Boot Technology Redux

[Impromptu]

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

SKATING TECHNOLOGY HAS BEEN RE-DEFINED WITH THE LAUNCH OF AVANTÁÁÁ PLUTONIUM SERIES BOOTS

Introducing a new direction in skating boots. The AVANTÁÁÁ Plutonium Series represents a giant leap forward in figure skating. Inspired by the need for figure skates to hold together throughout a long competitive season or even a pandemic season where there were no competitions but skating boots broke down after sitting in the trunk of skater’s cars for three or four months, the AVANTÁÁÁ Plutonium Series answers all of your needs.

• Soft cushiony insoles and padding using poly-foam previously used only in MYPillow (see previous press release “AVANTÁÁÁ acquires Minnesota Pillow Factory after Lindell Jailed for Role in Insurrection”) to prevent blisters and bruises
• Flubber enhanced sole for extra lift
• Mini-zamboni heels for erasing on-ice under-rotation marks
• Boot replication. AVANTÁÁÁ subcontracted with the Dyad Institute to make replacement boots fast and easy. No more mid competition boot break-down! With the push of a button, your carefully broken in boots can be cloned in less time than it takes for a five minute warm up. AVANTÁÁÁ clone replacement boots are guaranteed to be broken in but not broken down. Each AVANTÁÁÁ Plutonium Series Boot has the capability for three sets of cloned replacements (note: we cannot guarantee that the third generation cloned boots will not eat small animals or children).

Tired of repetitive “but why didn’t you have an extra set of broken in boots” conversations after major events? Then AVANTÁÁÁ Plutonium series boots are for you. Don’t believe us? Look at the testimonials below!

“As soon as I tried the AVANTÁÁÁ Plutonium series, I knew I would be able to add a clean quadruple axel to next year’s planned program content!” – Yuzuru Hanyu

“OMG. These are perfect! I haven’t had any boot problems since switching to AVANTÁÁÁ Plutonium Boots. And BAE Camden and I spent quality time taking the third generation clones out for walks in the park. It keeps the squirrel population down too!” – Karen Chen

“I now require all of my skaters to wear AVANTÁÁÁ Plutonium. The mini-zamboni feature is irreplaceable!” – Tom Zakrajsek

“At Sambo 70, we not only use the DyaD Institute Technology on our boots, we use it on our girls!” -- Eteri Georgievna Tutberidze

 

[overedge]

Brilliant, @Impromptu