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Ivana Komova’s Breaking News Interview with teamtutberidze for FloristTutberidzeDelivery.ru:
IK: It is only fair that you have the opportunity to further address the spiteful lies and misstatements that have been made about the Alina Zagitova situation.
TT: Dear lovers and good will of figure skating, Tatiana Tarasova is a ****ing bitch. Her programs for Mao Asada contained under one hundred transitions, when in three programs Alina Zagitova showed more transitions than some athletes in fifty. Or Plushenko in all total competitive programs as well as versions of “Sex Bomb” and “Baby Sex Bomb” and “Father and Son Sex Bomb.” But more on him to come. Tarasova used to feel womanly when her basement flooded during thrusts of Joubert, but now her womanhood has been replaced with bitter vinegars and she spends most of waking hours listening to Kovtun hiphop album, and selling fake Faberge eggs to ISU hoping to gain points for Medvedeva.
IK: The Western media has invented a fake narrative about your split with Medvedeva, saying you told her to go have babies and buy you flowers.
TT: What Western news and skating message forum people say means nothing. Once read that judges were crazy to give higher Skating Skills score to Medvedeva than Carolina Kostner. This was many years after Koster went through puberty, perhaps after she start menopause. My friend has membership to forum, and she tells me Oksana Baiul has been accused of being prostitute, starting fire, and driving after much alcohol. I know one of those things never happen. Ask my friend, if these skating fans are so idiotic they probably say nasty things about Eteri’s hair, surgeries, and wardrobe. But my friend assure me, no, they do realize beauty of Eteri. As far as Medvedeva, she become diva, tell everyone to go by only one name, Janny, and that she prefer Orser to Boitano. No one in right mind prefer Orser to Boitano, not even Yu Kim Na when she still had Orser as coach. At Sambo there is room for only one diva, and when others try to take his role Daniil will never allow.
IK: That reminds me—both you and Daniil have won many awards in the past year, yet the Western media never focuses on that.
TT: Yes! Daniil become third annual winner of International Male Fashion Icon coach, sponsored by Ed Hardy. First two were Bourzat and Joubert, so this is high honor. He also win choreographer of the year for Daria Usacheva FP, beating out junior lady Madonna “Hanky Pancake” program. As for me, I have so many awards I no longer keep track of them, just keep fotos of the beautiful flowers around the home for inspiration.
IK: Your Instagram comments from earlier today implied that Evgeny Plushenko attempted to poach Zagitova from Sambo. Do you have the receipts?
TT: Evgeny Plushenko can’t be called a coach at the moment. He has not raised and taught any athlete anything. He and Yana currently spend all time on reality show Pimp My Son, while at current age of Sahsa Plushenko Daniil Samsonov already had two quads and much better eyebrows. Evgeny failed to lure Alina, failed to keep Tarakanova after stolen from Sambo, but that is fine as she will never complete quad jump. Evgeny, the truth for this is you need to attend practices and actually coach just like when you were politician you fail to show up for parliament. Even I attend kiss and cry three to five times per season, even one time per year when Morisi pays me with Birkin Bag to sit and glare toward him.
IK: I was confused by the comments about Zagitova by Alexei Mishin. Can you explain?
TT: Think it is compliment to tell skater they should have children and grandchildren. A proper woman will do that after puberty, but Mishin teaches technique that outlast puberty so think he might be a hypocrite here. Otherwise have great respect for his skaters. Tuktamysheva is trying to land quad so will lose by only 15 point in FP to Trusosova, Kostornaia, and Shcherbakova. A realistic goal for Russian Nationals, also know as “Hungry Games.” Of course, if Eteri tells skater to start family and retire it is considered evil by fake Western news. Guess sexist double standard exists among cruddy lefties who claim enlightenment. As Carol Lane would say, it’s North America.
IK: Next, I want to give you a chance to address the persistent rumors that Sambo is a toxic training environment.
TT: After reading, at leisure, some of these comments, decided to contact you for this interview because of this exact issue. Respect the decision of the greatest coaching staff in any sport, which LED to results Eteri will be proud of long after Valieva retires at age 16. For Alina, you criticized her great achievements so much. Probably because of a huge jealousy that she had nerve to beat your favorites. Instead of saying you are hating at little girls, Eteri really wants to wish you all good and health. Just enjoy the skating, let the girls be miserable because they know that one mistake will make Eteri unhappy. As for the staff, nothing at Sambo happens that does not reflect Eteri’s unmoving, steady, inflexible standards of rigid professionalism. You can face this truth or not, but it is the truth either way.
IK: Thank you. Finally, I want to ask how much you’ve supported Alina as she’s considered and then made this decision—her own decision—to take a break from competition.
TT: Frankly, think it’s unbelievable how much Eteri gets questioned here. Even when she had a hunch that Alina wanted to stop, she never lifted a finger, nor a leg, to try to tell Zagitova she must keep competing. All at Sambo bent over backwards to do everything to support Alina, and anyone who says otherwise is simply posturing. Yes, we made her sign series of legal documents about what she needed to do in all aspects of life including first five years after puberty and decade after stopping competition, but look at how happy she is with cute dog. Just look at the dog. Next time you want to spew hate at Eteri, pet a dog instead. Listen to sound effect of ice breaking during Phantom of Opera music. Consider your own miserable lives. Our skaters could give you joy, but you are unable to accept joy because your insides are as rotten and withered as Dmitriev Sr.’s liver. Thank you so much, Ivana.
IK: The pleasure is all mine.
IK: It is only fair that you have the opportunity to further address the spiteful lies and misstatements that have been made about the Alina Zagitova situation.
TT: Dear lovers and good will of figure skating, Tatiana Tarasova is a ****ing bitch. Her programs for Mao Asada contained under one hundred transitions, when in three programs Alina Zagitova showed more transitions than some athletes in fifty. Or Plushenko in all total competitive programs as well as versions of “Sex Bomb” and “Baby Sex Bomb” and “Father and Son Sex Bomb.” But more on him to come. Tarasova used to feel womanly when her basement flooded during thrusts of Joubert, but now her womanhood has been replaced with bitter vinegars and she spends most of waking hours listening to Kovtun hiphop album, and selling fake Faberge eggs to ISU hoping to gain points for Medvedeva.
IK: The Western media has invented a fake narrative about your split with Medvedeva, saying you told her to go have babies and buy you flowers.
TT: What Western news and skating message forum people say means nothing. Once read that judges were crazy to give higher Skating Skills score to Medvedeva than Carolina Kostner. This was many years after Koster went through puberty, perhaps after she start menopause. My friend has membership to forum, and she tells me Oksana Baiul has been accused of being prostitute, starting fire, and driving after much alcohol. I know one of those things never happen. Ask my friend, if these skating fans are so idiotic they probably say nasty things about Eteri’s hair, surgeries, and wardrobe. But my friend assure me, no, they do realize beauty of Eteri. As far as Medvedeva, she become diva, tell everyone to go by only one name, Janny, and that she prefer Orser to Boitano. No one in right mind prefer Orser to Boitano, not even Yu Kim Na when she still had Orser as coach. At Sambo there is room for only one diva, and when others try to take his role Daniil will never allow.
IK: That reminds me—both you and Daniil have won many awards in the past year, yet the Western media never focuses on that.
TT: Yes! Daniil become third annual winner of International Male Fashion Icon coach, sponsored by Ed Hardy. First two were Bourzat and Joubert, so this is high honor. He also win choreographer of the year for Daria Usacheva FP, beating out junior lady Madonna “Hanky Pancake” program. As for me, I have so many awards I no longer keep track of them, just keep fotos of the beautiful flowers around the home for inspiration.
IK: Your Instagram comments from earlier today implied that Evgeny Plushenko attempted to poach Zagitova from Sambo. Do you have the receipts?
TT: Evgeny Plushenko can’t be called a coach at the moment. He has not raised and taught any athlete anything. He and Yana currently spend all time on reality show Pimp My Son, while at current age of Sahsa Plushenko Daniil Samsonov already had two quads and much better eyebrows. Evgeny failed to lure Alina, failed to keep Tarakanova after stolen from Sambo, but that is fine as she will never complete quad jump. Evgeny, the truth for this is you need to attend practices and actually coach just like when you were politician you fail to show up for parliament. Even I attend kiss and cry three to five times per season, even one time per year when Morisi pays me with Birkin Bag to sit and glare toward him.
IK: I was confused by the comments about Zagitova by Alexei Mishin. Can you explain?
TT: Think it is compliment to tell skater they should have children and grandchildren. A proper woman will do that after puberty, but Mishin teaches technique that outlast puberty so think he might be a hypocrite here. Otherwise have great respect for his skaters. Tuktamysheva is trying to land quad so will lose by only 15 point in FP to Trusosova, Kostornaia, and Shcherbakova. A realistic goal for Russian Nationals, also know as “Hungry Games.” Of course, if Eteri tells skater to start family and retire it is considered evil by fake Western news. Guess sexist double standard exists among cruddy lefties who claim enlightenment. As Carol Lane would say, it’s North America.
IK: Next, I want to give you a chance to address the persistent rumors that Sambo is a toxic training environment.
TT: After reading, at leisure, some of these comments, decided to contact you for this interview because of this exact issue. Respect the decision of the greatest coaching staff in any sport, which LED to results Eteri will be proud of long after Valieva retires at age 16. For Alina, you criticized her great achievements so much. Probably because of a huge jealousy that she had nerve to beat your favorites. Instead of saying you are hating at little girls, Eteri really wants to wish you all good and health. Just enjoy the skating, let the girls be miserable because they know that one mistake will make Eteri unhappy. As for the staff, nothing at Sambo happens that does not reflect Eteri’s unmoving, steady, inflexible standards of rigid professionalism. You can face this truth or not, but it is the truth either way.
IK: Thank you. Finally, I want to ask how much you’ve supported Alina as she’s considered and then made this decision—her own decision—to take a break from competition.
TT: Frankly, think it’s unbelievable how much Eteri gets questioned here. Even when she had a hunch that Alina wanted to stop, she never lifted a finger, nor a leg, to try to tell Zagitova she must keep competing. All at Sambo bent over backwards to do everything to support Alina, and anyone who says otherwise is simply posturing. Yes, we made her sign series of legal documents about what she needed to do in all aspects of life including first five years after puberty and decade after stopping competition, but look at how happy she is with cute dog. Just look at the dog. Next time you want to spew hate at Eteri, pet a dog instead. Listen to sound effect of ice breaking during Phantom of Opera music. Consider your own miserable lives. Our skaters could give you joy, but you are unable to accept joy because your insides are as rotten and withered as Dmitriev Sr.’s liver. Thank you so much, Ivana.
IK: The pleasure is all mine.
