Will I ever grieve her death?
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PeterG
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You have been through a lot. I think that might be why there is numbness. All that you have been through sounds like it has been very taxing and maybe you just need some time to have some peace now. So perhaps numbness is a gift that lets you rest a bit from being emotional too much or too often. When the time is right for you to start having more feelings around this...that will be the right time. My wish is that you are able to be extremely gentle with yourself about when that all comes about. When it's the right time to come out of the numbness, you'll do that. Give yourself lots of space with that. And take all our posts as hugs, maybe there are people in your life who can fill in for us and give you lots of hugs in our place. And maybe someone can give you a wet smoochy kiss on the cheek on behalf of whoever here you would most feel comfortable receiving that kiss so that you can go, "ugh!!!" and then hopefully have a bit of a laugh. That laughter (and finding other ways to laugh) might be a little step towards feeling things again.
Acknowledging that the good things that you have done is a great step. Maybe even bragging to someone about all the good stuff you did. Someone who would get that that would just be a way to help you move forward. And maybe there will be laughter there about being so bold as to brag about yourself. Another possible way to start feeling again. A way to say to yourself that maybe feeling things through laughter is a good place to be because maybe the tears would be too overwhelming right now.
Reaching out to us was a great, smart move. (Brag about that, too!)
I agree with everyone about seeing what counselling is available to you, or support groups, or other alternatives to counselling or support groups. If you have people in your life who are good listeners, asking them to be a listening buddy to you could be very helpful. Not keeping everything inside your head, starting to let thoughts out through talking. Saying things out loud is a way to process things, to move forward, to let them out...to let them go. I love going for walks out in nature somewhere. Long walks where you have lots of time to say things you might not be able to when there are time limits. Being outside and away from everything means you won't be interrupted or distracted. That's really important, in my opinion.
Someone posted about looking at the loss of the mother that you never had. That was a great thought. When a parent passes, all those things in the back of our minds that we kind of hoped we'd get from them one day...all of that is now gone. That can be extremely overwhelming and can play a part in making one shut down and then feel numb. Finding someone to talk about this could be very helpful. Looking at things like...
- what kind of Mom do you wish you had?
- what were you hanging onto that you hoped you might get from her one day?
- what stands out about what you wish had been different?
There are probably a lot of questions like that which could help you move through your feelings (when you get to that stage).
It sounds like there are issues around a sibling acting in an inappropriate and/or hurtful way. That would add to the feelings of being overwhelmed, especially if their actions were unexpected. That would definitely add to the wanting to be numb during an already stressful situation. So getting help on addressing matters with your sibling could be helpful when you feel it's right to look at that.
Until then, I hope you are able to give yourself space to grieve when you're ready to. And to give yourself as much credit as you can for what you did well. And build as big a support team around yourself as you can. And come to FSU whenever you need one of us to give you a too-long hug. Or a smoochy wet kiss.
"UGH!!!"
Acknowledging that the good things that you have done is a great step. Maybe even bragging to someone about all the good stuff you did. Someone who would get that that would just be a way to help you move forward. And maybe there will be laughter there about being so bold as to brag about yourself. Another possible way to start feeling again. A way to say to yourself that maybe feeling things through laughter is a good place to be because maybe the tears would be too overwhelming right now.
Reaching out to us was a great, smart move. (Brag about that, too!)
I agree with everyone about seeing what counselling is available to you, or support groups, or other alternatives to counselling or support groups. If you have people in your life who are good listeners, asking them to be a listening buddy to you could be very helpful. Not keeping everything inside your head, starting to let thoughts out through talking. Saying things out loud is a way to process things, to move forward, to let them out...to let them go. I love going for walks out in nature somewhere. Long walks where you have lots of time to say things you might not be able to when there are time limits. Being outside and away from everything means you won't be interrupted or distracted. That's really important, in my opinion.Someone posted about looking at the loss of the mother that you never had. That was a great thought. When a parent passes, all those things in the back of our minds that we kind of hoped we'd get from them one day...all of that is now gone. That can be extremely overwhelming and can play a part in making one shut down and then feel numb. Finding someone to talk about this could be very helpful. Looking at things like...
- what kind of Mom do you wish you had?
- what were you hanging onto that you hoped you might get from her one day?
- what stands out about what you wish had been different?
There are probably a lot of questions like that which could help you move through your feelings (when you get to that stage).
It sounds like there are issues around a sibling acting in an inappropriate and/or hurtful way. That would add to the feelings of being overwhelmed, especially if their actions were unexpected. That would definitely add to the wanting to be numb during an already stressful situation. So getting help on addressing matters with your sibling could be helpful when you feel it's right to look at that.
Until then, I hope you are able to give yourself space to grieve when you're ready to. And to give yourself as much credit as you can for what you did well. And build as big a support team around yourself as you can. And come to FSU whenever you need one of us to give you a too-long hug. Or a smoochy wet kiss.
"UGH!!!"
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