Surrogacy

Susan1 said:
And if she is hellbent on helping an unfortunate couple know the joys of raising a baby, even though she doesn't find much time for her own (remember the deadbeat dad? he still is), find a reputable company in Cincinnati and go in the building, meet the people who work there, and do her thing.
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I'm not clear on why someone can't be considered a good mother when there is a deadbeat dad in the picture. I know a lot of single parents who have raised wonderful children.
 
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AxelAnnie said:
Yep - from us. We are a rather diverse group, as you know.
With lots of experiences and opinions.
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But who is getting the reality check in this case?

AxelAnnie said:
By perhaps gathering information. Making sure she is clear. And being prepared to help or offer an opinion when / if asked.
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It seems to me that she has a pretty clear opinion already and I haven't seen any requests for information. But if that is the quest here, Susan1 should clarify and I will bet that we could provide some excellent links to helpful medical and legal web sites if she can't find them on her own.
 
Prancer said:
But who is getting the reality check in this case?
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Susan1. My thought was she was checking her opinion.

My sister was just here (the one who was a surrogate a million years ago). I was telling her about this....and didn't get past coming to CA and she was rubbing her fingers together...........as in money, money, money. Not expenses, but dollars in the pocket.
 
Susan1 said:
Yes, opinions about the situation, not about my feelings. It's so weird that people feel free to tell ME to mind my own business or get over it or whatever. If you do not have an opinion or anecdote about the situation please feel free to mind your own business and comment on something that does affect you personally, like Big Brother or a famous person's death.
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:rofl:

That's not really how it works. You posted a thread about an issue, where most of your posts include your very strong feelings about the situation, and tons of extraneous family details that have nothing to do with the core issue of surrogacy. Of course people will respond to those things. You posted them!
 
I know of a surrogate mother who was successfully implanted with two fertilized eggs. When the babies were born, their biological parent decided to keep only one of the babies. The other baby was adopted by a married couple who were part of the family.

The children are being raised as cousins but know that they are twins. They're still young but I imagine as they get older they'll have many questions about the decision to create them and then the decisions about how they were to be raised. One of them has already asked questions about the surrogate who is seen more as a mother/creator than the egg donor is.

There are going to be a lot of ways babies come into this world that wouldn't have seemed possible a few decades ago. It will be interesting to see how families, schools, religions, and society in general adapt to the new reality.
 
missing said:
I know of a surrogate mother who was successfully implanted with two fertilized eggs. When the babies were born, their biological parent decided to keep only one of the babies. The other baby was adopted by a married couple who were part of the family.

The children are being raised as cousins but know that they are twins. They're still young but I imagine as they get older they'll have many questions about the decision to create them and then the decisions about how they were to be raised. One of them has already asked questions about the surrogate who is seen more as a mother/creator than the egg donor is.

There are going to be a lot of ways babies come into this world that wouldn't have seemed possible a few decades ago. It will be interesting to see how families, schools, religions, and society in general adapt to the new reality.
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How did they decide which baby to keep? Did they toss a coin?

I have a lot of issues with surrogacy, and your story kind of enforces those opinion.
 
moojja said:
How did they decide which baby to keep? Did they toss a coin?
I have a lot of issues with surrogacy, and your story kind of enforces those opinion.
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Oh! That was a Lifetime movie. The couple would only take one. The pregnant mom was horrified. Vourts and lawyers and the mom and her husband kept both babies.
 
Just my thoughts...rambling as they might be
Women become surrogates for a variety of reasons, you might ask (in a non nosey way), I'm interested in what drew you to surrogacy?

It could be "I liked being pregnant, but know another child of my own is not practical, or whatever" for some women it is the act of kindness - we often see that in a close relative or friend, for some, but not all, it is money however underlying the money someone would need another reason to do it for money, because a pregnancy takes a toll on one's body. But to make assumptions and or judgment without knowing is harmful to you (as evidenced by your posts).

Again, you might ask why CA? Not Ohio? Perhaps it is a desire to earn more money, perhaps it is a self preservation method for her and your cousin - less likely to run into them accidentally. Or any number of other reasons.

Medical records sent to a stranger or unknown entity? You may not know the extent of her research. Certainly the prospective parents need to know about any blood or body fluid exposure to their baby. Or risk of genital herpes, or preeclampsia risks or any risk to their baby.

As to travel or procedural things, I'm sure the agency explained that before contacting with her. I suspect it is the discussion on female cycles and stuff that is freaking your cousin and you. Discussion of human sexuality is often uncomfortable.

As for travel and care of the biological son during these trips, again I assume it was discussed with your cousin. Maybe you are protective of your cousin, maybe your are making assumptions that it is an inconvenience when it may not be. Maybe your cousin herself is worried about becoming attached to the other couple's baby and is projecting it in a way placing a "this is a burden because"

It seems to me that you are unable to process why she is doing this, followed by all the reasons to question the sameness of this endeavor.

But I could be way off base.
 
once_upon said:
Just my thoughts...rambling as they might be
Women become surrogates for a variety of reasons, you might ask (in a non nosey way), I'm interested in what drew you to surrogacy?

It could be "I liked being pregnant, but know another child of my own is not practical, or whatever" for some women it is the act of kindness - we often see that in a close relative or friend, for some, but not all, it is money however underlying the money someone would need another reason to do it for money, because a pregnancy takes a toll on one's body. But to make assumptions and or judgment without knowing is harmful to you (as evidenced by your posts).

Again, you might ask why CA? Not Ohio? Perhaps it is a desire to earn more money, perhaps it is a self preservation method for her and your cousin - less likely to run into them accidentally. Or any number of other reasons.

Medical records sent to a stranger or unknown entity? You may not know the extent of her research. Certainly the prospective parents need to know about any blood or body fluid exposure to their baby. Or risk of genital herpes, or preeclampsia risks or any risk to their baby.

As to travel or procedural things, I'm sure the agency explained that before contacting with her. I suspect it is the discussion on female cycles and stuff that is freaking your cousin and you. Discussion of human sexuality is often uncomfortable.

As for travel and care of the biological son during these trips, again I assume it was discussed with your cousin. Maybe you are protective of your cousin, maybe your are making assumptions that it is an inconvenience when it may not be. Maybe your cousin herself is worried about becoming attached to the other couple's baby and is projecting it in a way placing a "this is a burden because"

It seems to me that you are unable to process why she is doing this, followed by all the reasons to question the sameness of this endeavor.

But I could be way off base.
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Thank you for your thoughtful post. I "get" rambling very well!!

Couple points - I'm not sure about the human sexuality thing freaking anybody out. My cousin is gay and she was artificially inseminated to produce CS, so that pretty much covers a lot of bases there. I was doing the "things" because I didn't want to get graphic, even though it is probably just females participating (or just butting in) on this thread.

Thinking about the risks is not harmful to me. It's the fact that they don't do it. Exaggerated example "CS is driving to Columbus in a snow storm in the dark. I'm sure everything will be fine." She was raised with "do you think that's a good idea?". End of subject. I don't know if it's being naive or too independent or what. Never thinking of the consequences of your actions because you never had to.

I'm not replying to anybody else. Maybe they will give up and go to another thread and tell people how to think and what to write, instead of actually contributing to the discussion.
 
FYI -

"Surrogates receive paid compensation ranging from $39,450 to $52,450, depending on factors including the type of pregnancy and the number of previous pregnancies (surrogate mother experience).

"When you become a surrogate mother, you're also eligible for reimbursed compensation such as lost wages (if applicable), any medical co-pays, maternity clothing, travel (if applicable) and medications. All costs associated with your legal representation are paid for as well."

I didn't see if the site was for a specific state or anything, so "your mileage may vary" (sorry - old commercial). There was also a bullet point on deciding to reduce the fetuses (I can't remember the exact words, but yeah, she could end up carrying a bunch of babies and not be able to do anything but lie around for months).

Lost wages, sure, but what about not being a good employee because you are missing too much work. It's not like she works at McDonald's. I guess she wouldn't care if she loses her job because she'll have $50K or whatever and can get another job. She could probably make more money just popping out babies for someone across the country once a year.

And just a thought, that isn't worth a hill or beans, just things that pop into my empty, stupid, selfish head - why wouldn't you want your surrogate to have the baby closer to you instead of 3/4 of the way across the country, like maybe anywhere in CA. If you are spending all that money (at least twice what the surrogate gets), it would be cheaper without the travel. I would think the waiting would be worse. Do they call her and ask her how she is or go through the attorneys to find out how the pregnancy is going. Or does she have to fly to CA for prenatal checkups?

I don't have much else to think about today! Please do not respond if you cannot contribute to the conversation.
 
Susan1 said:
And just a thought, that isn't worth a hill or beans, just things that pop into my empty, stupid, selfish head - why wouldn't you want your surrogate to have the baby closer to you instead of 3/4 of the way across the country, like maybe anywhere in CA.
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This has already been addressed in this thread, in multiple posts :wall:

I get that you only want certain types of responses, but if you're not willing to read peoples' posts, you're missing out on the very thing you are asking for.
 
If the cousin's daughter is gay & was inseminated to have the present baby then I'm wondering why Susan1 is referring to the deadbeat dad? Isn't it common for sperm donors to have no financial commitment?

BTW @Susan1, you said "Please do not respond if you cannot contribute to the conversation." But aren't all responses contributions? I don't think that you get to decide if posts are appropriate just because you started the thread.
 
taf2002 said:
If the cousin's daughter is gay & was inseminated to have the present baby then I'm wondering why Susan1 is referring to the deadbeat dad? Isn't it common for sperm donors to have no financial commitment?
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Cousin is gay and was inseminated ~24 years ago. Her ~23 year old daughter's 1-1/2 year old baby's father is the deadbeat "dad".

(I know, there should be a spreadsheet for this. Uh -
cousin + sperm = daughter
daughter + jerk = PT
cousin + PT = 24/7
daughter = $$$$$$$surrogate)

Daughter is the one who is going to be a surrogate, obviously for the money, I see now. Funny, yesterday cousin said her daughter gets a couple hundred dollars at each stage. Either she didn't know her daughter was going to get a year's salary at the end or she was embarrassed to admit it. They've never been shy about throwing money around though or asking me how much something cost. But they are the kind of people who if they found a dime on the sidewalk, they would go buy something they didn't need that cost $1 just because they need to spend the dime right away.
 
A lot of gay male couples use surrogates, so in the gay community, which your cousin's daughter would be familiar with through her mother, surrogacy isn't a weird or negative thing. Perhaps your cousin's daughter grew up with a more open and welcoming, maybe nonchalant, attitude toward surrogacy.

Like I said, why don't you read the books I linked to and get back to us. As long as you're uninformed, this thread has little usefulness.
 
Gazpacho. I don't think the actual surrogacy is the sticky point bit rather leaving the young child she has flying across the country thus bringing a new level of chaos to an alteady chaotic situation.

.
 
So is this thread supposed to be about surrogacy?

Or is it supposed to be about the poor life choices of Susan1's cousin and cousin's daughter, with surrogacy-related choices just the latest examples?

It would help if the thread title would point us in the intended direction.
 
Well, I was just thinking about alternatives for this CA couple. I don't know the situation with the CA couple, but it is apparent that they're not able at this time to conceive a baby for whatever reason there may be. I would think before going through all this and having a surrogate mother come all the way from Ohio that the couple might even consider other options like having a test tube baby (In vitro fertilization).

That's just me and my opinion, and it might even be a better option.
 
Susan1 said:
I guess she wouldn't care if she loses her job because she'll have $50K or whatever and can get another job. She could probably make more money just popping out babies for someone across the country once a year.

.
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Would that be a problem for you? You may be concerned about her, but at some stage you may have to accept that she could do exactly what you wrote above. It's her life and she has right to live it the way she wants to, as long as it is not against the law.
 
Simone411 said:
Well, I was just thinking about alternatives for this CA couple. I don't know the situation with the CA couple, but it is apparent that they're not able at this time to conceive a baby for whatever reason there may be. I would think before going through all this and having a surrogate mother come all the way from Ohio that the couple might even consider other options like having a test tube baby (In vitro fertilization).

That's just me and my opinion, and it might even be a better option.
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It could also be a gay couple, hence the need for a surrogate. And that could also explain why they want pictures of CS when she was a child if they are using her egg. They may also want someone outside of California if they don't want the mother near the baby after birth, in case she tries to claim the baby for herself. Might also be why they'd choose someone that's already had at least one child.
 
meggonzo said:
It could also be a gay couple, hence the need for a surrogate. And that could also explain why they want pictures of CS when she was a child if they are using her egg. They may also want someone outside of California if they don't want the mother near the baby after birth, in case she tries to claim the baby for herself. Might also be why they'd choose someone that's already had at least one child.
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Thanks for your response, meggonzo. I didn't think about it maybe being a gay couple perhaps. It that case you're definitely right. They would need a surrogate. And the rest of what you stated makes good sense, too.
 
Or the mother may be simply infertile for whatever reason, or having difficulty to carry it to full term. If she have had several attempts and lost the unborn child during various stages of her pregnancy, it may feel like a safer option to have someone else to have the child to full term, rather than trying, carrying it to 'nearly there' stage and have it died before it is born.
 
meggonzo said:
It could also be a gay couple, hence the need for a surrogate. And that could also explain why they want pictures of CS when she was a child if they are using her egg. They may also want someone outside of California if they don't want the mother near the baby after birth, in case she tries to claim the baby for herself. Might also be why they'd choose someone that's already had at least one child.
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Nope. She will only be, as someone wrote upthread, the "incubator". But using her egg and carrying the baby for a gay male couple they know would have been really cool. They could have been "aunts". However, my cousin has never mentioned knowing any gay men. And she would, just like she talks about other people in her life. That's not this though. Her daughter picked out this agency in Los Angeles.

gkelly said:
It would help if the thread title would point us in the intended direction.
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Let's change the thread title to "butt into Susan1's thread telling her to butt out of her cousin's life", shall we? Do some of you feel compelled to put rude comments and personal insults on the Royalty Thread, Baby Charlie Gard's Life, Pokemon Go 2, The Bachelorette, etc.? Why not???????
 
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Susan1 said:
Let's change the thread title to "butt into Susan1's thread telling her to butt out of her cousin's life", shall we?
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Maybe we should change it to "Once Again Susan1 Gets Super Judgemental About Her Cousin/Cousin's Daughter's Life And Expects Everybody To Back Her Super Judgemental Opinions", with a subheading of "and don't try to tell her she obviously knows nothing about anything, because she seems to have formed her ideas about surrogacy watching too many Lifetime movies".
 
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