Aerobicidal
Shut that door.
- Messages
- 11,148
Hello to all fan of Ivana! I just return to Russia from vacation to godless USA Valley of Napa area in which I consume 7500 mL of inferior sparkling beverages and many Michelin-star food bites! I once again must take short pause from retirement of journalism to talk to skate people ask series of questions to wrap up season of wonder, horror, and more!
Today’s question: What made you the angriest during the 2017-18 skating season?
D.J. “Bootsy” Malone: As someone with deep, long-term, intimate, and extensively thorough connections to several companies world renowned for crafting some of the greatest and most good personalized and hand-customized pieces of professional skating footwear in this or any other universe, I hereby and forthwith announce that someone I know has been savaged, maligned, dehumanized, invalidated, figuratively bitch-slapped, and literally lambasted by a malfeasant pair of legally dubious and indubitably slanderous skaters, namely the two such skaters being the American Karen Chen and the South Korean Choi Da-bin. The longstanding and torturous harmfulnesses their statements and actions have accomplished with regard to my—I mean my clients’—I mean someone I know’s reputations are currently and officially being investigated by a legal team whose knowledge of the reasonable figure skater standard necessary to establish the mens rea classically associated with malfeasant negligence is an a priori conviction precluding all defenses and must be indicted by a jury of one’s Instragram acquaintances. As a juridical matter or quid pro quo, the status quo itself requires a de facto adjudication of . . .
IK: Enough words from you! I have not heard such blather since Olympics brought many new posters to godless webforum FUS including very very wind-longed Brent L. Next!
Ashley Wagner: I am furious! As an athlete, I am allowed to be furious when infuriating things happen to me. I am allowed to express my anger, and those people who are furious that I am furious also have a right to be furious at me and express that furiousness frequently and repetitively. Even if their fury may be connected to my political beliefs more than my skating, and even if their fury is rooted in some sort of crotchety fury about a sassy diva speaking her mind when cameras get thrust into her furious face at furiously inopportune moments, they have the right to also be furious. Please don’t stop being furious at me just because I haven’t skated in months and there are 3,000 better and more interesting reasons to actually be furious.
Jackie Wong: I just wish I would have been able to provide skating fans with a little bit more information throughout the season. I also wish I would have wasted a little less time, especially since I have so much free time that I could be spending providing more content for skating fans.
Nina Mozer: I am a woman of god, I normally do not show upset feelings but I must admit I want to poncho people who claim I have full response for Christina Aquaria “Candy Gram.” Zhenya and Vlad decide it is necessary to have USA adventure LP, they travel to Tropix Dance Club in Schenectady for “Night of the Ladies” and become boogie with Xtina woogie. Guess it’s the destiny: after all, Christina is female version of name of god. As I say to Zhenya after disaster in Korea games: learning from such mistakes is shameful.
“Bootsy”: After infuriatingly and brazenly consulting with an unlicensed third-party perpetrator and generally perverse pervert, these skaters solicited malignant alterations that substantially and materially messed up boots that were provided with the compliments of our custom customer service excellence. The disregard for all ethical and moral guidelines is so grossly malificent and the harm to our—or someone’s—company is so magnificat . . .
IK: Shut your word hole, dude! NEXT!
Dave Lease: Gurl. LOL, there was more drama than a Real Housewives reunion! Tables were flipped! Prostitution whores turned tricks in the official Skate America hotel! Alliances were broken! Tears were shed! But what was the number one fierce sick burn of a year of drama moments? Only I have the inside scoop and it will all be revealed on a 450-minute TSL special. Also, Nathan Chen only got into Harvard because Vera Wang gave them 30 million dollars and Nathan was also the one to break Karen’s boots because he didn’t want another Chen in the spotlight. How do I know this? I just do, bitches!!!
Some person who claims to know Mark Mitchell: I have a few points of contention with the USFS Olympic Selection Committee. One of the first facts we should face is that the Selection Committee warrants that it can walk on water. Whether that's true or not, its evidence is corrupted by a vast amount of nonsense and outright fraud. Before we can further discuss the Olympic Selection Committee's claim, we must acknowledge that in a tacit concession of defeat, USFS Olympic Selection Committee is now openly calling for the abridgment of various freedoms to accomplish coercively what its incorrigible, hastily mounted campaigns have failed at. USFS Olympic Selection Committee posits its slogans as anti-masochism. In reality, though, they're not anti-masochism at all but rather post-masochism. That is, they're a step beyond masochism in that the Selection Committee uses them as an excuse to condone universal oppression. Moreover, I should point out that the Olympic Selection Committee can't possibly believe that its ignorance is just as good as our knowledge. It's censorious but it's not that censorious. I'll now end by reminding you that the USFS Olympic Selection Committee certainly isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. That may not be the profoundest of insights to take away from such a long statement, but the Olympic Selection Committee's patsies have discounted their brain as a useless organ.
“Bootsy”: Can I quote you on any of that?
IK: NEXT!
USFSA: Excuse us, it’s the USFSA, not the USFS!
IK: Who cares?
FSU: What a malfeasant, rude question!
Jonathan Beyer: Nothing happened this season that made me mad. Or sad. I laughed many times, but I never cried.
Next time: MORE WONDERS!
Today’s question: What made you the angriest during the 2017-18 skating season?
D.J. “Bootsy” Malone: As someone with deep, long-term, intimate, and extensively thorough connections to several companies world renowned for crafting some of the greatest and most good personalized and hand-customized pieces of professional skating footwear in this or any other universe, I hereby and forthwith announce that someone I know has been savaged, maligned, dehumanized, invalidated, figuratively bitch-slapped, and literally lambasted by a malfeasant pair of legally dubious and indubitably slanderous skaters, namely the two such skaters being the American Karen Chen and the South Korean Choi Da-bin. The longstanding and torturous harmfulnesses their statements and actions have accomplished with regard to my—I mean my clients’—I mean someone I know’s reputations are currently and officially being investigated by a legal team whose knowledge of the reasonable figure skater standard necessary to establish the mens rea classically associated with malfeasant negligence is an a priori conviction precluding all defenses and must be indicted by a jury of one’s Instragram acquaintances. As a juridical matter or quid pro quo, the status quo itself requires a de facto adjudication of . . .
IK: Enough words from you! I have not heard such blather since Olympics brought many new posters to godless webforum FUS including very very wind-longed Brent L. Next!
Ashley Wagner: I am furious! As an athlete, I am allowed to be furious when infuriating things happen to me. I am allowed to express my anger, and those people who are furious that I am furious also have a right to be furious at me and express that furiousness frequently and repetitively. Even if their fury may be connected to my political beliefs more than my skating, and even if their fury is rooted in some sort of crotchety fury about a sassy diva speaking her mind when cameras get thrust into her furious face at furiously inopportune moments, they have the right to also be furious. Please don’t stop being furious at me just because I haven’t skated in months and there are 3,000 better and more interesting reasons to actually be furious.
Jackie Wong: I just wish I would have been able to provide skating fans with a little bit more information throughout the season. I also wish I would have wasted a little less time, especially since I have so much free time that I could be spending providing more content for skating fans.
Nina Mozer: I am a woman of god, I normally do not show upset feelings but I must admit I want to poncho people who claim I have full response for Christina Aquaria “Candy Gram.” Zhenya and Vlad decide it is necessary to have USA adventure LP, they travel to Tropix Dance Club in Schenectady for “Night of the Ladies” and become boogie with Xtina woogie. Guess it’s the destiny: after all, Christina is female version of name of god. As I say to Zhenya after disaster in Korea games: learning from such mistakes is shameful.
“Bootsy”: After infuriatingly and brazenly consulting with an unlicensed third-party perpetrator and generally perverse pervert, these skaters solicited malignant alterations that substantially and materially messed up boots that were provided with the compliments of our custom customer service excellence. The disregard for all ethical and moral guidelines is so grossly malificent and the harm to our—or someone’s—company is so magnificat . . .
IK: Shut your word hole, dude! NEXT!
Dave Lease: Gurl. LOL, there was more drama than a Real Housewives reunion! Tables were flipped! Prostitution whores turned tricks in the official Skate America hotel! Alliances were broken! Tears were shed! But what was the number one fierce sick burn of a year of drama moments? Only I have the inside scoop and it will all be revealed on a 450-minute TSL special. Also, Nathan Chen only got into Harvard because Vera Wang gave them 30 million dollars and Nathan was also the one to break Karen’s boots because he didn’t want another Chen in the spotlight. How do I know this? I just do, bitches!!!
Some person who claims to know Mark Mitchell: I have a few points of contention with the USFS Olympic Selection Committee. One of the first facts we should face is that the Selection Committee warrants that it can walk on water. Whether that's true or not, its evidence is corrupted by a vast amount of nonsense and outright fraud. Before we can further discuss the Olympic Selection Committee's claim, we must acknowledge that in a tacit concession of defeat, USFS Olympic Selection Committee is now openly calling for the abridgment of various freedoms to accomplish coercively what its incorrigible, hastily mounted campaigns have failed at. USFS Olympic Selection Committee posits its slogans as anti-masochism. In reality, though, they're not anti-masochism at all but rather post-masochism. That is, they're a step beyond masochism in that the Selection Committee uses them as an excuse to condone universal oppression. Moreover, I should point out that the Olympic Selection Committee can't possibly believe that its ignorance is just as good as our knowledge. It's censorious but it's not that censorious. I'll now end by reminding you that the USFS Olympic Selection Committee certainly isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. That may not be the profoundest of insights to take away from such a long statement, but the Olympic Selection Committee's patsies have discounted their brain as a useless organ.
“Bootsy”: Can I quote you on any of that?
IK: NEXT!
USFSA: Excuse us, it’s the USFSA, not the USFS!
IK: Who cares?
FSU: What a malfeasant, rude question!
Jonathan Beyer: Nothing happened this season that made me mad. Or sad. I laughed many times, but I never cried.
Next time: MORE WONDERS!
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