Have You Ever Been Accused Of Bullying?

[PeterG]

Let’s say I’m writing a novel.

The novel is about six people who are on a homeowner’s council. One member doesn’t seem to be fitting in. Attempts are made to reach out to this person, but as months go by, things are not going well. Almost everyone on this council says they are considering quitting the council at one time or another.

One meeting in particular does not go well and everyone resigns except for the one person who does not fit in. This person decides after this meeting to take a leave of absence. For the EXACT amount of time that the council bylaws state that council can remove somebody from council. This is what happens, that person is removed from council.

Soon after, the person who has been removed from the council writes a disparaging letter about the council. The letter is given to all owners with the exception of those who hold (or held) a council position. This letter is not given to the property management company either. No complaint is made by this person to the property management company or to the council.

This letter has what the main character believes to be:

17 examples of mis-information
7 problem situations where vital information is omitted
2 admissions of inappropriate behaviour
11 accusations

The letter also does not mention ANY (of the many) attempts made by the homeowner council to make the council work for ALL six council members.

What do you think the main character of this book should do at this point?

Thank you for your help. In this book, the title character is very hurt and upset.

 

[MacMadame]

Who is the main character? Someone on the council, the weird guy, a neighbor? It makes a difference.

 

[purple skates]

I think the main character in the book needs to have an open discussion with the board about what has happened. Maybe in a special meeting of the membership. The letter/accusations could be addressed in a factual and rational manner.

As someone who sits on a property owner board myself, I know how quickly things can go south. Especially with social media. Hopefully the main character and the board can work through this. Those of us who live/have property with associations need good people to help run them.

 

[once_upon]

As a current board member on a Owner Association I can tell you every single board member has considered or has resigned (for various reasons).

Boards/communities are political even if you think they won't be. I've discovered there are many roles of a board member, at least in my organization. I've also learned there isn't always 100% agreement on all issues presented to the Board and sometimes you don't find consensus.

I'm not certain what type of board meetings are held in the HOA. Mine has "executive Board Meetings" where the majority of our work is done - budget decisions, rules, repairs decisions, etc. and a Community Board meeting which keeps our community engaged with the association.

I would encourage the board member who does not fit in with the other board members find a way to meet to discuss the situation, perhaps the property manager can assist.

As @purple skates says things can go south pretty quickly, especially with social media.

 

[Vagabond]

Let me start with the proviso that I understand that this is fiction, not real life.

If the main character is being accused of bullying, he should talk with someone he can trust, either a friend or a psychologist, and examine what he did that others think amounted to bullying. If he can see their side of the story, he should apologize and take steps to make sure that he doesn't bully again. If he can't see it, then more sessons with a psychologist might be in order.

In real life, there are professional and volunteer mediators, not necessarily litigation-oriented mediators, but people who help contentious parties address each other respectfully and work to resolve their disagreements together. Many HOA's operating rules even require using a mediator in such cases so that HOA meetings are respectful.

If you want to make your fiction realistic, then write in scenes with the friend/psychologist and the mediator.

 

[MacMadame]

Let me start with the proviso that I understand that this is fiction, not real life.

If the main character is being accused of bullying, he should talk with someone he can trust, either a friend or a psychologist, and examine what he did that others think amounted to bullying. If he can see their side of the story, he should apologize and take steps to make sure that he doesn't bully again. If he can't see it, then more sessons with a psychologist might be in order.

What if he can't see it because he isn't a bully? Calling people bullies when they don't agree with them is pretty common, especially from really bullies. It's as common as people saying you violated their boundaries when you didn't agree to meet their insane demands and as common as saying people were hateful to you when all they did was disagree in a calm and respectful manner.

 

[overedge]

Perhaps the rest of the board could consult with a lawyer or mediator, especially if the ex-board member is circulating untrue material and deliberately not sharing that material with the board.

 

[Cachoo]

The accuser upset everyone on the board so much that they walked. I wonder if the wrong folks are being accused of being bullies. I'd certainly want to respond to the letter.

 

[Vagabond]

What if he can't see it because he isn't a bully? Calling people bullies when they don't agree with them is pretty common, especially from really bullies. It's as common as people saying you violated their boundaries when you didn't agree to meet their insane demands and as common as saying people were hateful to you when all they did was disagree in a calm and respectful manner.

As I said:

If he can't see it, then more sessons with a psychologist might be in order.

I said "might." In your scenario, the reason for continuing to see the psychologist would be learning ways to handle the situation, which clearly has the main character upset.

 

[PeterG]

Who is the main character? Someone on the council, the weird guy, a neighbor? It makes a difference.

The main character is an average Joe, one of the five being accused of bullying.

I think the main character in the book needs to have an open discussion with the board about what has happened. Maybe in a special meeting of the membership. The letter/accusations could be addressed in a factual and rational manner.

The other five board members have addressed the concerns of the person who is accusing them of bullying. At numerous meetings, through texts, through e-mails, through phone calls, through one-on-one meetings and through the property management company. For seven months in total.

I would encourage the board member who does not fit in with the other board members find a way to meet to discuss the situation, perhaps the property manager can assist.

In this novel...two employees at the property management company suggested that this person be removed from council at a Special General Meeting. The five board members being accused of bullying decided not to do that. Instead they used all the above means to making things work with the sixth council member.

Let me start with the proviso that I understand that this is fiction, not real life.

Allegedy, this novel that I'm writing is so realistic, you would think it is non-fiction and NOT a novel.

Perhaps the rest of the board could consult with a lawyer or mediator, especially if the ex-board member is circulating untrue material and deliberately not sharing that material with the board.

The main character may at this point contact a free legal advice clinic at this point of the novel. Maybe I should have added that the main character resigned from council in December due to stress and the resulting physical health problems. (Which have cleared up since leaving council.)

The accuser upset everyone on the board so much that they walked. I wonder if the wrong folks are being accused of being bullies. I'd certainly want to respond to the letter.

The letter was sent to all owners but not the other council members. In my novel, the main character has requested a copy of the letter from the property management company. This company requested the letter for the main character, but the writer of the letter has responded that they will not provide it to the main character.

As I said:

I said "might." In your scenario, the reason for continuing to see the psychologist would be learning ways to handle the situation, which clearly has the main character upset.

The main character suggested at a meeting to hire a counsellor to help fix the personality differences of the council. The person who eventually wrote the letter accusing the rest of council of bullying voted to remove this idea from the agenda. Other council members voted similarly and that item was removed from the agenda and therefore, not discussed.

 

[purple skates]

Legal advice might not be a bad idea, especially if the main character is being slandered in a way that has an effect on their “real life”, so to speak.

However, maybe the main character (since he or she is no longer serving) could just blow it off? Understanding that that isn’t easy to do, of course.

 

[once_upon]

I'd agree with @purple skates

 

[Vagabond]

Allegedy, this novel that I'm writing is so realistic, you would think it is non-fiction and NOT a novel.

It is fortunate that it is all fiction. If it were real life, it would be

The main character suggested at a meeting to hire a counsellor to help fix the personality differences of the council. The person who eventually wrote the letter accusing the rest of council of bullying voted to remove this idea from the agenda. Other council members voted similarly and that item was removed from the agenda and therefore, not discussed.

By "counsellor," do you mean legal counsel or mental-health counselor. It sounds like you mean the latter.

While having some sort of mediator to help both sides resolve their differences might, as I said, be a good idea, it is extremely unwise for someone who believes himself to be the victim of bullying to go to mental-health counseling sessions with anyone he perceives to be the bully. The victim (or perceived victim) needs to work on the these matters himself. You cannot, however, force someone to get psychological help.

I agree that this fictional homeowner's association should get legal advice. HOA operating rules often give the association the power to buy out a member when the going gets tough, and if this is a possibility, legal advise will be essential.

 

[Coco]

A similar scenario happened irl in my little suburb. Ultimately, the bullied (the Village President and some council members) filed a lawsuit (which was ultimately dismissed by mutual agreement). And they also used the Village President's annual newsletter to address every accusation point by point, filling in all the gaps. The accuser was another council member.

 

[PeterG]

However, maybe the main character (since he or she is no longer serving) could just blow it off? Understanding that that isn’t easy to do, of course.

This is where the main character is stuck. Four years earlier in this story, something else happened and the main character and a 10+ veteran of council both resigned from council after being stressed out by what some may consider to be a takeover of council. Demanding that council members should not contact the property management company when the council was deadlocked on how to proceed.

Now the main character has left council a second time, which reflects poorly on their character, in my opinion. Plus what are the neighbours thinking of this person for "bullying some off council"?

By "counsellor," do you mean legal counsel or mental-health counselor. It sounds like you mean the latter.

I agree that this fictional homeowner's association should get legal advice. HOA operating rules often give the association the power to buy out a member when the going gets tough, and if this is a possibility, legal advise will be essential.

A counsellor who would specialize in homeowner council dysfunction who would be brought in to create council harmony. In this novel, the main character did ask the property management company if one of the services they offered in their contract was to attend a council meeting and help council work this out, but the answer was no.

As for legal advice, the property management company suggested to "let it go" as @purpleskates suggests. The writer of the letter stated in their letter that this matter will be brought up at the AGM.

A similar scenario happened irl in my little suburb. Ultimately, the bullied (the Village President and some council members) filed a lawsuit (which was ultimately dismissed by mutual agreement). And they also used the Village President's annual newsletter to address every accusation point by point, filling in all the gaps. The accuser was another council member.

In my novel, the council does not produce a newsletter, but the upcoming AGM may be spicy. I guess that will make for an interesting chapter of a novel. The main character feels like the council is maybe being bullied by the ex-council member who has made the accusations of being bullied.

 

[Vagabond]

Maybe the main character should step back and take a nice vacation overseas. And you might try writing a different novel, one with a happy ending.

Just my two cents.

 

[purple skates]

AGM = Association General Meeting?

So “bullied” board member is going to bring his/her grievances to the AGM, yes? And is still a board member? So it can’t be done as part of the official meeting, only as a member comment unless the association has really weird rules. People/allies of the main character could band together to set the record straight.

 

[allezfred]

AGM stands for Annual General Meeting here.

 

[once_upon]

I can't say what the novel plot line should be. Or how you are developing the book. I just know how our community works and perhaps you can use some of it in your book.

Our quarterly Community Board meetings used to be a free for all - usually ending with the Board President asking board members for a motion to adjourn. And since the only voting members of our Association per by laws are the Directors, the free for all was ended at least at the meeting level.

Community members per our by laws have vote on 1 thing - board of directors. Or special meetings - bylaws changes or special assessments. One requires 67% of members, the other 90% to pass.

We have an excellent Board President/Directors if I do say so myself. Community meeting agenda are sent out a week before the quarterly meeting - asking if anyone has additions.
We send out bi-weekly messages from the board.

Our PM is the first person to hear complaints and she attempts to resolve disputes. We are fortunate she has a variety of backgrounds in reality management as well as a BS in psychology. If she can't it comes to the Board. I guess I've been fortunate in the 8 years of living in my community, there has not been a dispute between board meetings. I mean I was in dispute with the other 4 over a couple of items - so we all read the legal documents to solve it.

We have 108 members (ie each condo unit is a member). Our board has 5 members roughly representing 22 units (easily determined by sections). It's not easy to remove a Director but you can resign.

Our developers created the governing documents with great thought. We have both Declarations and By-Laws as part of our association guiding principles. We are fortunate to have some laws for the area I live in.

We did have a bully who divided the Association. All I can say is it has been a nightmare. Social media and private communications between members

I personally think, in your novel both the current Board and the person designated as a bully need to read what the governing documents say about the dispute.

Hopefully you can build the bylaws into the plot