Aerobicidal's Recap of Worst Cooks Celebrity Edition s16e02

Aerobicidal

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Previously on Celebrity Worst Cooks:
There was more flaming than the crowd at Cher’s last farewell tour. Taryn Manning made viewers wonder whether she accidentally wound up here when she was supposed to be in Celebrity Rehab. Tonya Harding enraged FSU. Anne Burrell still has some sort of bleached Gumby There’s Something About Mary hair concept.

Today:
Tonya: “I don’t want to eat none of that.” Nice to know she still has the same English language skills she honed at Tuna Can Arena.

Jonathan Lipnicki inserting multiple pieces of geoduck into his mouth is something that would have resulted in several FBI investigations if googled circa Jerry Maguire.

Anne: “I hope that your artistic abilities are better than your cooking abilities.”

Tonya: “No shit, Sherlock. I performed the **** out of ‘People Are Still Having Sex’ after chain smoking Newports and eating five slices of Dominos pizza that was cut with the same Riedell skate blades Karen Chen tried to blame for all her problems. Not that I know who Karen Chen is.”

Kym: “I don’t know what’s more boring, watching golf or watching bread toast.”

Tonya: “They’re both a whole ****ing lot more interesting than watching Nancy Kerrigan’s mom pretending to be blind, and if she actually had been she would have enjoyed her daughter’s skating a lot more.”

Alec Mapa is like the adult version of a love child resulting from Dave Lease and Alisson Krystle Perticheto procreating. I realize that would violate all known laws of geometry, theology, and logic; but so does Anne’s hair and Morgan Fairchild’s face.

Tonya is flaming her chicken. I think Johnny Weir described himself as a “flaming chicken” for the first several years he was on Grindr (and I will save all other jokes involved the word “flaming” for next week).

Morgan is having trouble hacking the (lobster) claw. I think she should consult Tonya for tips on hacking, or hiring someone to do hacking, or denying that she ever knew anything about hacking despite a contingent of approximately seven FSU posters arguing that she should have been convicted of attempted manslaughter and executed or at least given many years of hard time in the slammer.

Alec says his lobster looks like “a hot saucy mess.” I think Hot Saucy Mess was Johnny Weir’s second Grinder user name after Flaming Chicken.

Tonya's chicken dinner gets reviewed: "I'm seeing knife cuts that look very uniform."

Tonya: "Well, we considered a knifing instead of the whack, but wanted something a little less messy. Unlike my relationship with my mother."

Anne to Jim: "Your chicken was perfectly juicy."

I think that Perfectly Juicy is Johnny Weir's current Grindr user name.

Watching the "cooks" up for elimination struggling to slice zucchini, I'm hoping Averbukh is also tuning in so we will create a program about attempts to undermine phallocentrism and how they are often co-opted by misogynistic neoliberalism ideology. But mainly, I am just glad that Tonya's still in this game so I can laugh at her FSU arch-detractors.
 

cmk

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There was also a moment when Anne was giving her team instructions and Tonya asked if they should try to crush the bones. :eek:
I think that line had to be scripted. World's dumbest was totally scripted, and most reality shows have at least some.

Poor Johnathan has to return for another week because of Taryn's self-elimination. I really hope the little gay guy is the next to go (mapa).
 

Inessence

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I think that line had to be scripted. World's dumbest was totally scripted, and most reality shows have at least some.

Poor Johnathan has to return for another week because of Taryn's self-elimination. I really hope the little gay guy is the next to go (mapa).
I knew Pennsatucky’s days were numbered. She came in with attitude.
 

Erin

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There was also a moment when Anne was giving her team instructions and Tonya asked if they should try to crush the bones. :eek:
Actually it was even better - it was “do you want to hear the bones breaking?” And the way she laughed, I totally thought it was a Nancy reference.
 

cmk

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Another celebrity cooking contest coming up on fox- Tara and her husband vs Johnny Weir and his brother, Holyfield vs DeLaHoya, Tori Spelling and daughter vs Jennie Garth and daughter, and a few others . Celebrity MasterChef Showdown.

Tonya's line was scripted (just like her lines on world's dumbest was scripted). I would like to see Tonya win on Worst cooks but I think Monroe Ficus might beat her out. Johnathan is probably the next to go (although I would prefer the little gay dude leave).
 

cmk

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Jm J Bullock's character on the 80's sitcom Too Close for Comfort. He had crushes on both daughters but they didn't share the same feelings. ( the 90's version was Skippy on Family Ties and Urkel on Family Matters if that helps).
 

cmk

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Sushi challenge tonight, and then they are learning how to butcher and cook their own fish. For someone who said skaters wouldn't serve big enough portions, Tonya's portions look normal. I don't know how Tara and Johnny will do on celebrity family masterchef. I was disappointed that Loughlin/Mossimo vs Huffman/Macy, and Smollett vs Mayor of Chicago weren't invited by Gordon.
 

cmk

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Morgan is my pick for the blue team winner, Red team, I want Tonya but think it will be Jm J. He doesn't seem to need as much help as the others.
 

Aerobicidal

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Episode 3

Anne: “When you cut an avocado, just whack the pit.”

Tonya: “‘Whack the pit’ was my original advice to Shane Stant, but that dumb**** Jeff got confused and asked for the knee instead. I really should have looked for a higher class hitman magazine, like one with sushi recipes in it.”

Tyler: “If it’s loose, it’s going to fall apart.”

Tonya: “Unlike my alibis!”

Guest tortilla maker: “Don’t fight it. As soon as you see the brown spots . . .”

Tonya: “I don’t need anyone to finish that sentence. And I’m not talking about the jail sentence people threatened me with back in the day.”

The scenes of fish being filleted are more gory than all of Herschell Gordon Lewis’s movies combined. I’m slightly worried a human face might get deep fried before the end of the series. (If anyone can tell me which H.G. Lewis movie that comment references, you win my heart forever.)

Alec: “I associate deep frying with third degree burns.” Not exactly the same as a person’s face getting deep fried, but close enough.

Morgan’s facial surgery falls somewhere on the continuum between Pete Burns and Joan Rivers.

I am so happy for Tonya. This is her proudest moment since her “People Are Still Having Sex” program.

Morgan looks like someone from Wilson Phillips or Heart exploded. I’m assuming that’s the look she asked her surgeon/s for.

I have no interest in watching the last six minutes to find out who got eliminated.
 
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cmk

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Morgan was eliminated. Jonathan did better in the elimination challenge which was making a sushi roll. I do think Johnathan will be the next to go though. So far, they have done steak, lobster, chicken, and fish tacos. I look for Porky Pig to be on the menu next week.
 

Susan1

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Tonya's doing great. And she is really trying, not trying to make jokes or be the loudest or get a new t.v. series out of her appearance.

Morgan looks like someone from Wilson Phillips or Heart exploded. I’m assuming that’s the look she asked her surgeon/s for.
Reminds me of when Catherine Bach was on the show. The look like when Kelso ate eggs on That 70's Show, and his face blew up like a balloon. :)
 

cmk

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I think Kym and Alec have loud and annoying covered. Next episode is Around the world where they do the blind taste test and then learn how to make Paella. I admit I had to look up what Paella was ( and if they use Tyler's recipe , Spanish chorizo sausage comes from the pig, he also had shrimp and lobster (watch out Kym), chicken, peas, saffron (some kind of expensive spice), and rice in it).

Tonya is doing great, so is Jim. Johnathan manages to survive but I think his luck might run out next week.
 

cmk

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First challenge was making Thai ice cream rolls. Tonya did very well with that one. The 2nd challenge last week was making Paella- Tonya had best dish on red team, Kym on Blue team. Elimination round was Johnathan vs Alec. Johnathan's looked better but he used too much quinoa in his grain bowl. Alec's apparently tasted better. Alec unfortunately got to stay. Johnathan left.

This week's challenge is Champaigne (sp). The remaining cooks (Tonya, Jim, Kym, and Alec) then have to feed the entire crew of worst cooks.
 

cmk

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They had to make Champaigne Cocktails and beninis in the first challenge. Anne liked Tonya's cocktail (champaigne, orange juice, orange bitters, and raspberry water). Tyler did not like Kym's cocktail and accused of her of not tasting it. He said it was too sweet, Kym thought it was delicious. 2nd challenge was catering lunch for the crew. Tonya made meatloaf and polenta, Jim did the veggies, and both did jelly rolls. I think Alec and Kym's dessert was pound cakes, and think they served chicken. Tyler yelled at Kym and Alec for messy work stations again. (Tyler forgot he was mentoring worst cooks and not masterchef:) ).
Everyone did well although Jim panicked a few times. Elimination round was Tonya vs Alec. They had to make appetizers. Tonya did steak bites with mushroom, onions, brie cheese, and cilantro. Alec made a buscheta. Tonya's dish looked better than Alec's but Tyler said she cut it wrong and that it was chewy. They also found flaws in Alec's dish. After a brief conference, Tyler and Anne sent no one home.

Next week Tyler and Anne hide while they try to cook on their own. 2nd challenge is they play "chopped".
 

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