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My mom passed away after a lengthy illness this past fall and she also was becoming demented towards the end, according to her personal physician.
We had a huge falling out about 9 months before her death for which details I won't get into, but let's say she was trying to have me arrested for larceny and elder abuse (at the prompting of a sibling). The police investigated and thought it was more of a sibling rivalry dispute and closed the case. I had many sleepless nights during that time and had to hire an attorney to clear my name.
So this was my first Christmas without her. I didn't cry or miss her much. It is as if something has numbed me or died inside of me where I don't feel anything.
In a way, maybe it's for the best. I didn't even cry at her funeral or upon hearing about her death. I did visit her bedside at the hospital a few days before she died. She could hear me but wouldn't open her eyes. I told her I just wanted to say goodbye in case I didn't see her again, and that I loved her. Again, no tears. I used to be a very emotional person. Now, nothing.
I hear grieving has stages. After her death this past fall, sometimes I missed picking up the phone to call her, knowing I would never be able to do that again. But that's about it. Nothing.
We had a huge falling out about 9 months before her death for which details I won't get into, but let's say she was trying to have me arrested for larceny and elder abuse (at the prompting of a sibling). The police investigated and thought it was more of a sibling rivalry dispute and closed the case. I had many sleepless nights during that time and had to hire an attorney to clear my name.
So this was my first Christmas without her. I didn't cry or miss her much. It is as if something has numbed me or died inside of me where I don't feel anything.
In a way, maybe it's for the best. I didn't even cry at her funeral or upon hearing about her death. I did visit her bedside at the hospital a few days before she died. She could hear me but wouldn't open her eyes. I told her I just wanted to say goodbye in case I didn't see her again, and that I loved her. Again, no tears. I used to be a very emotional person. Now, nothing.
I hear grieving has stages. After her death this past fall, sometimes I missed picking up the phone to call her, knowing I would never be able to do that again. But that's about it. Nothing.
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