Jot the Dot Dot
Headstrong Buzzard
- Messages
- 4,649
Winston Churchill had a fondness for Paraprosdokians , figures of speech where the latter part is unexpected or surprising. Here's a bunch someone listed, for your daily chuckle.
1-Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2-The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on my list.
3-Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4-If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5-War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
6-Knowledge is knowing a Tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
7-They begin the Evening News with 'Good Evening', then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
8-To steal ideas from one person is Plagiarism; to steal from many is Research.
9-I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted paychecks.
10-In filling out an application, where it says 'In case of emergency, notify', I put 'DOCTOR'.
11-I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you.
12-Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street....with a bald head and beergut, and still think they're sexy.
13-Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
14-A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
15-You do not need a parachute to skydive; you only need a parachute to skydive twice.
16-Money can not buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
17-There's a fine line between cuddling....and holding someone down so they can't get away.
18-I use to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
19-You're never too old to learn something stupid.
20-To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you his the target.
21-Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.
22-Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
23-Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
24- I'm supposed to respect my elders, but now it's getting harder and harder to find one.
1-Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2-The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on my list.
3-Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4-If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5-War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
6-Knowledge is knowing a Tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
7-They begin the Evening News with 'Good Evening', then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
8-To steal ideas from one person is Plagiarism; to steal from many is Research.
9-I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted paychecks.
10-In filling out an application, where it says 'In case of emergency, notify', I put 'DOCTOR'.
11-I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you.
12-Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street....with a bald head and beergut, and still think they're sexy.
13-Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
14-A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
15-You do not need a parachute to skydive; you only need a parachute to skydive twice.
16-Money can not buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
17-There's a fine line between cuddling....and holding someone down so they can't get away.
18-I use to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
19-You're never too old to learn something stupid.
20-To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you his the target.
21-Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.
22-Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
23-Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
24- I'm supposed to respect my elders, but now it's getting harder and harder to find one.
