The Percentage of American Adults Not Having Sex Has Reached a Record High

[RockTheTassel]

I know, right? I mean, if you aren't involved with anyone in your 20s, what the heck are you doing? I can't believe they are just on their cellphones/computers all day. How depressing.

I'm twenty-seven and can attest to how common it is for people my age to not be in romantic and/or sexual relationships. Some of it is being distracted by phones or computers. But beyond that, it feels like no one wants to make the effort. And even if someone does, it's often not reciprocated -- there's a reason why "ghosting" is now a known term among my generation. It feels like it should be easier -- smart phones, dating apps, ect. all connect us with people instantly. But many often get complacent with or even overwhelmed by all of the options and possibilities. Perhaps some from other generations can correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems that prior to all the technology, people had to make solid plans and reach out. They had to call because there wasn't texting. They had to meet that person when and where they said they would because they couldn't easily let them know about a last minute cancellation. Also, they were generally limited to people in their area, which may have helped. More choices = more stress and competition.

I also agree that money and being busy with schooling or jobs likely has an impact. Personally, I'd like to be in a relationship. But I'm currently trying to finish my degree, working, volunteering, applying for internships (which will be full-time and unpaid), and managing chronic health issues. If I can get enough sleep, eat decently, tend to all of my obligations, and occasionally hang out with or at least talk to friends/family, then it's been a really successful week. I don't have the time or the energy for a relationship, even a casual one.

 

[Japanfan]

Perhaps some from other generations can correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems that prior to all the technology, people had to make solid plans and reach out. They had to call because there wasn't texting. They had to meet that person when and where they said they would because they couldn't easily let them know about a last minute cancellation. Also, they were generally limited to people in their area, which may have helped. More choices = more stress and competition.

I think people were also more social in general prior to the advent of technology with respect to face-to-face interactions. Because we had to be. Of course there were books, but books didn't command attention the way videos and phones do today. Usually reading was an activity done only at home.

Going out to the pub on the week-ends was a common social activity when I was in my teens and early 20s.

However, arranged dates is nothing new. Match-making has long been a tradition in many parts of the world.

And before the advent of technology, personal ads were a thing. But after the person doing the advertising got responses, a phone call was the next step to connect, which would determine whether a date would take place. You got a pretty good feel of a person on the phone. I don't know if texting gives you an equal feel, especially given it's abbreviated nature and use of acronyms.

 

[Aussie Willy]

I'm twenty-seven and can attest to how common it is for people my age to not be in romantic and/or sexual relationships. Some of it is being distracted by phones or computers. But beyond that, it feels like no one wants to make the effort. And even if someone does, it's often not reciprocated -- there's a reason why "ghosting" is now a known term among my generation. It feels like it should be easier -- smart phones, dating apps, ect. all connect us with people instantly. But many often get complacent with or even overwhelmed by all of the options and possibilities. Perhaps some from other generations can correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems that prior to all the technology, people had to make solid plans and reach out. They had to call because there wasn't texting. They had to meet that person when and where they said they would because they couldn't easily let them know about a last minute cancellation. Also, they were generally limited to people in their area, which may have helped. More choices = more stress and competition.

I also agree that money and being busy with schooling or jobs likely has an impact. Personally, I'd like to be in a relationship. But I'm currently trying to finish my degree, working, volunteering, applying for internships (which will be full-time and unpaid), and managing chronic health issues. If I can get enough sleep, eat decently, tend to all of my obligations, and occasionally hang out with or at least talk to friends/family, then it's been a really successful week. I don't have the time or the energy for a relationship, even a casual one.

I think your post is excellent and insightful. I really appreciate your thoughts on the subject.

 

[sk8nlizard]

While I am married, I sometimes wonder what my life would look like if I hadn’t met my husband in college? I’m a fairly introverted person and my job was one in which there was only one male. I imagine it is very likely I would have stayed single if not for meeting my husband when I did.

As far as everything else, I think stress definitely has a lot to do with it. My husband often works 12+ hour days, we have 2 kids that do multiple activities, just bought a house, have lots of expenses, etc. We are often asleep before 9PM and sleep is a precious commodity....it often comes before everything else!

 

[Prancer]

Perhaps some from other generations can correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems that prior to all the technology, people had to make solid plans and reach out. They had to call because there wasn't texting. They had to meet that person when and where they said they would because they couldn't easily let them know about a last minute cancellation

I wouldn't say it was entirely different. People did get stood up.

But I will say that one difference I see is that people DID make firm plans. Students tell me (and my kids tell me) that no one wants to make plans for anything. I even see this in people my age. Some of them can't seem to organize themselves in their leisure time and some are clearly holding out to see if they get a better offer. Either way, I don't bother with them any more because why? And so we all see less of each other.

I don't have the time or the energy for a relationship, even a casual one.

I don't know how you have the energy to do what you are doing already!

 

[snoopy]

It seems that people used each other for entertainment back in the day. My family was into cards. That was Saturday night entertainment for parents with kids - bridge, pinochle, etc. Everybody went to one house and the kids played outside and the parents played cards. This stemmed from the depression where FREE entertainment was big. Now there are more digital based entertainment options and more disposable income so I think that is from where the pickiness comes.

 

[misskarne]

I'm single because I haven't met the right person yet.

I also don't drink or smoke or do drugs. The clubs were never my scene, so I never went out clubbing. (Loud shitty music and drunk people in a confined space - can't think of anything worse!) I have doubts that someone appropriate could be met at a bar if they were drunk.

I'm not religious. I don't believe it's a sin to have sex before marriage or any of that bullshit. But I do think it's something I want to be sure of when I do. I also want to be sure my career is stable and doing well. I need to have money to live off when I retire.

I'm also well aware that I'm a weirdo. Any romantic partner in my life would have to fully accept me sneaking out of bed at 3am to watch figure skating; screaming obscenities at a football game; having some form of motorsport on the television nearly every weekend; and alternating between blasting the most hard-rock of Queen and sobbing in front of the music video for No-One But You. And then I look at a sentence like that, and think, there's not a chance in hell I'll ever find someone who could accept me as I am.

It's a constant confusion for my parents. My mother was 25 when I was born. Their youngest child will be older this year than that, and she's probably the closest one to getting married - but again, that may not happen either. They've yet to accept that my weirdness probably means I'll be single forever. It's nothing to do with phones or computers or any of that crap.

 

[Japanfan]

Most people have quirks or peculiarities @misskarne. To their partners, those quirks/peculiarities are endearing.

The weird things you have listed qualify as such.

Don't be so sure you'll be single forever.

 

[gkelly]

But if you like being single, there's nothing wrong with it. Or wrong with you.

I made that choice for myself. There were other things I preferred to do than searching for a partner when I wasn't sure I wanted one to begin with.

 

[Susan1]

I'm single because I haven't met the right person yet.

I also don't drink or smoke or do drugs. The clubs were never my scene, so I never went out clubbing. (Loud shitty music and drunk people in a confined space - can't think of anything worse!) I have doubts that someone appropriate could be met at a bar if they were drunk.

I'm not religious. I don't believe it's a sin to have sex before marriage or any of that bullshit. But I do think it's something I want to be sure of when I do. I also want to be sure my career is stable and doing well. I need to have money to live off when I retire.

I'm also well aware that I'm a weirdo. Any romantic partner in my life would have to fully accept me sneaking out of bed at 3am to watch figure skating; screaming obscenities at a football game; having some form of motorsport on the television nearly every weekend; and alternating between blasting the most hard-rock of Queen and sobbing in front of the music video for No-One But You. And then I look at a sentence like that, and think, there's not a chance in hell I'll ever find someone who could accept me as I am.

It's a constant confusion for my parents. My mother was 25 when I was born. Their youngest child will be older this year than that, and she's probably the closest one to getting married - but again, that may not happen either. They've yet to accept that my weirdness probably means I'll be single forever. It's nothing to do with phones or computers or any of that crap.

I read this, went away and came back cause I just had to comment...........please don't take this the wrong way, but if you are hoping to attract someone who has no faults or weird habits and only likes the things you do, you might not find anyone. Nobody ever would. (This whole thread) If you are happy with your life, you don't need to be married for your parents. If you want to meet someone, you can't go into it thinking they won't like you if they don't like football, etc.

(I hate NASCAR, but grew up watching Indy. I can watch a NASCAR race with a guy and he can watch the 500 with me.)

FYI - I am NOT a relationship expert or happily married to a perfect man. I was a virgin till I was 24, met my future husband in a bar and we didn't even go out on a real date for five weeks, when everyone else was meeting and going home with whoever. We were together - dating/married - for 10 years. I realize that was back in the dark ages. He's on his fourth wife. I never wanted to be married again. I have only been in one other long term relationship in the last 20 years.

I got a better job after I got divorced, a new car and had my own house 2-1/2 years later.

 

[Prancer]

I'm also well aware that I'm a weirdo. Any romantic partner in my life would have to fully accept me sneaking out of bed at 3am to watch figure skating; screaming obscenities at a football game; having some form of motorsport on the television nearly every weekend; and alternating between blasting the most hard-rock of Queen and sobbing in front of the music video for No-One But You. And then I look at a sentence like that, and think, there's not a chance in hell I'll ever find someone who could accept me as I am.

Ah, misskarne, everyone is a weirdo, just in different ways. Remember what it was like to live with siblings who were weird? That's pretty much what it's like to live with anyone else. You adapt to their weirdness and they adapt to yours.

 

[Aussie Willy]

How boring would this world be if we all didn't have a little weirdo in us? As long as you are not hurting others, that is okay.

 

[Winnipeg]

Weirdness is in the eye of the beholder.

I think being Boring would be far worse!!!

 

[Aussie Willy]

Weirdness is in the eye of the beholder.

I think being Boring would be far worse!!!

Absolutely!!!

 

[PRlady]

I'm single because I haven't met the right person yet.

I also don't drink or smoke or do drugs. The clubs were never my scene, so I never went out clubbing. (Loud shitty music and drunk people in a confined space - can't think of anything worse!) I have doubts that someone appropriate could be met at a bar if they were drunk.

I'm not religious. I don't believe it's a sin to have sex before marriage or any of that bullshit. But I do think it's something I want to be sure of when I do. I also want to be sure my career is stable and doing well. I need to have money to live off when I retire.

I'm also well aware that I'm a weirdo. Any romantic partner in my life would have to fully accept me sneaking out of bed at 3am to watch figure skating; screaming obscenities at a football game; having some form of motorsport on the television nearly every weekend; and alternating between blasting the most hard-rock of Queen and sobbing in front of the music video for No-One But You. And then I look at a sentence like that, and think, there's not a chance in hell I'll ever find someone who could accept me as I am.

It's a constant confusion for my parents. My mother was 25 when I was born. Their youngest child will be older this year than that, and she's probably the closest one to getting married - but again, that may not happen either. They've yet to accept that my weirdness probably means I'll be single forever. It's nothing to do with phones or computers or any of that crap.

Not one but two men married me when I was already a rabid skating fan. And let’s see, I was an opinionated smoker who argues for fun. There were culture gaps with both, and that’s not counting husband #1 with whom I had almost nothing in common.

So having met you, misskarne, I am quite sure there’s an Aussie looking for a fun, funny, adventurous and self-sufficient young woman with lots of hobbies and passions. I never met a serious relationship in a bar, either.

 

[oleada]

I'm single because I haven't met the right person yet.

I also don't drink or smoke or do drugs. The clubs were never my scene, so I never went out clubbing. (Loud shitty music and drunk people in a confined space - can't think of anything worse!) I have doubts that someone appropriate could be met at a bar if they were drunk.

I'm not religious. I don't believe it's a sin to have sex before marriage or any of that bullshit. But I do think it's something I want to be sure of when I do. I also want to be sure my career is stable and doing well. I need to have money to live off when I retire.

I'm also well aware that I'm a weirdo. Any romantic partner in my life would have to fully accept me sneaking out of bed at 3am to watch figure skating; screaming obscenities at a football game; having some form of motorsport on the television nearly every weekend; and alternating between blasting the most hard-rock of Queen and sobbing in front of the music video for No-One But You. And then I look at a sentence like that, and think, there's not a chance in hell I'll ever find someone who could accept me as I am.

“We're all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.”



I think it's unreasonable to expect you partner to share an interest in all your hobbies, but a good partner will at least tolerate them. My husband doesn't like skating but he has no issue on me watching it, and will sometimes even watch it with me even if all he makes is idiotic "funny" comments. Meanwhile, I have no interest in most of his video games but we make it work.

 

[quartz]

My husband and I don't have a lot in common - he's handsome and smart and cool and talented and funny and interesting and busy and active and personable and charming and well-spoken and sexy and cooks and bakes and fixes my car.

I have a dollar store tin bucket and run around picking up rocks off the ground.

Still confounds me to this day what the heck he was thinking when he picked me up at that bus stop 38 years ago.

 

[antmanb]

“We're all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.”



I think it's unreasonable to expect you partner to share an interest in all your hobbies, but a god partner will at least tolerate them. My husband doesn't like skating but he has no comments on me watching it, and will sometimes even watch it with me even if all he makes is idiotic "funny" comments. Meanwhile, I have no interest in most of his video games but we make it work.

Mr Antmanb had no interest in skating before he met me and can now name several of the male skaters who's butts he likes. I mentioned to him about Skate America being in Las Vegas and the possibility of maybe going and thought nothing more of it. So far without any prompting (and not being the one who ever organises holidays) he's found flights and hotels assuming the competition was on for a week he was even happier when I said the competition will be two or three days max and asked if he could maybe dip a toe in and do a day of competition.

 

[allezfred]

I never met a serious relationship in a bar, either.

Given that you can’t hold your liquor, I’m not surprised.

I met Mr allezfred in a bar. Here we are 24 years later.

 

[Erin]

I met Mr allezfred in a bar. Here we are 24 years later.

I met my last two long-term relationships in bars. Neither of them worked out but I don’t think that’s because of where we met. They were a lot more successful than any of my other relationships.

That said, spending one’s twenties alone and celibate is sad.

Eh...I spent my the first half of my 20s “alone” and celibate (and I put the word alone in quotations because I was only alone in the sense that I didn’t have a romantic partner) and it was great. In fact, I didn’t appreciate how great it was and I wish I could go back in time and tell my early 20s self how good I had it. Having spent the last three years in a relationship that was slowly sucking the life out of me but it took me a long time to realize it and also a long time to extricate myself...I’ll just say I would much rather be single and celibate than in a bad relationship any day.

 

[Japanfan]

My husband and I don't have a lot in common - he's handsome and smart and cool and talented and funny and interesting and busy and active and personable and charming and well-spoken and sexy and cooks and bakes and fixes my car.

I have a dollar store tin bucket and run around picking up rocks off the ground.

Still confounds me to this day what the heck he was thinking when he picked me up at that bus stop 38 years ago.

I'm sure if your husband posted here, he'd have an entirely different POV.

 

[PRlady]

Given that you can’t hold your liquor, I’m not surprised.

I met Mr allezfred in a bar. Here we are 24 years later.

Maybe Irish (or Japanese?) bars are nicer than the American variety. Or given my workaholism, I was fated to meet my husband’s at work.

And you can insult my wussy drinking all you like. One bad habit to a customer.