Donate Help Me Reclaim My Birthday and get to Mammoth

[misskarne]

Actually what I said was little to no alcohol.

Which still implies that you will drink some.

Read once_upon's post, and pull your head in.

 

[LordCirque]

I'm going to try and be gentle, but there are also some very harsh truths.

Yes, having a mental illness in a judging society is difficult. Struggles are real. Having a significant breakup on a significant date in your life is a struggle. Having to grow up not sure of one's sexuality (IIRC, you came to grips with being gay? Or am i missrembering?) Those struggles are real.

But realistically, if a 15 hour stay in an Emergency Department post breakup stay is one of the worsest days of your life, you might want to spend some time volunteering in a cancer or hospice or alzheimer's or ALS or a number of other devastating illnesses units. Or time with families who loved ones were victims of a violent death situation. Or many other situations. And yes, it is a struggle when people tell you that you haven't experienced pain. I believe you have, but so have many other people.


You may have come a long way in your estimation and maybe you have. But this action of asking to fund a vacation doesn't show that you have.

You are remembering correctly about coming to terms with my sexuality and mental illness. And you have no idea what I really experienced that night, so don't try and judge what I really did or did not experience. It was a full nervous breakdown that was not helped at all by any single person in that hospital and was actually only made worse by them, when I was only asking to take the psychiatrist again. I was on guard watch the entire night, not allowed a single moment of alone time or peace and quiet (which is what I need the most when I'm in a state like this, and this was by far the worst emotional state I'd ever been in). I may not have cancer or anything like that, but it was a very emotionally traumatizing night that I still haven't fully recovered from almost a year later. So yes, in my own life experiences, and I am not going to claim knowledge of anyone elses, everyones lives are different, to this point in my life and in my relative life experience, it was the worst night of my life, and these details are only a shell of it.

And it was this particular event that put the final pieces of my mental illness together.

 

[Jimena]

Must we be so insulting in this thread?

I'm really sorry last year's birthday was traumatic. But I fully agree with Louis. That's the best advice you've received on this thread. There are a lot of different ways to reclaim your birthday. Asking people to fund what seems like a luxury trip isn't a great idea. If I were you, I'd reconsider it.

once-upon's post above is very appropriate and I hope you take it in and take the time to think about it.

I was very happy for you when you reappeared a few months back saying you had finished your BA and talking about the right mix of meds for your condition. It seems like you're getting better. I honestly wish you the best.

 

[Simone411]

Most of the 3k, is for future training, not this particular trip. And no I don't have a "real" 40 hour a week salaried office job, like I would like to have, so I could do things like this on my own without having to ask for help, but I do have a job, maybe an underemployed one, but it is one I do have, and one I do very well, regardless of what it is.

Maybe I shouldn't do this, but I want you to understand something. I'm going to add a link to my survivor story for you. I would like you to read it and there is a photo that I would like you to see of my leg. I was diagnosed with Necrotizing Fasciitis in April of 2011 and nearly died:

My survivor story

For 52 years, I was blessed with good health and always managed to have good jobs because of my determination. There were some jobs I didn't like, but I worked anyway because it helped me to make a living for myself. I would always hunt for a better job while I was still working at the one I didn't necessarily like. But I always would manage to find jobs that I liked and loved. I always had a very satisfying life and that included a wonderful family.

My life completely changed in one day's time. I was supposed to die, but didn't. The doctors wanted to amputate my left leg, but I still have it. The doctors say I received a miracle instead of dying.

I had to accept the fact that I would never be able to walk again without a walker, and I also have to use a wheelchair. My doctors didn't believe that I would be able to walk at all even with a walker. I did learn how to walk again and then the doctors called me a "walking miracle".

When I first came out of the induced coma, my doctors told me I was supposed to die and that I had received a miracle. What they didn't tell me was that they were still scared I may not make it during that first month. They felt I was still going to die, but I didn't. I couldn't go home for a very long time. On the third day of coming out of the coma, I acquired DVT in my right leg (my good leg). I nearly died from that because my Coumadin doctor failed to tell the nurses to check my PT levels of my blood and a month went by.

My PT level ended up being level 13 and the danger zone was level 6.5 when the blood is dangerously too thin. I hemorrhaged in my bladder and my eyeballs nearly hemorrhaged because of my blood being so thin. I made it through that, too. I had to have skin grafts for the back of my leg because over 60 percent of the flesh was removed. It took me a year before I was finally able to go home. I had to stay in a nursing facility while being on a wound vac, getting skin grafts, getting over DVT, and then finally learning how to walk again. I had lost so much weight that I had to drink 2Cal which is like Ensure but without Vitamin K. I had to drink Juven everyday which is made by Ensure. It helped to rebuild muscle because I lost all my muscles in my legs and arms because of this disease. I also had to stay on a special diet for a while when my kidneys had shut down twice and I had to have dialysis while in the coma.

It's hard as hell sometimes because I get so aggravated when I can't do something that I used to could do so easily. I get aggravated, but I do finally figure out another way of doing things. I'm now physically disabled. I can't say that life is always hunky dory because it isn't. I had dreams of going to a figure skating event/competition, but that didn't happen when this happened. It's still on my bucket list.

I still may never get to go because of severe spasms and other complications that I have because of what happened to my leg. There is also a chance that I could have DVT again because of the situation with my leg. That is why my doctors left a permanent AVC filter right below my diaphragm. I also have to take an 81 milligram aspirin each day along with my blood pressure medicine. I have to take Cyclobenzaprine for the spasms I have and they're no fun by any means.

I haven't let any of this stop me. I didn't just give up. I've felt like it sometimes, but if I think that way, I wouldn't get anywhere at all.

I understand you need help with this, but you need to hang in there and try your best if you want it. I've told you all of this because I don't want you to give up. You may feel that way sometimes, but don't give into it. Fight for it and go for it.

I may never get the opportunity to go to a skating event, but at least I've had the pleasure and opportunity of being able to watch on TV throughout the years. I'm so thankful that I also taped so much of the figure skating over the years because now I can share it by making videos, and I have shared it.

No, I haven't physically been to a skating competition, but I haven't missed out on it at all. I was also fortunate enough to have skated a little in my teen years and I'll never forget that wonderful feeling of being on the ice. It's like magic, and I felt like I was flying in a way.

 

[once_upon]

Again, I am not denying the depth of your pain. From the above description, you were treated appropriately. I suspect a real voiced and threat of suicide, a suicide watch was warrented which is why the guard, 1 on 1 observation and what seemed to you denial of access to a doctor..

A visit to a psychiatric intensive care unit (in those areas fortunate enough to have inpatient psychiatric care available) would, I hooe, give you a slightly different viewpoint. 15 hours is different from 30-45 day inpatient stay in a locked unit. JMO of course

I do realize how difficult it is to see beyond your own pain. I'm not denying that you have emotional pain. I am suggesting that you do not or should not expect someone to compensate you for that pain.

There is no sliding scale of monetary compensation for pain.

 

[VGThuy]

And I honestly only need a few hundred more if that. When I started that, I used the logic of selling a house, you want to see your house for 500,000k, you list it at 650,000k. It was honestly an arbitrary number.

I was hoping for, and never expected, to get more than 100 or 200 dollars at best.

Honestly, I thought some of the responses were a bit harsh, even though the posts were understandable, until I read the above post. I actually don't mind it much when people ask friends and people they know to help fund something that they really want because the recipients can always just ignore it or give depending on the circumstances and how much they know the asker will benefit (and if they think they deserve to have whatever it is they are asking for but cannot afford). Sometimes I may roll my eyes (depending on the person and how entitled they are), but friends/family help people out or give gifts all the time if they care about a person, so this isn't much different.

However, you equated this with selling a house, and I don't think using a selling/negotiation tactic is the correct way of going about asking people for a donation based on good faith. You're asking for something specific which should have a specific number. When asking other people to fund something specific and listing a specific goal, one should be very transparent about where those funds are going. It's ok to ask for a bit more to cover unexpected expenses or to treat yourself to a nice meal, etc. But asking for thousands of dollars more to fund what you're calling a therapeutic trip is borderline unethical and if you're lying about the amount, people can't help but wonder what else you're not revealing in your trip description. Also, using the house selling tactic (where the goal is to make as much money from someone as you can) makes it seem like you're trying to pull a fast one, especially if you're selling it as something you need for your own mental health. Honestly, it reads like you want this trip funded and you want some extra money to live off on. I don't mean for that to sound harsh, but just thought I should tell you how that really comes off to me and probably a few others.

 

[LordCirque]

Maybe I did make a mistake about the tactic I used, but it is not about wanting extra money to live off of. Maybe I did make a mistake in that. I am not intentionally trying to deceive anyone, and if anyone asked where the extra money was going, I would tell them, this has become a second therapy for me and something I need to do regularly for my own health, if you don't wish to fund those, I will happily return the money.

And I did not make any threats or mentions of suicide or homicide that night, so it is still a mystery of why what was done was fully done.

 

[thvu]

And it was this particular event that put the final pieces of my mental illness together.

You need to understand the importance of having humility about your feelings and emotions. There's a reason many here are harsh with you, and why many are sharing their own struggles.

Life is full of pain and struggle. Many of us have pain we experience every day of our lives. So what? That doesn't change the fact that we have no choice but to move forward. You keep bringing up your own pain as if that means anything to us, as if that entitles you to things, other peoples' things. It doesn't. No one here is treating you any way other than the way you've trained them to. You are not special, and any poster bahaving as you have would meet the same reaction.

 

[escaflowne9282]

oh my heck this is almost as good as the eggcup thread

I remember the egg cup thread! Particularly because I had never heard of egg cups before, and I was scared to click on the thread because I thought it would be about a newfangled feminine hygiene product

 

[LordCirque]

It was a simple request, nothing more, nothing less. I don't see how that is asking for "special treatment"

 

[Lacey]

LordCirque, color me astounded by your words and behavior here. Above all, really now, do you think everyone would like to pay for, in addition to your private skiing trip, my holiday presents to my immediate family of 15? I cringe at the thought of my bills coming in, but I am a responsible adult.

True congratulations to you for finishing your BA. I wasn't able to do that until I was turning 50 because I had to help pay for the first two of my children to go through college and to save in order to do the same for my third, so I was almost jealous that you could jump to the head of the full time employable class sooner than I did.

But if you have crossed the line out of childhood and into adulthood by finishing your degree, then, YES, you should understand that this is Sharpie's board here, INDEED. You are a guest, albeit a paying one LIKE ALL OF US, and guests are supposed to behave when they go to someone else's house.

I really don't care about any of what you have said, but must chip in to say this:

Anyone on psych meds of any kind should not take even one sip, much less "only" one glass or "only" a little bit of any kind of alcohol, and don't think wine is not going to affect you.

 

[LordCirque]

My doctors have told me little amounts, IE: A glass with dinner once in a great while here and there are not bad, as long as I am not abusing it or doing a whole bottle a night every night, but even then I rarely partake anymore and haven't had any in at least 6 months.

 

[taf2002]

It was a simple request, nothing more, nothing less. I don't see how that is asking for "special treatment"

It was not simple. And having others pay for anything of yours is "special treatment". There's no free lunch in life.

My niece was diagnosed bipolar about 3 yrs ago & that was an eye-opener for me. After seeing it first-hand I do not doubt your pain. Like you, she is finally on the right meds & life is much easier but she will never be completely "cured". But your shitty birthday or your heart-breaking breakup doesn't put you at the top spot for "Life's Most Dumped On" person. And really, you're a grown man, are birthdays really that important now? Does something become worse or better just because it happened on your birthday? I could name at least 100 worst things that have read about on this board that have happened or are still happening to FSUers. And you would be hard-pressed to find someone who has not been through a painful break-up.

I myself have not been on a vacation for 4 yrs & it is unlikely that I will ever be on one again. My husband is disabled & can't be left overnight & the logistics of him going are almost impossible. There are at least 10 women here in the same boat with husbands with life-threatening diseases or disabilities. So when you talk about your nightmare birthday that was ONE DAY & NIGHT it's hard for me to be sympathetic.

 

[LordCirque]

I am not trying to play any kind of competition game with anyone here, I'm simply answering questions that were asked. If you're not sympathetic to my story, that's fine, I'm not going to be hurt or upset by it, everyone has different barometers for these things. It's as simple as that.

 

[once_upon]

The fact that you are unable to see that you are asking for special treatment indicates to me that you aren't aware of how others view you.

I am a very giving person, but I also expect that on a gofundme site, that someone would give me specifics on goals, measures of outcomes and how monies are spent would be given. Much like a business plan.

Your page had spelling errors (and I know I frequently edit here for spelling errors), looked rather hastily written, poorly thought out and reminiscent of asking people to fund your dance, trampoline, cooking lessons. To me a gofundme page should be well thought out and business or outcomes goals set. Not a recap of my pain demands others to fund my dreams

I'm trying to be gentle here, I also recognize the more people tell you that you are repeating old behaviors, the harder you will deny things.

My NEW YEAR wish for you is that you are continuing to see your therapist and that the suggestion to set up a gofundme page was from a family member or friend, not a credible therapist

 

[LordCirque]

I thought I'd re post your link for you - you never know!

Please remove the link from your post, I ask you respectfully and do apologize for everything I've said. I don't need or want anything from here, so please remove the link from this post and please just delete this thread, I've already admitted all of my many mistakes.

 

[Allen]

One of the children I adopted for Christmas this year asked for socks. Socks. Think about that child for a moment when you ask others for funds to help reclaim your birthday.

 

[quartz]

I have a confession. I also have a gofundme in the works. It's called, "My Spare Change Jar".
If I work hard, spend carefully, and live within my means, I will get to treat myself to a lovely mini-vacation to Skate Canada next October.
I find there is nothing more satisfying than setting a goal and working to achieve it totally on my own.

 

[taf2002]

Get your head out of your ass & recognize that "your story" is one of poor pitiful me. You don't have a story. You have a disease - it is manageable. It allowed you to complete college & get a job.

We are trying to make you realize that everyone has issues & challenges. Why don't you send me the money you raise & I can pay for someone to stay with my husband & give me some respite. Don't I deserve it more than you? Haven't I suffered enough?

 

[LordCirque]

You are allowed to think whatever you want about my story. But it is my story and whatever you think of it doesn't remove the pain it has caused me, regardless of your opinion of it.

I am well aware everyone has issues and challenges, that is not news to me of any sort. This is simply how I'm trying to deal with mine and one specific incident in my life that for me, is very difficult, and still very difficult to deal with. I don't recall ever saying I have a certain amount of ownership on pain and hardship.

If you want to set up a gofundme for yourself, go ahead, no one is stopping you. I'm sorry you have to deal with what you do, I truly am, and I have a co-worker that is dealing with a very similar situation with his wife and two others with their mothers. I am not blindly unaware of other peoples problems and suffering, and I have no idea why anyone thinks I am because I asked if someone might donate 5 or 10 dollars, or however much they wished for something, or none at all if they decide. I wasn't demanding anything, or going to make multiple posts about it.

 

[LordCirque]

And not that it's anyone's business, but I already have put about $800 dollars of my own money into this trip, that I earned on my own.

 

[purple skates]

LC, I always championed you back in the hot tub days (I had a different user name then), but this is beyond the pale. It is never ever acceptable to ask other people for money to pursue leisure activities, even if they are perceived to help your mental health. Never.

If you understand that, you should not be at all surprised at the responses you received here.

now if it were a once in a lifetime opportunity and you had already dealt with major problems, and if someone did the asking for you, then that's a different situation. I'd be all about supporting that for a fellow FSUer.

 

[TheGirlCanSkate]

For 800, you can drive and stay cheaply for under 300 for 3 nights. You'd have 500 left for everything else. You can rent ski gear at sport chalet much more cheaply than buying. You might also have friends you can borrow ski gear from. You can split the hotel cost if you can find a friend to go up with. We did big bear for that for 2 adults and two kids last year. Wouldn't it be nice to celebrate on your own money? That can make you feel good too.

 

[ballettmaus]

For 800, you can drive and stay cheaply for under 300 for 3 nights. You'd have 500 left for everything else. You can rent ski gear at sport chalet much more cheaply than buying. You might also have friends you can borrow ski gear from.

Nowadays, only if the person is at about the same level and height and has the same shoe size. Otherwise it could be dangerous and make one more prone to injury especially at a beginners level.

That said, I agree that a day trip or maybe a two day trip could work and would already make for positive memories.
Or spend the day with friends - do a spa day, treat yourself, pamper yourself, go shopping, have fun. Yes, a ski trip sounds amazing, however, it's not the only option to help you overcome what happened to you (which you may be aware of, yet, unfortunately, you make it sound as if it is)