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Victoria Sinitsina: In America I learned to stand up for myself.
Interview with Anatoly Samokhvalov @ mrsport.ria.ru 08-20-2018
https://mrsport.ria.ru/interview/20180820/1140607181.html
(a disclaimer: some words in this interview are used figuratively, for example “bitch” in this context means “a tough girl, who learned to claw and fight to get her way, and to defend herself”. There are also idioms which may not have English equivalent. Nothing is meant to offend.)
Part 1 (part 2 later)
Foreword: Russian figure skater, Victoria Sinitsina, gives her first long, revealing solo interview to the correspondent, Anatoly Samokhvalov @ RAI News, revealing the psychological dynamics of this dance team (with Nikita Katzalapov). Tears, passion, pain, blood and love, all here in this story of a humble moppet, who grew up to be a predator with a slice of bitchiness.
“Everyone always thought I am a moppet”
Q: Vika, you hardly have any “bitch” in you?
A: Outside appearance is deceiving. Even a sweet angle can hide a devil inside. I am not a bitch, but it does come out of me sometimes, when I am mad or in a bad mood. And that is normal, because bitchiness attracts (grabs) people. It also helps to handle difficulties.
Q: Were you ever disappointed in yourself for not being bitchy enough, thinking “I want to be more like it (bitchy)”?
A: Sure. In my core I am a soft person, for me it is difficult to say a harsh, strong, loud “no!”. Yet it is something that would not be a problem for a bitchy person. I tend to soften a conflict, without saying a direct “no”, or just keep silent.
Q: So when did you finally say your first harsh “no!”?
A: I have to think about it.
Q: … or is this something to happen in the future?
A: No, I’ve have produced already a clear “no!”. But I have to think back to remember how it happened. First of all I changed a lot when paired up with Nikita. When I returned home (to Russia) on a break from America, my parents did not recognize many parts of me. Because while training in Detroit, with Marina Zueva, I began to search inside myself. I dug into my character, and understood that I have to become completely different than how I am now. My parents looked at me and said “Something changed in you”. They been observing me every day for almost 20 years, and now met me again after year’s absence. Naturally they noted every small detail.
But if we look at the big picture, what changed is that I developed a centre (backbone, spine, core). At Marina’s rink I learned to stand up for myself. And I started to ask myself, what do I really need, to learn to be bitchy or simply more confident? I had to think, what suits me better. And what do you think? (a question to Anatoly).
Q: Well, let’s figure it out… Where the parents happy when they got that daughter, with American accent, or did they want to see the old Vika?
A: I used my English only few times in Moscow stores, saying a quick “thank you” instead of “spasibo” at the cash register. It was strictly mechanical.
Q: “Thank you” and “Sorry” are very comfortable because they are short.
A: I think so to. And parents?.... In our family my choices were always respected. I was homeschooled. Because of sports. After each practice, at home I would sit at my desk, take a pen (to start homework) and would fall asleep on top of my notebook. Just zoomed out. My father is an impatient man and it was hard for him to handle my evening procrastinations with homework. Sometimes he would grab the pen out of my hands, and start explaining the assignment, and would (accidently) break the pen on the notebook. But in the end, I passed all my exams on time and parents not once threatened to take away my skating.
First time I came home from Detroit, my parents realized that I have matured, and I realized that they trust me, and approve of my choices. I still ask for their opinion, which often contradicts mine, but in the end I will always do what it my way.
Q: What was the nature of your American stress? Was it like a boiling pot?
A: Not really a pot. I was an 18-year old girl, who looked much younger. Everyone always perceived me as moppet. I was growing up as a proper and a calm child; I switched at least 4 schools. After 5th grade I pretty much stayed on an external programme (studied home, came in only to take tests). When I came to classes (to take tests only, not being seen in class on regular basis) people would look at me and say “Girl, what are doing here?”. (I would say) Attending my 9th grade. Yet I looked like I belong in 6th grade. I step inside, and see my class mates, some guys already have beards. And the girls are fully developed, not like me, some unknown athlete. “Hey are you sure you’re in the right class?” they would ask. And then “Oh, so you’re that Victoria Sinitsina?”.
And so I am 18, and this girl (me) suddenly makes all the changes in life – a partner, a trainer, a location. First 6 months in America I was on the verge of shutting out the outside world. It did not happen, but I strongly drew into myself. To search for “character”. I came (to USA) all alone, without mother, father, to live with strangers, to work with an unknown (to me) coach, with a partner I did not know too well. I knew Nikita, but not very closely.
At that time I made my choices, and came to realize: I have no more choices (this is it). I need to become mature, start to decide for myself, and last but not least, learn to cook and clean. My parents love me, and gave me a life where I only had to worry about two things – to study and to skate. In Detroit I had to learn to live (a real life). I would not call it “survival”, but it was uncomfortable to suddenly be forced into adulthood.
Q: In which ways did you have to “step on your own throat”? (break and change yourself).
A: (Eating too much) food. I had to cut it out.
Q: What about (when you were) with Ruslan Zhiganchin, it’s not that you ate tons of cake everyday?
A: No, it is something else. In America the food is completely different. I ate the same as I ate in Moscow, but noticed that (in USA) you can gain wait simply by staring up in the air at the Holly Spirit. And my body was going through female changes. Take one tiny bite, and the weight just skyrockets!
Marina constantly had me stand on the weight-scale, I started to fear them (the scale). Before each weighing I ran to the bathroom and removed all could off myself, the pins, the rubber bands, the jewelry, or gosh forbid an extra gram is showing. I cried. But wanted to skate like crazy. I had to keep myself in form, no matter what it takes. Thanks to Marina, I was able to step over myself.
When the practice was over, in the evenings, I would put on heavy pants, 3 heavy sweaters (to sweat out), and 3 times a week I would wrap myself in plastic wrap and would run for an hour. I created for myself a tough dry-out process.
Q: But the plastic wrap maybe dangerous for the heart..
A: Yes (I know) but I did it only once a week, and it very much helped me. (note: earlier she did say 3x a week).
Q: Was Zueva mad?
A: No, I never told her. All she did is gave me a weight limit to keep to – if you keep to this (certain) weight – you can come to practice (if not, then don’t). Marina is that kind of coach, she will not beat around the push with the athlete. It took me a while to get it.
Q: Took you a while to get it?
A: I tried. First one diet, then the other, then third one, then I only ate rice. Then I was twisted on this issue, and started to weight myself 4 times a day. That was not normal for a person. Thanks god, I have a head on my shoulders, and it never turned into a real problem. Soon i started simply to exclude many food products from my diet and eat differently.
Q: So, you can never eat anything ever?
A: First of all, what I learned is that you need to exclude the phrase you just used “you can never eat anything”. Such phrase kills me (figuratively), when I hear it, I get hungrier. If something is forbidden for me forever, I will mentally break (from the thought of it). One should never be made to think of “never”. Marina taught me: “if you want French Fries, just eat one stick; if you want chocolate, just take a small chip”. It’s not that I limited myself in everything, just simply started to eat less frequently and in small portions.
Q: What is Zueva like a state of an extreme anger? I know her only smiling. Even when I made her angry in the past, she would be smiling.
A: (laughing). Perhaps true, that’s how she is “when angry”. In reality, Marina – is a psychologist, I never seen her in a “state of fury”. She can say something, perfectly calmly, and yet the listener will get paralyzed. Marina knows how to trigger the right spot.
“Zhiganchin was a like brother to me, but I hurt him”.
Q: What feelings did you have when travelling to the Worlds 2014 in Saitama?
A: Same as during any competition. Katya/Dima withdrew, so it was just two of our teams (S/Z and I/K). I had only one goal (in the head) – to (skate well enough) keep 3 quotas for Russia for next year.
Q: I was asking about something else. During that championship the info leaked that you and Katzalapov are leaving partners and forming a new pair.
A: What can one do? We athletes must learn how to detach during competitions. You see, before the Worlds, Nikita and I had a conversation, but at the time (during Worlds 2014) we have not made final decision. The idea of forming a new team was our mutual risk. But the idea finalized only after Saitama. That’s when I was able to detach myself from outside rumors and draw into my own thinking sphere. (at the Worlds) all I knew is that Ruslan is now my partner, and I must do my job.
Q: People usually take such joint risk when they fall in love..
A: No, Nikita and I did not fall in love. We just took a risk. We are athletes after all, we’re crazy.
Q: Who informed (about switching) yours and Ruslan’s coaches – Kustarova and Alekseeva?
A: It was me, I came with my mother and told them. I was afraid to come alone. I was still a young girl then. After all, Kustarova and Alekseeva raised me. But I was sure 100% that I need to make this move in my life.
Q: You did not believe in Ruslan?
A: I could not say that. I know Ruslan for a long time and respect him very much. He was like a brother to me. From 9 to 18 years old we skated together. Naturally, my choice hurt is feelings.
Q: Did you not share with Zhiganchin some of your thought for the future?
A: No, what for? Those thoughts are just thoughts, and personal. And not much more. Again, (at the worlds) there was no final decision (in my thoughts about break up). To be honest, at the Worlds I was alone (mentally). All inside myself.
Q: But after the rumors leaked into the press, did you and Ruslan talk?
A: No, he did not even blink (did not let me feel it), and I am very grateful to him, that he did not start any squabbles. He concentrated on skating, just like me, and we did our job.
Q: What were you most afraid of? Strong pressure from the trainers, the Federation, the social circle and fans, or to simply not meet the expectations (after the switch)? “Some little girl” with Mighty Katzalapov, the Olympic Champion and most talented skater…
A: Of course I was worried about the pressure. Many supported our decision. It is true, quite difficult were the first 6 months in USA, first 3 months I did not even check my social media. Only chatted with parents, took walks around Detroit, breathed fresh air, worked and trained. But I knew what I was getting into. I knew I had to work 10 times harder than Nikita to be in this team. So when he worked twice as hard, I had to work 20 times as hard.
Q: And now your level has caught up with Nikitas?
A: I think yes. Although some things are hard for me to pick up from the start, but after 10th try I get them. It does not bother me that Nikita gets it immediately and that I need more tries. I am confident that after 10 tries I will finally get into his rhythm on any element. That’s how I am in life and in sports. Some can take it easy, and stay and pick their nose, while I have to always work and work to skate (well) on these two chunks of metal.
Q: I see. Never mind that social media (critics), they will always badmouth. But back in 2014 have you had any phone calls on your phone with words such as “look little girl, what are you getting yourself into?”.
A: No. I am very glad that many people in the Ministry of Sports and in the Federation ended up supporting us. And it is true, Nikita and I are very grateful. Of course we shocked many. They said to us “Kids, think about it 10 times carefully”. But after we felt they are on our side.
Q: President of the Russian Figure Skating Federation, Alexander Gorshkov, said that he tried to convince Katzalapov on many occasions to not break up his current team.
A: Then that’s how it was.
Q: Have you had any personal talks with Ilynikh?
A: No.
Q: Because of your move, we can now talk about the fact that Russian Dance lost its position as “favorites” for a minimum of one Olympic Cycle.
A: Oh don’t blame us! It absolutely did not happen because of us.
Q: I have to agree. Bobrova/Soloviev after all did miss many competitions for various reasons.
A: In out figure skating cycle there are always ups then downs. It was like that always. And in dance it is even more difficult than in other disciplines. It’s rare to keep on top in ours (dance), like for example P/C. I competed with them since youth, and saw how long they remained below 10th place. But at some point they found “theirs”, realized where they need to “hit”, and how to become successful. But don’t discard the Russian Dance, it will always be competitive (in the top tier).
Q: I like your team, as far as beauty on ice, you rank number 3 for me, after two other famous teams.
A: In our sport, they don’t award medals for beauty.
(part 2 later).
Interview with Anatoly Samokhvalov @ mrsport.ria.ru 08-20-2018
https://mrsport.ria.ru/interview/20180820/1140607181.html
(a disclaimer: some words in this interview are used figuratively, for example “bitch” in this context means “a tough girl, who learned to claw and fight to get her way, and to defend herself”. There are also idioms which may not have English equivalent. Nothing is meant to offend.)
Part 1 (part 2 later)
Foreword: Russian figure skater, Victoria Sinitsina, gives her first long, revealing solo interview to the correspondent, Anatoly Samokhvalov @ RAI News, revealing the psychological dynamics of this dance team (with Nikita Katzalapov). Tears, passion, pain, blood and love, all here in this story of a humble moppet, who grew up to be a predator with a slice of bitchiness.
“Everyone always thought I am a moppet”
Q: Vika, you hardly have any “bitch” in you?
A: Outside appearance is deceiving. Even a sweet angle can hide a devil inside. I am not a bitch, but it does come out of me sometimes, when I am mad or in a bad mood. And that is normal, because bitchiness attracts (grabs) people. It also helps to handle difficulties.
Q: Were you ever disappointed in yourself for not being bitchy enough, thinking “I want to be more like it (bitchy)”?
A: Sure. In my core I am a soft person, for me it is difficult to say a harsh, strong, loud “no!”. Yet it is something that would not be a problem for a bitchy person. I tend to soften a conflict, without saying a direct “no”, or just keep silent.
Q: So when did you finally say your first harsh “no!”?
A: I have to think about it.
Q: … or is this something to happen in the future?
A: No, I’ve have produced already a clear “no!”. But I have to think back to remember how it happened. First of all I changed a lot when paired up with Nikita. When I returned home (to Russia) on a break from America, my parents did not recognize many parts of me. Because while training in Detroit, with Marina Zueva, I began to search inside myself. I dug into my character, and understood that I have to become completely different than how I am now. My parents looked at me and said “Something changed in you”. They been observing me every day for almost 20 years, and now met me again after year’s absence. Naturally they noted every small detail.
But if we look at the big picture, what changed is that I developed a centre (backbone, spine, core). At Marina’s rink I learned to stand up for myself. And I started to ask myself, what do I really need, to learn to be bitchy or simply more confident? I had to think, what suits me better. And what do you think? (a question to Anatoly).
Q: Well, let’s figure it out… Where the parents happy when they got that daughter, with American accent, or did they want to see the old Vika?
A: I used my English only few times in Moscow stores, saying a quick “thank you” instead of “spasibo” at the cash register. It was strictly mechanical.
Q: “Thank you” and “Sorry” are very comfortable because they are short.
A: I think so to. And parents?.... In our family my choices were always respected. I was homeschooled. Because of sports. After each practice, at home I would sit at my desk, take a pen (to start homework) and would fall asleep on top of my notebook. Just zoomed out. My father is an impatient man and it was hard for him to handle my evening procrastinations with homework. Sometimes he would grab the pen out of my hands, and start explaining the assignment, and would (accidently) break the pen on the notebook. But in the end, I passed all my exams on time and parents not once threatened to take away my skating.
First time I came home from Detroit, my parents realized that I have matured, and I realized that they trust me, and approve of my choices. I still ask for their opinion, which often contradicts mine, but in the end I will always do what it my way.
Q: What was the nature of your American stress? Was it like a boiling pot?
A: Not really a pot. I was an 18-year old girl, who looked much younger. Everyone always perceived me as moppet. I was growing up as a proper and a calm child; I switched at least 4 schools. After 5th grade I pretty much stayed on an external programme (studied home, came in only to take tests). When I came to classes (to take tests only, not being seen in class on regular basis) people would look at me and say “Girl, what are doing here?”. (I would say) Attending my 9th grade. Yet I looked like I belong in 6th grade. I step inside, and see my class mates, some guys already have beards. And the girls are fully developed, not like me, some unknown athlete. “Hey are you sure you’re in the right class?” they would ask. And then “Oh, so you’re that Victoria Sinitsina?”.
And so I am 18, and this girl (me) suddenly makes all the changes in life – a partner, a trainer, a location. First 6 months in America I was on the verge of shutting out the outside world. It did not happen, but I strongly drew into myself. To search for “character”. I came (to USA) all alone, without mother, father, to live with strangers, to work with an unknown (to me) coach, with a partner I did not know too well. I knew Nikita, but not very closely.
At that time I made my choices, and came to realize: I have no more choices (this is it). I need to become mature, start to decide for myself, and last but not least, learn to cook and clean. My parents love me, and gave me a life where I only had to worry about two things – to study and to skate. In Detroit I had to learn to live (a real life). I would not call it “survival”, but it was uncomfortable to suddenly be forced into adulthood.
Q: In which ways did you have to “step on your own throat”? (break and change yourself).
A: (Eating too much) food. I had to cut it out.
Q: What about (when you were) with Ruslan Zhiganchin, it’s not that you ate tons of cake everyday?
A: No, it is something else. In America the food is completely different. I ate the same as I ate in Moscow, but noticed that (in USA) you can gain wait simply by staring up in the air at the Holly Spirit. And my body was going through female changes. Take one tiny bite, and the weight just skyrockets!
Marina constantly had me stand on the weight-scale, I started to fear them (the scale). Before each weighing I ran to the bathroom and removed all could off myself, the pins, the rubber bands, the jewelry, or gosh forbid an extra gram is showing. I cried. But wanted to skate like crazy. I had to keep myself in form, no matter what it takes. Thanks to Marina, I was able to step over myself.
When the practice was over, in the evenings, I would put on heavy pants, 3 heavy sweaters (to sweat out), and 3 times a week I would wrap myself in plastic wrap and would run for an hour. I created for myself a tough dry-out process.
Q: But the plastic wrap maybe dangerous for the heart..
A: Yes (I know) but I did it only once a week, and it very much helped me. (note: earlier she did say 3x a week).
Q: Was Zueva mad?
A: No, I never told her. All she did is gave me a weight limit to keep to – if you keep to this (certain) weight – you can come to practice (if not, then don’t). Marina is that kind of coach, she will not beat around the push with the athlete. It took me a while to get it.
Q: Took you a while to get it?
A: I tried. First one diet, then the other, then third one, then I only ate rice. Then I was twisted on this issue, and started to weight myself 4 times a day. That was not normal for a person. Thanks god, I have a head on my shoulders, and it never turned into a real problem. Soon i started simply to exclude many food products from my diet and eat differently.
Q: So, you can never eat anything ever?
A: First of all, what I learned is that you need to exclude the phrase you just used “you can never eat anything”. Such phrase kills me (figuratively), when I hear it, I get hungrier. If something is forbidden for me forever, I will mentally break (from the thought of it). One should never be made to think of “never”. Marina taught me: “if you want French Fries, just eat one stick; if you want chocolate, just take a small chip”. It’s not that I limited myself in everything, just simply started to eat less frequently and in small portions.
Q: What is Zueva like a state of an extreme anger? I know her only smiling. Even when I made her angry in the past, she would be smiling.
A: (laughing). Perhaps true, that’s how she is “when angry”. In reality, Marina – is a psychologist, I never seen her in a “state of fury”. She can say something, perfectly calmly, and yet the listener will get paralyzed. Marina knows how to trigger the right spot.
“Zhiganchin was a like brother to me, but I hurt him”.
Q: What feelings did you have when travelling to the Worlds 2014 in Saitama?
A: Same as during any competition. Katya/Dima withdrew, so it was just two of our teams (S/Z and I/K). I had only one goal (in the head) – to (skate well enough) keep 3 quotas for Russia for next year.
Q: I was asking about something else. During that championship the info leaked that you and Katzalapov are leaving partners and forming a new pair.
A: What can one do? We athletes must learn how to detach during competitions. You see, before the Worlds, Nikita and I had a conversation, but at the time (during Worlds 2014) we have not made final decision. The idea of forming a new team was our mutual risk. But the idea finalized only after Saitama. That’s when I was able to detach myself from outside rumors and draw into my own thinking sphere. (at the Worlds) all I knew is that Ruslan is now my partner, and I must do my job.
Q: People usually take such joint risk when they fall in love..
A: No, Nikita and I did not fall in love. We just took a risk. We are athletes after all, we’re crazy.
Q: Who informed (about switching) yours and Ruslan’s coaches – Kustarova and Alekseeva?
A: It was me, I came with my mother and told them. I was afraid to come alone. I was still a young girl then. After all, Kustarova and Alekseeva raised me. But I was sure 100% that I need to make this move in my life.
Q: You did not believe in Ruslan?
A: I could not say that. I know Ruslan for a long time and respect him very much. He was like a brother to me. From 9 to 18 years old we skated together. Naturally, my choice hurt is feelings.
Q: Did you not share with Zhiganchin some of your thought for the future?
A: No, what for? Those thoughts are just thoughts, and personal. And not much more. Again, (at the worlds) there was no final decision (in my thoughts about break up). To be honest, at the Worlds I was alone (mentally). All inside myself.
Q: But after the rumors leaked into the press, did you and Ruslan talk?
A: No, he did not even blink (did not let me feel it), and I am very grateful to him, that he did not start any squabbles. He concentrated on skating, just like me, and we did our job.
Q: What were you most afraid of? Strong pressure from the trainers, the Federation, the social circle and fans, or to simply not meet the expectations (after the switch)? “Some little girl” with Mighty Katzalapov, the Olympic Champion and most talented skater…
A: Of course I was worried about the pressure. Many supported our decision. It is true, quite difficult were the first 6 months in USA, first 3 months I did not even check my social media. Only chatted with parents, took walks around Detroit, breathed fresh air, worked and trained. But I knew what I was getting into. I knew I had to work 10 times harder than Nikita to be in this team. So when he worked twice as hard, I had to work 20 times as hard.
Q: And now your level has caught up with Nikitas?
A: I think yes. Although some things are hard for me to pick up from the start, but after 10th try I get them. It does not bother me that Nikita gets it immediately and that I need more tries. I am confident that after 10 tries I will finally get into his rhythm on any element. That’s how I am in life and in sports. Some can take it easy, and stay and pick their nose, while I have to always work and work to skate (well) on these two chunks of metal.
Q: I see. Never mind that social media (critics), they will always badmouth. But back in 2014 have you had any phone calls on your phone with words such as “look little girl, what are you getting yourself into?”.
A: No. I am very glad that many people in the Ministry of Sports and in the Federation ended up supporting us. And it is true, Nikita and I are very grateful. Of course we shocked many. They said to us “Kids, think about it 10 times carefully”. But after we felt they are on our side.
Q: President of the Russian Figure Skating Federation, Alexander Gorshkov, said that he tried to convince Katzalapov on many occasions to not break up his current team.
A: Then that’s how it was.
Q: Have you had any personal talks with Ilynikh?
A: No.
Q: Because of your move, we can now talk about the fact that Russian Dance lost its position as “favorites” for a minimum of one Olympic Cycle.
A: Oh don’t blame us! It absolutely did not happen because of us.
Q: I have to agree. Bobrova/Soloviev after all did miss many competitions for various reasons.
A: In out figure skating cycle there are always ups then downs. It was like that always. And in dance it is even more difficult than in other disciplines. It’s rare to keep on top in ours (dance), like for example P/C. I competed with them since youth, and saw how long they remained below 10th place. But at some point they found “theirs”, realized where they need to “hit”, and how to become successful. But don’t discard the Russian Dance, it will always be competitive (in the top tier).
Q: I like your team, as far as beauty on ice, you rank number 3 for me, after two other famous teams.
A: In our sport, they don’t award medals for beauty.
(part 2 later).