Continue the story!

[Marge_Simpson]

Remember these? If anyone wants to distract themselves jump right in and add to the story.

Marge Simpson was completely stressed out. Between the worsening news, having to go to work, and the lack of Ben and Jerry’s in her freezer, her nerves were none too steady. Not that they were steady to begin with, but she knew she needed a distraction.
And what better distraction than watching skating videos? She was long past her silly crush on Vitaliy Baranov, even if he did have that lovely curly hair. But he was probably bald now. So why not select another skater to fantasize about?
“Hmm, Zachary Donahue seems a sexy young man. Err, a superb athlete”, she declared as she selected some coverage from the previous SA competition. “Yes, Zachary suits my needs. A fine physical specimen!”
Congratulating herself on finding such a superb distraction, she paused the video to truly appreciate Zach’s assets.
However, she stopped dead upon recognizing a person in the audience.
“What the hell? I didn’t know HE was in Las Vegas! That sleazy slimy dirtbag! What was he up to?”
Marge has just spotted......

 

[aliceanne]

Lloyd Eisler. He is to be the man of your dreams now and forever until death do you part. Looking over his shoulder are Alexander Zhulin, Artur Dmietriev Sr., and Oleg Ovsiannkov looking like a group portrait of a demented Dorian Grey. Your only escape is to find the fountain of youth and sprinkle the waters on them to make them go back to their rinks and remove the curse. Otherwise you will join them in their zombie world as the bride of Eisler. (Can you tell I was just at the ‘91 Worlds watch party?)

Where will you start looking Marge?

 

[Aceon6]

Marge rushes to the media area to get help from Charlie White. He will know what to do. Charlie quickly calls Max Trankov, the only person he knows with the required experience.

 

[aliceanne]

The clue is in the magic yellow pants! Put them on Max! But alas, Max can no longer fit into them.

 

[skategal]

The clue is in the magic yellow pants! Put them on Max! But alas, Max can no longer fit into them.

Because he gained too much sympathy weight with Tatiana’s 5 pregnancies.

Tatiana, however, is still as svelte and gorgeous as always and being a fearless pairs lady, she dons the magical yellow pants, gives the 5 kids to Max and heads out to save the day.

She.....

 

[VGThuy]

is desperately seeking Savchenko because at their last rendezvous, the mistakenly took each other’s Olympic gold medals and bottles of peroxide. However, at the rendezvous point, Tatiana is accosted by Nikolai Morosov as Aliona looks on trying to save her but is grabbed by Nina Mozer, who mistook her to Tatiana from behind, the side, and the front.

In the back of his black, unmarked car, listening to the same Yagudin/Michelle Kwan cut of Tosca he gives other skaters, Tatiana is trying to come up with an escape plan.

She...

 

[Aceon6]

quickly whips out her ancient iPod, connects it to the car’s sound system and starts playing her “Music I wish people would use” [(c) FSU] playlist. This causes the oily one to tremble uncontrollably. Unable to drive, he pulls over and...

 

[Marge_Simpson]

...unscrews his bottle of vodka, taking a hefty swig. “Nyet!” he sputtered. “Thees blue hair woman, she try to ruin my plans! I must stop her. Why she watching theez video and start trouble for me? Is katostropha!”
The oily one gulped down the rest of the bottle to steady his nerves.
“Da!” he cried. “I come up with plan, I solve zees problem. I call man who love me and we take care of zees nasty woman, oh yes!”
Pulling out his phone, he called his favorite skater.
“Javi!” He cooed. “Buenos dios! How do you do in Spanish country! I ask for you to meet me in U S of A!”
Javier listened in shock, wondering if Morozov was drunk or confined to a mental asylum. Or both.
Trying not to laugh, he said.....

 

[aliceanne]

“I have a life now, go away, shoo!” As he waved a bunch of garlic and made a sign of the cross. Javi then called Brian to ask who could fit the magic yellow pants to remove the curse so Marge wouldn’t have to marry Lloyd and become a Zombie. Brian said...

 

[Bigbird]

....what sort of twisted Twighlight Zone am I in. I need to....

 

[aliceanne]

Figure skating universe, of course, now who could fit those pants? I certainly can’t I’m too big, and Yuzu is too small...

 

[Marge_Simpson]

.."Drink zeees wine, mais oui!" cried Brian. "Mon dieu! Zees sleazy man makes zee trouble for everyone, quelle dommage."
Brian took a few delicate sips of his fine red wine and accompanied it with a fresh croissant.
"Bien!" he sighed. "I am now tranquille. I will not let zees slimebag man get away with zees dastardly plot. I will find zees yellow trousers and save zee day. Bien sur!"
Brian smiled confidently and whipped out his phone. After first taking a selfie of himself with his bottle of fine wine, he dialed a number.
"Aloo! Bonjour! My sweet babboo! I am missing you, mon amour, while I do zees quaranteen! Have you enough croissants? And wine? And zee clean underpants?"
"Ma cher maman!" said Brian. "Oui, oui, I have many croissants, much wine. And zee sexy boxers you buy for me. I ask for your help to foil eville plot, s'il tu plait!"
"Bien sur! Anything for my babboo. What do you weesh me to do?" asked Mama Joubert.
"Maman, I ask you to call zees number I give you and speak to..........."

 

[skategal]

"Nikolai Morosov.

He's very drunk and has forgotten that Tatiana (Maxim's baby mama) is in his trunk wearing the yellow pants.

He needs to get the yellow pants off Tatiana without her or Maxim killing him.

I know he has lots of experience removing ladies from their garments but this is a tall order as Tatiana will be hostile and Maxim will murder him if he does the wrong thing here.

Only an experienced woman like you can help, Mama!"

Mama Joubert agrees, and dials the number.

When Nikolai answers she says.....

 

[Marge_Simpson]

“Bonjour! Allo! Is zees zee famous coach of zee patinage, zee Monsieur Morosov?”
The oily one, still legally drunk, thought he was having auditory hallucinations. It look him several seconds to answer but he finally realized the French woman’s voice actually existed and was coming from his phone.
“Da! Da!” he mumbled. “I am famous coach you hear about. You need new coach? I coach you, no problem. You are French lady, da? Bereniece, is zat you? You are looking hot, you come here and I teach you new moves, ha ha! You win medals with Morosov, ooh la la!”
“Mais non!” Replied Maman Joubert. “I am hot lady, oui. But I do not need zee coach. I seek to obtain zee yellow pants!”
“Da!” shouted Morozov. “You want me take off your pants, I take them off. You come here, we drink vodka! Then I rip them off!”
“Non! Imbecile!” cried Maman. “No man is taking off my pants! I want zee yellow pants. Do you understand? I must have zee yellow trousers. D”accord? You give me zee trousers!”
“And what do I get?” demanded the oily one. “Why I give you these pants, hmm? These are special pants. I give you pants, what you give me? Hmmm?”
Maman realized she was in way over her head and did not know what to do next. Of course she would do her best to help her sweet Babboo and foil the slimy man’s plots. But no man was getting her out of her pants. Jamais!
“Let me theenk about zees, I call you back in five minutes” she said.
Thinking quickly, she dialed a number. She called......

 

[snoopysnake]

Ilia Kulik. He had the jacket that she needed. The yellow, white, and black vinyl cow-spotted disaster. It was practically retro by now. But it was a necessary piece of the puzzle.

Meanwhile, Brian Boitano was being consoled over the phone by Brian Orser, who was actually the Brian that Javier was referencing to begin with.

"Only snoopysnake cares about me any more," sighed Boitano. "She posted on fsuniverse complaining that someone called Brian Joubert only "Brian," without surname as if the whole wide world just assumes "Brian" must be Joubert.

"You mean that crazy lady who is always wearing sweatshirts with skating Snoopy on them?"

"She used to. Now she is old and married to a guy with grey hair and a grey beard and they are always wearing 'What Would Brian Boitano Do'" shirts to competitions. Come to think of it though, I have not seen them since 2014 in Boston. Maybe she died."

"Oh, maybe I should not tell you this," whispered Orser, "but she has been trying to get Lysacek's snake jersey from Vancouver 2010. But it gets worse! Guess who I caught in my apartment, wearing my 1988 red "Bolt" costume?"

 

[Marge_Simpson]

"Hmm, let me guess" said Brian B. "Was it Maman Joubert?"
Brian O let out a huge snort of laughter. "That old cow! How would she even fit into it?"
"You're right!" chortled Brian B. "She isn't a bolt. She's a lightning storm! But who was it, tell, tell!"
Brian O dropped his voice to a whisper. "It.Was.Ilya Kulik! And he kept mumbling to himself!"
"Noooo!" screeched Brian B. "Is he stalking you? Good lord! He has no fashion sense at all. I still have nightmares about that giraffe getup. What was he mumbling?"
"The pants!" said Brian O. "He kept saying something about yellow pants. I threw a pooh bear at him and he ran off. I think he's gone bonkers!"
"Wait!" said Brian B. "I just read something about yellow pants and a dastardly plot. It was on FSU. If it's on FSU, you know it is true. Maybe we should find these pants and save the day"
"Hmm" pondered Brian O. "You could be right. Do you think we should look for Kulik? What would Brian Boitano do?"
Brian B smiled confidently. "I will go undercover again as that silly sports reporter whose name I can't even remember. Fetch my fake mustache!"
"Yes! Ooh! It's here!" cried Brian O. "But where will you look for him?"
"Easy! I will look for him at..............."

 

[Aerobicidal]

" . . . a bathroom in Grenoble."

Needless to say, both Boitano and Orser know their way around bathhouses bathrooms. Using his inside connections in the television industry--after all, he'd had a Food Network show watched by at least eighteen viewers--Boitano pitched a new show. His alter ego, whom he decided to rename Brett Bottems, would send hundreds of antagonistic texts to former figure skating champions in order to make them cry. In a bathroom. In Grenoble.

After pitching this concept to dozens of TV shows, truTV was willing to accept on one condition: the finale of season one would feature Tonya Harding.

"People are still having interest in her?" Boitano asked truTV's programming director, Tina Roma. "That's disappointing. I hoped this 'make Tonya Happen' trend would either wind up in the slammer, or die. Like ice dancers did at the end of their programs in the '90s. That trend was killing me!"

"You've used that joke dozens of times," Roma said.

"Ex-squeeze me!" Boitano said. "Anyway, we have a deal. But before we shake on it, we need to ask if Kori Ade is willing to sign on to this project to give us tips on speed-hate-messaging. Last I heard, she was . . ."

 

[overedge]

"....getting a new cell phone number and switching providers". However, Boitano was not discouraged. Atop his super-secret hillside lair in San Francisco, there was a cellphone tower that, he knew, could reach any number in the world, no matter who or where it was.

"I'll get back to you," he told Roma, and raced home in his sports car, the wind ruffling his.....hat brim as he sped up the curvy narrow roads that led to his hiding place.

He dashed into the living room, grabbed his phone, and punched in Kori's number. Beep....beep...beep. And someone picked up.

"Hello? Wait a minute. You're not Kori! You're......"

 

[aftershocks]

'You sound like Scott Hamilton.' 'Yes,' Scott panted... 'Sorry, I've been skating around on tired legs trying to put a benefit show together, that's now gonna be canceled just like everything else in the world. But let's stay positive. Laughter is the best medicine, along with a few swigs of vodka!'

'Excuse me Brian, why are you calling? Don't tell me it's just to wax poetic about the time when we...'

 

[4rkidz]

..danced the tango in that hole in the wall jazz bar in Bratislava, but I digress.. Your new project sounds amazing Brian and i would love to be involved, as long as you hire ...

 

[skategal]

..danced the tango in that hole in the wall jazz bar in Bratislava, but I digress.. Your new project sounds amazing Brian and i would love to be involved, as long as you hire ...

Tatiana Voloszar. She will be able to translate your texts into Russian for all the former Russian champions.

Why should the USA have all the fun?

But I hear she’s being held captive by the eeeeeeevillle Nikolai Morosov.

Someone needs to go rescue her ASAP before Maxim has a breakdown and those 5 babies are left without a functional parent.

Here is what you need to do.....

 

[Marge_Simpson]

“send Marge Simpson” to rendezvous with Morozov” said Scott.
“What? Are you nuts?” demanded Brian B. “That loony blue haired woman at FSU? She would never meet Morozov. She thinks he’s a slime bag, and she doesn’t drink vodka. Why would she go meet him?”
“Yes, but she’s gullible!” ssid Scott. “We just have to fake her out. She has the hots for Zachary now. Call her up, pretend to be that lame sports reporter with the fake mustache. Tell her you are taking her to meet the man of her dreams. Then take her to meet Morozov and steal those yellow pants!”
“Hmm, I’m not so sure about this” said Brian. “I’d rather find Kulik and get my hands on that hideous giraffe outfit. She might realize it’s a trick. Is she really that dumb?”
“Dumber!” Scott snickered. “it’s a piece of cake!” Tell her Zach is in Moscow and wants to meet her. Take Tatiana with you and say she’s the camera person”
“I think you’ve nailed it, Scott! I’ll do it. But I need someone else to come with us. I need.....

 

[snoopysnake]

Javier and Miki," replied Boitano, still confused over the idea of Marge not drinking vodka. He thought she owned a controlling share of Smirnoff. Patrick Chan used to claim that all the time about Marge. Now Brian B. had an immense craving for Tim Horton's. Maybe there was a can in that box of Christmas presents from Canada that hnaad arrived so late. He checked the box which was in his spare room, as he listened to Scott waxing poetic about his new Yuzuru Hanyu pinball machine, which was festooned with Winnie the Pooh on every bumper. The can of Tim Horton's French Roast had a gift tag signed, "Remember drinking this while we were making Carmen? Love Sandra."