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Elena Vaytsekhovskaya's interview with Maria Sotskova for ria.ru (please click the original link and all that jazz)
`I dedicated the programme to my dad even before knowing he was gone'
Sometimes life as if testing us - series of the events lead to the breaking point and checking will the person survive or break down. That was Maria Sotskova's last season. In December she haven't made it to the national team. In April made a decision to leave her coach of 3 years Elena Buyanova. When things seemed to have started falling into places came the final blow: her father was gone at the age of 43. Sotskova talks about her tragic summer and the plans to go on.
EV: At the end of May your best friend Polina Tsurskaya retired, admitting she is much more interested in the university than the sports. You have struggled combining the university and the skating for a whole year. Were you thinking of retiring?
MS: I have during the spring. I thought about retiring altogether -the season was quite bad. But then I realized I can't go on without the sport. If I skip going to the ice for a week it feels like am going through a withdorwal. The only thing I have in my head is the ice, I have to skate. Hence I came to a conclusion if I want to at least try to live up to my potential I have to make some radical changes.
EV: I realize judging of the others' failure is wrong, but the whole season I couldn't get rid of a feeling combining the serious academic studies and training was really hard for you.
MS: It's not related at all, it's not that I got accepted to the uni and stopped skating well. At least I never skipped a practice because of hte studies. I guess it's just something that accumulated during the last two seasons: it was very hard for me to recover after the Olympics, we already spoke about that. There were some hopes, I had some responsibility. And I failed.
EV: Have you expected to place above the 8th?
MS: It's not about the placement. For me it was important to skate to the top of my ability, i.e. to skate clean. During the whole first part of the Olympic season I was skating clean, I proved am worthy of the Olympics. Guess while proving that I ran out of steam. In Korea I didn't understand what was going on. I failed the SP, which I always skated clean, was unable to pull myself together for the LP. Guess that's why it was so hard to recover. I really wanted to put it all behind and start anew. Tried to enjoy more what I was doing.
EV: Are you saying that the previous practices were forced on you?
MS: No, just that it was so stressful. I was going out there for a routine skate and was worried about the result every time as if it was a competition. After the Olympics we changed the characters, we worked more on the presentation, I was really feeling my programmes, i.e. the second mark was fine. But the elements - it took me a while to get back into the shape. Things were working separately, but once the music was on - all failed. Skating a clean programme was a huge deal. It took so much of me.
EV: What was the last stroke that made you switch coaches?
MS: Am quite a loyal person. When I was switching to TSKA from Panova, who was coaching me for more than 13 years I was thinking I would be working with Buyanova till the end of my career. Am quite against blaming the others for my own problems and switching coaches as a result. It's a waste of time - the new coach has to get used to you, to find the right approach. With Elena Germanovna things were fine and I trusted her blindly. At some point our relationship went down, and, frankly, I still can't understand why. Perhaps because the season was too tough. I was skating badly and it seemed that soon things will become well again, but it just kept going worse. The nationals were the final stroke. Even though everyone supported me: the family, the coaches. Everyone stood by me and no one turned their back. Everyone understood that it's not that I was being lazy and don't want to work, or that the studies prevent me from working. There was a problem that we didn't know the source of.
EV: What is it like for a skater realizing the season that was supposed to be over by March ends in December?
MS: It's the end of life. I never had such an experience before. But now - I woke up the day after the LP and knew I was free. That's it. You don't have to get ready for anything, you don't have to practice and it's upsetting - your normal world collapses. You sit there staring at one point and have no idea what to do next and what now.
EV: But you participated the University games in Krasnoyarsk in March
MS: It was a complete surprise. I participated Peter Tchernyshev's New year show. I was told I can't participate the Russian final cup because I didn't do the Cup competitions, i.e. the season was over. So I relaxed: if I was done for the season - ok. I would come to the ice, work on the gliding and the spinning, I wasn't even jumping much. When Elena Germanovna told me I would be going to the university games I took it as another chance to make it to the team, to show what I'm worth, perhaps even to try winning it. I started working really hard. But... it just didnt' work.
EV: Were you upset your coach didn't go to Krasnoyarsk with you?
MS: No. Many were unable to attend. Either it was too expensive and it was not possible to accredit everyone. At any rate, I didn't mind. The coach's part at the competition is quite minor. The only thing they can do before we go on the ice is understanding: either the skater is falling asleep and then he needs a shake, or we are overstimulated and need something to calm down. I.e. they have to figure that fine line and help us set the mind right. Globally the coach can't change a thing because the skater is fully concentrated and is too deep in her shell.
First Alexandr Uspenskii came with Maksim Kovtun and I to Krasnoyarsk, but then he left and it was Svetlana Sokolovskaya who sent me on the ice - Elena Germanovna asked her to.
EV: Was it then that you decided to switch to Sokolovskaya?
MS: No. In March I wasn't even thinking of changing anything.
EV: Was Buyanova trying to talk you out of the switch when realized it would happen?
MS: No, it was a mutual decision to part our ways.No one was holding to each other, no one was kicking me out, there were no scandals. There was a normal calm conversation. Am very grateful for all that Elena Germanovna had done for me, just as I am grateful to Sokolovskaya - not every coach would take are responsibility working with an athlete in my situation.
EV: What do you mean?
MS: I knew I was at the very bottom. That I would need to be gathered from the scratch, relearn everything. And not every coach has a time and will to work on that.
EV: I.e. you wouldn't be surprised if Sokolovskaya didn't take you?
MS: I was ready for anything. Including that there would be no other option but to retire. At the same time I realized if I retire now I will kick myself for the rest of my life for not taking the last chance. Now some things work, some don't. But I do what I love and I try to do it the best I can. I really really love skating. I love feeling the ice under my blades, the switch from one blade to the other. If after my two practices I had more time to spend on the ice, come up with some news steps and transitions I would be just staying on the ice and skating, skating, skating....
EV: The ladies skating was always hard on the age, even more so now. How do you convince yourself to overcome? How do you not get lost in that pack of wolves who are chasing you? You must be thinking about it.
MS: A tough one. Of course I see and understand what is going on. After the Nationals I was certain there is no point skating: the season is over, not certain I'd have any GP events or any competitions. But when the end of the career becomes real, it is right in front of you you start taking things differently and value them more. If previously I was chasing the medals and the standings, now I just want to prove, mainly to myself, that I can skate clean, that I can do my programmes. It's more important for me right now. I want to find that harmony with myself and my body and hold to it. I don't want to think about making it to the team and having to win something.
EV: What kind of a coach is Sokolovskaya?
MS: A great one. Samarin and I are at such an age when we understand how the work is done, what amount of work we can do. Svetlana Vladimirovna gives the certain amount of work, quite a big one, yet she reminds us constantly we are in control. That if we feel we are tired it's better to take a day off and not work without making an effort. But most importantly is the feeling that the coach believes in you even when things don't go well. That she is behind you and supports you. We have a great team there - lots of young skaters who want to work with fire in their eyes. It turns on, motivates and makes you believe in your abilities.
EV: How did your working together begin?
MS: We were working on the jumps entrances a lot. The whole April. At the same time we worked on the new programmes. My last year programmes were choreographed by Peter Tchernyshev, but this year we decided to try something new. The SP is by Nikolai Morozov, the LP by Nikita Mikhailov.
EV: I recall the times when the skaters would keep their programmes a secret till the last moment. They would never let people see their practices.
MS: True, I recall in Panova's group we kept it a secret till the end. Even the test skates were not open for the public. There was no way an outsider would see what we are working with. Perhaps the Federation knew.
EV: Now everyone upload their programmes to the internet before the Autumn. Why?
MS: Guess to let the others know that music is theirs. It happened that the season began and people had similar programmes. Besides, it takes away the question who copied from whom. You put it out there first - it's yours.
EV: Morozov is considered being one of the most creative choreographers in the world. How was your experience working with him?
MS: Amazing! Am used to every choreographer having a vision and that's what they do. Later in the process you can change something if you are really uncomfortable, which is what we used to do. Nikolai Alexandrovich, on the other hand, kept asking me: that step you just did - are you comfortable? The next turn will you be more comfortable to do it left or right? First it makes the skater think. Second you start feeling indeed comfortable, no move demands an additional energy. The blade just flows. When Svetlana Vladimivorna went with Samarin to Japan for a week I spent that time in Novogorsk training with Morozov, mainly working on the gliding - it was really cool. Nikolai Alexandrovich would give me a certain transition every practice - two or 3 full step sequences and we would work on that till the coach liked what he saw. For me, as a future choreographer, it was an amazing experience.
EV: 6.5 years ago, when Maksim Trankov suddenly lost his father during the pre Olympic season he said `My dad was always my biggest fan. His death was a huge strike for me because I never needed the figure skating. My dad did. I was skating just for him all these years. This feeling dad is no longer around and I have no reason to skate as the hardest'. I am afraid to ask what did you have to go through this summer.
MS: We were at the training camp in Kislovodsk. The mood was great. You know when it's like - when you are fully focused on work. Even if there were a couple of hours off after the practices the first thing that came to my mind is going for a run or work off ice. I was working so hard in Kislovodsk. I loved the feeling that every day I build a base for my next season. And then it was abruptly cut...
EV: But you didn't have a feeling your life is over and there is no one to skate for anymore?
MS: I was never skating for someone. It was always for me. Mom and dad never set such boundaries for me, at least I never heard them saying I have to skate. Yet I was always taught to be strong, to be able to stand for myself and reach the goals, never to be weak. Parents always supported me and were near me when I needed them, it was never about `oh, honey, rest a bit, don't go to a practice, you are so tired...'. I was never babied by my family.
EV: Did you mind?
MS: What should I mind? Mom and dad always said: if you like something, if you want to reach certain goals you have to give your 100%. Never to feel sorry for myself. When dad was gone I realized he wouldn't want me to stop skating.
EV: I'll quote Trankov again: `I don't know whether there is another world where people are gone after, but I often feel my dad helps me now more than he did when he was alive'.
MS: I had a special bond with my dad. The day he died I had a bad fall during the practice and Svetlana Vladimirovna told me to stop the jumps and just work on the SP. It happened that I went through a lot of good and bad moments of my life with that piece of music. I was skating in Kislovodsk and thinking I'll dedicate the programme to my dad. Just felt that I really want to. I even thought how I would be telling that in some interview and dad would read it. He was so thrilled with my achievements. He was so proud of me and I knew how much reading these worlds would mean to him. Now... I know that I will be skating my new SP for him.
`I dedicated the programme to my dad even before knowing he was gone'
Sometimes life as if testing us - series of the events lead to the breaking point and checking will the person survive or break down. That was Maria Sotskova's last season. In December she haven't made it to the national team. In April made a decision to leave her coach of 3 years Elena Buyanova. When things seemed to have started falling into places came the final blow: her father was gone at the age of 43. Sotskova talks about her tragic summer and the plans to go on.
EV: At the end of May your best friend Polina Tsurskaya retired, admitting she is much more interested in the university than the sports. You have struggled combining the university and the skating for a whole year. Were you thinking of retiring?
MS: I have during the spring. I thought about retiring altogether -the season was quite bad. But then I realized I can't go on without the sport. If I skip going to the ice for a week it feels like am going through a withdorwal. The only thing I have in my head is the ice, I have to skate. Hence I came to a conclusion if I want to at least try to live up to my potential I have to make some radical changes.
EV: I realize judging of the others' failure is wrong, but the whole season I couldn't get rid of a feeling combining the serious academic studies and training was really hard for you.
MS: It's not related at all, it's not that I got accepted to the uni and stopped skating well. At least I never skipped a practice because of hte studies. I guess it's just something that accumulated during the last two seasons: it was very hard for me to recover after the Olympics, we already spoke about that. There were some hopes, I had some responsibility. And I failed.
EV: Have you expected to place above the 8th?
MS: It's not about the placement. For me it was important to skate to the top of my ability, i.e. to skate clean. During the whole first part of the Olympic season I was skating clean, I proved am worthy of the Olympics. Guess while proving that I ran out of steam. In Korea I didn't understand what was going on. I failed the SP, which I always skated clean, was unable to pull myself together for the LP. Guess that's why it was so hard to recover. I really wanted to put it all behind and start anew. Tried to enjoy more what I was doing.
EV: Are you saying that the previous practices were forced on you?
MS: No, just that it was so stressful. I was going out there for a routine skate and was worried about the result every time as if it was a competition. After the Olympics we changed the characters, we worked more on the presentation, I was really feeling my programmes, i.e. the second mark was fine. But the elements - it took me a while to get back into the shape. Things were working separately, but once the music was on - all failed. Skating a clean programme was a huge deal. It took so much of me.
EV: What was the last stroke that made you switch coaches?
MS: Am quite a loyal person. When I was switching to TSKA from Panova, who was coaching me for more than 13 years I was thinking I would be working with Buyanova till the end of my career. Am quite against blaming the others for my own problems and switching coaches as a result. It's a waste of time - the new coach has to get used to you, to find the right approach. With Elena Germanovna things were fine and I trusted her blindly. At some point our relationship went down, and, frankly, I still can't understand why. Perhaps because the season was too tough. I was skating badly and it seemed that soon things will become well again, but it just kept going worse. The nationals were the final stroke. Even though everyone supported me: the family, the coaches. Everyone stood by me and no one turned their back. Everyone understood that it's not that I was being lazy and don't want to work, or that the studies prevent me from working. There was a problem that we didn't know the source of.
EV: What is it like for a skater realizing the season that was supposed to be over by March ends in December?
MS: It's the end of life. I never had such an experience before. But now - I woke up the day after the LP and knew I was free. That's it. You don't have to get ready for anything, you don't have to practice and it's upsetting - your normal world collapses. You sit there staring at one point and have no idea what to do next and what now.
EV: But you participated the University games in Krasnoyarsk in March
MS: It was a complete surprise. I participated Peter Tchernyshev's New year show. I was told I can't participate the Russian final cup because I didn't do the Cup competitions, i.e. the season was over. So I relaxed: if I was done for the season - ok. I would come to the ice, work on the gliding and the spinning, I wasn't even jumping much. When Elena Germanovna told me I would be going to the university games I took it as another chance to make it to the team, to show what I'm worth, perhaps even to try winning it. I started working really hard. But... it just didnt' work.
EV: Were you upset your coach didn't go to Krasnoyarsk with you?
MS: No. Many were unable to attend. Either it was too expensive and it was not possible to accredit everyone. At any rate, I didn't mind. The coach's part at the competition is quite minor. The only thing they can do before we go on the ice is understanding: either the skater is falling asleep and then he needs a shake, or we are overstimulated and need something to calm down. I.e. they have to figure that fine line and help us set the mind right. Globally the coach can't change a thing because the skater is fully concentrated and is too deep in her shell.
First Alexandr Uspenskii came with Maksim Kovtun and I to Krasnoyarsk, but then he left and it was Svetlana Sokolovskaya who sent me on the ice - Elena Germanovna asked her to.
EV: Was it then that you decided to switch to Sokolovskaya?
MS: No. In March I wasn't even thinking of changing anything.
EV: Was Buyanova trying to talk you out of the switch when realized it would happen?
MS: No, it was a mutual decision to part our ways.No one was holding to each other, no one was kicking me out, there were no scandals. There was a normal calm conversation. Am very grateful for all that Elena Germanovna had done for me, just as I am grateful to Sokolovskaya - not every coach would take are responsibility working with an athlete in my situation.
EV: What do you mean?
MS: I knew I was at the very bottom. That I would need to be gathered from the scratch, relearn everything. And not every coach has a time and will to work on that.
EV: I.e. you wouldn't be surprised if Sokolovskaya didn't take you?
MS: I was ready for anything. Including that there would be no other option but to retire. At the same time I realized if I retire now I will kick myself for the rest of my life for not taking the last chance. Now some things work, some don't. But I do what I love and I try to do it the best I can. I really really love skating. I love feeling the ice under my blades, the switch from one blade to the other. If after my two practices I had more time to spend on the ice, come up with some news steps and transitions I would be just staying on the ice and skating, skating, skating....
EV: The ladies skating was always hard on the age, even more so now. How do you convince yourself to overcome? How do you not get lost in that pack of wolves who are chasing you? You must be thinking about it.
MS: A tough one. Of course I see and understand what is going on. After the Nationals I was certain there is no point skating: the season is over, not certain I'd have any GP events or any competitions. But when the end of the career becomes real, it is right in front of you you start taking things differently and value them more. If previously I was chasing the medals and the standings, now I just want to prove, mainly to myself, that I can skate clean, that I can do my programmes. It's more important for me right now. I want to find that harmony with myself and my body and hold to it. I don't want to think about making it to the team and having to win something.
EV: What kind of a coach is Sokolovskaya?
MS: A great one. Samarin and I are at such an age when we understand how the work is done, what amount of work we can do. Svetlana Vladimirovna gives the certain amount of work, quite a big one, yet she reminds us constantly we are in control. That if we feel we are tired it's better to take a day off and not work without making an effort. But most importantly is the feeling that the coach believes in you even when things don't go well. That she is behind you and supports you. We have a great team there - lots of young skaters who want to work with fire in their eyes. It turns on, motivates and makes you believe in your abilities.
EV: How did your working together begin?
MS: We were working on the jumps entrances a lot. The whole April. At the same time we worked on the new programmes. My last year programmes were choreographed by Peter Tchernyshev, but this year we decided to try something new. The SP is by Nikolai Morozov, the LP by Nikita Mikhailov.
EV: I recall the times when the skaters would keep their programmes a secret till the last moment. They would never let people see their practices.
MS: True, I recall in Panova's group we kept it a secret till the end. Even the test skates were not open for the public. There was no way an outsider would see what we are working with. Perhaps the Federation knew.
EV: Now everyone upload their programmes to the internet before the Autumn. Why?
MS: Guess to let the others know that music is theirs. It happened that the season began and people had similar programmes. Besides, it takes away the question who copied from whom. You put it out there first - it's yours.
EV: Morozov is considered being one of the most creative choreographers in the world. How was your experience working with him?
MS: Amazing! Am used to every choreographer having a vision and that's what they do. Later in the process you can change something if you are really uncomfortable, which is what we used to do. Nikolai Alexandrovich, on the other hand, kept asking me: that step you just did - are you comfortable? The next turn will you be more comfortable to do it left or right? First it makes the skater think. Second you start feeling indeed comfortable, no move demands an additional energy. The blade just flows. When Svetlana Vladimivorna went with Samarin to Japan for a week I spent that time in Novogorsk training with Morozov, mainly working on the gliding - it was really cool. Nikolai Alexandrovich would give me a certain transition every practice - two or 3 full step sequences and we would work on that till the coach liked what he saw. For me, as a future choreographer, it was an amazing experience.
EV: 6.5 years ago, when Maksim Trankov suddenly lost his father during the pre Olympic season he said `My dad was always my biggest fan. His death was a huge strike for me because I never needed the figure skating. My dad did. I was skating just for him all these years. This feeling dad is no longer around and I have no reason to skate as the hardest'. I am afraid to ask what did you have to go through this summer.
MS: We were at the training camp in Kislovodsk. The mood was great. You know when it's like - when you are fully focused on work. Even if there were a couple of hours off after the practices the first thing that came to my mind is going for a run or work off ice. I was working so hard in Kislovodsk. I loved the feeling that every day I build a base for my next season. And then it was abruptly cut...
EV: But you didn't have a feeling your life is over and there is no one to skate for anymore?
MS: I was never skating for someone. It was always for me. Mom and dad never set such boundaries for me, at least I never heard them saying I have to skate. Yet I was always taught to be strong, to be able to stand for myself and reach the goals, never to be weak. Parents always supported me and were near me when I needed them, it was never about `oh, honey, rest a bit, don't go to a practice, you are so tired...'. I was never babied by my family.
EV: Did you mind?
MS: What should I mind? Mom and dad always said: if you like something, if you want to reach certain goals you have to give your 100%. Never to feel sorry for myself. When dad was gone I realized he wouldn't want me to stop skating.
EV: I'll quote Trankov again: `I don't know whether there is another world where people are gone after, but I often feel my dad helps me now more than he did when he was alive'.
MS: I had a special bond with my dad. The day he died I had a bad fall during the practice and Svetlana Vladimirovna told me to stop the jumps and just work on the SP. It happened that I went through a lot of good and bad moments of my life with that piece of music. I was skating in Kislovodsk and thinking I'll dedicate the programme to my dad. Just felt that I really want to. I even thought how I would be telling that in some interview and dad would read it. He was so thrilled with my achievements. He was so proud of me and I knew how much reading these worlds would mean to him. Now... I know that I will be skating my new SP for him.
Her interviews have always shown her to be smart, funny and very self-aware.
