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Elena Vaytsekhovskaya's interview with Ksenia Stolbova for ria.ru (please click the original link for photos and the paper's counter)
EV: December last year you and your partner became 2nd in the Nationals, made it to the team and took silver at Europeans. At what point did things go wrong? When you learned you would not be participating the Olympics?
KS: The Olympics are a different matter. But even before learning I was not invited to participate I realized am not really into it anyway - that was the mood from the beginning of the season.
EV: Nevertheless, you were expected at the worlds in Milano. Were you indeed injured, or it was just an excuse?
KS: I indeed had a serious injury that happened Feb 18th or 19th, I don't remember exactly. I sprang my foot twice when performing a 3f - probably my favourite element. I then skated for another 20 minutes. Realized something was wrong with my leg, but thought I'll suffer it up, finish the practice and then see. The next day they did the scan and it turned out bad: the ligament was almost torn in 3 places. The foot swell and became huge.
EV: Did you fly to the USA to mend your leg?
KS: No. They put a plaster and for 3 weeks I was on my own - no one cared what was going on with me.
EV: Surely there was some reaction by the partner and the coach?
KS: Once Nina Mikhailovna Mozer came back from the Olympics we had a conversation about having to have a long break. That was the only thing we all 4 discussed - me, Fedor, Nina Mikhailovna and Vladislav Zhovnirski who, in fact, was our coach.
EV: What is the meaning of a `long break'?
KS: At least half a year. When I realized that the decision was made by the 3 out of 4 I was confused: I didn't understand, was hurt, the freshly missed Olympics added up and all that together with being injured. I really didn't understand why couldn't we spend the next couple of months on mending my leg and work so hard that the beginning of the season would be a decent one, and not like previously. I told the team I can't finish my career in such a way, because I will be sorry later, I will feel I let down my relatives, my team, my federation and my fans. Hence my goal is to recover as fast as possible and keep skating. But I was told again that we all need a break.
EV: What were the reasons for the break?
KS: Each explained differently. Nina Mikhailovna wanted to take some time off and take care of her health. Fedor had his own plans, the same with Zhovnirski.
EV: Did you feel that moment you were a bother for your own coaches? That Zhovnirski and Mozer already have the progressing Zabijako/Enbert and you with your constant injuries are simply not needed anymore?
KS: Deep down I thought that. But such thoughts began long before that conversation.
EV: Did you understand why you were not invited to the Olympics?
KS: I still would love to understand. I was the last to learn I was not invited. Not even from the coaches or mom - everyone knew but were too afraid to tell me. One of your colleagues called. Of course I was shocked - I can admit it now. I didn't leave a house for a whole day. I was crying. For a long time. Till I understood crying is useless and I still have 2 weeks and I must act. At least learn the reason why I was not allowed to the Olympics. I went to the federation, spoke to Nina Mikhailovna. I was fast explained I can't even go to the court. It's like a celebration where you invite guests and I was not invited. What would you sue for? For not being in the guest list?
EV: Did you feel guilty? Letting down the partner, the coaches?
KS: No, I was clean. I knew for sure there was no global problem that I could answer for, it just didn't exist. I wanted to know the truth, not for the IOC to change their decision. I wouldn't go to Korea anyway. I wouldn't be able to humiliate myself anymore - wearing that mouse like grey uniform. I was willing to fight for my team, but not for myself.
EV: How long did healing your leg take?
KS: I spent 3 weeks in the cast, had physio which I was given and the leg became more or less ok. Then I had a short vacation because realized I was mentally spent. In April I was ready to work and wrote Fedor. I thought enough time to calm down and talk had passed. We met on the rink and I asked whether he changed his mind about half a year break. And is he sure he'll want to come back after. He answered indifferently he is not sure about anything and he is not changing his mind
EV: Were you hurt to hear that?
KS: Actually no. Just at that point my brain started working and the emotions were off. I understand am not a very young girl, there are many injuries I suffered and one needs to understand for sure whether I'll be able to skate or not. It was my only hesitation. When the men at the age of 27 doesn't know what he wants, or a will to do something, what is there to discuss? Yes, guess I was the moving power, as some called me. But at that point I realized crystally clear I don't want to carry that weight. Especially as the person never asked how my foot was since February, whether I need any help or support.
EV: At what point have you started looking for a partner?
KS: Not immediately. At the beginning of the summer I was in rehabilitation in New York with a doctor who worked with our team for many years. I got a lot of support from Tatiana Tarasova, who was in the USA as well at that point, who constantly told me that Klimov and I should not part. That everything that can be done to keep the pair should be done. Later Tatiana Anatolyevna went to Moscow and I started slowly practicing in Nikolai Morozov's rink. I was given a green light by the doctors, I could work full force. I then briefly saw Fedor in the USA. We just said hello. That was it. I learned later he sent Nikolai Morozov a message he thought about it and he doesn't want to skate anymore.
EV: Starting a new career at the age of 26 from the scratch, with a new partner for a skater with your achievements is a big decision.
KS: It happens to me since I was 14. Since the puberty. I decided at one moment I had enough of the singles and am switching to the pairs. I told my mom and my coach. Perhaps it will sound weird, but I never had a doubt I'd find a partner, the team and that something might not work. Once I parted with the first partner I was confident there will be a new and we'll go to the Olympics. I don't know why, but I was certain. And indeed, 2 months later Fedor came along. No matter what our 9 years journey was a good one.
EV: Were you sorry you haven't started looking for a partner or switched coaches earlier when the first problems in the group began?
KS: I wanted to.
EV: What stopped you?
KS: Guess just the way I am. When I start something I go till the end. Since we decided in 2014 to go through another Olympic cycle I had to finish it. With all the injuries, misunderstandings, lies, intrigues and provocations - no matter what. I had to and that was the most important. Even though I had doubts about the team and the partner.
EV: Does Aljona Savchenko's example, who switched partners after the Games in Sochi and won the Olympics in Korea at the age of 34 has anything to do with what goes on with you now?
KS: None. I respect Aljona a lot, kudos to her. But her example is not the only one - not only among the Olympians or ParaOlympians, but among the normal people who start a new life and are successfull. As for the motivation - my mom is a big motivation. She supports me when it's needed and pushes when it's needed.
EV: Am listening to you and thinking you were quite satisfied with your life after Sochi . What made you think life turns out not quite as you wanted?
KS: I guess... not guess, for sure - the spark was gone. The spark in our teams' eyes. Everything became too comfortable all of the sudden: one bought a car that he was dreaming of all his life, some bought a flat, a summer house. I dreamed for a long time to have a flat and a car and suddenly it was possible. I.e. we were in such a comfort zone where you could make all your dreams come true and there was no place for the hunger anymore. Hunger for the result. I understood things were going wrong in 2015 when Fedor and I skipped the Worlds. Before that we had a bad ending of the LP in the Europeans, where Fedor fell and we lost to Yuko Kawaguti and Alexandr Smirnov. That was just an accident, but skipping the Worlds and starting working on the throw quad instead - that, I think, was a mistake.
EV: The idea to learn that element, as far as I know, was yours.
KS: Indeed I always wanted to learn that throw. I did, and landed. Yet I understood it was quite useless integrating the quad throw in a competitive programme.
EV: What as going on the next season? You won the GPF in Barcelona with a brilliant skate, but your skipping the Nationals and the Europeans seemed like you were taken off so Volosozhar/Trankov would win both competitions effordlessly.
KS: There were some moments that didn't seem right. Right after the GPF the coaches said since all goes so well it would be a good idea to skip the nationals and work on the throw quad. I.e. it was obvious it was kind of a game. But I tried to stay out - it was hard enough for me as it was.
EV: You and Klimov always seemed very different. But that season it was obvious you lacked understanding.
KS: We never had it. We came to the practice, did our job and knew what we are doing and why.
EV: Did you argue a lot?
KS: It happened. Am very emotional and a perfectionist. No matter how much we worked I always wanted to do more and better. I was always on the edge and understood it.
EV: What about that comfort zone you spoke about before?
KS: It took me a while to realize I have to get out from that comfort zone the faster the better. I tried to make Fedor think the same, but failed. At that point I was constantly annoying him. In such cases a person grows a hard skin and stops understanding what you are saying. And the other people added the fuel to all that.
EV: How did you find your new partner?
KS: Quite simply really. I kept skating and recovering from the injury and was just waiting. I was not reading the internet forums, I did not ask to check anyone out and did not break a pair. Of course I read some news because I knew the post Olympic off season is usually fierce. But it all happened by chance. Don't think I should give any details of our work right now - officially our pair doesn't exist yet, but there was no doubt we can skate - neither for me nor him. I guess it's like in any relationship: you feel at once whether you are comfortable with a person or not. By the gaze, the touch, the way of talking, the care. I understood at instance I was done looking. Of course we'll have to learn new things, but it's nice. I start rethinking and relearning things. I like feeling that new chemistry with a partner, like my brain working again.
EV: Are you afraid you might not have enough spark to get till the end? That you'll get tired, that you'll be annoyed the result you wanted does not come as fast as you'd like?
KS: Am not afraid of that. I was hurt too badly. Really hurt. I love skating and know what I want. Even now, at 10:30pm I am half dead with tiredness and yet I enjoy that pain. I indeed started enjoying figure skating again. Am up for anything. Absolutely anything.
EV: December last year you and your partner became 2nd in the Nationals, made it to the team and took silver at Europeans. At what point did things go wrong? When you learned you would not be participating the Olympics?
KS: The Olympics are a different matter. But even before learning I was not invited to participate I realized am not really into it anyway - that was the mood from the beginning of the season.
EV: Nevertheless, you were expected at the worlds in Milano. Were you indeed injured, or it was just an excuse?
KS: I indeed had a serious injury that happened Feb 18th or 19th, I don't remember exactly. I sprang my foot twice when performing a 3f - probably my favourite element. I then skated for another 20 minutes. Realized something was wrong with my leg, but thought I'll suffer it up, finish the practice and then see. The next day they did the scan and it turned out bad: the ligament was almost torn in 3 places. The foot swell and became huge.
EV: Did you fly to the USA to mend your leg?
KS: No. They put a plaster and for 3 weeks I was on my own - no one cared what was going on with me.
EV: Surely there was some reaction by the partner and the coach?
KS: Once Nina Mikhailovna Mozer came back from the Olympics we had a conversation about having to have a long break. That was the only thing we all 4 discussed - me, Fedor, Nina Mikhailovna and Vladislav Zhovnirski who, in fact, was our coach.
EV: What is the meaning of a `long break'?
KS: At least half a year. When I realized that the decision was made by the 3 out of 4 I was confused: I didn't understand, was hurt, the freshly missed Olympics added up and all that together with being injured. I really didn't understand why couldn't we spend the next couple of months on mending my leg and work so hard that the beginning of the season would be a decent one, and not like previously. I told the team I can't finish my career in such a way, because I will be sorry later, I will feel I let down my relatives, my team, my federation and my fans. Hence my goal is to recover as fast as possible and keep skating. But I was told again that we all need a break.
EV: What were the reasons for the break?
KS: Each explained differently. Nina Mikhailovna wanted to take some time off and take care of her health. Fedor had his own plans, the same with Zhovnirski.
EV: Did you feel that moment you were a bother for your own coaches? That Zhovnirski and Mozer already have the progressing Zabijako/Enbert and you with your constant injuries are simply not needed anymore?
KS: Deep down I thought that. But such thoughts began long before that conversation.
EV: Did you understand why you were not invited to the Olympics?
KS: I still would love to understand. I was the last to learn I was not invited. Not even from the coaches or mom - everyone knew but were too afraid to tell me. One of your colleagues called. Of course I was shocked - I can admit it now. I didn't leave a house for a whole day. I was crying. For a long time. Till I understood crying is useless and I still have 2 weeks and I must act. At least learn the reason why I was not allowed to the Olympics. I went to the federation, spoke to Nina Mikhailovna. I was fast explained I can't even go to the court. It's like a celebration where you invite guests and I was not invited. What would you sue for? For not being in the guest list?
EV: Did you feel guilty? Letting down the partner, the coaches?
KS: No, I was clean. I knew for sure there was no global problem that I could answer for, it just didn't exist. I wanted to know the truth, not for the IOC to change their decision. I wouldn't go to Korea anyway. I wouldn't be able to humiliate myself anymore - wearing that mouse like grey uniform. I was willing to fight for my team, but not for myself.
EV: How long did healing your leg take?
KS: I spent 3 weeks in the cast, had physio which I was given and the leg became more or less ok. Then I had a short vacation because realized I was mentally spent. In April I was ready to work and wrote Fedor. I thought enough time to calm down and talk had passed. We met on the rink and I asked whether he changed his mind about half a year break. And is he sure he'll want to come back after. He answered indifferently he is not sure about anything and he is not changing his mind
EV: Were you hurt to hear that?
KS: Actually no. Just at that point my brain started working and the emotions were off. I understand am not a very young girl, there are many injuries I suffered and one needs to understand for sure whether I'll be able to skate or not. It was my only hesitation. When the men at the age of 27 doesn't know what he wants, or a will to do something, what is there to discuss? Yes, guess I was the moving power, as some called me. But at that point I realized crystally clear I don't want to carry that weight. Especially as the person never asked how my foot was since February, whether I need any help or support.
EV: At what point have you started looking for a partner?
KS: Not immediately. At the beginning of the summer I was in rehabilitation in New York with a doctor who worked with our team for many years. I got a lot of support from Tatiana Tarasova, who was in the USA as well at that point, who constantly told me that Klimov and I should not part. That everything that can be done to keep the pair should be done. Later Tatiana Anatolyevna went to Moscow and I started slowly practicing in Nikolai Morozov's rink. I was given a green light by the doctors, I could work full force. I then briefly saw Fedor in the USA. We just said hello. That was it. I learned later he sent Nikolai Morozov a message he thought about it and he doesn't want to skate anymore.
EV: Starting a new career at the age of 26 from the scratch, with a new partner for a skater with your achievements is a big decision.
KS: It happens to me since I was 14. Since the puberty. I decided at one moment I had enough of the singles and am switching to the pairs. I told my mom and my coach. Perhaps it will sound weird, but I never had a doubt I'd find a partner, the team and that something might not work. Once I parted with the first partner I was confident there will be a new and we'll go to the Olympics. I don't know why, but I was certain. And indeed, 2 months later Fedor came along. No matter what our 9 years journey was a good one.
EV: Were you sorry you haven't started looking for a partner or switched coaches earlier when the first problems in the group began?
KS: I wanted to.
EV: What stopped you?
KS: Guess just the way I am. When I start something I go till the end. Since we decided in 2014 to go through another Olympic cycle I had to finish it. With all the injuries, misunderstandings, lies, intrigues and provocations - no matter what. I had to and that was the most important. Even though I had doubts about the team and the partner.
EV: Does Aljona Savchenko's example, who switched partners after the Games in Sochi and won the Olympics in Korea at the age of 34 has anything to do with what goes on with you now?
KS: None. I respect Aljona a lot, kudos to her. But her example is not the only one - not only among the Olympians or ParaOlympians, but among the normal people who start a new life and are successfull. As for the motivation - my mom is a big motivation. She supports me when it's needed and pushes when it's needed.
EV: Am listening to you and thinking you were quite satisfied with your life after Sochi . What made you think life turns out not quite as you wanted?
KS: I guess... not guess, for sure - the spark was gone. The spark in our teams' eyes. Everything became too comfortable all of the sudden: one bought a car that he was dreaming of all his life, some bought a flat, a summer house. I dreamed for a long time to have a flat and a car and suddenly it was possible. I.e. we were in such a comfort zone where you could make all your dreams come true and there was no place for the hunger anymore. Hunger for the result. I understood things were going wrong in 2015 when Fedor and I skipped the Worlds. Before that we had a bad ending of the LP in the Europeans, where Fedor fell and we lost to Yuko Kawaguti and Alexandr Smirnov. That was just an accident, but skipping the Worlds and starting working on the throw quad instead - that, I think, was a mistake.
EV: The idea to learn that element, as far as I know, was yours.
KS: Indeed I always wanted to learn that throw. I did, and landed. Yet I understood it was quite useless integrating the quad throw in a competitive programme.
EV: What as going on the next season? You won the GPF in Barcelona with a brilliant skate, but your skipping the Nationals and the Europeans seemed like you were taken off so Volosozhar/Trankov would win both competitions effordlessly.
KS: There were some moments that didn't seem right. Right after the GPF the coaches said since all goes so well it would be a good idea to skip the nationals and work on the throw quad. I.e. it was obvious it was kind of a game. But I tried to stay out - it was hard enough for me as it was.
EV: You and Klimov always seemed very different. But that season it was obvious you lacked understanding.
KS: We never had it. We came to the practice, did our job and knew what we are doing and why.
EV: Did you argue a lot?
KS: It happened. Am very emotional and a perfectionist. No matter how much we worked I always wanted to do more and better. I was always on the edge and understood it.
EV: What about that comfort zone you spoke about before?
KS: It took me a while to realize I have to get out from that comfort zone the faster the better. I tried to make Fedor think the same, but failed. At that point I was constantly annoying him. In such cases a person grows a hard skin and stops understanding what you are saying. And the other people added the fuel to all that.
EV: How did you find your new partner?
KS: Quite simply really. I kept skating and recovering from the injury and was just waiting. I was not reading the internet forums, I did not ask to check anyone out and did not break a pair. Of course I read some news because I knew the post Olympic off season is usually fierce. But it all happened by chance. Don't think I should give any details of our work right now - officially our pair doesn't exist yet, but there was no doubt we can skate - neither for me nor him. I guess it's like in any relationship: you feel at once whether you are comfortable with a person or not. By the gaze, the touch, the way of talking, the care. I understood at instance I was done looking. Of course we'll have to learn new things, but it's nice. I start rethinking and relearning things. I like feeling that new chemistry with a partner, like my brain working again.
EV: Are you afraid you might not have enough spark to get till the end? That you'll get tired, that you'll be annoyed the result you wanted does not come as fast as you'd like?
KS: Am not afraid of that. I was hurt too badly. Really hurt. I love skating and know what I want. Even now, at 10:30pm I am half dead with tiredness and yet I enjoy that pain. I indeed started enjoying figure skating again. Am up for anything. Absolutely anything.
