Tarah Kayne details abuse allegations against sanctioned coach Sappenfield

[Deleted member 221]

I don't know what to say other than thank you, Tarah Kayne, for this incredible act of bravery. I can't imagine the courage this took. I'm so, so sorry that Sappenfield and skating did this to you. May this never happen to another skater again. Blow up the system. It's time for the whole house of cards to come toppling down, and for everyone who even tacitly allowed this to happen to lose their job, position, or authority.

 

[thvu]

I don't know what to say other than thank you, Tarah Kayne, for this incredible act of bravery. I can't imagine the courage this took. I'm so, so sorry that Sappenfield and skating did this to you. May this never happen to another skater again. Blow up the system. It's time for the whole house of cards to come toppling down, and for everyone who even tacitly allowed this to happen to lose their job, position, or authority.

This. All this. USFS is a failed institution deserving of decertification from the USOC.

 

[MacMadame]

They almost certainly 100% saw many things and never reported anything.

It's possible that at least one of them is one of the 11 complaints SafeSport is investigating.

 

[Willin]

@MacMadame Certainly possible, and I can excuse Tammy Gambill to some extent since she showed up shortly before Dalilah moved to Monument, but where were they in reporting it the prior 10-15 years. Tom Z had the power to ban Kori Ade from coaching at the World Arena, so why couldn't he ban Dalilah? Krall is a big name in the PSA (not lead by USFS) - she could've done something by going to them and having the PSA punish Dalilah. No PSA rating, no coaching at USFS events.

And even though SafeSport didn't exist, they could've gone to the police or other authorities. I'm sure if 10 years ago - or even after the Coughlin affair - all the coaches there wanted her punished (even just for optics reasons), they could've convinced USFS to do something.

 

[TRAxel]

MY GOD! Absolutely disgusting! So brave of Tarah to speak out.

 

[skateboy]

Dalilah's just gross.

 

[Lanie]

Poor Tarah.

Also **** Dalilah. She's toxic. She's awful. She needs to pay for this behavior, this torment and her support of the other abuses going on in this sport.

 

[Deleted member 221]

In fairness, we don't know with certainty that other coaches didn't report. It's a broken system. I know with absolute certainty that skaters and coaches officially reported Callaghan and were ignored, and in some cases ostracized.

I saw the same thing happen in Catholic school. People say why didn't others report? In some cases, they did report. Their reports were ignored, and they faced retaliation including loss of jobs. The abusers never disappeared - their critics did. It's hard when entire systems are stacked against you, and I believe in my core that this has been and remains the case with USFS.

It's long past time for excuses, and it's inexcusable that Dalilah Sappenfield wasn't banned at least two to three years ago because it's been blindingly obvious that she needed to be banned at least that long ago. That said, I don't make any assumptions that people didn't report her or didn't try to help. This is absolutely, 100% a systemic issue, and it can't end with Dalilah Sappenfield.

 

[Frau Muller]

Dalilah's just gross.

And to think that Aljona wanted to be a part of THIS.

 

[rfisher]

The system is a problem, but parents have to own some of this as they enable these coaches by sending their kids to them in pursuit of that Olympic or World medal. I don't believe for one second a lot of parents didn't choose to tell their kids to deal.

 

[overedge]

The system is a problem, but parents have to own some of this as they enable these coaches by sending their kids to them in pursuit of that Olympic or World medal. I don't believe for one second a lot of parents didn't choose to tell their kids to deal.

If a parent has spent a lot of money and time to get their kid to the elite level of coaching - not to mention paying for them to move away from home and live somewhere else - I can totally see the kid not even telling their parents that they're being abused by their coach. They might feel like they would waste everything their parents have invested if they complain about the coach.

If parents know about the abuse, yes, they might tell their kids to deal with it. But it's also very possible that the parents don't know when abuse is happening.

 

[Willin]

In fairness, we don't know with certainty that other coaches didn't report. It's a broken system. I know with absolute certainty that skaters and coaches officially reported Callaghan and were ignored, and in some cases ostracized.

I saw the same thing happen in Catholic school. People say why didn't others report? In some cases, they did report. Their reports were ignored, and they faced retaliation including loss of jobs. The abusers never disappeared - their critics did. It's hard when entire systems are stacked against you, and I believe in my core that this has been and remains the case with USFS.

It's long past time for excuses, and it's inexcusable that Dalilah Sappenfield wasn't banned at least two to three years ago because it's been blindingly obvious that she needed to be banned at least that long ago. That said, I don't make any assumptions that people didn't report her or didn't try to help. This is absolutely, 100% a systemic issue, and it can't end with Dalilah Sappenfield.

I agree it's a systemic problem not just in USFS but in many places. I won't dispute that.

What I am saying were there were many ways outside of that system (USFSA) to report: rink management (though they're probably too aligned with USFS to care), the PSA, the local police, the local police's sex crimes unit, child abuse reporting services (for the teen victims), the IOC (this took place in a facility they're affiliated with), etc. While sjaters and parents may not have felt empowered to report, as I said at least two of the coaches who did have the power to do something outside of USFS (Tom Z with rink management and Krall with the PSA) dropped the ball. These are powerful coaches - 2-3 of them together could've made a difference but none tried to.

 

[Karen-W]

Or, sadly, in the case of Tarah, she was an adult when this abuse was happening and while the article makes it clear she did talk to her mom about it, what exactly would you have her mother do? It seems like her mom was as supportive as one can be when her adult child is in a really terrible, abusive situation. And, to both her mom and Danny's credit, they did eventually get Tarah out of that environment.

 

[Holy Headband]

Dalilah's just gross.

Right, hearing about how entitled she feels/felt to her skaters' sex lives (entitled to know/criticise everything and in some cases entitled to insert herself into those lives) and how abusive/manipulative she is makes me feel unclean.

It doesn't even sound like she had a 'pedagogical' reason for voicing her fantasies and offensive remarks about her pupils, or for grinding down their self-esteem like she did with Kayne. Not that abusing your pupils because you think it will make them better skaters is more justified or less gross--it's not--but it's probably more common. By contrast, it sounds like Sappenfield is/was motivated primarily by a desire for psychological control and domination that took precedence over her goals as a coach.

Honestly, many elements of her behaviour--the way she tried to exert control over people's sex lives and discussed their most intimate/vulnerable moments in front of an audience (thus intentionally creating hierarchies and tension within her training group), the way she used the people underneath her for her own gratification, the total lack of boundaries, the malevolent desire to 'break' the will of people who resist her when she crosses boundaries, etc.--are classic cult leader traits. It actually surprises me she was effective as a coach to the extent that she was given how off the rails that training environment sounds.

 

[bellezza_fiore]

Around the time when Rockne and Keauna paired up, I heard rumors about Dalilah. Even back then, I heard skaters' moms talking about how they'd never send their daughters to Dalilah/Colorado Springs. If those moms in California knew what was happening in Colo Springs, I'm sure everyone at the World arena as well as the USFS staff knew what's going on in Dalilah's camp. When we first found out about Dalilah's suspension last month, everyone I know in figure skating said "FINALLY!!!" The figure skating community is so small compared to gymnastics or any other major sports and rumors travel very fast! But rumors are rumors, and it's not easy for us to report what we heard about a certain individual.

 

[HeatherC]

If I sat down and wrote out all of my thoughts and feelings about this situation, I would probably get banned from FSU forever because of the amount of obscenities and angry ranting that would be in that post.

I have never been as upset and angry as I was this morning when I read this article and I literally had to stop working for a while just to get myself composed and back together enough to finish out my workday. I am SO freaking angry right now. I've long felt that DS and her factory of pair skating was trouble but I honestly had no idea it was this dark (counting all the stuff that has been coming out lately). My heart breaks for all the skaters that have come through there and were left broken and disillusioned in the end. It's just, ugh, I have no words right now. I've known Tarah for a long time and knowing that these horrors happened to her out there has just gutted me because she is one of the sweetest people I've ever known and was always extra kind to me when I got to spend time with her and Danny. I've already messaged with her tonight for a bit and knowing that so many of you guys are sending her support makes my heart happy. I'm glad that so many people have sent her love which I'm sure is helping her through this process. I pray that she's able to find some peace and I was happy to hear about the European tour which will hopefully be a wonderful experience for her.

 

[Panja]

What I don't get, is that Alexa and Chris let her be the one to officiate at their marriage. I'm pretty sure these two did not know what was going on exactly, but it still feels strange. Did she act differently towards them (presumably: yes), and especially towards Alexa? Especially as it seems 'girls' or 'women' were the main victims. Although this kind of talk is pretty toxic towards men as well.

I'm happy though that Danny is supportive.

 

[wickedwitch]

Tarah posed a statement on Twitter:

I want to thank everyone who has reached out to me! This wasn’t something I wanted to do - I actually really hated having to relive it, but I love skating and it devastates me that abuse is ruining the sport for so many. I also want to be clear that this is not new, it has been happening for DECADES. It could have and should have been stopped years ago. My story should never have happened.

https://twitter.com/TarahKayne/status/1446611787907018757

 

[Willin]

What I don't get, is that Alexa and Chris let her be the one to officiate at their marriage. I'm pretty sure these two did not know what was going on exactly, but it still feels strange. Did she act differently towards them (presumably: yes), and especially towards Alexa? Especially as it seems 'girls' or 'women' were the main victims. Although this kind of talk is pretty toxic towards men as well.

I'm happy though that Danny is supportive.

Alexa has said and done some problematic things herself and is kinda known for sticking her foot in her mouth. I don't think she's abusive or awful like Dalilah - more misguided - but it may be she is just a kindred spirit to Dalilah. It's possible she didn't register the abuse as anything but the sort of abrasive language she herself uses. I feel it's more likely that Alexa's just a strong enough personality that Dalilah felt she couldn't victimize her. Maybe Dalilah even saw her as enough of a kindred spirit that she not only felt she couldn't victimize her, but saw her as one of a few female skaters worthy of respect.

Or, more likely, I've also always felt that they were a partnership that was special to Dalilah in some way. Maybe that they're both conservative Christians in a monogamous relationship with each other (and she liked her pairs dating eachother), maybe that they were her golden goose pair she couldn't afford to lose, maybe something else... But either way she always seemed to treat them different than her other pairs in general in the K&Cs and talked about them differently than her other pairs.

 

[AngieNikodinovLove (ANL)]

Wow. Reading Tarah’s account saddens me. Mostly, though, it pisses me the f*ck off. How much of this did USFS know? If we have an account like this, why is it taking so long to permanently ban her in the US?!

Sappenfeld is a monster, an absolute monster.

I’m just discovering this thread now and will read the article in a minute.

What do you think her relationship was with Alexa and Chris? I mean she officiated and married them. They seem to have considered her family.

I wonder if Alexa and Chris were privy to anything because they were with her for quite some time

 

[AngieNikodinovLove (ANL)]

What I don't get, is that Alexa and Chris let her be the one to officiate at their marriage. I'm pretty sure these two did not know what was going on exactly, but it still feels strange. Did she act differently towards them (presumably: yes), and especially towards Alexa? Especially as it seems 'girls' or 'women' were the main victims. Although this kind of talk is pretty toxic towards men as well.

I'm happy though that Danny is supportive.

I just posted the same thing you did. I haven’t read the article yet. I just started looking at the first few posts. my first thoughts are about Alexa and Chris.

 

[Coco]

Well, Chris continued until he practically had a mid-competition breakdown, so even if they were the chosen ones, they spent an enormous amount of time in an unhealthy atmosphere.

As for other avenues of reporting for this particular situation, as horrible as this account is, there is nothing illegal being alleged here. I think there may have been threats of retaliation, explicit or implied, that were part of this whole scene, but that is difficult to prove.

 

[bethy135]

I don't know what to say other than thank you, Tarah Kayne, for this incredible act of bravery. I can't imagine the courage this took. I'm so, so sorry that Sappenfield and skating did this to you. May this never happen to another skater again. Blow up the system. It's time for the whole house of cards to come toppling down, and for everyone who even tacitly allowed this to happen to lose their job, position, or authority.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[Orm Irian]

as horrible as this account is, there is nothing illegal being alleged here.

Sexual harassment and psychological and verbal abuse, all of which were used to create a hostile work environment (as gender is a protected characteristic under US law, and Sappenfield targeted Kayne specifically as a woman in her abuse) - there's enough there for a civil lawsuit if not a criminal case, I believe.

 

[Coco]

There are potentially grounds for a civil lawsuit here, but that just means she can find a lawyer to file a lawsuit.

In terms of reporting what was going on here, there was nothing the police could do.

 

[Tavi]

Sexual harassment and psychological and verbal abuse, all of which were used to create a hostile work environment (as gender is a protected characteristic under US law, and Sappenfield targeted Kayne specifically as a woman in her abuse) - there's enough there for a civil lawsuit if not a criminal case, I believe.

The regs you’re referring to are specific to employment law, so they almost certainly aren’t applicable here.

A more likely possibility is a civil suit under Colorado law alleging intentional infliction of emotional distress.

 

[Willin]

Well, TIL sexual harrassment and verbal abuse isn't a criminal offense. That needs to get fixed pronto.

 

[karmena]

It is hard "to catch" pathological individuals because they are super skillful to hide their pathology, and there always are plenty of people who succumb to their crafty means to hide their real- selves.

 

[overedge]

The regs you’re referring to are specific to employment law, so they almost certainly aren’t applicable here.

A more likely possibility is a civil suit under Colorado law alleging intentional infliction of emotional distress.

If the skaters were being funded to skate, as in receiving training support from USFS, could they make a case that they were employees or dependent contractors? Similar to the argument that some college athletes are now trying to make: https://www.cnbc.com/2021/09/29/col...onsidered-employees-says-top-nlrb-lawyer.html

 

[Tavi]

Well, TIL sexual harrassment and verbal abuse isn't a criminal offense. That needs to get fixed pronto.

It’s not that simple. Most (not all) crimes are a matter of state law, and some states may define some kinds of harassment and verbal abuse as crimes. For example, stalking, elder or child abuse, threats of domestic violence, etc. But probably not this.

If the skaters were being funded to skate, as in receiving training support from USFS, could they make a case that they were employees or dependent contractors? Similar to the argument that some college athletes are now trying to make: https://www.cnbc.com/2021/09/29/col...onsidered-employees-says-top-nlrb-lawyer.html

Ha - I would have to research to really answer , but if you’re talking about trying to hold USFS liable for Sappenfield’s alleged sexual harassment and creation of a hostile work environment, I’m not sure if it would help if the skaters were employees / contractors unless (1) USFS also had some kind of control over Sappenfield (eg, as an employee or as a contractor providing services to skaters like Tarah & Danny on their behalf), (2) the alleged harassment occurred during the provision of those services; and (3) they had knowledge of the harassment and did nothing. Make sense?