Coughlin's Former Pairs Partner Alleges He Abused Her

[okokok777]

John's close friends were not responsible for how badly their grief was missinterrupted by the survivors. You are saying they have a right to grieve...but not on social media? Everything is done on social media nowadays. It is called freedom of speech. It is very inappropriate to attack them. There is a time and place for everything. As far as safesport is concerned they should have kept investigating and got complete stories from all the victims at this point any contacts or reports which were given to USFS or coaches or rink personnel should be investigated and blame attributed in order to prevent future happenings and to give justice to the survivors. USFS if found they were aware should be responsible for any monetary expenses of therapy and treatment for the victims and the dismissal of any staff still remaining who knew. There could have been 1 victim instead of 10.

I never said theu don't have the "right" to mourn on social media. I said they didn't "have to" mourn on social media. Why not refrain from posting until you have more information? JC was given an interim restriction by SafeSport about one month before his death. They knew that he was being investigated. They knew that SafeSport has exclusive jurisdiction over allegations of sexual misconduct. They knew that there was a very high likelihood that there were survivors of sexual abuse. They chose to post anyway.

Secondly, these members of the skating community (including John's close friends) could have EASILY found out about the nature of the allegations if they wanted to. They could have found out as early as December when they realized he was being investigated by SafeSport. They either chose not to or decided that they didn't believe the survivor.

While I agree that an investigation should be completed, I understand why SafeSport is refusing (policy, resources, etc.). Why can't the USFS hire a third party investigator?

 

[clairecloutier]

You obviously don't know pairs. At the lower levels there are far more girls trying to find a partner than boys. Likely because there are more girls skating and pairs gives them options. As teams progress and girls get real pairs experience doing difficult elements, the field narrows quickly. Finding and selecting the right partnership is very difficult as you progress through the levels to elite. The girls are very talented and quite fearless. The comment that pairs men are treated like royalty and get away with wrong doing is totally unfounded.

Inferring that USFSA doesn't hold male pairs accountable is a ridiculous statement. That "Rooster in a hen house" statement is offensive.

So you disagree with SafeSport's assessment, as stated in this March article? (see quote below)

The U.S. Center for SafeSport delivered a chilling assessment of sexual misconduct in the sport of figure skating Monday morning, saying that in the course of its work on sexual misconduct allegations against the late national pairs champion John Coughlin, as well as other figure skating cases, it discovered “a culture in figure skating that allowed grooming and abuse to go unchecked for too long."

SafeSport spokesman Dan Hill said in a phone interview that SafeSport has become aware of these issues “with the reports we have been seeing and the anecdotal stories and evidence we have been receiving. Without getting into the specifics of any particular person, we have had people want to explain how the sport works, with concerns about how young women in particular are treated, especially in pairs skating."

 

[Perky Shae Lynn]

I never said theu don't have the "right" to mourn on social media. I said they didn't "have to" mourn on social media. Why not refrain from posting until you have more information?

Social media is the way people express themselves these days. In this case, those close to John were in absolute shock. Someone they loved died, unexpectedly, by his own hand, at a young age. A measured approach would be great, but unrealistic. They were paying tribute to the person THEY KNEW. Doesn't mean they were mosters who did not care about the possible victims. Not that you are implying that at all, but some people are taking their anger with the "supporters" too far. Just as some people are resorting to victim blaming (and blaming the victims family on top of it)... This is a rough situation all around, with no winners.

 

[PairSkater12345]

So you disagree with SafeSport's assessment, as stated in this March article? (see quote below)

Yup! You can find abuse in any sport, but to describe individual wrong doing as a culture in pairs figure skating is incorrect.

 

[okokok777]

Social media is the way people express themselves these days. In this case, those close to John were in absolute shock. Someone they loved died, unexpectedly, by his own hand, at a young age. A measured approach would be great, but unrealistic. They were paying tribute to the person THEY KNEW. Doesn't mean they were mosters who did not care about the possible victims. Not that you are implying that at all, but some people are taking their anger with the "supporters" too far. Just as some people are resorting to victim blaming (and blaming the victims family on top of it)... This is a rough situation all around, with no winners.

Thank you for your response. As you stated, it's not my intention to paint them as "monsters". I guess my main issue is, they could have gathered more information very easily. Hell, they could have learned the names of the survivors and reached out if they wanted to. Most didn't.

Why not apologize now? Why don't they use their social media platforms to support the survivors - the same way they used it to grieve for their abuser?

 

[kwanfan1818]

Why can't the USFS hire a third party investigator?

Be careful what you wish for: a third-party investigator can be a third-party that an entity hires to protect its own interests and gauge the risk of liability. It's a go-to plan for corporations and organizations.

What you'd seek is an independent investigator, and, preferably, not funded by USFS, which should be investigated itself.

 

[Deleted member 221]

I hope his focus is on dealing with systemic issues in the culture of the sport[....]

Yes, agreed.

USFS needs to make sure that the sport is safe for everyone who engages in it, especially those who are most vulnerable to abuse. It needs to train skaters, coaches and parents to recognize subtle signs that something may be wrong, and to encourage them to take action.

The situation would seem ridiculous to any outsider. Male and female teenager in close physical contact through training. Both with limited exposure to schooling or friends/activities outside of skating and (if I can say so) immature for their ages. Both living in a bubble where the male skaters are, on average, 3-5+ years older than the female skaters. That's high risk to begin with. Then, each of their parents and their coach consented to them living under the same roof and spending virtually all day together. Did no one see the risk in this?

John Coughlin acted inappropriately, for sure. He victimized Namiotka, whether he intended to or not. Is he a monster? I'm not sure. There are mitigating factors: he was in an isolated situation, he did not have much schooling, his "peer" group included men his age or older and females who are (on average) 3-5+ years younger. He participated in a sport with a long history of teenage girls having sex with or even marrying much older partners. He may have primed Namiotka, but did the system of pairs skating prime him? Again, I'm not excusing any behavior - only trying to put it in context, to determine degree of wrongdoing.

In addition to everything you've said, I think the USFS, other federations, the PSA, and coaches need to take a much stronger stance on:
-- absolute ban on pairs and dance partners living under the same roof while one is a minor (unless family)
-- real schooling
-- social life / activities outside of skating

In this instance, I do wonder whether pursuit of the dream lead some to (with the best of intentions) make tragic decisions for everyone, most especially those abused.

 

[nlloyd]

Yup! You can find abuse in any sport, but to describe individual wrong doing as a culture in pairs figure skating is incorrect.

How, then, do you explain the outpouring of support for Coughlin by the skating community (including the PSA) despite the fact that he had been investigated by SafeSport and been given an interim suspension? To me this speaks to a pervasive issue i.e. the possibility that the skating community knew about these relationships and simply viewed them as normal. This indicates a culture of acceptance and would explain why very few even considered the possibility that Coughlin was guilty, and many praised him unstintingly.

 

[MK's Winter]

Edited because that was supposed to be a separate post.

Aren't most male pairs skaters given preferential treatment . Do coaches and USFSA fail to hold them accountable for there actions because of the shortage of male skating partners? It reminds me of high school and college football stars. They are treated like royalty and get away with all kinds of wrong doing. This gives them big egos and makes them think they are above the law. A straight male skater can be a rooster in a hen house.

Exactly this. Female pair skaters get the crap end of the stick. They are easily replaceable compared to males. A good male pair skater is treated like a king. Female pair skaters are a dime a dozen. Look at Caitlyn Yankowskas. Sixth in the world/National champion didn’t really do her any favors. Tryouts happen behind skaters backs all of the time. Yankowskas was aware of secret tryouts leading up to worlds that year. And she was one of the best. I can’t even imagine what it’s like for others. Talk about a horrible power imbalance. Imagine skating with that stress everyday.

 

[MsZem]

John Coughlin acted inappropriately, for sure. He victimized Namiotka, whether he intended to or not. Is he a monster? I'm not sure. There are mitigating factors: he was in an isolated situation, he did not have much schooling, his "peer" group included men his age or older and females who are (on average) 3-5+ years younger. He participated in a sport with a long history of teenage girls having sex with or even marrying much older partners. He may have primed Namiotka, but did the system of pairs skating prime him? Again, I'm not excusing any behavior - only trying to put it in context, to determine degree of wrongdoing.

It seems like the most charitable interpretation of John Coughlin's actions, at this point, is indeed that he had grown up within a culture that normalized certain behaviors and didn't realize that what he was doing was abusive. And this is the least damning interpretation, not the most likely one or an excuse for any of it.

I think the USFS, other federations, the PSA, and coaches need to take a much stronger stance on:
-- absolute ban on pairs and dance partners living under the same roof while one is a minor (unless family)
-- real schooling
-- social life / activities outside of skating

These are good suggestions.

 

[PRlady]

In my era, 18-year-old guys dating 15-year-old girls was not abnormal. Everyone said boys mature more slowly than girls as an explanation. At 15, I had a 19-year-old boyfriend; I remember sitting with him on a hill at camp listening to the Vietnam draft lottery....he got a bad number and was very upset.

No we didn’t sleep together, and maybe I’d look back on it differently if we did. By today’s standards it was wrong, but not back then.

This is just for context, not excusing what happened.

 

[canbelto]

This is NOT to excuse Coughlin's actions at all, and I think the victim-blaming is disgusting, as are the coy attempts to "out" possible accusers in this thread and other previous closed threads.

But another part of pairs skating/ice dancing that makes me queasy is how much the media loves romance and love stories. "Lovers on and off the ice" is a favorite term. Always trying to package romance into the programs. I think that can lead to pressure to present this "romantic" version of themselves on ice that leads to off-ice boundary issues. Everyone thought it was so adorable that even as juniors Tessa and Scott were doing very lovey dovey programs.

Again, this isn't a cause of anyone becoming an abuser. But I do see how if you're a teen in an elite pair for pairs or ice dancing this could lead to internalized pressure to stay quiet, as people start believing in your "love story" the minute you step on the ice together.

 

[MK's Winter]

Everyone should be sad at a loss of life. Even if these actions did happen (I am not suggesting they did not) when he was younger there were many people who loved him or considered him a dear friend and they have the right to grieve his passing and express this if they feel the need. They are showing their respect for the relationship they had with him as is their right.

People who knew John Coughlin can certainly be sad. I will never deny anyone that. I just think it should have been a conversation with a parent or a grief counselor that should have been provided by the USFS. I get social media is the new norm- I just don’t feel every emotion has to be expressed on it. Especially on a topic of this complexity. It leaves them open to criticism (freedom of speech works both ways on public platforms) for a situation that many of them probably couldn’t even process yet. 140 Twitter characters can not replace conversations, processing of emotions, and dealing with those feelings.

The skating world is insular and these athletes are certainly lacking in certain social skills. That’s pretty much due to training schedules and the fact that they give up childhood normalcy. They give up social experience on some levels. It’s a factor I try to consider. There are some skaters I am able to look at and say- you don’t know any better. And others like Chris Kneirm- where I shake my head. Because he should know better.

 

[okokok777]

People who knew John Coughlin can certainly be sad. I will never deny anyone that. I just think it should have been a conversation should have been had with a parent or a grief counselor that should have been provided by the USFS. I get social media is the new norm- I just don’t feel every emotion has to be expressed on it. Especially on a topic of this complexity. It leaves them open to criticism of others (freedom of speech works both ways on public platforms) for a situation that many of them probably couldn’t even process yet. 140 Twitter characters can not replace conversations, the processing of emotions, and dealing with those feelings.

The skating world is insular and these athletes are certainly lacking in certain social skills. That’s pretty much due to training schedules and the fact that they give up childhood normalcy. They give up social experience on some levels. It’s a factor I try to consider. There are some skaters I am able to look at and say- you don’t know any better. And others like Chris Kneirm- where I shake my head. Because he should know better.

Great post - thank you.

I apologize if I ever come off as unnecessarily insensitive. I know that people loved John and that his death really impacted them.

I also know several survivors whose careers, relationships and mental health were severely impacted by John's actions. Women who will spend their lives in therapy to deal with what John and the skating community put them through. Women who have dealt with and continue to deal with very scary thoughts about self-harm.

I'm not an elite level skater and even I found out their identities and learned of their experiences with relative ease. I know for a fact that many of the skaters who posted tributes knew the identity of at least one survivor. Those who didn't could have found it easily enough.

 

[Barbara Manatee]

If survivors haven't come out publicly, wouldn't it be wildly inappropriate for others to seek out their identities and approach them, even with the best of intentions? I think that could be quite frightening and intimidating for someone who has chosen anonymity.

 

[overedge]

People who knew John Coughlin can certainly be sad. I will never deny anyone that. I just think it should have been a conversation with a parent or a grief counselor that should have been provided by the USFS. I get social media is the new norm- I just don’t feel every emotion has to be expressed on it. Especially on a topic of this complexity. It leaves them open to criticism (freedom of speech works both ways on public platforms) for a situation that many of them probably couldn’t even process yet. 140 Twitter characters can not replace conversations, processing of emotions, and dealing with those feelings.

Not to mention the pressure, explicit or implicit, to be on social media if you are a "public figure" - especially if you're in an expensive sport and a social media presence might lead to sponsorships or other support. I completely agree that not everything has to be on social media, but I also look at USFS and other organizations who are all "follow us on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc. etc., and go behind the scenes with our athletes!" I can't help but wonder if some of the athletes who posted after Coughlin's death thought that it would look worse if they *didn't* post something,

 

[platniumangel]

Please don't start with the baseless speculation.



I believe Bridget had or perhaps still has pancreatitis.

Yes, Bridget has suffered from pancreatitis since she was a young child. A few flare ups per year that required hospitalization even when training. I remember seeing Facebook posts where she referenced how she was dealing with Anorexia and some other challenges. Though those posts were from several years ago.

 

[MK's Winter]

Great post - thank you.

I apologize if I ever come off as unnecessarily insensitive. I know that people loved John and that his death really impacted them.

I also know several survivors whose careers, relationships and mental health were severely impacted by John's actions. Women who will spend their lives in therapy to deal with what John and the skating community put them through. Women who have dealt with and continue to deal with very scary thoughts about self-harm.

I'm not an elite level skater and even I found out their identities and learned of their experiences with relative ease. I know for a fact that many of the skaters who posted tributes knew the identity of at least one survivor. Those who didn't could have found it easily enough.

No apologies necessary at all. I am unfortunately aware as well. I was never an elite skater but i still speak with my former coach. I only wanted to speak to the aspect of- the social lacking and the automatic run to social media. Mervin Tran addressed it perfectly imo. Not all have his level of insight and he took some time to think on it. I just wanted to point out that these skaters should have talked this out before running to social media. I am of an age where think before you speak still applies.

 

[MK's Winter]

Not to mention the pressure, explicit or implicit, to be on social media if you are a "public figure" - especially if you're in an expensive sport and a social media presence might lead to sponsorships or other support. I completely agree that not everything has to be on social media, but I also look at USFS and other organizations who are all "follow us on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc. etc., and go behind the scenes with our athletes!" I can't help but wonder if some of the athletes who posted after Coughlin's death thought that it would look worse if they *didn't* post something,

That last line is important.

 

[feraina]

In the first article linked to in his thread, the accuser is quoted as saying ‘[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.870588)]Grooming happens. It happened to me and he hurt a lot of girls.’[/COLOR]

The term ‘child grooming’ was not really in common use when I was in my teens and 20’s, so I looked it up:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_grooming
I feel like there’s a really fine line in this case, between having a consensual relationship and child grooming. He was barely an adult himself moving in with her family at 18. It’s unlikely he really had the experience or maturity to manipulate her parents into letting him move in, just so that he can sexually abuse their daughter (that’s what the definition of grooming sounds like from Wikipedia). Speaking of the power imbalance, he was the 18 year old living far away from his parents (probably for the first time ever), and so her parents probably had most of the power in that relationship. It seems probable the main purpose (of moving in) for everyone was to skate and pursue their joint skating career, and they must have worked really hard on that to accomplish as much as they did.

My best friend in high school was a sophomore when she started dating a senior; but being precocious she skipped a grade and so was not quite 15 when he turned 18 (and they were sexually active) — about the same difference as Namiotka and Coughlin, and it also lasted about two years. Is that grooming or a consensual relationship? As the younger party, if you thought it was consensual at the time, what kind of factors would make you decide later it was instead grooming?

I’m also asking because in my late teens and early 20’s, I dated a few much older men. Some of them caused me a lot of grief and none of them worked out long term, but I’ve also had some very bad experiences with some guys my age or slightly younger (luckily I’m married to a great guy now).

Some people are accusing Dalilah of withholding information. But if the parents didn’t notice anything strange when they all lived together, why would a coach who worked with them primarily on skating a couple hours a day notice anything? She might have reacted more considerate toward the accusers after Coughlin’s death, but I don’t think one needs to necessarily attribute nefarious intentions to her in not reporting anything to begin with as their coach (was she even their coach at the time?). I’m also curious why people think it was USFSA’s fault in whatever happened between Coughlin and Namiotka. If her parents didn’t notice anything, who else was in a position to notice or report anything? What is the solution to the problem, to the extent that they are systematic? Is it to ban pairs skating? Or ban the partnerships where the age difference is too big when the girl is below a certain age? Or ban partners from living with each other? Or ban consensual relationships altogether? I think the latest USFSA guidelines already ban all formation of new consensual relationships (only existing relationships are allowed) among all people associated with USFSA, right? Whether skaters, parents, coaches, staff, or volunteers.

 

[VGThuy]

I have a feeling it's not just the age difference with both partners being of high school age and older that is causing Bridget to look at her experience with John as a traumatic one. The fact that there are multiple women coming out and he was being investigated due to at least three unrelated reports tell me something as well.

Regarding skaters needing to apologize, I think the problem I am having is that a lot of these skaters of getting a disproportionate amount of blame because people are angry at the actions of John Coughlin and then the likes of Delilah Sappenfield and Tara Modlin and others who were aggressively attacking the accusers. The amount of conflating actions and treating skaters who were not involved and were only reacting to the news that hit them like a mack truck over someone they knew personally as if they themselves committing the crimes, hiding it, and then cursing them out by those who if you look at their social media posts look like people with some real axes to grind and get off on "teaching people" I believe reeks of something less-than-admirable and is NOT the way to go if you really want restorative justice.

 

[overedge]

@feraina USFS is at fault for not having effective policies or procedures that skaters like Namiotka could have used when they felt they were being abused. If there are 10 skaters out there who had similar experiences to Namiotka, then USFS also is at fault for allowing a culture in the sport where that many repeated incidents could happen without being reported or addressed.

And sorry, while I get what you are saying about grooming maybe looking like something else if people are young or inexperienced or naive, 10 separate allegations of similar behaviour IMO suggests someone knowing what they were doing.

 

[PRlady]

To answer the post about what can be done, I’m no expert. It seems to me to be common sense to prohibit pair/dance couples living together, including at patents’ homes, if one member is underage.

It also seems obvious to train coaches, sports doctors and other authority figures for skaters to identify and report. I also think mandatory education of skaters of both sexes when they turn 18 about leaving younger skaters alone would be useful.

 

[VGThuy]

To answer the post about what can be done, I’m no expert. It seems to me to be common sense to prohibit pair/dance couples living together, including at patents’ homes, if one member is underage.

It also seems obvious to train coaches, sports doctors and other authority figures for skaters to identify and report. I also think mandatory education of skaters of both sexes when they turn 18 about leaving younger skaters alone would be useful.

Your first situation is making me think of ice dance teams or pairs team that have that dynamic. I know of at least one currently competing team that has that dynamic but both are underaged and have been living together for about two years at this point. I think maybe the USFS or skating coaches/clubs should help partners who have to move far from home team up with families/households willing to sponsor athletes by housing them. Of course, maybe that's like hoping for a magical unicorn throwing gold coins everywhere.

 

[PairSkater12345]

How, then, do you explain the outpouring of support for Coughlin by the skating community (including the PSA) despite the fact that he had been investigated by SafeSport and been given an interim suspension? To me this speaks to a pervasive issue i.e. the possibility that the skating community knew about these relationships and simply viewed them as normal. This indicates a culture of acceptance and would explain why very few even considered the possibility that Coughlin was guilty, and many praised him unstintingly.

Support for a friend doesn't mean cover-up more like not judging. What you're really saying is that most of the pairs guys and there support community condone a deplorable culture...no way.

 

[Deleted member 221]

I feel like there’s a really fine line in this case, between having a consensual relationship and child grooming. He was barely an adult himself moving in with her family at 18. It’s unlikely he really had the experience or maturity to manipulate her parents into letting him move in, just so that he can sexually abuse their daughter (that’s what the definition of grooming sounds like from Wikipedia). Speaking of the power imbalance, he was the 18 year old living far away from his parents (probably for the first time ever), and so her parents probably had most of the power in that relationship. It seems probable the main purpose (of moving in) for everyone was to skate and pursue their joint skating career, and they must have worked really hard on that to accomplish as much as they did.

I think you make some valid points, and I agree that it's important to look at this in context and acknowledge that there are degrees of wrongdoing.

That said, for me it's very clear that this:
-- is unethical / wrong, even if it was legal and consensual (unclear whether it was either)
-- violates SafeSport and PSA standards
-- is very different than two normal teenagers because (1) they were in, essentially, a "business" relationship together, one in which male skaters are in high demand, short supply, and have opportunity to leverage that to their advantage, and (2) they were living in the same house. Namiotka's ability to walk away from this situation without adverse consequences was SEVERELY restricted compared to your friend's or any normal teenager's. (I do agree with you that others bear some blame for putting her in that situation to begin with.)

Some people are accusing Dalilah of withholding information. But if the parents didn’t notice anything strange when they all lived together, why would a coach who worked with them primarily on skating a couple hours a day notice anything?

One person's blind spot does not mean everyone should turn a blind eye toward something. Thankfully, the PSA and Safe Sport are abundantly clear on mandatory reporting obligations, regardless of what the parents notice or think.

There was another situation in the not-too-distant past when an underage skater was having a relationship with a much older coach, and the skater's parent was completely fine with it. Nevertheless, the coach was reported and banned - as he should have been.

 

[bardtoob]

It just made me realize that one of the most revered pairs team that married in skating history had about the same age difference and were competing together at the same age.

 

[judiz]

Support for a friend doesn't mean cover-up more like not judging. What you're really saying is that most of the pairs guys and there support community condone a deplorable culture...no way.

The problem came with certain skaters and fans posting that John was innocent, he couldn’t have done it, it was a lie, he was too nice to do anything, he was being denied his right to defend himself, he was denied his right to face his accuser, he should had been allowed to coach, his livelihood shouldn’t had been taken from him and that all allegations of sexual abuse are lies.

 

[Coco]

This is NOT to excuse Coughlin's actions at all, and I think the victim-blaming is disgusting, as are the coy attempts to "out" possible accusers in this thread and other previous closed threads.

But another part of pairs skating/ice dancing that makes me queasy is how much the media loves romance and love stories. "Lovers on and off the ice" is a favorite term. Always trying to package romance into the programs. I think that can lead to pressure to present this "romantic" version of themselves on ice that leads to off-ice boundary issues. Everyone thought it was so adorable that even as juniors Tessa and Scott were doing very lovey dovey programs.

Again, this isn't a cause of anyone becoming an abuser. But I do see how if you're a teen in an elite pair for pairs or ice dancing this could lead to internalized pressure to stay quiet, as people start believing in your "love story" the minute you step on the ice together.

Very well put and very relevant.

When Sale and Pelletier came on the scene and everyone was talking about their love story, both the program and their personal lives, I remember wondering how much pressure is this putting on some young pair skater to get involved with his or her partner because apparently that will make your marks go up?

 

[MacMadame]

Forgive me, I can not copy/edit/paste, so I will just bold my response. Yes, I'm referring to Bridget (Isn't she the topic of this thread?). She said she was abused for two years, which I would assume the last two years of her partnership with him, in which she would be 16 and 17, which is legal in New Jersey.

You seem overly focused on whether or not statutory rape happened. You don't have to be raped to be abused. It's really only relevant if the justice system wants to press charges. It's not relevant to whether or not Couglin abused Bridget.

Since people seem confused, let's get some definitions out there.

Grooming: manipulating someone into doing something they wouldn't normally do and don't really want to do. It is accomplished by building an emotional connection with someone for the purpose of getting them to do things you want them to and they don't. Usually used in the context of sexual abuse but you can groom people to do non-sexual things as well. Such as when adults convince teenagers to kill someone or to steal things.

Abuse: the improper use of something, to treat a person or animal cruelly or inappropriately (dictionary definition)

Note there doesn't have to be rape to be abuse and there doesn't even have to be violence. People can be abused emotionally. (i.e., by being gaslighted) and not just beat up or forced to have sex.

they have the right to grieve his passing and express this if they feel the need

Just because someone can do a thing, doesn't mean they should.

Maybe figure skating really is for people with common sense completely bred out of them.

It's a chicken and egg sort of thing but IME the elite side of the sport definitely turns people who seem normal to begin with into crazy people. Whether or not they were pre-disposed to be crazy is hard to know. And definitely crazy people seem to be attracted to the sport and often thrive in it: As in the parents of 4 year olds who are screaming at them during practice because they think their kid is going to the Olympics some day.

In my era, 18-year-old guys dating 15-year-old girls was not abnormal. Everyone said boys mature more slowly than girls as an explanation. At 15, I had a 19-year-old boyfriend; I remember sitting with him on a hill at camp listening to the Vietnam draft lottery....he got a bad number and was very upset.

No we didn’t sleep together, and maybe I’d look back on it differently if we did. By today’s standards it was wrong, but not back then.

By today's standards it is not wrong. There are plenty of relationships like this now.

What is wrong is when one person with more power manipulates the other. People seem to have trouble distinguishing between the fact that there was an age difference and the fact that there was a power differential and are focusing on the ages. It's not just the ages that are a concern. It's that the younger party had less power and says she was groomed.

Or to put it neutrally, if all A's are B's, it doesn't mean that all B's are A's.

Or as @VIETgrlTerifa says:

I have a feeling it's not just the age difference with both partners being of high school age and older that is causing Bridget to look at her experience with John as a traumatic one. The fact that there are multiple women coming out and he was being investigated due to at least three unrelated reports tell me something as well.

On a different note....

Regarding skaters needing to apologize, I think the problem I am having is that a lot of these skaters of getting a disproportionate amount of blame because people are angry at the actions of John Coughlin and then the likes of Delilah Sappenfield and Tara Modlin and others who were aggressively attacking the accusers. The amount of conflating actions and treating skaters who were not involved and were only reacting to the news that hit them like a mack truck over someone they knew personally as if they themselves committing the crimes, hiding it, and then cursing them out by those who if you look at their social media posts look like people with some real axes to grind and get off on "teaching people" I believe reeks of something less-than-admirable and is NOT the way to go if you really want restorative justice.

But two wrongs don't make a right.

There is no reason that a skater who posted a RIP post back then couldn't post a "Bridget, I think you are brave" (or something else supportive) post now.

Whether others are batshit crazy is irrelevant to what the skaters should do. Plus, if someone is harassing them, they can block those people from their social media and/or ignore them. In fact, they should do that IMO no matter what else is at issue.