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Olga Ermolina's interview with Alina Zagitova `Only the relatives and coaches knew what that victory cost me' for fsrussia.ru
We set the time for the interview after the LP in Saitama. There was plenty of time: the winners have to go through the doping control. Remembering how long she needed after the SP we expected to spend quite a while. `I always take while to calm down after the competition. The stress, the emotions. Even drinking the water doesn't help. I just have to wait', explained Alina.
She takes off her sneakers and walks barefooted on the cold floor. Starts checking the bags with the presents and the toys, reads the letter and puts them away. `Every time am surprised the Japanese fans write me in Russian, many cards are handmade. Here, take a look: an album with my photos and wishes. I always take such things back home, just can't leave it behind, even though I have no space left back home'.
Most of the toys go into a huge plastic bags. The Japanese federation will later pass it to the kids. `I think the kids will be happy with the toys - they need it more than I do and I hope the fans will understand and not hold grunge: many skaters donate the toys'.
It's around 3am. Together with Evgenia Medvedeva and the team doctor Filipp Shvetski and the doping controllers we go back to the rink. We pass the training rink on the way - it's being melted. The last day of the competition all the practices and the competitions take place on the main rink. It's unusually quiet. A huge empty arena. The girls take some photos. For them the competition in Saitama is history.
OE: Alina, you never show how happy you are after winning. What was going on inside you this time?
AZ: I wanted to throw everything up to the ceiling, shout loud and jump with happiness! But instead I had to go to the interviews, answer the questions, explain what I feel, be photographed and smile... after all that one gets so tired you just want to lie down and never get up.
OE: Why is this Worlds gold is more important than the Olympic gold for you?
AZ: At the Olympics I didn't yet understand how important it was and didn't know how hard it will be later. I had no problems with the jumps during the Olympic season. I was just going out there and jump, all was easy. It's the season after the Olympics that was hard. I wasn't winning all the time, even though I did make it to the podium. Except for the nationals, which really shook me. I later managed to put it behind, regroup and go back practicing. But the practices were not my best, some things didn't work, it was one thing or the other and it made me nervous. When you skate flawlessly every practice you are confident in a competition. However, when the jumps are not working you start thinking of the mistakes, which is no good. You have to shut such thoughts down.
OE: Were you thinking of drastic changes after the Olympics?
AZ: You mean retiring? No, I didn't think about it. I wanted to keep skating and improve. But I never thought it would be so difficult. When the jumps stopped working I understood how important it is and how much work there is ahead of me.
OE: How hurt were you reading Zagitova won the Olympics by chance? Though only people who understand nothing in the sports would say so.
AZ: I don't get these people. I used to get really upset, though now I care much less. In order to get mad before the LP I read some comments, where people wrote Zagitova won nothing this season, she can't put it together in Japan because she failed her last year's worlds. It turned me on. It probably helped me skating the LP better.
OE: Last season was the most successful in your career, and you probably went into the Worlds in Milano thinking of a victory
AZ: I wasn't thinking about it, because after the Olympics I was will and had 0 clean skates before the Worlds. It was hard to regroup - I lost 2kgs, felt weak and was not completely recovered. I guess I needed a break after Korea and heal, but I understood I can't miss some important meetings. I can't really turn down the invite to meet the Russian president, right? So all and all, I didn't heal completely, went to the worlds and you saw the result.
OE: How were you preparing to the worlds in Saitama?
AZ: After the Europeans I rethought a lot of things, I wanted to work, run to the practices. But the closer we got to the Worlds the more nervous I became. I kept thinking: the competition is soon, it's the one I failed miserably last year. And these thoughts caused the jumps to fail. The jumps were not working and I was even more nervous. I didn't know how to deal with that and started behaving completely out of character: the coaches would say one thing and I would do the opposite.
Deep inside me I knew it's wrong but I just couldn't help myself. No one except for the coaches and relatives knows how hard the preparations to the Worlds were. The coaches had to pull me out, because nothing worked in the practices, I was in a bad place and was even considering just leaving the sports. But the coaches helped me so much and only I know how much it cost them. They really did. Never made me do anything against my will, but found the right words. I wasn't working with the shrinks - my coaches are my shrinks. And they helped me to be prepared for this Worlds.
OE: So can we tell this victory was the point you have to overcome, after which it will become easier?
AZ: Yes. I never said it before, but in this competition I learned I can overcome myself, my character, my thoughts and jumps even when the things don't work at the practices. During those couple of days at the competition I lived through so much, there were so many emotions that it's twice as nice I was able to concentrate here.
OE: What were you lacking previously? The will to win, because in real life you are very kind and nice?
AZ: Real life and sports are two different things. You need to be focused. It's what I was lacking this season in some of the competitions. I would go out and didn't feel like doing much. Just turn away and rest. This competition for the first time I was in the game, which is important. It's the mood I had at the Olympics. I knew: I need it here and now, am close to my goal and I have to reach it. Now in Saitama I had exactly the same set of mind. I was sleeping and dreaming of my goal. I even had a dream, which am not going to reveal, but all worked out well
OE: What is next?
AZ: Am not retiring
OE: I was told in Minsk when the fire alarm went off in the hotel your mom started gathering the papers, but you shouted `Grab the skates and lets run!'.
AZ: Right. After Minsk I wanted to work again. Perhaps it's good I went though so much before that competition. It's just an age, when you understand with your head you are not retiring and not going anywhere, but you say different things. It's being a teenager. It will pass. Think a lot go through it.
OE: What does figure skating mean for you?
AZ: It's my life. I spend all the time on the rink, I practice all the time. It might sound weird, but it's true. I spend a lot of time on the rink. I go to sleep and think what do I have to work on tomorrow at the practice. I get up in the morning and set a plan. I.e. I think of figure skating all the time. About the practices and the competitions. The Olympics and the Worlds are the most memorable.
OE: So what is next - a harder content?
AZ: I don't really like talking about the plans. We'll see.
OE: After the Worlds you are remaining in Japan for the show. Is it a get away?
AZ: I love shows. And in Japan, of all the places! It's a different atmosphere, without the pressure of the competition. It's an opportunity to communicate with the other skaters and the fans. I don't speak English, but we still communicate. A lot of guys try speaking Russian, learn some phrases. Sometimes it's really funny. But I love it. The show in Japan is the best thing that could happen after the Worlds.
OE: There was a booth in Saitama arena where they sold a toy Masaru. Have you seen it?
AZ: No, but I saw a photo. I get a toy Masary every competition thrown on the ice and think I'll be able to open my own booth soon. Every time when I open the bags with the toys there are a couple of such toy dogs with a medal saying `Masaru'. They look so much like the real Masaru. I think Masaru loves it, though she has no idea she is such a star in Japan. I would love to take her here.
OE: What is Masaru for you? Guess she is not just a dog?
AZ: Not just. She feels my mood and is always trying to calm me and make me laugh. I start petting her and all the stress goes away and I smile. When I come back from the practices she jumps on me. Once I didn't quite calculate the distance she jumped and wham! am on the floor. After that I started saying `Masaru, calm down!' when she jumps on me. I am so happy I have her in my life. She doesn't just understand me - she feels me. She listens when we talk. I have a feeling she is not just a dog, but a person who turned into a dog. Grandmother loves Masaru, even though at first she was strictly against. Now they get along so well. Sometimes I come home from the practice, lie down, Iriska the cat jumps on me, Masaru is lies down next. Grandmother guards our sleeping kingdom - being quiet in the kitchen.
OE: What will you remember from this competition in Japan?
AZ: The emotions. Only the coaches and the relatives knew what that victory cost me, how hard the road was. I think they are even more happy than I am about the result. But am twice as happy, because all the work we have done was not in vain. Japan surprised me from the very first time I came here and it keeps surprising. Even the most casual things become unusual here. People are so calm, the traditions are so different. I once made it to a festival where the Japanese dressed up in the anime costumes, wore masks... there is something interesting in every corner in Japan.
The sunrise here is gorgeous. When I came to the show for the first time the jet lag kept me awake - at 4am I looked out from the window and saw the sun rising. It lasted just for several moments and I was filming it on my phone. I felt happy.
OE: What is happiness?
AZ: It's when everyone around me is happy.
We set the time for the interview after the LP in Saitama. There was plenty of time: the winners have to go through the doping control. Remembering how long she needed after the SP we expected to spend quite a while. `I always take while to calm down after the competition. The stress, the emotions. Even drinking the water doesn't help. I just have to wait', explained Alina.
She takes off her sneakers and walks barefooted on the cold floor. Starts checking the bags with the presents and the toys, reads the letter and puts them away. `Every time am surprised the Japanese fans write me in Russian, many cards are handmade. Here, take a look: an album with my photos and wishes. I always take such things back home, just can't leave it behind, even though I have no space left back home'.
Most of the toys go into a huge plastic bags. The Japanese federation will later pass it to the kids. `I think the kids will be happy with the toys - they need it more than I do and I hope the fans will understand and not hold grunge: many skaters donate the toys'.
It's around 3am. Together with Evgenia Medvedeva and the team doctor Filipp Shvetski and the doping controllers we go back to the rink. We pass the training rink on the way - it's being melted. The last day of the competition all the practices and the competitions take place on the main rink. It's unusually quiet. A huge empty arena. The girls take some photos. For them the competition in Saitama is history.
OE: Alina, you never show how happy you are after winning. What was going on inside you this time?
AZ: I wanted to throw everything up to the ceiling, shout loud and jump with happiness! But instead I had to go to the interviews, answer the questions, explain what I feel, be photographed and smile... after all that one gets so tired you just want to lie down and never get up.
OE: Why is this Worlds gold is more important than the Olympic gold for you?
AZ: At the Olympics I didn't yet understand how important it was and didn't know how hard it will be later. I had no problems with the jumps during the Olympic season. I was just going out there and jump, all was easy. It's the season after the Olympics that was hard. I wasn't winning all the time, even though I did make it to the podium. Except for the nationals, which really shook me. I later managed to put it behind, regroup and go back practicing. But the practices were not my best, some things didn't work, it was one thing or the other and it made me nervous. When you skate flawlessly every practice you are confident in a competition. However, when the jumps are not working you start thinking of the mistakes, which is no good. You have to shut such thoughts down.
OE: Were you thinking of drastic changes after the Olympics?
AZ: You mean retiring? No, I didn't think about it. I wanted to keep skating and improve. But I never thought it would be so difficult. When the jumps stopped working I understood how important it is and how much work there is ahead of me.
OE: How hurt were you reading Zagitova won the Olympics by chance? Though only people who understand nothing in the sports would say so.
AZ: I don't get these people. I used to get really upset, though now I care much less. In order to get mad before the LP I read some comments, where people wrote Zagitova won nothing this season, she can't put it together in Japan because she failed her last year's worlds. It turned me on. It probably helped me skating the LP better.
OE: Last season was the most successful in your career, and you probably went into the Worlds in Milano thinking of a victory
AZ: I wasn't thinking about it, because after the Olympics I was will and had 0 clean skates before the Worlds. It was hard to regroup - I lost 2kgs, felt weak and was not completely recovered. I guess I needed a break after Korea and heal, but I understood I can't miss some important meetings. I can't really turn down the invite to meet the Russian president, right? So all and all, I didn't heal completely, went to the worlds and you saw the result.
OE: How were you preparing to the worlds in Saitama?
AZ: After the Europeans I rethought a lot of things, I wanted to work, run to the practices. But the closer we got to the Worlds the more nervous I became. I kept thinking: the competition is soon, it's the one I failed miserably last year. And these thoughts caused the jumps to fail. The jumps were not working and I was even more nervous. I didn't know how to deal with that and started behaving completely out of character: the coaches would say one thing and I would do the opposite.
Deep inside me I knew it's wrong but I just couldn't help myself. No one except for the coaches and relatives knows how hard the preparations to the Worlds were. The coaches had to pull me out, because nothing worked in the practices, I was in a bad place and was even considering just leaving the sports. But the coaches helped me so much and only I know how much it cost them. They really did. Never made me do anything against my will, but found the right words. I wasn't working with the shrinks - my coaches are my shrinks. And they helped me to be prepared for this Worlds.
OE: So can we tell this victory was the point you have to overcome, after which it will become easier?
AZ: Yes. I never said it before, but in this competition I learned I can overcome myself, my character, my thoughts and jumps even when the things don't work at the practices. During those couple of days at the competition I lived through so much, there were so many emotions that it's twice as nice I was able to concentrate here.
OE: What were you lacking previously? The will to win, because in real life you are very kind and nice?
AZ: Real life and sports are two different things. You need to be focused. It's what I was lacking this season in some of the competitions. I would go out and didn't feel like doing much. Just turn away and rest. This competition for the first time I was in the game, which is important. It's the mood I had at the Olympics. I knew: I need it here and now, am close to my goal and I have to reach it. Now in Saitama I had exactly the same set of mind. I was sleeping and dreaming of my goal. I even had a dream, which am not going to reveal, but all worked out well
OE: What is next?
AZ: Am not retiring
OE: I was told in Minsk when the fire alarm went off in the hotel your mom started gathering the papers, but you shouted `Grab the skates and lets run!'.
AZ: Right. After Minsk I wanted to work again. Perhaps it's good I went though so much before that competition. It's just an age, when you understand with your head you are not retiring and not going anywhere, but you say different things. It's being a teenager. It will pass. Think a lot go through it.
OE: What does figure skating mean for you?
AZ: It's my life. I spend all the time on the rink, I practice all the time. It might sound weird, but it's true. I spend a lot of time on the rink. I go to sleep and think what do I have to work on tomorrow at the practice. I get up in the morning and set a plan. I.e. I think of figure skating all the time. About the practices and the competitions. The Olympics and the Worlds are the most memorable.
OE: So what is next - a harder content?
AZ: I don't really like talking about the plans. We'll see.
OE: After the Worlds you are remaining in Japan for the show. Is it a get away?
AZ: I love shows. And in Japan, of all the places! It's a different atmosphere, without the pressure of the competition. It's an opportunity to communicate with the other skaters and the fans. I don't speak English, but we still communicate. A lot of guys try speaking Russian, learn some phrases. Sometimes it's really funny. But I love it. The show in Japan is the best thing that could happen after the Worlds.
OE: There was a booth in Saitama arena where they sold a toy Masaru. Have you seen it?
AZ: No, but I saw a photo. I get a toy Masary every competition thrown on the ice and think I'll be able to open my own booth soon. Every time when I open the bags with the toys there are a couple of such toy dogs with a medal saying `Masaru'. They look so much like the real Masaru. I think Masaru loves it, though she has no idea she is such a star in Japan. I would love to take her here.
OE: What is Masaru for you? Guess she is not just a dog?
AZ: Not just. She feels my mood and is always trying to calm me and make me laugh. I start petting her and all the stress goes away and I smile. When I come back from the practices she jumps on me. Once I didn't quite calculate the distance she jumped and wham! am on the floor. After that I started saying `Masaru, calm down!' when she jumps on me. I am so happy I have her in my life. She doesn't just understand me - she feels me. She listens when we talk. I have a feeling she is not just a dog, but a person who turned into a dog. Grandmother loves Masaru, even though at first she was strictly against. Now they get along so well. Sometimes I come home from the practice, lie down, Iriska the cat jumps on me, Masaru is lies down next. Grandmother guards our sleeping kingdom - being quiet in the kitchen.
OE: What will you remember from this competition in Japan?
AZ: The emotions. Only the coaches and the relatives knew what that victory cost me, how hard the road was. I think they are even more happy than I am about the result. But am twice as happy, because all the work we have done was not in vain. Japan surprised me from the very first time I came here and it keeps surprising. Even the most casual things become unusual here. People are so calm, the traditions are so different. I once made it to a festival where the Japanese dressed up in the anime costumes, wore masks... there is something interesting in every corner in Japan.
The sunrise here is gorgeous. When I came to the show for the first time the jet lag kept me awake - at 4am I looked out from the window and saw the sun rising. It lasted just for several moments and I was filming it on my phone. I felt happy.
OE: What is happiness?
AZ: It's when everyone around me is happy.
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