]

I am so sorry for your loss and understand your pain. Losing a loved family member is so hard. I'm glad Sasha didn't suffer with a long and painful illness, but the suddenness of the death is a big emotional shock. My sympathies

 

[Scrufflet]

(((alj5)))
So sorry! We've lost 2 beloved cats in the last year and it is hard. Posting here really helped me with my grief. FSUers are so supportive and understanding. We are right with you in this! Take care.

 

[danceronice]

{{{{{hugs}}}}

 

[ballettmaus]

So sorry for your loss! We put the following on my grandma's funeral announcement: If you're looking for me, look in your hearts. If you find me there, I'll live on forever.
There are times I remind myself of that, that she's still in my heart and it does help, so maybe it'll help you, too!

 

[sk8pics]

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my much-loved Mickey in November. One thing I have done with both cats I've lost is make a photo collage, frame and hang it. It is a bit comforting. I hope your heart will heal soon.

 

[icie]

I'm so sorry for your loss of your sweet Sasha. It hurts so much when we lose our beloved pets.

 

[dewey]

I'm so sorry - I really am; I lost a cat on January 3. Take some time off and cry when you need to. So many people understand exactly how you feel - as soon as you start talking about it you will find this out. The shock will wear off in 2-3 days, then the intense grief will last 2-3 weeks. After that, you'll still be grieving, but you'll be able to function. Please remember to take care of yourself - stay warm, hydrated and rested until the shock wears off.

 

[Spun Silver]

So sorry for your loss. It brings back those I have been through. Nowadays I find myself regularly flash-forwarding to the deaths of my present two toy poodles - when? How? Which will go first and how will the other deal with it? It's not obsessive, it's just that after losing a few pets you really understand how mortal they are, what temporary gifts. It won't hurt any less when they go, though.

My last dog is buried in the back yard. There is a bed of grape hyacinths and forgetmenots over her, and a marker that has her name, dates, and the words, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." And a statue of the blessed Virgin looks over her with outstretched arms. It comforts me a lot.

I hope you find peace over Sashakins' loss and fragments of joy in the memories of her. And maybe a new pup when you are ready. My husband made me get another dog after Olive died. She is on my lap now and her mate/brother/pal is also in the chair on my left.

 

[Artemis@BC]

I'm so sorry, alj5. We let these creatures into our homes and our hearts, knowing full well that they are only with us for a limited time, but that doesn't make it any easier when they leave us.

Take as much time as you need to grieve, and don't let anyone dictate to you how you should be reacting.

I lost my own beloved Sasha nearly 5 years ago, and while the grief is not as acute, obviously, I still miss her every single day.

 

[Erin]

I'm so sorry for your loss @alj5. I got a little teary just reading your description of Sasha...she sounds like such a wonderful friend and it can't be easy to lose her so suddenly.

A while ago PeterG started a thread on grieving with some resources and I passed this one on to a friend who'd had to say goodbye to a pet, who said that it helped:
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief-loss/coping-with-pet-loss.htm

I hope there is something in there that can help you cope too, once you're ready.

 

[Cachoo]

I am so glad she found you and your family (adults, kids and animals.) It sounds like she had a wonderful life with you and went quickly. But I know the shock and loss is horrible. You deserve time to grieve.

 

[Karina1974]

So sorry for your loss.

I'm seeing this late, but I will pass along one piece of advice I've picked up from the cat sites I am on - if you do "call in" just say that it is a family emergency and leave it at that. A lot of people don't seem to get it when it comes to the grief we feel when a pet passes.

 

[KatieC]

I'm very sorry for your loss. It hurts to lose a member of the family. I hope it helps to remember the good times.

 

[Alixana]

((((Hugs)))) It's such a difficult balance when you're hurting -- the love you receive from a pet vs the grief you feel when you lose one. But in the long run, they're so worth it.

 

[el henry]

@alj5, I am so very very sorry for your loss. These animals that share our life mean so much to us.

I am sharing a prayer from my own faith tradition with hesitation, since I do not want to offend or hurt you in any way. If you find it offensive rather than comforting, let me know. I have used this prayer when my own critters have crossed the rainbow bridge. And my prayers are with you:

God of grace and glory, we remember before you today @alj5's beloved companion Sashakins. We thank you for giving her to alj5 and her family to be a source of abundant love, affection, and joy. In your compassion, comfort those who grieve. Give us faith to commit this beloved creature of your own making to your care, for you live and reign for ever and ever.

 

[twinsissv]

"Love someone else around you,
Sasha has shown you how.
Remember her with gladness...
Your debt is settled now."

- Author Unknown

 

[Aussie Willy]

Sorry about the loss of your dog. My thoughts are with you.

 

[BittyBug]

I'm sorry for your loss, @alj5. Our pets are never with us long enough, but I hope that with time you will be able to remember her with joy and not sadness.

 

[Japanfan]

I hope you find peace over Sashakins' loss and fragments of joy in the memories of her. And maybe a new pup when you are ready. My husband made me get another dog after Olive died. She is on my lap now and her mate/brother/pal is also in the chair on my left.

We got our current dog Bandit within a number of weeks after losing our last, Luna. It happened in June, just when I was looking forward to taking her hiking and swimming and camping again. The summer stretched ahead sadly and emptily, so when an opportunity to get a pup arose, we took it. It wasn't ideal, as I had wanted to get on a wait list for a calm, obedient type of puppy from a registered breeder. Bandit wasn't registered, and was the last in the litter. When we met him he was racing wild-eyed around the kitchen and he wouldn't look me in the eye. I stared him down the following morning when we took him home, and so began a battle of wills that thankfully abated after the two year mark. He's still a highly excitable dog, it's just his nature. And a very vocal dog as well. At times it is all endearing, at other times, just irritating.

Looking back I don't think I'd do anything differently, however. Getting Bandit did not diminish my grief about losing Luna, but did take my mind off of it, given how demanding a task it is to raise a puppy. It was a beautiful, hot summer, and I spent many wonderful evenings in the yard with my new puppy, watching the moon go through its cycles. Much better than spending the summer lonely and sad due to Luna's absence.