Strange but True Things You've Said or Heard on the Telephone

[Vagabond]

Said: "I am having drinks with some people, and the restaurant is burning down."

Heard: "I woke up in a pool of blood."

The less context the better, folks.

 

[Habs]

Said; "I know! I can't believe all five of us fit in the shower at the same time either!"

 

[myhoneyhoney]

Beyonce's a man

 

[Kruss]

"Did you put on the condom?? Did you put on the condom?? No, you didn't! So...."

(A co-worker having a fight on the phone with her son's father...her side of the conversation was very loud and completely unprofessional in the workplace.)

 

[Cachoo]

My neighbor is in the garage ******* my rottweiler AGAIN. (911 call I've mentioned before.)

It's coming, it's coming, it's coming (father-to-be realizing the baby was crowning before help arrived)

something of a twang: "There's a nekked dude hopping on one leg and waving his other leg in front of the Marriott"

 

[once_upon]

Heard while in the hospital elevator as the wheelchair was exiting on the L and D floor: we were supposed to get married today. Its OK we can get married tomorrow.

Read: there's a black two door sedan that's been parked across the street for an hour. Its making me scared

Heard: i didn't recognize you, you look different with clothes on

Oops. Didnt read the "on the phone" part of the thread title

 

[kedrin]

Said: 'I can't talk right now, I have to get the contract out so we can get this girl into her mermaid suit.'

 

[misskarne]

Man, I work in a government department call centre, I could probably do 10 pages of these.

"They put up the price to get my car out from being impounded after I was caught speeding! That should be illegal!"

"The assignment writing service I paid to do my essay did a terrible job and I had to finish writing it myself and got a terrible grade! I want my money back!"

 

[allezfred]

Heard: “I need to go and see a specialist because every time I urinate I faint.”

 

[floridaice]

While working customer service, circa 1985, "the government put a device on my TV so I can see who I am talking to on the phone"

This person was notorious in the call center, said they were a spy. They did not have a complaint when they called, just wanted to talk / harass.

 

[Moto Guzzi]

Voice mail left on my phone at work: "If you hear telephone wires buzzing overhead when you're outside, it's the government listening in on your thoughts. They have equipment that can infiltrate your brain." The caller then threatened to kill the President, Vice President, and Secretary of Defense.

I notified our security department and was interviewed multiple times. "No, I don't know who XXXX XXXXX is. No, I don't know how he got my number or why he called me." My name and number were on a DoD website as a contact for certain subjects so that could have been where he got it. The caller left his name and phone number so it was easy for authorities to track him down. He was already on just about every watch list in the country. They assured me I was "probably safe" from him as he was located a distance away and they didn't think he would be waiting outside the gates of our agency to kill me. Well, thanks for sharing that because it hadn't occurred to me that he might try to kill me. They did arrest him.

 

[AxelAnnie]

This is from a tv commercial.
"If youmoo or a loved one has died as a result of.....