Tinami Amori
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Alexei Yagudin - radio interview "Sports and Hobbies - Children vs. Parents".
(translation can't be word for word, informal language, talking over each other, idioms, incomplete sentences, etc..)
Video. Yagudin's interview starts @ 1:02:20
ok.ru
Introduction: Alexei Yagudin, all his titles and current position as a TV host.
Q: Here you are, just walked in and already charging your I-pad.
AY: Good evening all, speaking of I-pad, I am going to need it, since right after this interview we’re taking a long road, heading to St. Petersburg, where Ilya Averbuch’s ice musical is to start. So from June 15 to June 22, we’re expecting you, audience, to join us. It will be not just entertainment but a very refined artistic experience.
(small talk about weather, how hot it is now in St. Pete and Moscow).
Q: Let’s remind the audience that the subject of tonight’s show is “children and choice of hobbies, sports and activities”. Are such decisions a child’s choice and desire, or is it the parents who are thinking of their ambitions or how they see a child’s future.
Alexei, besides all your athletic accomplishments, you’re also a father of two charming girls.
AY: Yes, a two-time father. And ready to become a three-time. Well, not immediately, as in nine months later, but Tatiana and I are discussing such plans. Since we both are still skating in shows… Tatiana is not alone, she is in pairs..
Q: But you do want more children?
AY: Tatiana is such a person, that she will not do something that will leave her partner without work. Since she is in pairs, and if she takes a maternity leave, obviously her partner, also an Olympic Champion, Maxim Marinin, will not be able to work. So when we make any personal plans, we also have to consider what Maxim’s plans and schedules are…
Q: Oh really, so that’s how it is…
AY: Yes, our families are interconnected, we both must consider it. Without Maxim Marinin Tatiana’s success would not be possible, so we all must coordinate between our families, to make sure that Maxim misses work oportunities as little as possible.
Q: And now let us move on to children and parental involvement. You have two girls, and they probably, as it is usually presumed, are figure skating.
AY: Yes, yes, I heard what you said before…
Q: You must have heard our interview with Irina Slutskaya, who gave us an interview an hour ago, and said “yes, of course, my children are figure skating”..
AY: No, I must have missed that…
Q: Yes, she said that she put her kids on the ice since they turned 4. So, let me just ask, are your girls figure skating?
AY: No.
Q: Why?
AY: Probably for the same reason, for example, why one of your son’s is not a foot-ball player..
Q: as in “the heart is not in it”?
AY: Yes, the hear is not in it. While they can sit there evening after evening watching their parents skate, I never heard they express any desire. Although, the youngest one Michele is only 3.5 years old, and perhaps next year, when the school year starts, she will join the ballet and rhythmic gymnastics groups. Because we see the trends, it is her leaning.
She wants to dance all the time. She uses gadgets to turn on different music all the time, to dance to. Her recent kick is dancing to the Russian National Anthem. She comes up to the voice-activated player and says “play the Sacred Land music”. Then she plays the Swan Lake, the Nutcracker, all sorts of compositions…
Q: So in other words she already wants to pick her own music, and you see her desire to dance, and the need for dancing lessons..
AY: Yes, it is in her.. the dancing, the acting..
Q: But then why gymnastics and not figure skating, there is ice dancing.. very interesting..
AY: I can explain….
Q: Yes, really, you’re in it already, you can help and advise, if not with competition, then with ice shows, they use children..
AY: the reality is, one becomes an ice dancer after one fails to be a successful singles skater.
Q: oh my! What did you just say…
AY: (to the interviewer) You know well enough, as a participant of Ice Age, where we told you all about the skating situation. One first starts as a single skater, if one fails then it is usually pairs, and if not good in pairs, then it is ice dance… and if you fail in dance, then you become a coach, and if you fail as a coach then you become a … (judge or a functionary)…
Q: watch it.. (laughs) your next Ice Age show has ice dancing…
AY: and they all started as singles skaters…. It is a very rare occasion when one skips singles venue and goes straight into ice dancing. So let’s say we’re done talking about my youngest one, Michele, and move on to the older daughter. The older one never every showed any inclination or love for figure skate. She played a bit of tennis, she did some swimming when she studied in France, and every summer she did rhythmic gymnastics. But… I did hear the earlier discussions you held at your studio (about parents and children’s activities)…
Q: What opinions you agreed or did not agree with?
AY: It is a difficult issue, no single answer. Of course there are some fanatical parents, who believe that if they are in a certain profession, then the child must follow the same steps. But then we never know what will happen with our kids and their future.. For example, I would not be where I am in life, if my mother did not decided to take me into sports, and by a simple accident chose figure skating, and yes, often forced me to skate…
Q: and you did not want to? Honestly, you did not really want to?
AY: to tell the truth, not particularly, there was no special love for skating. It was interesting somewhat, but the driving force was the ear load of “xxxxxxxxx”, which can not be said on air, that was given to me by parents at home for slaking off. Of course I would rather play ball…
Q: So there was pressure from parents?
AY: Let’s just talk about my and Tatiana’s parenting issues. First let us separate – sport as a recreational activity or a health benefit, and sport of high achievements and results. A sport for sake of health and recreation will always be made a part of our daughters’ life. I and Tatiana will never allow our daughters to just go to school and that’s all. There will always be recreational athletic activities..
Q: … for health, for good figure, for looks, they are girls after all.. When your mother brought you into figure skating, certainly she did not expect you to become a champion right then..
AY: … and I did not become a champion right then… One can never tell. While I am hard-core atheist, there is an old folk saying “if you want to make God laugh, tell him you have definite plans”.
A parent can never predict how a child’s activity will develop. But, my strong stand in life is – do not leave your child to his own devices, do not allow your child any unoccupied time, free of some activity or engagement.
Q: So in other words, you and Tatiana believe that your children’s time must be occupied 24/7.
AY: Yes, I believe that it is better to, what is called, “deprive one of a childhood” (kill the childhood) then to “deprive one of a successful future in adult hood” (to kill the future success).
Q: that’s a strong statement, we all need to digest. Let’s take a commercial break and then you will tell us further..
During the commercial break they continue to have a conversation, which is not heard on the radio segment, but the sound is on in the youtube feed.
Q: So what’s on your i-pad?
AY: Tatiana is waiting for me downstairs in the car, since we’re driving to St. Pete right after. She is not skating in that show, but keeping me company.
Q: Has she recovered from her leg injury?
AY: She just had yet another surgery in Germany. And then there is one more, on that knee, and hopefully it will be the last one needed.
Tatiana plans to do a show later this summer, but not this time. She’ll probably go see a ballet while I skate. I have a friend at the Kirov Ballet theatre, and Tatiana asked me to see if I can get her a ticket for a performance.
Q: How long will you stay in St. Pete?
AY: 7 days.
Q: And then? going to Sochi location for this show?
AY: We are not doing Sochi portion. We had a major break up in our cast (the group disintigrated).
Q: Are you serious?
AY: Yes, we had a global break up, our cast fell apart.
Q: No joke?
AY: Every member had some kind of a gripe/issue with some other member; each one has that one unpleasant character they can’t get alone with. For example, Tatiana (wife) can not stand to deal with Domnina and Kostomarov. I see the situation as … (at this point producer blocks the story with music).
Q: We’re back on air. Today our discussion is about child’s hobby and activities. Should the child chose, or is it up to the parents. Do the parents plan for the future with expectations when they select a hobby for their child. We also have an on-line vote taking place from the listeners. The question posed “Hobbies. Who should chose, child or parents”. It’s an important issue we’re trying to figure out.
Again, with us today, is Alexei Yagudin. Alexei, before the break, you made an affirmative statement, that you and Tanya unshakeable decided that you will “kill your children’s childhood, but they will not spend one minute without an activity”. Please explain, why?
AY: I am not taking my words back, yes that’s how it will be. But it does not exactly mean that “they will not have a child-hood”.
Q: … they will have a “child-hood” but it will be well planned/supervised?
AY: Tatiana and I are designing our own type of fairy-tale life for our daughters. We believe that children must have as little as possible unoccupied time. What we do put emphasis on, first of all, is education. We help them with mathematics, English, Spanish. The main accent is on education, that’s the priority. An person with smarts and education will always be in demand, any time, any place. Then there is a matter of free time, free from education. For example my oldest daughter Lisa, spent 2 and half years in French school.
Q: What is “free time” to you?
AY: It is the time not occupied by school and school work.
Q: and then “other education” begins?
AY: Look, what I am basically saying, that it is best to make a push while they are young, to shape and form the direction… Like the question posed to the audience “Who should chose, a child or parents”. Well, Tatiana and I both unquestionably believe, and actually were talking about this in the car on the way here, that at the age of 4 or 5 a child is not capable of making a right decision.
We, parents, never know where the road will lead them when we take them to sports, arts, music or science classes.. But it is best to push while they are young, so that certain things are formed, to have your child try himself in as many activities/directions as possible. Because when they are young, they absorb better. It is that time in their life when they can learn as much as possible and grab all the knowledge they can. It’s not good to lose this time when you can learn so many different things… athletic or educational…
Q: So you pretty much saying that you need to give your child “basics”..
AY: Yes, the basics, and push them into it, push, push, push. Because later, when they get older, your tough influence over them is reduced… and when I say “tough” I don’t mean “brutal”..
Q: But some psychologists say that “push, push, push” in an authoritarian fashion, is not a good method for the child.. that a child must be free to roam, stretch for the sun, play with grass, blah, blah, blah… generally speaking. Are you not afraid to overload your child?
AY: No, I am not afraid.
Q: What do you mean?
AY: Just that, I am not afraid.
Q: And what if by the age of 18 a child is burnt out, does not want to do anything?
AY: There is not reason to let your child roam free, so that later when a teenager you have to take him to a drug rehab, while being proud “that we gave him freedom earlier”..
Q: But what if you push, push, push, and he just gives up.. or even runs away from home..
AY: it should not be accomplished with a belt or punishment, the chosen activities must the ones that your child enjoys..
Q: so, ok….. let’s say you made a schedule for your child, school and activities, and as the year goes by, you child says his heart is not in this or that activity. How will you handle it? Will you isten to your child’s wish, let him quit, offer something else, or force him to continue?
AY: Ok, let me give you an example. My oldest daughter Lisa for the past year, or even longer, wanted to take dance lessons. So we brought her into the “Todes” dance school. She trained there, until this March we noticed she is not interested, and she said that she no longer wants to. Naturally I and Tatiana said to her “Lisa, lets finish this semester/session and then we can talk about trying another activity”.
Q: And did she finish the session?
AY: yes, and now that the youngest one wants to study ballet (at the same school) and rhythmic gymnastics, the older one wants to return to the dance school, just into another group for older girls. Kids are kids, today they want to paint or sing, next day they don’t, and then they want to again.
Now I know, that neither one of them will become a ballerina, or a gymnastics champion. I’ll remind again, there is a difference between “high achievement sports” and “recreational”.
(Commercial break again. Informal conversation about shows in Crimea, kids and gadgets, etc.)
Q: Let’s go back to your childhood. As a child, did you not want to be out on the streets, taking a breath of fresh air, chasing a ball, instead of being stuck at an ice rink the whole time, run around, run but not on skates?
AY: You don’t have to ask me twice for me to tell that yes, of course, I wanted to go out with the boys and play ball. To go to the woods camping with school friends.
Q: And did you ever do it? What it be so bad if you did?
AY: Yes, I did it once or twice…. But if I did what I wanted, and not what had to be done, then right now I would be nothing.
And a big thank you to my mother who “killed my childhood”, because thanks to her, I now have everything, what I have now, and what I will have in the future.
Now we live in the “post-Soviet” times, where people still have the mentality of thinking they have the right to tell others how to live. I spit on the opinion of others how Tatiana and I should raise our children. For example now that Lisa and Michele both decided that they want to dance, it brought them closer together. Before they were not as close, you know, two kids competing for parents’ attention..
Also, now my oldest, Lisa, wants to develop her own computer game. That’s her latest. Or do something in IT, maybe develop her own youtube channel. So now, besides dance and gymnastics, we will arrange additional private elecytronics/IT classes and computer programming.
Q: Let me run by you a story, with my friends, and let’s see what you think about it. It is a true story, but no names. My friends have a daughter, she studied abroad, finished school, now it was time to chose where to go for higher education. She was given a choice to study in any country of the world, at any University of choice. Yet she told her parents “No! I don’t want to. I don’t want to study further. I know what to do next”.
AY: and what was it?
Q: She saved some money, found some investors, and opened her own, very small private florist business. She is very successful at it. She says that there is nothing else that she’d rather do. Does not want to study a day longer, just do her flower arrangements. That if she ever decides she can go and study later, but for now flowers is all she wants to do, it is her life and she is good at it. And her parents let her. And she is happy and she is successful, but yes, she did not continue her studies..
AY: I get what you’re asking, a while back.. And I will say “good for her parents. Praise to them for that decision”. But lets not forget this girl was an adult, and we are talking about very young children.
Q: But that girl was only 17…
AY: And that is not a child.
Q: And what if your child said to you “I don’t want to go to colloge”?
AY: But she is already 17… and she is not a child.
Q: So, if you girls come to you and say they don’t want to study, after all the activities you provided them with in childhood, and probably in expectation that they will go to university, and yet they say they don’t want to. Will you accept?
AY: Yes, because when they are 15-16-17….
Q: So at 15 is a cut off when you will stop insisting?
AY: Please go back and look at the subject of our discussion today, it states “children”. At 17 they are not children.
Q: Some think that even at 40 one is still a child.. Have you never heard such?
AY: Then it is parents’ fault that at the age of 17-18 one still considers oneself a child, it’s even worst if one is 40.. It’s their tragedy. It’s the parents who screwed up if their kid at such age still lives in La-La-Land..
Q: So at what age a parent should let go?
AY: Of course, in each specific case it is somewhat individual, each parent should be able to tell. In case of the flower girl, I see no problem - she came to her parents with a concrete business plan, not just “I don’t want to study, but don’t know what I want to do”.. But this girl was given good basics, she developed a good head on her shoulders, she came with a specific activity she wanted to engage in, and she is, as you said, a success. So no, in this case it is not a problem.
Q: The only reason I asked you about this situation is because when a parent hears that a child does not want to go to college, it is a big mental blow to the parent. All that is invested, all that is planed. It hits you hard when you hear that your kid does not want to study, as we come from generations when education is also prestigious. If you don’t get a higher education, you’ll end up under a fence (on a skid row).
AY: The primary/main education is in the 12-year programme. After that they can chose what to do next. It all depends on a situation.
Q: Let’s say, if hypothetically, you and Tanka are strong/resilient people, but your child is not, he is weak and can’t handle it all, what then?
AY: What do you mean by “weak”? in the brain, or physically? Again, I believe that if a child is “weak”, it is the parents’ fault. When kids are “weak”, it means they have weak parents, who could not build a strong character in their children (could not raise their kids strong).
Q: So in other words, you believe that all are born with equal abilities, and it is a matter of upbringing?
AY: Yes, with some plus/minus specifics. If a child is failing at something, it is pretty much parents’ fault. It is all on parents, because they are the ones at the child’s side at the beginning of his life. It is the parents who are the primary influence. It is they who direct, and either say “you must do it”, or “do what you want, how you want it, just be free and happy, la-la-la-la..”… and then you get….. well… I can’t say what I want to say on the air.. Yes, that’s how the problems start (when parents do not guide). Again I am not suggesting “rude/rough methods” but “tough/demanding methods”. Then, when your kid finishes high-school, you can be proud that you’ve raised a respectable member of society, and not some punk who chased balls on the streets all his young life or whatever BS he was engaged in.
Q: Oh, there now must be several psychologists, and also listeners, who are now sharpening their teeth against you. Your methods are quite Spartan. Plus, there are some back-yard ball chasers who grow up to become big-name footballers.
(Commercial break, private discussion continues):
Q: someone sent a message “it is never too late to study. Very few after college work in the field of their major.”
Back to an earlier question. If a child is born mentally weak, and can’t handle the activities/pressure, should one still insist/push him?
AY: In my book? Yes.
Q: But some say the psychic might breaks down, some one of weak construction….
AY: You can take any piece of shit and make something of him. There are no totally hopeless situations. My mother used to wake me up at 4 am for years, and I was a stubborn kid…
(music turned on, conversation is blocked).
Q: We’re back in the studio with Alexei Yagudin, and he has some strong opinions.
Earlier when we talked to parents about choosing activites for their kids, some told us that such activities take up time and effort, some parents don’t have the time, or want to spend that time on them selves. Some way “I have my own life to live”.
When you plan you kids’ activities, you take them yourselves, or do you have nannies or helpers? If you take them yourselves, how do you find time given how busy you both are professionally?
AY: First of all, the term “I could not find time to do something important” does not exist in my vocabulary.
Q: That’s what my physics teacher used to say! And that taught me a good lesson for life. When someone complained that he/she did not have time to finish homework, she used to say “a day does not consist of just 24 hours. A day consists of the amount of hours that you need to take care of all your business”. She taught me well.
AY: She is absolutely right. As far as my kids’ activities, the transport and the attendance, of course we have a private driver who is helpful.
I am personally very busy and everyone here knows how busy I am and work non-stop. So if my daughter wakes up early in the morning and needs to go to a class or a group, I can help her wake up, but will not drive her myself. After all, I am the main bread winner in the family. And yes, when need to, there is a driver, and we also have a nanny..
Q: But there are some parents who are also busy with work, but can’t afford a driver or a nanny.. of course maybe they can do something to improve the situation and do better..
AY: (continues to listed to the question).
Q: At the same time, there are many after school activities and classes provided by the schools themselves… like my daughter goes at her school. They stay on school grounds and activities are right there.
So back to parents, some are too lazy to spend time on it, some can’t afford but not trying to do better…… it’s on parents, right?
AY: Children’s setbacks are all on parents’ shoulders. I think it is nonsense to blame a child.
Q: So, earlier you said “my kids will not be professional athletes”.
AY: When did I say that? I said “I will not insist or push, but they can if they want to”.
Q: … you mean you will not push them into it yourself, right?
AY: I said this: “sports for health – mandatory”, “sports professionally – if they want to”. After they complete their education, if they have a wish to continue in sports, I will help and support them.
Q: How do you feel about “professional dynasties”, in sports, in music, in arts… Sometimes you see a singer from a singing dynasty and notice that the nature has overlooked him as far as talent. And yet the parents keep pushing him, because they will not allow that the kid does not follow their footsteps. It happens in all areas, arts, sports… How do you feel about it?
AY: Look, even today, you were surprised how our girls do not figure skating, since we both successful figure skaters. People must think “they have our genes”.. And I say to people that maybe our kids have our genes, but they do not want to figure skate.
Q: What I am talking about is when parents try to satisfy their own ambitions through their children. Some don’t care if their kid does not like it, they said so, and kid must do it. What if a talented musician is born into the family of neurosurgeons, and parents want him to pick up a scalpel and become like them..
AY: But you don’t hand a scalpel to a 4-year old.. Our conversation is about children, and yes, children should be directed. We see many professional dynasties, in sports and arts, where kids follow the foot-steps and do quite well, and then there are some that don’t…
Q: When I had my daughter, I had my fantasy, how she’ll become a big star in tennis; how I will travel with her all over the world, how she’ll win every grand-slam trophy… And when she was 3 years old, I brought her to the tennis court, for a lesson. And her coach was a huge, tall, giant man. And there she stands, hardly bigger than the tennis racket. And I am talking to the coach about her future, and he says to me “hold it mother dear, she is very little”. She did very well for 3 years, the coach was happy, and then at 6 years of age she said “mother, I rather take dance lessons”. So I did what she asked. Few years later and now she plays tennis with joy, just for her self, but with joy. Now that she is not pressured, she enjoys it. And with dancing, it became crazy….. now she has a knee injury, but she won’t stop dancing and dances with her hands, what can you do..
(commercial break).
Q: We’re back. Discussing same issue: child and activities, who should chose, parent or child.
I would like to read you a story we received from the listener. Viktoria has 4 children. One daughter is now 17, and when she was 4 she started in gymnastics. Then on year later she wanted to quit and I let her. Then years later she started to blame me for not keeping her in this sport. She is now blaming mother for not being tough with her, as she regrets the missed opportunity, now wants to be a gymnast but it is too late. what do you have to say about that?
I think there is a fine line, in what case to make what decision. That’s the most important function of parents, to be able to tell when pushing is needed and when not.. When it is laziness, when it is a momentary feeling, when it is puberty, and when it is serious.. Psychology is a complicated matter. Alexei, you feel that parents should direct, no matter what.
AY: Not always “not matter what”. Here, sitting at this round-table discussion, I want to remind that we live in the post-Soviet society where everyone likes to tell another what to do and how to live. Every comment is viewed as “advise to others”.
We, Tatiana and i, do not think like that. We are not telling others how to raise their kids. We are only sharing our personal decision. Others are free to raise their kids how they see fit.
Q: And what about psychologists? Should they be giving their advice? Or do you think they are wrong?
AY: There are no ideal solutions. It’s like a stock market, something is up, something is down. All depends on the competence of those giving advise. There are charlatans who “read the stars”…
Q: But we’re not talking about them, we’re talking about psychologists..
AY: There are all sorts who feel qualified to give advise. Tatiana and I think it should be done this way. How others chose to raise their kids, is absolutely none of our business.
Back to the girl who quit gymnastics and now is blaming her mother. Well, you see, she was not pushed/directed, and now she regrets it. If she was pushed, there was still no guarantee she’d succeed. And yet maybe she would… Now we’ll never know, and you can never tell. None of us can even predict what will happen tomorrow. But one phrase is the key, and you said it earlier – all the responsibility sits on parents’ shoulders. All the responsibility for the child is on them. And if every parent realizes it, and follows it, then there will be at least some kind of result for their child.
Q: I would like to now announce the results of the on-line vote from our listeners: 80% said the child should choose the activities, and 19% said it should be parents (with 1% not sure).
AY: And that’s how it should be, each family should select for themselves. The most important thing is, that when your child grows up, he/she comes to you and says “Thank you mother/father, for making the right decisions which allowed me to become successful in life”.
Q: Well, let’s meet years from now and you’ll tell me about your daughters. People often tell me too “oh, look how busy your kids are, won’t they get tired?”. They will not get tired, as long as you make it fun for them, and it is done in a way that they lose the desire, that love for the activity… and that’s the most important.
***
(translation can't be word for word, informal language, talking over each other, idioms, incomplete sentences, etc..)
Video. Yagudin's interview starts @ 1:02:20
Шоу «Всё к лучшему!» — гость Алексей Ягудин с 20:00 до 21:00
Шоу «Всё к лучшему!» — гость Алексей Ягудин с 20:00 до 21:00
ok.ru
Introduction: Alexei Yagudin, all his titles and current position as a TV host.
Q: Here you are, just walked in and already charging your I-pad.
AY: Good evening all, speaking of I-pad, I am going to need it, since right after this interview we’re taking a long road, heading to St. Petersburg, where Ilya Averbuch’s ice musical is to start. So from June 15 to June 22, we’re expecting you, audience, to join us. It will be not just entertainment but a very refined artistic experience.
(small talk about weather, how hot it is now in St. Pete and Moscow).
Q: Let’s remind the audience that the subject of tonight’s show is “children and choice of hobbies, sports and activities”. Are such decisions a child’s choice and desire, or is it the parents who are thinking of their ambitions or how they see a child’s future.
Alexei, besides all your athletic accomplishments, you’re also a father of two charming girls.
AY: Yes, a two-time father. And ready to become a three-time. Well, not immediately, as in nine months later, but Tatiana and I are discussing such plans. Since we both are still skating in shows… Tatiana is not alone, she is in pairs..
Q: But you do want more children?
AY: Tatiana is such a person, that she will not do something that will leave her partner without work. Since she is in pairs, and if she takes a maternity leave, obviously her partner, also an Olympic Champion, Maxim Marinin, will not be able to work. So when we make any personal plans, we also have to consider what Maxim’s plans and schedules are…
Q: Oh really, so that’s how it is…
AY: Yes, our families are interconnected, we both must consider it. Without Maxim Marinin Tatiana’s success would not be possible, so we all must coordinate between our families, to make sure that Maxim misses work oportunities as little as possible.
Q: And now let us move on to children and parental involvement. You have two girls, and they probably, as it is usually presumed, are figure skating.
AY: Yes, yes, I heard what you said before…
Q: You must have heard our interview with Irina Slutskaya, who gave us an interview an hour ago, and said “yes, of course, my children are figure skating”..
AY: No, I must have missed that…
Q: Yes, she said that she put her kids on the ice since they turned 4. So, let me just ask, are your girls figure skating?
AY: No.
Q: Why?
AY: Probably for the same reason, for example, why one of your son’s is not a foot-ball player..
Q: as in “the heart is not in it”?
AY: Yes, the hear is not in it. While they can sit there evening after evening watching their parents skate, I never heard they express any desire. Although, the youngest one Michele is only 3.5 years old, and perhaps next year, when the school year starts, she will join the ballet and rhythmic gymnastics groups. Because we see the trends, it is her leaning.
She wants to dance all the time. She uses gadgets to turn on different music all the time, to dance to. Her recent kick is dancing to the Russian National Anthem. She comes up to the voice-activated player and says “play the Sacred Land music”. Then she plays the Swan Lake, the Nutcracker, all sorts of compositions…
Q: So in other words she already wants to pick her own music, and you see her desire to dance, and the need for dancing lessons..
AY: Yes, it is in her.. the dancing, the acting..
Q: But then why gymnastics and not figure skating, there is ice dancing.. very interesting..
AY: I can explain….
Q: Yes, really, you’re in it already, you can help and advise, if not with competition, then with ice shows, they use children..
AY: the reality is, one becomes an ice dancer after one fails to be a successful singles skater.
Q: oh my! What did you just say…
AY: (to the interviewer) You know well enough, as a participant of Ice Age, where we told you all about the skating situation. One first starts as a single skater, if one fails then it is usually pairs, and if not good in pairs, then it is ice dance… and if you fail in dance, then you become a coach, and if you fail as a coach then you become a … (judge or a functionary)…
Q: watch it.. (laughs) your next Ice Age show has ice dancing…
AY: and they all started as singles skaters…. It is a very rare occasion when one skips singles venue and goes straight into ice dancing. So let’s say we’re done talking about my youngest one, Michele, and move on to the older daughter. The older one never every showed any inclination or love for figure skate. She played a bit of tennis, she did some swimming when she studied in France, and every summer she did rhythmic gymnastics. But… I did hear the earlier discussions you held at your studio (about parents and children’s activities)…
Q: What opinions you agreed or did not agree with?
AY: It is a difficult issue, no single answer. Of course there are some fanatical parents, who believe that if they are in a certain profession, then the child must follow the same steps. But then we never know what will happen with our kids and their future.. For example, I would not be where I am in life, if my mother did not decided to take me into sports, and by a simple accident chose figure skating, and yes, often forced me to skate…
Q: and you did not want to? Honestly, you did not really want to?
AY: to tell the truth, not particularly, there was no special love for skating. It was interesting somewhat, but the driving force was the ear load of “xxxxxxxxx”, which can not be said on air, that was given to me by parents at home for slaking off. Of course I would rather play ball…
Q: So there was pressure from parents?
AY: Let’s just talk about my and Tatiana’s parenting issues. First let us separate – sport as a recreational activity or a health benefit, and sport of high achievements and results. A sport for sake of health and recreation will always be made a part of our daughters’ life. I and Tatiana will never allow our daughters to just go to school and that’s all. There will always be recreational athletic activities..
Q: … for health, for good figure, for looks, they are girls after all.. When your mother brought you into figure skating, certainly she did not expect you to become a champion right then..
AY: … and I did not become a champion right then… One can never tell. While I am hard-core atheist, there is an old folk saying “if you want to make God laugh, tell him you have definite plans”.
A parent can never predict how a child’s activity will develop. But, my strong stand in life is – do not leave your child to his own devices, do not allow your child any unoccupied time, free of some activity or engagement.
Q: So in other words, you and Tatiana believe that your children’s time must be occupied 24/7.
AY: Yes, I believe that it is better to, what is called, “deprive one of a childhood” (kill the childhood) then to “deprive one of a successful future in adult hood” (to kill the future success).
Q: that’s a strong statement, we all need to digest. Let’s take a commercial break and then you will tell us further..
During the commercial break they continue to have a conversation, which is not heard on the radio segment, but the sound is on in the youtube feed.
Q: So what’s on your i-pad?
AY: Tatiana is waiting for me downstairs in the car, since we’re driving to St. Pete right after. She is not skating in that show, but keeping me company.
Q: Has she recovered from her leg injury?
AY: She just had yet another surgery in Germany. And then there is one more, on that knee, and hopefully it will be the last one needed.
Tatiana plans to do a show later this summer, but not this time. She’ll probably go see a ballet while I skate. I have a friend at the Kirov Ballet theatre, and Tatiana asked me to see if I can get her a ticket for a performance.
Q: How long will you stay in St. Pete?
AY: 7 days.
Q: And then? going to Sochi location for this show?
AY: We are not doing Sochi portion. We had a major break up in our cast (the group disintigrated).
Q: Are you serious?
AY: Yes, we had a global break up, our cast fell apart.
Q: No joke?
AY: Every member had some kind of a gripe/issue with some other member; each one has that one unpleasant character they can’t get alone with. For example, Tatiana (wife) can not stand to deal with Domnina and Kostomarov. I see the situation as … (at this point producer blocks the story with music).
Q: We’re back on air. Today our discussion is about child’s hobby and activities. Should the child chose, or is it up to the parents. Do the parents plan for the future with expectations when they select a hobby for their child. We also have an on-line vote taking place from the listeners. The question posed “Hobbies. Who should chose, child or parents”. It’s an important issue we’re trying to figure out.
Again, with us today, is Alexei Yagudin. Alexei, before the break, you made an affirmative statement, that you and Tanya unshakeable decided that you will “kill your children’s childhood, but they will not spend one minute without an activity”. Please explain, why?
AY: I am not taking my words back, yes that’s how it will be. But it does not exactly mean that “they will not have a child-hood”.
Q: … they will have a “child-hood” but it will be well planned/supervised?
AY: Tatiana and I are designing our own type of fairy-tale life for our daughters. We believe that children must have as little as possible unoccupied time. What we do put emphasis on, first of all, is education. We help them with mathematics, English, Spanish. The main accent is on education, that’s the priority. An person with smarts and education will always be in demand, any time, any place. Then there is a matter of free time, free from education. For example my oldest daughter Lisa, spent 2 and half years in French school.
Q: What is “free time” to you?
AY: It is the time not occupied by school and school work.
Q: and then “other education” begins?
AY: Look, what I am basically saying, that it is best to make a push while they are young, to shape and form the direction… Like the question posed to the audience “Who should chose, a child or parents”. Well, Tatiana and I both unquestionably believe, and actually were talking about this in the car on the way here, that at the age of 4 or 5 a child is not capable of making a right decision.
We, parents, never know where the road will lead them when we take them to sports, arts, music or science classes.. But it is best to push while they are young, so that certain things are formed, to have your child try himself in as many activities/directions as possible. Because when they are young, they absorb better. It is that time in their life when they can learn as much as possible and grab all the knowledge they can. It’s not good to lose this time when you can learn so many different things… athletic or educational…
Q: So you pretty much saying that you need to give your child “basics”..
AY: Yes, the basics, and push them into it, push, push, push. Because later, when they get older, your tough influence over them is reduced… and when I say “tough” I don’t mean “brutal”..
Q: But some psychologists say that “push, push, push” in an authoritarian fashion, is not a good method for the child.. that a child must be free to roam, stretch for the sun, play with grass, blah, blah, blah… generally speaking. Are you not afraid to overload your child?
AY: No, I am not afraid.
Q: What do you mean?
AY: Just that, I am not afraid.
Q: And what if by the age of 18 a child is burnt out, does not want to do anything?
AY: There is not reason to let your child roam free, so that later when a teenager you have to take him to a drug rehab, while being proud “that we gave him freedom earlier”..
Q: But what if you push, push, push, and he just gives up.. or even runs away from home..
AY: it should not be accomplished with a belt or punishment, the chosen activities must the ones that your child enjoys..
Q: so, ok….. let’s say you made a schedule for your child, school and activities, and as the year goes by, you child says his heart is not in this or that activity. How will you handle it? Will you isten to your child’s wish, let him quit, offer something else, or force him to continue?
AY: Ok, let me give you an example. My oldest daughter Lisa for the past year, or even longer, wanted to take dance lessons. So we brought her into the “Todes” dance school. She trained there, until this March we noticed she is not interested, and she said that she no longer wants to. Naturally I and Tatiana said to her “Lisa, lets finish this semester/session and then we can talk about trying another activity”.
Q: And did she finish the session?
AY: yes, and now that the youngest one wants to study ballet (at the same school) and rhythmic gymnastics, the older one wants to return to the dance school, just into another group for older girls. Kids are kids, today they want to paint or sing, next day they don’t, and then they want to again.
Now I know, that neither one of them will become a ballerina, or a gymnastics champion. I’ll remind again, there is a difference between “high achievement sports” and “recreational”.
(Commercial break again. Informal conversation about shows in Crimea, kids and gadgets, etc.)
Q: Let’s go back to your childhood. As a child, did you not want to be out on the streets, taking a breath of fresh air, chasing a ball, instead of being stuck at an ice rink the whole time, run around, run but not on skates?
AY: You don’t have to ask me twice for me to tell that yes, of course, I wanted to go out with the boys and play ball. To go to the woods camping with school friends.
Q: And did you ever do it? What it be so bad if you did?
AY: Yes, I did it once or twice…. But if I did what I wanted, and not what had to be done, then right now I would be nothing.
And a big thank you to my mother who “killed my childhood”, because thanks to her, I now have everything, what I have now, and what I will have in the future.
Now we live in the “post-Soviet” times, where people still have the mentality of thinking they have the right to tell others how to live. I spit on the opinion of others how Tatiana and I should raise our children. For example now that Lisa and Michele both decided that they want to dance, it brought them closer together. Before they were not as close, you know, two kids competing for parents’ attention..
Also, now my oldest, Lisa, wants to develop her own computer game. That’s her latest. Or do something in IT, maybe develop her own youtube channel. So now, besides dance and gymnastics, we will arrange additional private elecytronics/IT classes and computer programming.
Q: Let me run by you a story, with my friends, and let’s see what you think about it. It is a true story, but no names. My friends have a daughter, she studied abroad, finished school, now it was time to chose where to go for higher education. She was given a choice to study in any country of the world, at any University of choice. Yet she told her parents “No! I don’t want to. I don’t want to study further. I know what to do next”.
AY: and what was it?
Q: She saved some money, found some investors, and opened her own, very small private florist business. She is very successful at it. She says that there is nothing else that she’d rather do. Does not want to study a day longer, just do her flower arrangements. That if she ever decides she can go and study later, but for now flowers is all she wants to do, it is her life and she is good at it. And her parents let her. And she is happy and she is successful, but yes, she did not continue her studies..
AY: I get what you’re asking, a while back.. And I will say “good for her parents. Praise to them for that decision”. But lets not forget this girl was an adult, and we are talking about very young children.
Q: But that girl was only 17…
AY: And that is not a child.
Q: And what if your child said to you “I don’t want to go to colloge”?
AY: But she is already 17… and she is not a child.
Q: So, if you girls come to you and say they don’t want to study, after all the activities you provided them with in childhood, and probably in expectation that they will go to university, and yet they say they don’t want to. Will you accept?
AY: Yes, because when they are 15-16-17….
Q: So at 15 is a cut off when you will stop insisting?
AY: Please go back and look at the subject of our discussion today, it states “children”. At 17 they are not children.
Q: Some think that even at 40 one is still a child.. Have you never heard such?
AY: Then it is parents’ fault that at the age of 17-18 one still considers oneself a child, it’s even worst if one is 40.. It’s their tragedy. It’s the parents who screwed up if their kid at such age still lives in La-La-Land..
Q: So at what age a parent should let go?
AY: Of course, in each specific case it is somewhat individual, each parent should be able to tell. In case of the flower girl, I see no problem - she came to her parents with a concrete business plan, not just “I don’t want to study, but don’t know what I want to do”.. But this girl was given good basics, she developed a good head on her shoulders, she came with a specific activity she wanted to engage in, and she is, as you said, a success. So no, in this case it is not a problem.
Q: The only reason I asked you about this situation is because when a parent hears that a child does not want to go to college, it is a big mental blow to the parent. All that is invested, all that is planed. It hits you hard when you hear that your kid does not want to study, as we come from generations when education is also prestigious. If you don’t get a higher education, you’ll end up under a fence (on a skid row).
AY: The primary/main education is in the 12-year programme. After that they can chose what to do next. It all depends on a situation.
Q: Let’s say, if hypothetically, you and Tanka are strong/resilient people, but your child is not, he is weak and can’t handle it all, what then?
AY: What do you mean by “weak”? in the brain, or physically? Again, I believe that if a child is “weak”, it is the parents’ fault. When kids are “weak”, it means they have weak parents, who could not build a strong character in their children (could not raise their kids strong).
Q: So in other words, you believe that all are born with equal abilities, and it is a matter of upbringing?
AY: Yes, with some plus/minus specifics. If a child is failing at something, it is pretty much parents’ fault. It is all on parents, because they are the ones at the child’s side at the beginning of his life. It is the parents who are the primary influence. It is they who direct, and either say “you must do it”, or “do what you want, how you want it, just be free and happy, la-la-la-la..”… and then you get….. well… I can’t say what I want to say on the air.. Yes, that’s how the problems start (when parents do not guide). Again I am not suggesting “rude/rough methods” but “tough/demanding methods”. Then, when your kid finishes high-school, you can be proud that you’ve raised a respectable member of society, and not some punk who chased balls on the streets all his young life or whatever BS he was engaged in.
Q: Oh, there now must be several psychologists, and also listeners, who are now sharpening their teeth against you. Your methods are quite Spartan. Plus, there are some back-yard ball chasers who grow up to become big-name footballers.
(Commercial break, private discussion continues):
Q: someone sent a message “it is never too late to study. Very few after college work in the field of their major.”
Back to an earlier question. If a child is born mentally weak, and can’t handle the activities/pressure, should one still insist/push him?
AY: In my book? Yes.
Q: But some say the psychic might breaks down, some one of weak construction….
AY: You can take any piece of shit and make something of him. There are no totally hopeless situations. My mother used to wake me up at 4 am for years, and I was a stubborn kid…
(music turned on, conversation is blocked).
Q: We’re back in the studio with Alexei Yagudin, and he has some strong opinions.
Earlier when we talked to parents about choosing activites for their kids, some told us that such activities take up time and effort, some parents don’t have the time, or want to spend that time on them selves. Some way “I have my own life to live”.
When you plan you kids’ activities, you take them yourselves, or do you have nannies or helpers? If you take them yourselves, how do you find time given how busy you both are professionally?
AY: First of all, the term “I could not find time to do something important” does not exist in my vocabulary.
Q: That’s what my physics teacher used to say! And that taught me a good lesson for life. When someone complained that he/she did not have time to finish homework, she used to say “a day does not consist of just 24 hours. A day consists of the amount of hours that you need to take care of all your business”. She taught me well.
AY: She is absolutely right. As far as my kids’ activities, the transport and the attendance, of course we have a private driver who is helpful.
I am personally very busy and everyone here knows how busy I am and work non-stop. So if my daughter wakes up early in the morning and needs to go to a class or a group, I can help her wake up, but will not drive her myself. After all, I am the main bread winner in the family. And yes, when need to, there is a driver, and we also have a nanny..
Q: But there are some parents who are also busy with work, but can’t afford a driver or a nanny.. of course maybe they can do something to improve the situation and do better..
AY: (continues to listed to the question).
Q: At the same time, there are many after school activities and classes provided by the schools themselves… like my daughter goes at her school. They stay on school grounds and activities are right there.
So back to parents, some are too lazy to spend time on it, some can’t afford but not trying to do better…… it’s on parents, right?
AY: Children’s setbacks are all on parents’ shoulders. I think it is nonsense to blame a child.
Q: So, earlier you said “my kids will not be professional athletes”.
AY: When did I say that? I said “I will not insist or push, but they can if they want to”.
Q: … you mean you will not push them into it yourself, right?
AY: I said this: “sports for health – mandatory”, “sports professionally – if they want to”. After they complete their education, if they have a wish to continue in sports, I will help and support them.
Q: How do you feel about “professional dynasties”, in sports, in music, in arts… Sometimes you see a singer from a singing dynasty and notice that the nature has overlooked him as far as talent. And yet the parents keep pushing him, because they will not allow that the kid does not follow their footsteps. It happens in all areas, arts, sports… How do you feel about it?
AY: Look, even today, you were surprised how our girls do not figure skating, since we both successful figure skaters. People must think “they have our genes”.. And I say to people that maybe our kids have our genes, but they do not want to figure skate.
Q: What I am talking about is when parents try to satisfy their own ambitions through their children. Some don’t care if their kid does not like it, they said so, and kid must do it. What if a talented musician is born into the family of neurosurgeons, and parents want him to pick up a scalpel and become like them..
AY: But you don’t hand a scalpel to a 4-year old.. Our conversation is about children, and yes, children should be directed. We see many professional dynasties, in sports and arts, where kids follow the foot-steps and do quite well, and then there are some that don’t…
Q: When I had my daughter, I had my fantasy, how she’ll become a big star in tennis; how I will travel with her all over the world, how she’ll win every grand-slam trophy… And when she was 3 years old, I brought her to the tennis court, for a lesson. And her coach was a huge, tall, giant man. And there she stands, hardly bigger than the tennis racket. And I am talking to the coach about her future, and he says to me “hold it mother dear, she is very little”. She did very well for 3 years, the coach was happy, and then at 6 years of age she said “mother, I rather take dance lessons”. So I did what she asked. Few years later and now she plays tennis with joy, just for her self, but with joy. Now that she is not pressured, she enjoys it. And with dancing, it became crazy….. now she has a knee injury, but she won’t stop dancing and dances with her hands, what can you do..
(commercial break).
Q: We’re back. Discussing same issue: child and activities, who should chose, parent or child.
I would like to read you a story we received from the listener. Viktoria has 4 children. One daughter is now 17, and when she was 4 she started in gymnastics. Then on year later she wanted to quit and I let her. Then years later she started to blame me for not keeping her in this sport. She is now blaming mother for not being tough with her, as she regrets the missed opportunity, now wants to be a gymnast but it is too late. what do you have to say about that?
I think there is a fine line, in what case to make what decision. That’s the most important function of parents, to be able to tell when pushing is needed and when not.. When it is laziness, when it is a momentary feeling, when it is puberty, and when it is serious.. Psychology is a complicated matter. Alexei, you feel that parents should direct, no matter what.
AY: Not always “not matter what”. Here, sitting at this round-table discussion, I want to remind that we live in the post-Soviet society where everyone likes to tell another what to do and how to live. Every comment is viewed as “advise to others”.
We, Tatiana and i, do not think like that. We are not telling others how to raise their kids. We are only sharing our personal decision. Others are free to raise their kids how they see fit.
Q: And what about psychologists? Should they be giving their advice? Or do you think they are wrong?
AY: There are no ideal solutions. It’s like a stock market, something is up, something is down. All depends on the competence of those giving advise. There are charlatans who “read the stars”…
Q: But we’re not talking about them, we’re talking about psychologists..
AY: There are all sorts who feel qualified to give advise. Tatiana and I think it should be done this way. How others chose to raise their kids, is absolutely none of our business.
Back to the girl who quit gymnastics and now is blaming her mother. Well, you see, she was not pushed/directed, and now she regrets it. If she was pushed, there was still no guarantee she’d succeed. And yet maybe she would… Now we’ll never know, and you can never tell. None of us can even predict what will happen tomorrow. But one phrase is the key, and you said it earlier – all the responsibility sits on parents’ shoulders. All the responsibility for the child is on them. And if every parent realizes it, and follows it, then there will be at least some kind of result for their child.
Q: I would like to now announce the results of the on-line vote from our listeners: 80% said the child should choose the activities, and 19% said it should be parents (with 1% not sure).
AY: And that’s how it should be, each family should select for themselves. The most important thing is, that when your child grows up, he/she comes to you and says “Thank you mother/father, for making the right decisions which allowed me to become successful in life”.
Q: Well, let’s meet years from now and you’ll tell me about your daughters. People often tell me too “oh, look how busy your kids are, won’t they get tired?”. They will not get tired, as long as you make it fun for them, and it is done in a way that they lose the desire, that love for the activity… and that’s the most important.
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Alexei also said (about making skaters of his daughters):
