Coughlin's Former Pairs Partner Alleges He Abused Her

[CaliSteve]

People who bully and harass others (which Delilah is guilty of) deserve a taste of their own medicine. And no I'm not saying stalk them or whatever. But as Delilah repeatedly harassed and tried to out accusers during nationals why should she be given a free pass?

YUP! Its call a pissing match match. Who has the bigger, who has too have the last word.....

The problem is that people dont feel heard and do things to be heard. Some of those actions are counter intuitive and will not get you anywhere. People will and have become more resistant.

There needs to be a healing process where people can be heard in a constructive way. from that, action needs to happen to ensure that this doesn't happen again. This is the only way people can heal and move on.

 

[CaliSteve]

It was going pretty well but now it's regressed into criticizing the victim (again).

Yeah, stepping back from thread is a good idea when it gets heated

You're assuming the poster is suggesting the victim is seeking revenge. They could be referring to someone else.

 

[attyfan]

When these kinds of things are made public, it is quite difficult to reconcile the nice, friendly, supportive person you know with a person who can do something like this. I don’t fault people who knew him for finding it hard to believe. And I don’t fault his family for believing him. But One can point out the good in a flawed human being without trashing the victims.

Also, I think many people are grieving multiple times -- which makes it harder to reach the final acceptance stage. It's not only the loss of his life, but also the loss of the person-that-they-thought-they-knew.

 

[Prancer]

I think its wrong to judge the skaters that posted a tribute after John’s death. They have a right to grieve and a right to remember the John they knew. Yes, there was an ongoing investigation involving John, but there was no final conclusion. Therefore, he wasn’t found guilty of anything when he committed suicide/and when the skaters posted their tributes. Had there been some final determination on the matter, I’m sure the skaters would have posted differently with that knowledge in mind.

There still has been no final determination or conclusion and he still hasn't been found guilty of anything, which I suspect is why a lot of skaters haven't posted any sort of followup.

 

[barbarafan]

There still has been no final determination or conclusion and he still hasn't been found guilty of anything, which I suspect is why a lot of skaters haven't posted any sort of followup.

ITA...I fear the mob mentality is never far from many human beings. Sometimes people who are having a great life with all things going well and no one is piss**ing in their cornflakes hear about a lynching 2 streets over and they just stop to grab their chair and they are on their way over.

 

[JamieElena]

That's right. The original GoFundMe was just for funeral expenses, which was when most skaters who donated did. Then, several days afterwards, it was changed to add for legal expenses, and my understanding is that the donations immediately started drying up. The skaters who gave gave when they thought they were just helping a family out with their son's funeral. Not when they thought they were contributing to a legal fund for an accused abuser.

(But those skaters got put on the "trash list" anyway.)

I'm guessing this was likely because I doubt many of the messages were thoughtful, well-worded and gentle at all, but rather, aggressive attacks on the skater's character and integrity. Most people generally don't respond well to being harassed and attacked and put on a "trash list" simply because they dared to post a black screen.

THIS. THIS SO MUCH. I haven't seen anyone politely ask a skater on twitter - either in January or since - to come correct on the topic. All I have seen are aggressive attacks and demands for an apology - over and over and over again - which most certainly would feel like harassment to me if all I'd done is post a black screen or donated to a funeral for a father who had to cut his son down. Hence, why I'm asking why anyone thinks that will get them the result they want!!!

 

[JamieElena]

The title of the GoFundMe page was actually changed to "Funeral expenses and legal fees" between 3PM and 11PM (EST) on January 19 according to time stamped screenshots, social media posts and web page archives. Dalilah created the page on the same day. I'm not sure where you got the "several days" from?

I do agree that the name of the list was unnecessary and frankly, counterproductive. I also see no problem with people donating if they believed that their money would just go to funeral expenses.

Who the hell cares when the name changed? In the time you checked all that info, you could've contacted some of the skaters on the "trash list" directly and voiced your concerns. Further, the thought that the funds might be used in some fashion to harm survivors hadn't even crossed my mind (nor anyone I know) until you brought it up!

It's possible legal fees mean those associated with clearing up a deceased person's affairs. Or legal counsel for the family - who may need legal counsel themselves to navigate this difficult time.

But let's suppose for a second that the funds are going to be used in nefarious causes - there was a whole, whopping 42K raised (just under). How much do you think might possibly be left over after paying for a funeral & clearing up the deceased's affairs that might've have possibly gone to nefarious legal fees and how far could that money have possibly gone when the average lawyer fees range from $255-$520/hr??? Talk about missing the wood for the trees.

~~~~

I get the feeling a lot of these people all up in arms haven't a clue how much a funeral costs or what's involved and the little expenses that all add up, very fast....and that continue for months after the person has died. It's almost as if Alex Trebek doesn't tell me every ten minutes on my TV how much the average funeral costs.

 

[overedge]

Who the hell cares when the name changed? .

I would guess a lot of people. Particularly those who donated under the impression that they were supporting one thing and then saw the name of the fund changed to something else - something they might not necessarily want to support.

And it's not the amount of money that's the issue. It's the principle of being honest. It's dishonest to set up a GoFundMe, to accept donations, and then to change the way in which those donations are going to be spent.

 

[platniumangel]

There still has been no final determination or conclusion and he still hasn't been found guilty of anything, which I suspect is why a lot of skaters haven't posted any sort of followup.

Exactly.

 

[canbelto]

THIS. THIS SO MUCH. I haven't seen anyone politely ask a skater on twitter - either in January or since - to come correct on the topic. All I have seen are aggressive attacks and demands for an apology - over and over and over again - which most certainly would feel like harassment to me if all I'd done is post a black screen or donated to a funeral for a father who had to cut his son down. Hence, why I'm asking why anyone thinks that will get them the result they want!!!

His dad deserves no sympathy and compassion or financial assistance. His son was a monster.

 

[okokok777]

There still has been no final determination or conclusion and he still hasn't been found guilty of anything, which I suspect is why a lot of skaters haven't posted any sort of followup.

I agree with your assessment. It's quite sad though. I remember talking to a few of the first Nassar survivors to come forward. Many coaches and other prominent members of the USAG who had originally supported Nassar didn't publicly apologize until either he was indicted on child pornagraphy charges or when the "big stars" (Raisman, Maroney, Biles, etc.) shared their accounts.

Who the hell cares when the name changed? In the time you checked all that info, you could've contacted some of the skaters on the "trash list" directly and voiced your concerns. Further, the thought that the funds might be used in some fashion to harm survivors hadn't even crossed my mind (nor anyone I know) until you brought it up!

It's possible legal fees mean those associated with clearing up a deceased person's affairs. Or legal counsel for the family - who may need legal counsel themselves to navigate this difficult time.

But let's suppose for a second that the funds are going to be used in nefarious causes - there was a whole, whopping 42K raised (just under). How much do you think might possibly be left over after paying for a funeral & clearing up the deceased's affairs that might've have possibly gone to nefarious legal fees and how far could that money have possibly gone when the average lawyer fees range from $255-$520/hr??? Talk about missing the wood for the trees.

~~~~

I get the feeling a lot of these people all up in arms haven't a clue how much a funeral costs or what's involved and the little expenses that all add up, very fast....and that continue for months after the person has died. It's almost as if Alex Trebek doesn't tell me every ten minutes on my TV how much the average funeral costs.

Wow , you seemed to have made quite a few assumptions here. I have contacted several of the skaters on the "list" (which I don't even use since I know who they are in my head) with very polite emails, direct messages and even a few texts.

Secondly, I know how much a funeral costs. I've organized four in the last year.

The reason I showed the time stamps is because ppl seemed to be interested in finding out who may have donated after realizing that their money was going to (any) other sources than "funeral expenses". Once again, I personally see no problem in donating on it's own

You can DM me if you want to know where the "idea" that the money was going towards hurting survivors originated from.

I only started talking about the "list" in response to others referring to it on social media. I've never shared an image of the list and I've never said that I think the list is perfect.

 

[MsZem]

His dad deserves no sympathy and compassion or financial assistance. His son was a monster.

Having a child who did horrible things does not mean that the parent is a horrible person or raised them poorly.

I can't imagine who painful John Coughlin's death has been for his family. This does not mean they should be given a pass for some of the statements they've made, but I see nothing wrong with the initial request for assistance with funeral expenses.

 

[yossalu]

His dad deserves no sympathy and compassion or financial assistance. His son was a monster.

A parent is not always to blame for a child's crimes. Many parents will have a great set of children but one black sheep. You can do almost everything right and nature or other circumstances can sway the kid in a bad direction. We can't know if he raised him in a way that made him disrespect and abuse women (and for what it's worth if this did happen, and I believe it did, it was when John was living away from home). One of the most misogynistic boys I've met has a feminist father but a bad peer group.

Whether Mr. Coughlin bears some responsibility or not I will always feel sympathy for a father who has lost his child. It's one of the most terrible things anyone can go through. I don't blame him for believing his son or wanting to remember him the way he knew him.

 

[Perky Shae Lynn]

His dad deserves no sympathy and compassion or financial assistance. His son was a monster.

My god. Bullying only breads more bullying. Hatred is not a solution.

 

[genevieve]

Countdown until this thread gets shut down or admin pops up with a warning.

Sorry, had a busy day yesterday.

Doesn't look like anything new related to the article is being discussed.

 

[SHARPIE]

His dad deserves no sympathy and compassion or financial assistance. His son was a monster.

Unwarranted post. I’m putting you on a three day time out.