Eteri Tutberidze’s message: past year, parents, skating.

Tinami Amori

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Eteri Tutberidze’s message: past year, parents, skating.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BvZWw-ygSPQ/

“Less than a year ago I wrote a message, wanted to share my feelings which I felt during that period. My friends stopped me from making it public, believing it would be a weakness on my part at that time.
*** The strange, mixed feelings inside.

It seemed like at the apogee of sports accomplishments and professional happiness, after years of working non-stop, leading to two Olympic medals (gold and silver), not one but two, is it not the time to be happy, or at least to smile?

But instead, there is a lump in your throat, a lump of unexpressed pain.
So, no longer holding it back, I am writing.

On the day we were departing to Japan for the Olympics preparations, my Mother had a stroke, at first it lead to partial paralysis, later it was determined – cancer of the brain.

So what is then?
Then it is all in a fog. My daughter is placed in a school dormitory, so that she does not remain alone. My mother is in the hospital in a most critical condition. Tears of my daughter on the telephone, who stayed in Moscow, alone. My mother’s fight for life, who has incurable condition.

Olympics.
Medals.
Victory Ceremony.
People congratulating, looking into my eyes, seeking happiness in response, but as if it is not there.
Pain.

And upon return to Moscow – a fight, constant daily fight for mother’s life, even if partially unconscious. My mind refusing to accept that mother’s death is inevitable.

My father did not make it and died 6 months before the Sochi Olympics. My mother lost her awareness and could not enjoy the outcome of these Olympics.

What’s next? Strange departures of my students, one of which I praised and raised as an example for everyone; the one to whom I honestly gave 200% of the 100% possible in sports.

Then accusations… that none other can be more hurtful.

Dear god, I am forever grateful, that many years of work brought the highest results. And send more strength to turn this page in life.

**** And now, as this season passed, I can say, I turned the page.
Thank you to all my friends, close people and to My Parents.
 
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Perky Shae Lynn

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I am very sorry about Eteri's parents. The pressure and sadness she must have felt last year were unimaginable.

I also wish she wouldn't drag Medvedeva into this. I am sure Evgenia leaving was painful. We've heard that from Eteri already. Med has not said a word, although I am sure from her perspective, the situation was very painful as well.
 

Amantide

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I also wish she wouldn't drag Medvedeva into this. I am sure Evgenia leaving was painful. We've heard that from Eteri already. Med has not said a word, although I am sure from her perspective, the situation was very painful as well.

I normally would agree, especially because she is not only her ex-coach but also a grown woman.
However, I can only imagine what she must have been going through during all that time. And how she must've seen Med's move to leave her. Some sort of betrayal in a very difficult moment of Eteri's life.

As per her msg. "And now, as this season passed, I can say, I turned the page." I think she really needed to take that out in order to get a closure. Maybe it's not right but I can understand.
 

AxelAnnie

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I normally would agree, especially because she is not only her ex-coach but also a grown woman.
However, I can only imagine what she must have been going through during all that time. And how she must've seen Med's move to leave her. Some sort of betrayal in a very difficult moment of Eteri's life.

As per her msg. "And now, as this season passed, I can say, I turned the page." I think she really needed to take that out in order to get a closure. Maybe it's not right but I can understand.

I am sympathetic to her losses. Must have been brutal for her.

I disagree. I don't think anything was gained by anyone by her "putting it out there". I don't know who the message was meant for, and how it got here. But publicly pointing out Med was simply not necessary. I wonder if Eteri's losses impacted Alina's performance at Worlds. I would be surprised if it did not.....and am surprised she did not mention Alina.

As to closure......it is a word we throw around. Closure does not exist. Imagine the unimaginable-----losing a child. You don't get closure. You don't get over it. At best, you put one foot in front of the other for a year or two.....rely on friends, and family to help (not with "getting over it" but with food, or shopping, or remembering wonderful moments in the child's life). Eventually you realize that not every moment of the day is gut wrenching. Perhaps only half a day. Then 1/4, and so on. Eventually you can remember the good things without being overwhelmed and swamped with a tidal wave. But you never have "closure" The pain NEVER goes away. It simply becomes managable.

Think Barbara Underhill. I don't know how you go on after that, but you do. I am sure that chapter of her life is not "closed". How could it be?
 

Amantide

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I disagree. I don't think anything was gained by anyone by her "putting it out there".

Nobody. It's a "rant", a "release" for lack of better world. Smth that she apparently has kept for a long time and needed to say. Do I think is the best thing she could've done? Nope. But I do understand given the circumstances and I don't make a huge deal out of it. I'm sure Med has her side of the story and she's been very good at dealing with it in public. Ultimately, I'm not very interested to know what went on. Only they know for sure and I'm okay with that. Not the first time that happens and it's not going to be the last either. Shrugs.

As to closure......it is a word we throw around. Closure does not exist. Imagine the unimaginable-----losing a child. You don't get closure. You don't get over it.

Well, closure might mean different thing for different people. Thank god she didn't lose a child. And yes, I do get closure for some things, and for some I learn to deal and move on or go day by day. It depends. I meant "closure" with Med and the whole negativity surrounding the thing. Not her mother's death.
 

AxelAnnie

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It was intended to be a rant? For the public? I am sure glad more people don't do that. I was hoping she was journaling, or told a best friend who released it.

I hope she finds peace with her pain.

"Closure" is a pretty recent thing:

The Need for Closure Scale (NFCS) was developed by Arie Kruglanski, Donna Webster, and Adena Klem in 1993 and is designed to operationalize this construct and is presented as a unidimensional instrument possessing strong discriminant and predictive validity

From an article: Is closure ever possible after the death of a loved one?

Grieving for a lost loved one can take years, sometimes a lifetime.

According to Curtis Rostad, a Certified Funeral Service Practitioner who has been a licensed funeral director since 1973, there is no such thing as closure.


He maintains that those who refuse to begin the journey through grief simply delay their own recovery.

Rostad goes on to explain why he thinks the concept of closure is mentioned so often in today's culture. "It should come as little surprise that a generation of people brought up with minute rice, instant coffee and microwave ovens would search for quick relief from something we call grief," he says.

"We hear it from those who go to the scene of a disaster where their family member has died. We hear it from those who witness the execution of the person convicted of killing their loved one. We hear it expressed by those who have someone missing in war."

In Rostad's long experience in helping families deal with grief, he has found that seeking closure only produces feelings of frustration that join the emotions of sorrow.

There is no closure, but there is a point where people have a great deal of acceptance, even peace of mind, and are able to move on to a different frame of mind.
 
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Tinami Amori

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Thank god she didn't lose a child.
Her daughter, Diana, is partially deaf now (although she managed to skate competitively in dance), because of a childhood illness which doctors did not treat/diagnosed correctly. In some interviews in earlier years E.T. said she will never lose the sense of partial guilt, because it is still mother's responsibility to seek "better" even if doctors are screwing up.

I wish she'd let go of that feeling first... when my dogs/cats are injured, in situations i could not do anything about, i feel it is all my fault, what if i made a different choice for those 5 minutes, and they would have been in a different situation.. in another part of the room, other side of yard, if i said something different and my voice would have created different dynamics..

Her daughter is doing pretty good though.. for a "partially deaf" condition.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2PqeK-TtpM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdaHJA5OYag
 

Amantide

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Her daughter, Diana, is partially deaf now (although she managed to skate competitively in dance), because of a childhood illness which doctors did not treat/diagnosed correctly. In some interviews in earlier years E.T. said she will never lose the sense of partial guilt, because it is still mother's responsibility to seek "better" even if doctors are screwing up.

I wish she'd let go of that feeling first... when my dogs/cats are injured, in situations i could not do anything about, i feel it is all my fault, what if i made a different choice for those 5 minutes, and they would have been in a different situation.. in another part of the room, other side of yard, if i said something different and my voice would have created different dynamics..

Her daughter is doing pretty good though.. for a "partially deaf" condition.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2PqeK-TtpM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdaHJA5OYag

Geezers, when I saw the title of the thread I was like "oh this is going to be good." I thought I would laugh or smth. I'm kinda feeling depressed now. :(

I'm glad her daughter is doing good. This woman deserves a break. I can't imagine how difficult must have been for her. But I suppose when life throws sh*t at you, you make a lemonade out of it.
She should be proud though. She has done a tremendous work. Time to enjoy the good results, as much as she can, and some vacations. No point looking back.
 

Tinami Amori

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Geezers, when I saw the title of the thread I was like "oh this is going to be good." I thought I would laugh or smth. I'm kinda feeling depressed now. :(

I'm glad her daughter is doing good. This woman deserves a break. I can't imagine how difficult must have been for her. But I suppose when life throws sh*t at you, you make a lemonade out of it.
She should be proud though. She has done a tremendous work. Time to enjoy the good results, as much as she can, and some vacations. No point looking back.
:D what does not kill her, makes her stronger..
 

MAXSwagg

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I normally would agree, especially because she is not only her ex-coach but also a grown woman.
However, I can only imagine what she must have been going through during all that time. And how she must've seen Med's move to leave her. Some sort of betrayal in a very difficult moment of Eteri's life.

As per her msg. "And now, as this season passed, I can say, I turned the page." I think she really needed to take that out in order to get a closure. Maybe it's not right but I can understand.

If that’s the case then she needs to grow up! Everyone goes through difficulties and it’s sad about her experiences but that does not give one the right to act irrational.
 

Finsta

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Wish she hadn’t brought up Medvedeva. She has already made feelings known about Medvedeva. She needs to stop. Sorry for her bad luck, but playing victim card while smearing young girl is cyber bullying. Let all girls have victories and move on. Am certain Eteri knew one girl would feel disappointed after Olympics. One girl would leave. Happens all the time. Medvedeva probably felt betrayed too. Her “beloved “ coach helped another get gold when she wanted it badly. Sound stupid? Well.....it’s just the other side of story. She should Focus on her daughter now.
 

Perky Shae Lynn

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I also find it distasteful that the "message" containing another shot at Medvedeva was released right after Alina beat Med at World. Strangely enough, not a word of praise for Alina herself. Not for the Olympics, not for anything.
 
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Coquelicot14

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This is a post of about her own life, in her own words, not about anyone else. She does not mention Medvedeva by name at all in her post.
If Eteri felt betrayed, that is her right to feel that way.


WMedvedeva probably felt betrayed too. Her “beloved “ coach helped another get gold when she wanted it badly. Sound stupid? Well.....it’s just the other side of story.

This. Coaches are there to get the students to maximize their potential. It would be unethical to not "help" the other students to realize their full potential. Is that what Evgenia was hoping for?

Eteri is a remarkably stong woman. I have nothing but respect for her. And part of me wonders, if she were a man would she have to put up with the same criticism?
 

lala

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This is a post of about her own life, in her own words, not about anyone else. She does not mention Medvedeva by name at all in her post.
If Eteri felt betrayed, that is her right to feel that way.




This. Coaches are there to get the students to maximize their potential. It would be unethical to not "help" the other students to realize their full potential. Is that what Evgenia was hoping for?

Eteri is a remarkably stong woman. I have nothing but respect for her. And part of me wonders, if she were a man would she have to put up with the same criticism?

this.
 

Tinami Amori

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This is a post of about her own life, in her own words, not about anyone else. She does not mention Medvedeva by name at all in her post.
If Eteri felt betrayed, that is her right to feel that way.

This!

Also, when an elite level coach has more than one elite student, and both have potentials to win, it is only fair for a coach to give both/all of his/her students the maxims, allowing each one a chance to win. That's only fair. When one of the elite students accuses his/her coach for "giving another maximum chances" and not favoring him/her, it is simply unethical.

Especially when just few months prior, and for years before, the same student gives many interviews about how great that coach is, what a great friend, 2nd mother, learned so much, such a good kind understanding person.
 

Vagabond

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What’s next? Strange departures of my students, one of which I praised and raised as an example for everyone; the one to whom I honestly gave 200% of the 100% possible in sports.
What an inappropriate thing to say! And Tutberidze's personal problems are no justification for making such a statement.

A skater is neither morally nor legally obliged to a particular coach for the duration of her career. Certainly not in contemporary Russia, at any rate.
 

barbarafan

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What an inappropriate thing to say! And Tutberidze's personal problems are no justification for making such a statement.

A skater is neither morally nor legally obliged to a particular coach for the duration of her career. Certainly not in contemporary Russia, at any rate.
ITA..and didn't Med ask to up her difficulty and was told no?
 

Perky Shae Lynn

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It is her own life, and Eteri is entitled to say whatever she wants. However, there is a double standard here. Eteri's feelings of betrayal are irrational. Yet she's entitled to express them. Medvedeva's feelings of betrayal were also irrational, but a private conversation between her & Eteri (where Med supposedly asked why Alina wasn't kept in Juniors) was made public; to make Medvedeva look petty and immature. Med hasn't said a bad word about Eteri publicly. I am tired of a grown woman endlessly bullying her former 18-19 year old student. Enough already. We get it.
 

lala

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I'm sure most of the American posters don't understand their situation. Totally different culture, relationship with the teacher, coach. This is not attack, I apologize everyone.....
 

tony

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To be honest, I think it's quite a reach here to say she's continuing to 'bully' Medvedeva. She's telling the story of her incredibly rough Olympic year, and Medvedeva is part of that narrative with her move -- kind of the final chapter of a bad year.

I know she's the center of so many jokes and nasty comments even on this board, but I really respect Tutberidze. And just because 'closure' is a newer term or whatever some of you want to call it, I can guarantee that there were different methods of helping to forget/move on prior to the internet and more recently, social media -- whether that was being surrounded by friends, writing in a private diary, even talking to a psychologist. But this isn't out of the ordinary.
 

lala

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To be honest, I think it's quite a reach here to say she's continuing to 'bully' Medvedeva. She's telling the story of her incredibly rough Olympic year, and Medvedeva is part of that narrative with her move -- kind of the final chapter of a bad year.

I know she's the center of so many jokes and nasty comments even on this board, but I really respect Tutberidze. And just because 'closure' is a newer term or whatever some of you want to call it, I can guarantee that there were different methods of helping to forget/move on prior to the internet and more recently, social media -- whether that was being surrounded by friends, writing in a private diary, etc. But this isn't out of the ordinary.

yes.
 

Wyliefan

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To be honest, I think it's quite a reach here to say she's continuing to 'bully' Medvedeva. She's telling the story of her incredibly rough Olympic year, and Medvedeva is part of that narrative with her move -- kind of the final chapter of a bad year.

But Evgenia is her own person, with her own worth and point of view, and deserves to be treated as more than just part of someone's narrative.
 

AxelAnnie

Like a small boat on the ocean...
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Her daughter, Diana, is partially deaf now (although she managed to skate competitively in dance), because of a childhood illness which doctors did not treat/diagnosed correctly. In some interviews in earlier years E.T. said she will never lose the sense of partial guilt, because it is still mother's responsibility to seek "better" even if doctors are screwing up.

I wish she'd let go of that feeling first... when my dogs/cats are injured, in situations i could not do anything about, i feel it is all my fault, what if i made a different choice for those 5 minutes, and they would have been in a different situation.. in another part of the room, other side of yard, if i said something different and my voice would have created different dynamics..

Her daughter is doing pretty good though.. for a "partially deaf" condition.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2PqeK-TtpM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdaHJA5OYag

That is something you never get over. And with kids it is such a crap-shoot.....they don't have a pop-up button like butterball turkeys that tell you what's up. You have to guess.....sometimes you go to the DR and they look at you like you are a moron, and sometimes they ask why you waited so long.

BTW - this was a story line on Grey's from season 9. But the mother planted herself in the hospital until someone figured out what was wrong. I have no idea what illness her daughter had that caused the partial deafness..........but, as I said before even if you are a dr., you never know.
 

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