The Percentage of American Adults Not Having Sex Has Reached a Record High

[WillyElliot]

https://www.sciencealert.com/the-pe...39pD8MPP2G78CnP7ReEI60GLwqPCcls48kMHAa5yXXH6Y

Thoughts?

Interesting article. What I found surprising was the under 30 male demographic. Really? Nearly 1/3 are celibate? I wasn't exactly a slore in my 20s, but compared to my 40s it's night and day, lol. And the article stating a possible reason is because people are waiting to marry in their 30s and 40s? I kind of thought it's pretty much agreed that getting married is almost the kiss of death to the sex life? The idea of saving oneself for marriage until their 30s and 40s just doesn't ring true to me either. What I suspect is more likely is that millennials are just more stressed out than ever. They come out of college with insane student loan debt only to find jobs where they are underemployed and underpaid, all while the cost of living is increasing disproportionately. Dating is so expensive these days. I took a friend to lunch the other day, Red Lobster nothing fancy, and the bill was over $50! For lunch! I don't consider myself cheap, but I thought that was crazy. If I was just starting out in my 20s I would be crying myself to sleep wondering how I could afford anything. So that's one reason I suspect is a big factor in this study. Oh well, they are the experts on this subject. I really feel sorry for millennials.

 

[watchthis!!]

They're too busy:

https://kreolmagazine.com/music-ent...ones-can-be-deadly-to-our-youth/#.XKGs4pWWx9A

 

[Prancer]

I kind of thought it's pretty much agreed that getting married is almost the kiss of death to the sex life?

Maybe on sitcoms but statistically, married people have more sex than single people, at least according to most surveys. This is generally attributed to the fact that married people have readily available partners. I see that's what this article says, too.

What I find interesting is that married sex is also in decline. I also attribute this to stress.

If I was just starting out in my 20s I would be crying myself to sleep wondering how I could afford anything.

I wonder that, too. My son is 25, has no debt of any kind, and makes what sounds to me like decent money for someone just starting out. He isn't broke by any means, but he doesn't have much money for a social life, either.

People my age grump about those leech-like kids who live at home for years after reaching adulthood, but they should try working out some of the budgets those young adults have to live on.

 

[WillyElliot]

They're too busy:

https://kreolmagazine.com/music-ent...ones-can-be-deadly-to-our-youth/#.XKGs4pWWx9A

I was doing fine with the article until they had to get all churchy and called cyberporn a "creepy" abuse of cellphones or computers. Yawn. But there were some good points.

 

[Japanfan]

One final factor that may be affecting Americans' sexual habits at all ages is technology. "There are a lot more things to do at 10 o'clock at night now than there were 20 years ago," Twenge said. "Streaming video, social media, console games, everything else."

I think the heavy reliance on technology and the concurrent lack of face-to-face communication may have something to do with it, also.

I've been in restaurants and seen people sitting at tables all focused on their phones, not on talking with each other. It pretty common. It seems to logically follow that face-to-face communication will become more limited. People would therefore have less opportunity to exchange gestures and words that hint at or indicate interest in getting to know a person better and/or become intimate with a person.

And the reliance starts young. My friend was visiting with her 10-year daughter last night, and since I didn't know the password for her to use on her phone, she watched videos on the computer for several hours. My friend says she can easily spend up to six hours a day on the phone, if allowed. Of course, she goes outside and plays with her friends when the weather is good, just as kids have always done.

But when the baby boom was growing up, there were so many of us. We did not what much TV - didn't get TV in the small northern Canadian town I grew up in until 1963. We found things to do. In the summer, when the sun didn't set until about 10 pm, you couldn't get us inside!

 

[skateboy]

Interesting article. What I found surprising was the under 30 male demographic. Really? Nearly 1/3 are celibate? I wasn't exactly a slore in my 20s, but compared to my 40s it's night and day, lol.

Well, that's terrible. (I admit to being pretty much of a slore in my 20s but, as far as I could tell, so was everyone else. ) I honestly don't think that lack of physical interaction is a good thing for most people.

 

[WillyElliot]

I know, right? I mean, if you aren't involved with anyone in your 20s, what the heck are you doing? I can't believe they are just on their cellphones/computers all day. How depressing.

 

[snoopy]

People my age grump about those leech-like kids who live at home for years after reaching adulthood, but they should try working out some of the budgets those young adults have to live on.

There was a year, I’m too old to remember which one, that gas prices hit $4 a gallon. That year my grocery bill just about doubled. Gas prices they said. So much more money to transport. Well gas prices went back down but food prices didn’t.

There is also the great shrinking toilet paper roll.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news...et-paper-is-shrinking/?utm_term=.b5419f54a6be

Life costs more than it used to.

 

[PRlady]

Well I’m also a product of the slore ‘70s and I’m in favor of less hooking-up: looking back, there were several “events” I should have skipped.

That said, spending one’s twenties alone and celibate is sad. And there’s frequently consequences later; when my parents die I literally don’t know what my unpartnered stepsister in Philly will do with herself, the rest of us are married and in or heading towards grandparenthood. She will always have a place to go on holidays and vacation but the year is 365 days long. Some people make great lives for themselves unpartnered but she’s not one of them, and her aversion to risk back in her twenties contributed to this.

 

[Wyliefan]

Well I’m also a product of the slore ‘70s and I’m in favor of less hooking-up: looking back, there were several “events” I should have skipped.

That said, spending one’s twenties alone and celibate is sad.

Not necessarily. I mean, I wouldn't have chosen singleness (and celibacy, which in my faith accompanies singleness), and it can be really difficult, but there are compensations. There are things I can do that my married friends with little kids can't. And I have enough family and friends that I'm not really alone. It means working hard on relationships that you might have let go otherwise, precisely so you won't be all alone (now or in old age). It may mean having roommates all my life or living in one of those little planned communities where you're close to families with children. But I manage.

I guess what I'm saying is that if singleness happens, you just try to make the best of it, just like anything else that happens.

 

[MsZem]

That said, spending one’s twenties alone and celibate is sad. And there’s frequently consequences later; when my parents die I literally don’t know what my unpartnered stepsister in Philly will do with herself, the rest of us are married and in or heading towards grandparenthood. She will always have a place to go on holidays and vacation but the year is 365 days long. Some people make great lives for themselves unpartnered but she’s not one of them, and her aversion to risk back in her twenties contributed to this.

I'd separate those two things. People can be asexual and be in relationships (obviously, this is not a large percentage of relationships) and people can hook up a lot and still be very much alone otherwise.

Not finding a romantic partner isn't necessarily a choice; sometimes people try, and it just doesn't work out that way. I have a surprisingly large number of friends who are unpartnered and in their forties.

My guess is that since marrying young isn't as common as it used to be, people allow themselves to stay single if they don't meet the right person, whereas in the past there may have been more compromise. And given how much of our life now happens online, it may be harder for some people to meet potential partners/hookups if their daily lives don't involve regular interactions with other unattached people (unlike college, for instance). Once you have a job, and live on your own, and have various things that take up your time, it can take an effort to meet other people. Not everyone is up to what is essentially a second job of online dating.

 

[Prancer]

Life costs more than it used to.

I've posted this before, but when my kids were working at their first minimum wage jobs, I couldn't figure out why they were so poor. It seemed to me that I had a lot more money than they did when I was in high school, even though they worked more hours.

And I was right: when I was in high school, I made $3.35 an hour. Using the Bureau of Labor Statistics Inflation Calculator, that comes out to the equvalent of $12.40 now, which is $5 more an hour than what either of my kids made.

I guess what I'm saying is that if singleness happens, you just try to make the best of it, just like anything else that happens.

According to a number of studies, singles are now happier and becoming more so than they were in the past.

I have read a number of articles indicating that young people now are quite wary of relationships and often don't see the point of putting in the effort a relationship requires. It's easier to be alone than it is to deal with another person. I've seen arguments about the causes of this, but I think stress probably plays a large role there, too--who has the mental and emotional energy for a relationship?

 

[quartz]

My son is 28 next month and has never had a relationship. He seems quite content to be an introvert and a bit of a loner, but he is starting to do some travel and concerts on his own. Whenever someone asks, hey when are you going to get a girlfriend? - he responds, (deadpan) why would I want to complicate my life like that for?

 

[PRlady]

My son-in-law’s stepdad married for the first time at age 50 (to someone five years older) and is happy as a clam. There’s no deadline in finding the right relationship. But I do feel sad that so many twentysomethings aren’t learning relationship skills even if they don’t last.

 

[snoopy]

My son-in-law’s stepdad married for the first time at age 50 (to someone five years older) and is happy as a clam. There’s no deadline in finding the right relationship. But I do feel sad that so many twentysomethings aren’t learning relationship skills even if they don’t last.

I think there is a little secret that men CAN change, but only by aging as their testosterone levels dip. I think it can mellow men out making relationships possible for men in their 50s and 60s who were too unsettled or unsatisfied in their 30s.

 

[PRlady]

I think there is a little secret that men CAN change, but only by aging as their testosterone levels dip. I think it can mellow men out making relationships possible for men in their 50s and 60s who were too unsettled or unsatisfied in their 30s.

I’ve seen this closeup in three different men but the impact varies. Womanizing men may become more satisfied with one good relationship and men for whom sex was never that important may abandon it altogether. It explains Warren Beatty and George Clooney and other former hound dogs.

But realistically it takes some people of both sexes a long time to figure themselves out for the right partner. So it’s not like celibate 20somethings have no chance later in life. I just feel that they’re missing out on self-discovery, fun and company.

 

[Vagabond]

married people have readily available partners.

They do?

 

[TheGirlCanSkate]

I feel like there is less pressure to have sex. When I was a teen there were tons of movies about easy sex in HS and college. Many did not require consensual consent. I think people are still hooking up, but maybe they are readier for it? More selective about partnering up? Waiting longer? And for sure, if you live with your parents (or even in a place with multiple roommates), you will have less sex.

I think it even goes to less dating in general. My daughter's friends don't date. They go to dances/concerts/movies with groups of friends. She asked if she could date and I said yes. Later she said, they talked more and changed their minds, they like being friends.

 

[Aussie Willy]

That said, spending one’s twenties alone and celibate is sad.

As a person who has been single for most of my life (really just never met the right person except for one dysfunctional relationship), I really hate it when people think that just because you were not with someone that it is sad. Not everyone needs to have another person in their life to be complete.

 

[quartz]

As a person who has been single for most of my life (really just never met the right person except for one dysfunctional relationship), I really hate it when people think that just because you were not with someone that it is sad. Not everyone needs to have another person in their life to be complete.

Although I am in a long term relationship, were I to find myself single, I highly doubt I would seek out another partner. I would be quite curious to see how my life would be without the expectations and compromises of couple hood. I know plenty of people who have fabulous lives without being attached.

 

[Aussie Willy]

Although I am in a long term relationship, were I to find myself single, I highly doubt I would seek out another partner. I would be quite curious to see how my life would be without the expectations and compromises of couple hood. I know plenty of people who have fabulous lives without being attached.

I always think that if I had been desperate to have children then I would have gone looking for a partner. But never did so never felt I needed to be in a relationship. Have always found things to do in life.

As for the sex side of it, there are ways of doing that without the need to be in a relationship. Although having a friend with benefits is good too.

 

[Desperado]

I’m wondering about the effects of the increase use of antidepressants on people’s lack of sex lives. I’ve twice experienced the total loss of libido from using them and I know I’m not alone.

 

[Aussie Willy]

I do believe that the contraceptive pill can affect libido as well. Know from personal experience.

 

[Japanfan]

I feel like there is less pressure to have sex. When I was a teen there were tons of movies about easy sex in HS and college. Many did not require consensual consent.

So IOW, rape was condoned. Sex is much easier to get when one of the parties is not required to give consent.

I’m wondering about the effects of the increase use of antidepressants on people’s lack of sex lives. I’ve twice experienced the total loss of libido from using them and I know I’m not alone.

I do believe that the contraceptive pill can affect libido as well. Know from personal experience.

Taking the pill never affected my libido - but I did change to the IUD in my early 30s, so didn't experience the long-term effects of taking the pill. Though I did take it over 15 years (became sexually active at 15).

I don't know about the affect of anti-depressants on women's libido, but do know that it does have an impact of men's libido. Could be the same for women, I just do not know.

 

[Desperado]

Here’s some more information about the sexual side effects of antidepressants.

I can attest to Wellbutrin being fine.

 

[oleada]

I’m wondering about the effects of the increase use of antidepressants on people’s lack of sex lives. I’ve twice experienced the total loss of libido from using them and I know I’m not alone.

This, plus long work hours and stress and commuting....I know it affects my sex life.

ETA: Wellbutrin made me feel jittery and like my heart was going to beat itself out of my body. I took it in combination with another anti depressant but only at a very low dosage. It did help a bit, though.

 

[sk8pics]

Well I’m also a product of the slore ‘70s and I’m in favor of less hooking-up: looking back, there were several “events” I should have skipped.

That said, spending one’s twenties alone and celibate is sad. And there’s frequently consequences later; when my parents die I literally don’t know what my unpartnered stepsister in Philly will do with herself, the rest of us are married and in or heading towards grandparenthood. She will always have a place to go on holidays and vacation but the year is 365 days long. Some people make great lives for themselves unpartnered but she’s not one of them, and her aversion to risk back in her twenties contributed to this.

You know, I’m sure, that there are no guarantees of companionship or meaning in life, whether you are married or not. To assume that because someone is single they won’t have enough things to occupy themselves is just not reasonable. Or to assume that because you are married you will have things to do. Partners die or leave, health issues arise. And I know plenty of married guys who are so wrapped up in their careers, that they don’t know what to do with themselves when they retire. It’s a question of finding out what brings you fulfillment, developing friendships and interests to carry you forward, not just whether you’re married or not.

 

[snoopy]

Sanjay Gupta has a documentary on stress out. One of the things it notes is that chronic stress decreases the empathy zone in the brain. I imagine that would impact one’s ability to get into and stay in a relationship.

 

[Aussie Willy]

You know, I’m sure, that there are no guarantees of companionship or meaning in life, whether you are married or not. To assume that because someone is single they won’t have enough things to occupy themselves is just not reasonable. Or to assume that because you are married you will have things to do. Partners die or leave, health issues arise. And I know plenty of married guys who are so wrapped up in their careers, that they don’t know what to do with themselves when they retire. It’s a question of finding out what brings you fulfillment, developing friendships and interests to carry you forward, not just whether you’re married or not.

I think there are a lot of people who are single because they have fulfilling lives, don't need another person to complete them and like their own space. I have friends who are married who I say have a "single soul" because while they are married they have active lives that don't depend on a partner. They do things with their partner but also quite happy to go off and do things on their own. Never when you have a discussion with them is it all about the "partnership".

 

[Vash01]

I think there are a lot of people who are single because they have fulfilling lives, don't need another person to complete them and like their own space. I have friends who are married who I say have a "single soul" because while they are married they have active lives that don't depend on a partner. They do things with their partner but also quite happy to go off and do things on their own. Never when you have a discussion with them is it all about the "partnership".

I am one of those with happy and fulfilling lives while being single. I love living alone. Good to know there are others. Many of my friends who are married are happy to do things on their own, as well as with their husbands. It seems the pressure to get married, or to seek a partner, is not there, the way it used to be.