Cipres accused of sexual misconduct

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VGThuy

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Anecdotally, I would believe the cyber security officer more if his sample only came from Grindr, from what my gay friends tell me. But me and my friends are now of an age where we are a bit removed from the youngest dating demographic, so maybe he’s right about that. My sisters who are older Gen Zers tell me otherwise though and just told me they never had to send nudes before a date but we started talking about all the unsolicited dick pics we’ve received. That one is cross-generational.
 

Willin

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@VGThuy Yeah it's definitely a thing in the LBGTQ scene from what I've heard. But for the vast majority of people I know it's not a thing. Of the Gen Z'ers I know literally none are overly interested in sex right now, even those in relationships. It's kinda strange how in general they seem less all over each other when I walk by the high school compared to the straight up make-out sessions I saw out front and all over town in my high school days. Heck, as young as middle school kids at my school would try to go to local sex shops or would order sex toys as gag gifts for their high school friends. Now I see blushing high schoolers trying not to make eye contact with the sex shop near my apartment. That alone suggests to me most Gen Z'ers aren't requesting nudes prior to dating.
 

insideedgeua

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Wait what?
I'm younger than most people on this forum (a young millenial) and know many people in many different scenes - social butterflies that have multiple boyfriends, people who are part of hookup culture, social introverts who hardly date, young divorcees, the notoriously sexually charged band geeks (the reputation is apparently not wrong), a couple Olympic/elite athletes, etc. and never have I ever heard of nudes being a date prerequisite. I do hear about people sending unsolicited nudes or requesting nudes too early in a relationship (both usually leading to immediate rejection). For the most part they're more of something sent between people in a relationship, and even then a lot of people don't send or take them due to the chance of revenge porn or people accidentally seeing them. If anything the recent celeb nude leaks and the rise of unsolicited nudes/requests for nudes has made the whole thing fall out of favor unless you're talking about internet jokes.

So anecdotally I think what that cybersecurity trainer said was BS.

Anecdotally, as someone who works with young people on a daily basis and frequently has to deal with issues involving students and phones. My experience is very different to yours.

Most adults would be shocked at what young people share. Much of this sort of sharing is done as a ‘joke’ between friends. Teens sending rude photos back and forward to friends (not necessarily of the opposite sex), sometimes ending with something totally stupid like a toilet photo. All done because it’s ‘funny’. In most cases, friends trying to make each other laugh out loud when they open their phone. They see it as a game and nothing sexual.

It’s completely asinine to us as adults, but it happens on a daily basis in schools, even those where phones are banned.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not defending what has happened here in any way, but it does happen. Young people view this sort of thing in a completely different way to what we do. We can see the issues and they can’t. The permanency of a photo on the internet and the long term consequences of this is lost on many young people.

Just my experience.
 

Vash01

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Anecdotally, as someone who works with young people on a daily basis and frequently has to deal with issues involving students and phones. My experience is very different to yours.

Most adults would be shocked at what young people share. Much of this sort of sharing is done as a ‘joke’ between friends. Teens sending rude photos back and forward to friends (not necessarily of the opposite sex), sometimes ending with something totally stupid like a toilet photo. All done because it’s ‘funny’. In most cases, friends trying to make each other laugh out loud when they open their phone. They see it as a game and nothing sexual.

It’s completely asinine to us as adults, but it happens on a daily basis in schools, even those where phones are banned.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not defending what has happened here in any way, but it does happen. Young people view this sort of thing in a completely different way to what we do. We can see the issues and they can’t. The permanency of a photo on the internet and the long term consequences of this is lost on many young people.

Just my experience.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I believe what you are saying.

In this particular case (and other similar cases) I would have thought that a 26 year old would foresee the danger involved in sending such pictures. In the skating world other cases have come up in recent years (the Coughlin case in particular). How can Cipres, Z and F not be aware of it? Did they really think they would not be caught? Z&F in particular can be considered grown ups (I hate to call them 'old' since they are in only their 40s), and in my book a 26 year old is also a grown up, who should know what actions are right/wrong.

May be the younger generation can learn what is wrong about those actions, because of this. I hope.
 

tony

Throwing the (rule)book at them
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Anecdotally, as someone who works with young people on a daily basis and frequently has to deal with issues involving students and phones. My experience is very different to yours.

Most adults would be shocked at what young people share. Much of this sort of sharing is done as a ‘joke’ between friends. Teens sending rude photos back and forward to friends (not necessarily of the opposite sex), sometimes ending with something totally stupid like a toilet photo. All done because it’s ‘funny’. In most cases, friends trying to make each other laugh out loud when they open their phone. They see it as a game and nothing sexual.

It’s completely asinine to us as adults, but it happens on a daily basis in schools, even those where phones are banned.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not defending what has happened here in any way, but it does happen. Young people view this sort of thing in a completely different way to what we do. We can see the issues and they can’t. The permanency of a photo on the internet and the long term consequences of this is lost on many young people.

Just my experience.

I agree with you until the end. Snapchat and Instagram specifically have created ways that photos can be viewed one or two times and then they disappear (forever). That's what the whole purpose was of Snapchat in the beginning anyways. I guarantee you the people you are talking about are well-aware of that. Instagram now even has a method to delete sent messages- and by that I mean they will disappear from the recipients messages as well even if they have already been opened, with a pop-up notification that says 'this message has been unsent by the sender'. It doesn't say which message, and it doesn't say who did it.

Anecdotally, I would believe the cyber security officer more if his sample only came from Grindr, from what my gay friends tell me. But me and my friends are now of an age where we are a bit removed from the youngest dating demographic, so maybe he’s right about that. My sisters who are older Gen Zers tell me otherwise though and just told me they never had to send nudes before a date but we started talking about all the unsolicited dick pics we’ve received. That one is cross-generational.

@VGThuy Yeah it's definitely a thing in the LBGTQ scene from what I've heard. But for the vast majority of people I know it's not a thing. Of the Gen Z'ers I know literally none are overly interested in sex right now, even those in relationships. It's kinda strange how in general they seem less all over each other when I walk by the high school compared to the straight up make-out sessions I saw out front and all over town in my high school days. Heck, as young as middle school kids at my school would try to go to local sex shops or would order sex toys as gag gifts for their high school friends. Now I see blushing high schoolers trying not to make eye contact with the sex shop near my apartment. That alone suggests to me most Gen Z'ers aren't requesting nudes prior to dating.

I gave an example of how Grindr typically works a few pages back, and I think the people saying that it really isn't common amongst younger (legal) generations would change their minds after spending time in bigger cities, whether it involves Grindr or Tinder or even Facebook or Instagram DMs. Tinder has been building for a long time now into a way for many (straight) people to simply just hook up, along the same lines of what is happening in the LGBTQ/Grindr community. I know the majority of you have never been on Grindr, but those of you who have and those of you who have friends that go on it around you, you know how it is without having to say a single word. The rest of you would probably have a heart attack. Tinder, if you select the option, links your most recent Instagram posts to your profile. That, in turn, has a lot of people preferring to follow each other and talk there, where sending pics fairly early on is certainly not out of the question.

Anyways, I know my view is a little different than the typical small-town American-- even if that is where my roots are. I've worked in nightlife for quite a long time, I've traveled to some of the biggest parties (events, whatever you want to call them) around the United States, and I even have a few close friends who are very successful in the porn industry-- but for me, it's not really anything out of the ordinary to be honest. I see a little bit of everything not only living in a tourist-heavy area, but being in the center of the party life nearly every weekend. In simple terms, I think the younger generation these days is much more aware of and partaking in the culture referenced above than many of you will ever be able to comprehend, and that's okay. But just being realistic.

ETA- my whole post is referring to those who are of the age of consent.
 
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MsZem

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In this particular case (and other similar cases) I would have thought that a 26 year old would foresee the danger involved in sending such pictures. In the skating world other cases have come up in recent years (the Coughlin case in particular). How can Cipres, Z and F not be aware of it? Did they really think they would not be caught? Z&F in particular can be considered grown ups (I hate to call them 'old' since they are in only their 40s), and in my book a 26 year old is also a grown up, who should know what actions are right/wrong.
The events described took place prior to the 2018 Olympics, so before the Coughlin investigation.

Everyone involved should have known better and done better, regardless. The allegations suggest conduct that has hurt teenage girls directly; their families, less directly; and could harm the careers and lives of other skaters and coaches at that rink. All because an adult apparently decided that sending a dick pic to a child was a good idea. WTF were they thinking?!
 

MacMadame

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So maybe it is pretty common for those who do online dating, but not very common in other day-to-day life.
It's not just online dating. Any online site that a social aspect and has private messages is a place where guys stalk women and send them unwanted contact including sending dick pics.

As an example, I upload my workouts to Strava and I had to set my profile to private so that random dudes from other countries would stop following me and contacting me to "flirt". It's annoying that I can't open up my profile on Strava because it means I can't participate in a lot of the features including the Challenges.

I agree with @rfisher in saying it is unusual they had a publicist and not a lawyer was responding to this claim about them, but it could also be because this truly was news to them and that is how they quickly reacted.)
I think most likely they have a publicist and would have had to find a lawyer so they used the publicist.
 

Willin

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@Tony Wheeler Maybe your experience with younger generations is very different from those of me and @VGThuy because we deal with normal, run-of-the-mill, every day millennials and to some extent Gen Z'ers on a regular basis in normal settings outside of night life? Anecdotally, the people I know who are in the night life circles are those most likely to have/send nudes as part of hookup culture. The other 95% of my friends/coworkers who don't participate in night life stuff don't do nudes outside of relationships.

And FYI I've spent pretty much all my life in some of the largest US metro areas, so it's not like I'm out of the loop on "big city" stuff. Right now, in fact, I'm living in one of the largest US cities, and right next to one of its biggest party districts.
 

MsZem

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Anyways, I know my view is a little different than the typical small-town American-- even if that is where my roots are. I've worked in nightlife for quite a long time, I've traveled to some of the biggest parties (events, whatever you want to call them) around the United States, and I even have a few close friends who are very successful in the porn industry-- but for me, it's not really anything out of the ordinary to be honest. I see a little bit of everything not only living in a tourist-heavy area, but being in the center of the party life nearly every weekend. In simple terms, I think the younger generation these days is much more aware of and partaking in the culture referenced above than many of you will ever be able to comprehend, and that's okay. But just being realistic.
As you note, your perspective is affected by your own experiences, and of course that's not necessarily representative either. My guess is that Gen Z and millennials (especially younger ones) engage with each other and with technology in ways that older people did not - but that a lot of them may be aware of certain things without actually partaking in them.

My interactions with that cohort are mostly through academia, though, and while the subjects I teach mean that I do hear a bit about their lives, I'm sure there's a lot going on that I'm not aware of.
 

tony

Throwing the (rule)book at them
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@Tony Wheeler Maybe your experience with younger generations is very different from those of me and @VGThuy because we deal with normal, run-of-the-mill, every day millennials and to some extent Gen Z'ers on a regular basis in normal settings outside of night life? Anecdotally, the people I know who are in the night life circles are those most likely to have/send nudes as part of hookup culture. The other 95% of my friends/coworkers who don't participate in night life stuff don't do nudes outside of relationships.

And FYI I've spent pretty much all my life in some of the largest US metro areas, so it's not like I'm out of the loop on "big city" stuff. Right now, in fact, I'm living in one of the largest US cities, and right next to one of its biggest party districts.

As you note, your perspective is affected by your own experiences, and of course that's not necessarily representative either. My guess is that Gen Z and millennials (especially younger ones) engage with each other and with technology in ways that older people did not - but that a lot of them may be aware of certain things without actually partaking in them.

My interactions with that cohort are mostly through academia, though, and while the subjects I teach mean that I do hear a bit about their lives, I'm sure there's a lot going on that I'm not aware of.

And I completely agree that it has to do with the atmosphere you are in. But the point I was trying to make is that I see the 'other side' that so many people are claiming doesn't exist or they are finding hard to believe. On the same token, I can and do believe many people are innocent and/or don't see the point or fun in any of that kind of world.

When I was 18 and starting college, my school was one of the 10 or so schools that had the very first Facebook release (this is October of 2004). I was living in the dorms, and one of the parts that you could fill in at the time was the dorm and room that you were living in since Facebook was ONLY for University students. Mind you, this is Midwest 'wholesome' Ohio, but I still was getting messages (or wall posts, whatever they were at the time) from some of the girls in the same dorm that were super suggestive (sorry girlzzz :lol:). And then MySpace a few years later was no different. It's just changed with the times.
 

misskarne

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I've had to stop accepting Words with Friends games from men I don't know because they'll get two moves in and then immediately start chatting and flirting. Words With Friends, for fcuk's sake.
 

Willin

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And I completely agree that it has to do with the atmosphere you are in. But the point I was trying to make is that I see the 'other side' that so many people are claiming doesn't exist or they are finding hard to believe. On the same token, I can and do believe many people are innocent and/or don't see the point or fun in any of that kind of world.

When I was 18 and starting college, my school was one of the 10 or so schools that had the very first Facebook release (this is October of 2004). I was living in the dorms, and one of the parts that you could fill in at the time was the dorm and room that you were living in since Facebook was ONLY for University students. Mind you, this is Midwest 'wholesome' Ohio, but I still was getting messages (or wall posts, whatever they were at the time) from some of the girls in the same dorm that were super suggestive (sorry girlzzz :lol:). And then MySpace a few years later was no different. It's just changed with the times.
I think my point is that while it's certainly part of younger people culture among some groups (drunk college kids, people in the night life scene, certain apps) it's definitely not something all younger people do or something that is a "prerequisite" to dating or even a part of normal dating for a lot of us. This being in reply to a post where it was referenced as a cultural norm for the younger generations.

TBH though I don't think there should be any discussion about Cipres thinking this was okay because it's "normal millenial culture." I'm around his age and would say most girls (and guys) our age are so aware that unsolicited dick pics are tacky and creepy that it's become both a joke and a widespread discussion topic in regards to the experience of women on the internet. Millenials of all genders are calling out guys that send out unsolicited dick pics as desperate, stupid, creepy, and misogynistic in their own ways. Girls I know both in person and online like to joke about making dick pic rating services or galleries to both make fun of and bring to light the problem of guys sending unsolicited dick pics for no reason. Guys on male dominated semi-anonymous sites where unsolicited dick pics are common (reddit, 4chan, etc.) make novelty accounts just to make fun of the dudes that send unsolicited dick pics. Even celebs/athletes with leaked solicited dick pics are being made fun of now because of how tacky they're seen as being even if solicited.

If he was on the internet/social media AT ALL with people his own age Cipres had to have known that this isn't normal or acceptable behavior, even if he was doing it to someone his own age. He has 0 excuses to do it, let alone do it to someone underage.
 

tony

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TBH though I don't think there should be any discussion about Cipres thinking this was okay because it's "normal millenial culture." I'm around his age and would say most girls (and guys) our age are so aware that unsolicited dick pics are tacky and creepy that it's become both a joke and a widespread discussion topic in regards to the experience of women on the internet. Millenials of all genders are calling out guys that send out unsolicited dick pics as desperate, stupid, creepy, and misogynistic in their own ways. Girls I know both in person and online like to joke about making dick pic rating services or galleries to both make fun of and bring to light the problem of guys sending unsolicited dick pics for no reason. Guys on male dominated semi-anonymous sites where unsolicited dick pics are common (reddit, 4chan, etc.) make novelty accounts just to make fun of the dudes that send unsolicited dick pics. Even celebs/athletes with leaked solicited dick pics are being made fun of now because of how tacky they're seen as being even if solicited.

If he was on the internet/social media AT ALL with people his own age Cipres had to have known that this isn't normal or acceptable behavior, even if he was doing it to someone his own age. He has 0 excuses to do it, let alone do it to someone underage.

Not to make this go in circles, but the story at this point goes that the girl was told to (and did) ask for the pics. The fact remains that he should absolutely be able to comprehend that she was 13 and it wasn't right-- and we all agree on that, but it's slightly different than all of the examples you listed about guys just throwing their pics out there without being asked to do so.
 

Vash01

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Not to make this go in circles, but the story at this point goes that the girl was told to (and did) ask for the pics. The fact remains that he should absolutely be able to comprehend that she was 13 and it wasn't right-- and we all agree on that, but it's slightly different than all of the examples you listed about guys just throwing their pics out there without being asked to do so.

Regardless of whether he knew (or not) that the girl was 13, it was wrong to send those pictures, even if she asked for them. I think someone who has been in the public eye should know that it could impact his image and possibly his career. Even if he escapes legally, this has tarnished his image.

I can't help thinking of Vanessa- what a nightmare this must be for her.
 

Willin

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@Tony Wheeler Idk I'm interpreting it as unsolicited because while they did technically ask for pictures, they were told by another adult to ask for pictures. The article also doesn't state that the girls knew what kind of pictures they were asking for. (Is there further information? I was at work for the first 10 pages of this thread and didn't read them too carefully) If Dispenza did tell them what the pictures they were asking for were of, he's just as bad as Cipres for encouraging that behavior on the part of Cipres.
 

Japanfan

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My sisters who are older Gen Zers tell me otherwise though and just told me they never had to send nudes before a date but we started talking about all the unsolicited dick pics we’ve received. That one is cross-generational.

Bold mine. Not sure what you mean. The word indicates that sending nudes is a requirement for dating. Hope this is not the case.
 

starrynight

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Bold mine. Not sure what you mean. The word indicates that sending nudes is a requirement for dating. Hope this is not the case.

There’s been all sorts of discussions about teen dating where there is huge pressure for girls to send nudes and boys sending these kinds of photos. Which makes me feel bad and glad that camera phones weren’t around when I was a teenager.

I know this is off topic, but this discussion has been informative for me and might even help people on here who have children/relatives etc who might be affected by similar things.

But back in topic, these rinks must be like the Wild West if skaters and coaches are behaving like this in the workplace. Who would ever act like that to a work colleague? Let alone a minor?
 

Willin

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But back in topic, these rinks must be like the Wild West if skaters and coaches are behaving like this in the workplace. Who would ever act like that to a work colleague? Let alone a minor?
Rinks are like a lot of businesses: If you know the owner (or the skating director) and they trust you, you get a lot of leeway on what to do. If you bring in a lot of business, you get even more leeway. If you bring in a lot of accolades, you get even more leeway. If you have all that and do something bad that will damage the business they do everything to cover it up so that they can keep reaping the personal and monetary/status benefits of having you there. TBH since rinks are often small businesses or small communities, often just the first thing is enough to get protection.

Some of the things people at rinks get away with are pretty egregious and only allowed by virtue of personal connections, money, and/or prestige. This rings true for coaches, staff, skaters, and skating parents.
 

MAXSwagg

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I haven’t read all the information. Did he know he was sending it to a 13 year old??? This whole this is just so bizarre and I’m at a loss for words!

And FYI, sexting is very prevalent even among pre-teens of both sexed sending stuff to one another. Parents should monitor their kids social media and text messages because it sounds like many people here are so clueless!
 

ЭPiKUilyam

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I think the poster was referring to the glee Brennan gets from having a big story.

I think that's true, for what it's worth, but I don't think it matters at all as long as she has the facts right.

I've had a sore spot about Brennan since her first book when she devoted a chapter to "Figure Skating's Tragic Secret" or something to that effect. The "secret" was that in the skating world there are, gasp, GAY MEN, and some of these men either were infected with HIV, had AIDS, or died from AIDS. I saw her being interviewed at the time, and she seemed positively gleeful that she was uncovering this "scoop of a lifetime". (sarcasm) I couldn't believe she was sitting there, beaming with smugness and a big all-knowing smile, while talking about men affected by HIV. I still can't watch her nearly 25 years later because of that and even reading her articles I still sense that smugness coming off the page/screen. But I agree, Prancer, if Brennan has her facts straight, I suppose she is doing a service to the public. But she still bugs.
 
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Frau Muller

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You just have to go on any dating site. But I would have thought that with the way media is this day and the #metoo movement it is common knowledge that it is an issue. But also if you think that men can't help themselves and it is accepted behaviour, then you are probably not going to be aware of the severity of the problem because you just don't see it as a problem.

ETA - as a woman in my 50s I have also received d*ck picks. It is not just those under 30 that get them. One of the reasons why I cannot be bothered with online dating sites.

I find it incredible that some people have nothing better to do than take photos of their genitals and send them around to random people. But it happens...even public officials like ex-US Congressman Anthony Wiener.
 

cholla

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I think the poster was referring to the glee Brennan gets from having a big story.

I think that's true, for what it's worth, but I don't think it matters at all as long as she has the facts right.

You are so totally right. As someone who have had to endure her loudness and entitled attitude in press rooms, I can't say I have Brennan in high personal regard. But she is extremely GOOD at her job. I don't care that she enjoys having big stories, I can even relate, as long as these big stories are true. She denounces what has been a real plague in sports for ages. She is doing a great job and a job that takes a lot of determination, guts, persistence and dedication. I could not care less she is not the funniest person to be around, I don't even care for her motivations. If they are personal for the wrong reason or whatever, so be it. Sexual harassment in sports, just like everywhere else, has to stop. Period. If she can help it to stop : great. That's what journalists are here for too. She is doing her job and she is doing it extremely well.
 

Alilou

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An interesting Twitter thread. IMO it comes to an appalling but inevitable conclusion.

 

Frau Muller

From Puerto Rico…With Love! Not LatinX!
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That may be so. I just find the personal joy she gets in interviews so off-putting.

That’s your interpretation.

Brennan’s on-camera speaking style is to “show teeth” even when the subject is serious. That doesn’t mean that she’s gleeful about the news being imparted.
 

Frau Muller

From Puerto Rico…With Love! Not LatinX!
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22,098
What is the demographic breakdown of FSU? I knew it skewed slightly older, but I'm surprised that so many posters are baffled by the idea of dick pics when it's par for the course for Millenials and Gen Z.

And isn’t that a very sad commentary on the lack of religion and “decent values” in today’s households? I’m so grateful to having parents from The Greatest Generation, including an amazing stay-at-home mom. Responsible parenting.
 

Willin

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And isn’t that a very sad commentary on the lack of religion and “decent values” in today’s households? I’m so grateful to having parents from The Greatest Generation, including an amazing stay-at-home mom.
Lol as someone who's studied eras when "decent values" and religion was common, I can tell you that what is happening today is only part of a trend. In fact, studies show that people in our generations (millenials and Gen Z) are having sex later and having less sex than people in your generation. Soooooo....

And this case has nothing to do with it. Sexual predation and sexual predators have always existed. In fact, I see this coming to light as a good thing: we are starting to recognize and call out these problems. We've come a long ways from the days when my mom (who's likely from your generation) had to put up with a stripper coming to the office to celebrate the birthday of a coworker (a man of the Greatest Generation).
 
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