Dad jokes and more

[once_upon]

I'm struggling with all the bad news, and other stuff lately.

I want to read some bad dad jokes, even if they have been told zillion times before. I wish I could remember the one my granddaughter said 6 mo ago. Even her dad was impressed.

So please let's go

 

[On My Own]

Dad, I'm hungry.

Hi hungry, I'm Dad!

 

[Jenny]

I hear that @once_upon . Are you on Instagram? There are tons and tons of accounts that post humorous pictures and memes, and once you follow a few, your feed will fill up with a ton more

For me, daily doses of cute cats and funny memes go a long way. I also follow several florists because, pretty, and many painters and photographers as art makes me happy.

 

[BlueRidge]

calling @Jot the Dot Dot

I think we had a couple of these before, but I could only find one but you can find some silly ones there

Thread 'The Official "So, a ______ goes into a bar...." Joke Thread'

Sep 1, 2018

Time for silliness.

So, a dyslexic walks into a bra.......

• Jot the Dot Dot
• Replies: 29
• Forum: Off The Beaten Track

• 
• 

 

[once_upon]

I hear that @once_upon . Are you on Instagram? There are tons and tons of accounts that post humorous pictures and memes, and once you follow a few, your feed will fill up with a ton more

For me, daily doses of cute cats and funny memes go a long way. I also follow several florists because, pretty, and many painters and photographers as art makes me happy.

I've decided no more other social media. I signed up for TikTok, mostly to see other countries than US skating videos and things I couldn't just open. For weeks I've gotten videos from Chinese and Russian sites - NSW. Even though I've done everything I know to refuse them. I've deleted account. Same with Instagram, Next Door, X, linked in etc. Maybe not NSW level but very annoying not what I want to see.

It seems many of posters use Blue sky. I'm just not going to do it anymore

Mods - close this thread or link it or whatever.

 

[Jenny]

@once_upon I hear that too. It's frankly exhausting trying to stay ahead of the algorithms - one of the humorists I follow actually said he's waiting for AI to figure out the difference between something he clicked once out of morbid curiosity and something he's genuinely interested in. There are ways to manage the feeds, but it's also relentless. I still have an FB account I rarely visit - I only keep it for the occasional times I want to find out what old schoolmates and coworkers are up to. I found Instagram fun at first, was more involved, but now I'm pretty much down to as I said, funny memes, cute cats, and art.

I hope you find the kind of humour and other distractions you need.

 

[On My Own]

This is next level from @Jot the Dot Dot

Rene Descartes walks into a bar, and proceeds to order many drinks. The bartender says to him a while later, seeing that he is completely inebriated, "I think you've had enough". Descartes slurs, "I think not!", then he disappears.

 

[Kasey]

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? Dam.

(Sorry, it's what I could remember on little sleep)

 

[Simone411]

The only one I can think of at the moment is so corny that it stinks. Anyway, here goes.

Roy Rogers decided to go fishing one day to try out his new rod and reel. He had taken his shoes off so he wouldn't get them muddy. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a polecat came along and tore up his shoes.

When Roy got home, Dale Evans came out and said, "Pardon me, Roy. Is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"

 

[On My Own]

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? Dam

God, there used to be a boy in class who used to tell this joke on repeat.

 

[On My Own]

Gargoyle: olive flavoured mouthwash.

 

[Aussie Willy]

Why did the fish blush? It saw the sea weed

 

[On My Own]

I love dad jokes

 

[skateboy]

This one is really a groaner:

Larry the lobster and Sam the clam where best friends. They did everything together... they even died together.

Larry went to heaven and Sam went to hell.

Larry was doing well in heaven and one day St. Peter came up to him and said, “Larry, everyone likes you but you seem to be a bit depressed." Larry said, “Don’t get me wrong Pete, I like it up here, but I really miss my good friend Sam." St. Peter came up with a solution. “Tell you what, you can go down to hell tomorrow and visit Sam all day.”

Larry got up bright and early the next morning, grabbed his wings, his harp and halo and got in the elevator to hell. When the doors opened, he and Sam hugged each other and they were off. Sam owned a disco: they spent the day there together and had a great time.

When Larry went back, St. Peter blocked the doorway to heaven, asking “Larry, where is your harp?” Larry gasped and said -- wait for it --

“I Left My Harp in Sam Clam’s Disco.”