Not with the love of your life

becca

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20,329
I suggest you watch this

I agree with Matthew that unrequited love is masochism.

True love is the a couple being there for each other through thick and thin. And both people have to choose that. They have to choose you.

You got to love yourself and recognize that you deserve someone who loves you and will be there for you. What you have right now is a fantasy it’s not real. And yes you may always have some feelings but you move on. But love? Love is a choice and you shouldn’t let your whole heart go for someone who doesn’t love you back.

I am the type of person who honestly does struggle with crushes but I have learned to force myself to go out on dates with other guys and give them a chance. And you know what I learned eventually I find a guy who likes me and I like him and who the heck cares about the crush?

And there are better women than your ex try someone who won’t cheat on a significant other or block you without talking.
 
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becca

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20,329
Here's the thing. The love I'm talking about was so profound, I cannot just settle for any random woman who happens to be merely acceptable and maybe likes the same food as me. I'm not that kind of man. I'm past that stage of my life. I tried that with my ex-girlfriend, who I love and is a very sweet girl, but my memories with her occupy that place in my heart, and there's not any room left in there.

At my age, I know full well what kind of man I am by now, and I know there never will be.





I have regrets now. I'm terrified of not reconciling with her. It's her choice but I will try as hard as I can until the end of my life. I have to focus on myself right now, not so I can heal and move on, which isn't going to happen, but because I'm competing against her marriage (not her children). Men have ways of winning women over, through action and deed, romantic gestures, money, power, success, prestige, offering them things and opportunities they (and their children) don't already have.




No I don't imagine that would happen at all, and I wouldn't want that to happen either. What kind of man would that make me? Competing against her marriage is a different thing. I would treat her children as if they were my own.

The alternatives are not good options either. Use women for short-term relationships. Use some woman I don't really love for a long-term relationship because I'm afraid of being alone. Use strangers on the internet until they get tired of listening to my crazy posting. Aren't you all tired of me already?
Do you think her children would love the guy who broke up their parents marriage.

Do you think her kids would be thrilled with her.

When you love someone you put their needs above your own.

Seriously I have an old boyfriend I dated for almost a year and I was to stupid to realize what a great guy he was. He had been married for a long time.

I would never break up his marriage. I would never do that to him or his family.

Because I actually care about him. I stay away.

That’s what good people do. They don’t intentionally break up families. Lots of good people who are available.

Also why would you want someone who would leave their family for you whats to stop them from doing the same to you what makes you so special?

If she was a good person if she was really worth it she would never leave her marriage for you.

Whar do you get when you get a cheater a cheater.
 
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MacMadame

Staying at home
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40,602
Love is a choice
Absolutely.

People who act like it's some thing that "just happens" to them and they have no control are making a choice as well. Just not a good choice.

I have a friend who always falls for unattainable girls. It's a pattern and it's not a good one. It's his way of avoiding the messiness of real relationships IMO.
 

becca

Well-Known Member
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20,329
Absolutely.

People who act like it's some thing that "just happens" to them and they have no control are making a choice as well. Just not a good choice.

I have a friend who always falls for unattainable girls. It's a pattern and it's not a good one. It's his way of avoiding the messiness of real relationships IMO.
Yes I would say attraction isn’t always a choice and feelings are not always a choice but what we do about the feelings is a choice.

I mean even if you get married you are very likely to meet someone your attracted to. But you make the choice not to act on that attraction.

Fact is you can let yourself Pine for someone and be miserable or give someone who is available a shot.

I have learned a great way to get over feelings for another person is to met someone better. I am not taking about rebounds but for me I tend to be sad about my last relationship until i meet someone else and see there are other people in the world.

I remember having a crush on one guy and going out on a date with another and being like you know what he is not interested and I deserve to be happy. And told myself to push those thoughts away.

Want to know what happened I dated the guy I was with for a year and barely thought about the crush. And after that I was like never again am I going to put a fantasy over my own happiness.

A real relationship is better than any fantasy.
 
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Japanfan

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24,294
Absolutely.

People who act like it's some thing that "just happens" to them and they have no control are making a choice as well. Just not a good choice.

I suppose there is something to said about 'falling in love'. Happened to me, was wonderful and magical - but not enduring. It didn't feel like a choice, it felt like destiny.

Not that I'd recommend it to anyone, though.
 

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