The influence of deceased friends and relatives while skating

[just tuned in]

At this year's nationals, we've had Amber Glenn and Max Naumov (saying unprompted and prompted, respectively) that she felt the presence of her recently departed grandmother, and Max Naumov, his parents, while delivering exceptional performances.

Other skaters from the Skating Club of Boston have held photos of their training mates who had perished in the air tragedy.

Obviously losing a friend or relative is devastating. But do we believe that literal spirits can help produce a good skate, better than the skater can produce if the dear-ones were alive? It almost seemed that the deaths put them at an advantage! If you believe in ghosts, were ghosts at the competition?

Skaters can have lots of different motivating influences that can help them strive or power through. But is skating while grieving an advantage? Whether or not you believe in ghosts!

 

[swissskate]

Makes me remember Joannie Rochette at Olympics when she lost her mother a couple of days before, I think it played a role in her performance in the end, the emotion was incredible

 

[DORISPULASKI]

The death of Coach Carlo Fassi was devastating to Nicole Bobek's performance at Worlds in 1997.

 

[Alilou]

I've had way too many "non-ordinary reality" lived experiences to not believe. I do not doubt that their loved ones were there.

 

[Debbie S]

Yes, Max losing both of his parents and coaches in a sudden, horrific event, dealing with grief and trauma in front of the whole world, definitely puts him "at an advantage". What a rude and tone-deaf statement.

 

[just tuned in]

Yes, Max losing both of his parents and coaches in a sudden, horrific event, dealing with grief and trauma in front of the whole world, definitely puts him "at an advantage". What a rude and tone-deaf statement.

Sorry -- I stand by it. I already acknowledged and expressed my sorrow over the tragedy.

Were the ghosts of his parents there to guide him during the skate, as he purported?

 

[floridaice]

Were the ghosts of his parents there to guide him during the skate, as he purported?

If Max and Amber feel the presence of parents/grandmother during their skates, then for them, they were. Ghosts, spirits, or just memories? Who knows. When Amber got off the ice she said something along the lines that she had felt her Grandmother all week. I'm sure that Max will always feel his parents presence when he is skating or in an ice rink.

I don't believe in ghosts or spirits and I'm not religious, but there are definitely times when something or somewhere will remind me of my late Father/Mother/sister. I think this is normal.

ed. to add -- honoring the memory of a friend/relative/colleague is pretty widespread in sports. Wearing a deceased team member's number on a jersey, pointing to heaven after a touchdown, etc.

 

[once_upon]

If there is any spirit on the ice or whatever with an extra "push", it is in the athlete's desire to skate or perform that they feel would make their loved one proud. To say the skater had a spirit doing it for them is awful.

But there is also grief which also be huge overwhelm disasterous skate.

I have had some times where I think someone was there with me, but never a push/do something for me.

 

[just tuned in]

If there is any spirit on the ice or whatever with an extra "push", it is in the athlete's desire to skate or perform that they feel would make their loved one proud. To say the skater had a spirit doing it for them is awful.

So the death is a motivating factor, more than if the loved ones were still alive.

I think it is an interesting topic to consider. Don't mean to offend anyone.

 

[once_upon]

So the death is a motivating factor, more than if the loved ones were still alive.

I think it is an interesting topic to consider. Don't mean to offend anyone.

You didn't say motivating in your original post. I believe you said "felt the deceased on the ice"

 

[just tuned in]

You didn't say motivating in your original post. I believe you said "felt the deceased on the ice"

I made no edits whatsoever to my original post.

ETA: I realize it is a touchy subject because it is talking about death, and there is a strong element of woo-woo. But I was hoping we could discuss it anyway without insulting each other.

 

[Private Citizen]

I imagine skating through grief is like doing anything else through grief. People respond in different ways, and not always consistently from day to day.

I do see how competitive skating and potential qualification to the Olympics could help someone who is grieving find purpose at a time in life when they may otherwise struggle. (OTOH, it could also derail others and become too much to bear.)

Is it an "advantage?" Strange wording. Compared to what? It's possible Naumov is more focused than he would have been had his parents not tragically died. I'm sure he'd trade any "advantage" to have them back, though.

Perhaps you meant something more like, is skating an effective channel for grief? For some people, I think it can be. After the unexpected early loss of my mother, I started running. At first, I couldn't run a mile, but I ran a marathon a year later. It was my way of finding purpose. Physical activity is a huge endorphin boost, which can help with grief. Was my mom's death an "advantage" to running? I guess so, in the very narrow sense that I did something I probably wouldn't have done otherwise. In the broader sense, absolutely not, as I had to deal with all kinds of sh*t that anyone who has lost a parent knows all too well.

Do I believe ghosts are helping skaters through their programs? No. I think it's also a bit insulting to those who struggled through grief. I don't think the ghost of Carlo Fassi was hovering over Nicole Bobek's shoulders, pushing her to fall to the ice . Is the spirit of Amber's grandmother or Max's parents helping them? I don't believe literally. If ghosts can have a good effect, then I suppose they could have a bad effect, too. If Amber falls all over in the free skate, it ain't because grandma is mad and tripping her. Is Amber's grandmother's spirit, as it exists in her brain, helping her persevere through adversity? Maybe. But, again, all of this is not an "advantage," more like a coping mechanism.

 

[myhoneyhoney]

I think if this mind set helps them perform, so be it. It reminds me of the adrenaline one gets to save a loved one. The mind is an amazing thing, a mystery.
I recall right after my 1st c-section, in my hospital room, I had a fleeting vision of my deceased Grandma sitting in the chair at the foot of my bed smiling at me. I was only 21 and scared and seeing her there gave me so much comfort, I went right to sleep. The next day I told my husband, my parents, and my other Grandma what happened. They think she visited me…

 

[just tuned in]

I was visited by my grandmother in a dream the night after I "lost" my virginity. I was so worried about it. My grandmother said don't worry about it.

 

[AnnM]

Nm