(a) Sorry, that argument doesn't wash with me. Anyone who wants a pass on their pet activities simply declares, "It's essential!" The debates over what is essential vs. non-essential already played out during the initial stay-at-home phase. Sure, life is complicated (definitely not simple), and no rules are 100% fair; but some are more unfair than others; while some are egregiously unfair. Some rules were amended upon request for further consideration, others weren't.
(b) Some examples for NJ.
* Initially auto repair shops were declared essential, but bike repair shops weren't. The bike repair shops complained, and the gov amended the list of essential businesses to include bike repair shops. Reason prevailed.
* From day one, liquor stores were declared essential. I believe that was the case in most states. I'm somewhat stymied that there weren't mass protests against this from the many businesses that were shutdown. Egregiously unfair in my book, but looks like there is overwhelming popular consensus (including business owners that were shutdown

) that liquor stores are essential.
* The big box stores (Costco, BJ, Target, Walmart, ...) could remain open because they had essential grocery and pharmacy departments. But their sales were not restricted to those essential departments. They were free to sell shoes, clothes, electronics, books, furniture .... anything at all. But if you were a dedicated shoe store, clothing store, electronics store .... tough, you're not essential, so shutdown. Definitely unfair, but alternative rules would be extraordinarily complex and unwieldy (given that grocery stores and pharmacies sell a wide range of non-essential goods as well).
(c) Then look at some activities people argued early on for what should be essential:
* Religious services. Religious services held in a religious institution under the guidance of a religious official in the presence of other members of the religious community are essential; prayer at home is not enough.
* Visitation rights for terminal patients. Grandma is locked away in a hospital or nursing home. Doctors say she doesn't have long to live. Her family wants to see her and say good-bye. It's essential; they can't wait for the next re-opening phase ... she'll be dead by then.
* Funerals. It's essential that the dead be buried according to the customs of their religion and culture. In some instances, the greater community (100+ people) must attend to show respect. It's essential; they can't wait for the next re-opening phase ... services must be held within a short time after death.
* Physical fitness. Physical fitness is essential for health; ergo, gyms should remain open. [The mayor of NYC got a lot of flack over this. He gave a deadline for gyms to be closed; and a couple of hours before the deadline, he drove to a gym to workout. Reporters caught him doing this, and asked whether it was in the spirit of his shutdown order (while still within the letter of the order because it wasn't past the deadline). He answered something to the effect that in order for him to do his job during these trying times, it's very important for him to maintain his fitness.]
NY and NJ were the hardest hit states at the beginning of this mess. The govs took a hard line (and I applaud them for doing so), refused to allow all the above (in particular, did not declare them essential), and took action against violators.
(d) But when it comes to mass protests, they look the other way. And as I posted earlier, Murphy has explicitly sanctioned them in an Executive Order. But note that he did not include them as essential. He simply issued a waiver against the maximum number of people allowed in outdoor gatherings. Further, he was savvy enough to grant the waiver not just for protests, but also for religious services (which was previously declared to be non-essential), because he knew he would get a lot of flack from those who have been fighting to have waivers for religious services [He knew he wouldn't have a good answer to the question: "How come protestors can do whatever they please, but we can't have large religious (outdoor) gatherings?"] Whatever happened to: "We have one set of rules and they are based on one principle, and that is ensuring public health," ?
(e) So, for you, it's not OK for seniors to hold a graduation ceremony (even with appropriate rules); but it is OK for protestors to take over part of Seattle (with no rules), and hold a block party, complete with live music and film shows?