Team Trainwreck #26 - A bad haircut is easier to fix than a flutz

[Karen-W]

From @Vagabond's suggestions in TTW #24 and in honor of US & Canadian Nationals coming up next week, followed by Two Weeks in Tallinn... May the flutzes be few and may the curly-haired cute men refrain from chopping their locks before they board their flights to Nashville, Ottawa and Tallinn!

 

[Vagabond]

@kwanfan1818 or @Karen-W

Please copy my info Post #2 from the last thread.

 

[Karen-W]

-Patron-Saint:
Pogorilaya, Anna

Women:
Chen, Karen
Glenn, Amber
Honda, Marin
Kiibus, Eva-Lotte
Konstantinova, Stanislava
Lim, Eunsoo
Nugumanova, Elizaveta
Peltonen, Emmi
Schott, Nicole
Tuktamysheva, Elizaveta

Men:
Aymoz, Kévin
Březina, Michal
Frangipani, Gabriele
Ignatov, Makar
Kondratiuk, Mark
Sadovsky, Roman
Yan, Han

Ice Dance:
Khudaiberdieva, Elizaveta / Bazin, Egor

Criteria:
1) Skater needs a complete package to potentially be a top skater at Euros/4CC's/Worlds/Olympic level
2) Skater needs to have the ability to absolutely rock one day and splat the day after. Even better: rock and splat during one program
3) Skater is not afraid of breaking one's heart over and over again
4) Skater needs more splat/messy performances than great ones

Rules:
1) Worlds/Olympic medalists and Euro/4CC's champions are not eligible
2) Multiple Euros/4CC's medal winners are not eligible
3) Membership and changes to the Rules and Qualities shall be decided by consensus among longstanding posters in the #TeamTrainwreck Threads, subject to points 1) and 2)
4) The pinky166 is not allowed to make more than one proposal a day
5) Proposals can be submitted in the #teamtrainwreck thread
6) New membership is granted only to current skaters
7) New membership is only granted to senior skaters (at least one international senior competition)
8) Membership can be cancelled due to points 1) and 2), numerous decent skates in a row or not being competitive on elite level anymore.

Qualities:
1) Student of Volchkova/Rukavicin
2) Big boobs/nice ass
3) Boobs/belly/nipples showing
4) Mule kick
5) Uzbek/Russian
6) Last name called Schott
7) Bizarre off-ice incidents
8) Coach
9) Costume (-Malfunction)
10) Splats
11) Bizarre choreography
12) Hair
13) Bizarre salchows
14) Melting down in the second half of the Free program

Glossary:
#TTW = Team Trainwreck
Big Bro = Michal Březina
Bossman = Jeschke (not Norman Jeschke)
Cave In = Kévin Aymoz (from the French pronunciation of his first name and his tendency to cave in)
Danny Salmon = Daniel Samohin
Elvis = Nicolas Nadeau (from his Elvis Presley Free Skate of a few of seasons ago)
Lil Sis = Eliška Březinová
Lovebirds = Two young skaters who display their affection for each other on social media (exact meaning depends on context)
Narcissus and Echo = Guillaume Cizeron and Gabriella Papadakis
Our boy = Dmitri Aliev
Perkov = Anton Shulepov (through his marriage to Perkova)
Perkova = Alena Leonova
Poster girl = Stanislava Konstantinova
Pressman = Vagabond
Romsky = Roman Sadovsky (from his moniker on social media)
Superstar = Mark Kondratiuk (from his current Free Skate and because he is one)
Telenovela = Deniss Vasiljevs, either with or without his coach (for obvious reasons)
TM1 = Maria Artemieva (Trainwreck Maria #1)
TM2 = Maria Stavitskaya (Trainwreck Maria #2)
Tsareva = (1) To react impassively to success or failure; (2) not to suffer fools gladly.
Van hostage = Alexander Samarin

MEEPOTS = Most Epic Ending Pose of the Season
MESS = Most Epic Splat of the Season
MIMOS = Most Important Minion of the Season
POTS or -POTS = Performance of the Season
Tursy-POTS = Kiss and Cry Performance of the Season (from Elizabet Tursynbayeva's mother)

FAQ:

If I post in this thread, does that mean I'm on #TTW?
No, the skaters are the ones on the Team, not us. But you may aspire to joining the Fans' Auxiliary.
Who decides whether a skater's membership should be cancelled on grounds other than medalling or retirement?
Normally, the bossman, but there's always a first time for everything.
Why are Elizaveta Tuktamysheva and Han Yan on the List?
The bossman has his delusions, and we humor him.
Do you have to be voidy to be on the Team?
No, but it helps. You do, however, have to be heartbreaking.
Is there an anti-American bias here?
Not at all. Several Americans are or have been on the team, e.g., Amber Glenn and Karen Chen.
Isn't this "Team" just a haven for the bossman's favorites
No. If it were, Alexander Samarin would have been on it years ago.
What is the Black Mark of #TTW?
It's our own special curse, bestowed when the bossman allows a skater to the Team based on a certain number of votes rather than his own judgment or a consensus, as required by Rule #3. The curse has been known to end skaters' careers or send their lives into a tailspin
Sally Skater and Peter Partner fell on their overhead lift at last weekend's competition. Surely that makes them worthy of the Team.
In and of itself, falling once or even several times in one program does not warrant membership. Please reread the Criteria.
Why aren't skaters allowed on the Team before they skate Seniors at the international level?
We want to give them time to mature without putting too much pressure on them.
Do Junior World medals disqualify a skater from consideration?
No. If anything, they add to the luster of a #TTW candidacy.
Can a thread be #TTW?
Only if it's this one.
Why is this thread in The Trash Can, whereas the Russian Ladies thread is in Great Skate Debate?
We care about the company we keep.
Will #TTW survive?
Stay tuned.
Can someone explain what this thread is about/for?
No.

 

[Sylvia]

@Karen-W, maybe you can edit your thread title to say #26 now? Just a suggestion.

 

[Karen-W]

@Karen-W, maybe you can edit your thread title to say #26 now? Just a suggestion.

Looks like one of the admins already edited it!

 

[text_skate]

I'm confused. What's going on? Afaik there was a different #26. This feels weirder as any #ttw thread before.

 

[Vagabond]

FAQ:
I'm confused. What's going on? Afaik there was a different #26. This feels weirder as any #ttw thread before.
There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call Team Trainwreck.

Can someone explain what this thread is about/for?
The previous threads were a haven for weirdos and freaks with a sense of humor. This particular thread, however, is the trainwreck to end all trainwrecks.

Pressman, what are your future plans?
I am retiring as Pressman, though not from FSU. I will clear out my desk down here in the Press Office, Tsareva this thread, and finish my upcoming book, Vagabond's Guide to the Cafes of Baku.

May all your wolves be white!

 

[taz'smum]

RIP TTW

 

[Braulio]

For all the great memories!

 

[LoopCombo]

Is FSU really getting rid of Team Trainwreck? It was such a last bastion of awesomeness

 

[Karen-W]

If TTW is to continue it would have to be with a new Boss and Vice-Boss to assist with the video compilations for the year-end awards. I'm not sure anyone has offered to step up to fill those roles.

If we forego the awards, I don't see any reason why the spirit of TTW can't continue, but maybe I'm being too optimistic.

 

[LoopCombo]

What happened? We were taking a team Trainwreck hiatus because relatives were staying who refused to watch Russian nationals with us, and we didn’t want any spoilers.

 

[Wyliefan]

In a nutshell, a couple of members are gone from the forum.

 

[Cayuse]

FAQ:
I'm confused. What's going on? Afaik there was a different #26. This feels weirder as any #ttw thread before.
There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call Team Trainwreck.

Can someone explain what this thread is about/for?
The previous threads were a haven for weirdos and freaks with a sense of humor. This particular thread, however, is the trainwreck to end all trainwrecks.

Pressman, what are your future plans?
I am retiring as Pressman, though not from FSU. I will clear out my desk down here in the Press Office, Tsareva this thread, and finish my upcoming book, Vagabond's Guide to the Cafes of Baku.

May all your wolves be white!

Whatever happened is a shame. My favorite threads of FSU are/were the Dance Hall and Team Train Wreck. The playfulness and humor expressed in this thread (albeit sometimes at the expense of our favorite team members messing up). Thanks to all who posted here, you brought many a smile. So sorry to see the demise of the Train.

 

[lurkz2]

Whatever happened is a shame. My favorite threads of FSU are/were the Dance Hall and Team Train Wreck. The playfulness and humor expressed in this thread (albeit sometimes at the expense of our favorite team members messing up). Thanks to all who posted here, you brought many a smile. So sorry to see the demise of the Train.

Yeah, I will really miss the competition summaries. In fact, I came here to check then out.

 

[bcash]

My sweet boy Kevin Aymoz at it again. Frankly this Prince program isn't doing much for me even if skated clean. Still more fun than the Russian men's programs I guess. Also not liking this fade haircut on him.

 

[On My Own]

IDK where else to post Jofesin Taljegard love, but she really deserves all of it!