Ashley Wagner reveals she was assaulted by John Coughlin

[okokok777]

If the "behind the scenes" activity involves some sort of discipline for Sappenfield, the outcome needs to be public, since her actions and statements were public. The "handling it discreetly in private" approach is not going to fly.

@overedge Exactly. Even if it’s behind the scenes now it needs to be made public. Otherwise it looks like USFS is doing exactly nothing about the situation. And since all the evidence they are doing something I have is one anonymous internet post, I’m going to assume they’re still doing nothing until I have more information.

I was referring to the post about investigative journalism. I personally find the number of mistakes that the USFS has made in handling this entire case exceptionally alarming.

Thanks for your input, which shows the problem with making assumptions. So, if Coughlin/Namiotka did not work with Sappenfield, do you know who their coach was?

I agree that making claims about what Sappenfield said, should be accompanied by links to where she made the statements being attributed to her.

They were coached by Jeff DiGregorio at UDel

 

[aftershocks]

They were coached by Jeff DiGregorio at UDel

Thanks for the factual information you have provided.

 

[overedge]

If Coughlin and Namiotka were coached by DiGregorio when the alleged abuse happened, then there should be an investigation of his actions as the person in charge of their training.

 

[Willin]

@aftershocks I don't have a screenshot of Dalilah's comments/replies to comments (idk where those went, but I did see them on a thread here at one point) or where she said Bridget was mentally ill. What I do have are the GoFundMe, which implies the accusations are entirely unfounded and created "misinformation", the initial facebook post saying the internet posters talking about the accusations were ignorant and that his name was "being dragged through the mud" and how things were being "misconstrued" (and claiming he had no due process mid-investigation, which suggests there was due process in progress), and another post accusing SafeSport of being untrustworthy and incompetent for sends "misleading and suggestive" messages to the public. The last post is obviously the most concerning for me, but all should be very concerning as it suggests she has no concept of how abusers hide themselves and why it's important for abusers to be kept away from potential targets until due process has been completed.

Other evidence about how rotten the culture in USFS is that I have screenshots of are Nina Edmunds (Polina's mom) saying she thinks the accusers/victims should be outed publicly since John's name was made public, Chris Knirem calling someone ignorant for making a fairly innocuous post about the accusers/victims and saying there were no survivors or abuse, and Tara Modlin (agent to skaters, formerly(?) afiliated with USFSA HQ, coach, PSA member) facilitating the red hat campaign. Tara Modlin also said questionable stuff as mentioned in articles including implying the victims were liars, but you don't need a screenshot to find that. Also, Modlin was the one who told USA Today that Bridget was "unstable".

 

[aftershocks]

... or where she said Bridget was mentally ill.

Are you certain that particular comment wasn't misattributed to Sappenfield in one of the threads here? I have seen it mentioned that Tara Modlin made a comment about an accuser being 'unstable' in a published account of Namiotka coming forward to publicly accuse Coughlin of sexual abuse, as you note in the last part of your post.


As far as DiGregorio having been N/C's coach, sure lots of questions should be asked. But I don't think the questions and investigation should solely be centered around Sappenfield and DiGregorio. Obviously, it would have been better for all concerned had alarm bells rung many years ago. But I wouldn't rush to lambast DiGregorio either on the mere assumption that since he coached them, he knew sexual abuse was taking place. What about Namiotka's parents? Questions should be asked of them too, especially since Coughlin resided in their home at one point.

What I find visibly disturbing at the time, and even more in retrospect is how thin Namiotka looked when she was competing with Coughlin. Didn't anyone in the arenas and in the skating community notice something? See my post #596 in this thread. DiGregorio might also be asked questions about Namiotka's appearance. Sadly, it's now common knowledge that she had an eating disorder. But this is visual implication of widespread culpability surrounding female body image and eating disorders that reaches deep and far into the skating culture and beyond. It's painful to look back at this on so many levels: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsufPZZ6Ftc

Bridget Namiotka and John Coughlin 2007 US Nationals Short Program

Bridget Namiotka and John Coughlin 2007 Nationals Short Program (Senior Pairs)

www.youtube.com

 

[overedge]

IIRC the GoFundMe (linked in @Willin post above) was originally posted as for "funeral expenses" and then - after contributions had been made - was changed to "funeral expenses and legal costs". That didn't sit well with donors who were fine with supporting the memorial service but not with possibly supporting the expenses related to the SafeSport investigations.

And yes I know that there are legal costs around settling an estate, but the GoFundMe didn't specify those kinds of expenses.

 

[Willin]

Are you certain that particular comment wasn't misattributed to Sappenfield in one of the threads here? I have seen it mentioned that Tara Modlin made a comment about an accuser being 'unstable' in a published account of Namiotka coming forward to publicly accuse Coughlin of sexual abuse, as you note in the last part of your post.

As I said in my post it's possible that it was misattributed as there's no screenshot, however I do recall people posting quotes/screenshots at the time from something Sappenfield had said that directly attributed that sort of statement to her. The only link for sure I do have is to Modlin.

 

[miffy]

What I find visibly disturbing at the time, and even more in retrospect is how thin Namiotka looked when she was competing with Coughlin. Didn't anyone in the arenas and in the skating community notice something? See my post #596 in this thread. DiGregorio might also be asked questions about Namiotka's appearance. Sadly, it's now common knowledge that she had an eating disorder. But this is visual implication of widespread culpability surrounding female body image and eating disorders that reaches deep and far into the skating culture and beyond. It's painful to look back at this on so many levels: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsufPZZ6Ftc

Bridget Namiotka and John Coughlin 2007 US Nationals Short Program

Bridget Namiotka and John Coughlin 2007 Nationals Short Program (Senior Pairs)

www.youtube.com

I actually remember people on FSU discussing that at the time, but it was well known she had Pancreatitis. It was on her biography and spoken of in interviews. So I don’t think you can blame people for not automatically thinking she had an eating disorder....

 

[4rkidz]

Ashley was 17 when it happened (Ashley is now 28). Who did she tell at the time? And what did they tell her to do? And then she waited until after John died to come forward. My point is that for eleven years Ashley, as she gained fame, stature, recognition in the sport, remained silent.

I think we all have a responsibility to protect each other.

You have obviously not worked with sexual assault victims or been a victim to make such a statement. Why not do a little research or google “why sexual assault victims don’t tell” you might find it enlightening.[/QUOTE]

 

[libecha]

In my area, public schools do not do this kind of curricula at all. Consent is addressed in basic sex education. In high school only not in middle school curriculum or 4th/5th grade sessions on puberty. Kids are not taught about boundaries, grooming, safe adults, etc...in any formal way at all. I substitute in two districts. I have had this conversation with friends who teach in public school. A formal curriculum from K-12 that addresses these issues does not exist in their districts. There is zero training for the teachers I know in the three largest school districts in my state in regard to signs of abuse, grooming and reporting. They are told in their staff handbook that they must report abuse and who to report it to and that is that.

Every time an incident occurs in a school with a staff member sexually abusing a student, people speak in shock of all the great things that teacher did with students and 80% of the examples are behavior that someone should have seen are grooming. Everyone who works in settings with minors needs this kind of training and it is not happening on a wide scale yet.

And Lanie is exactly right. This was instituted in Catholic schools and churches in response to the abuse crisis in the church. It isn't perfect, because nothing is and abusers will abuse. But if we can prevent it as much as possible and make sure they are caught, that's something.

The disparity between districts is interesting/disturbing. Our large school district has mandatory training for all staff every year on sexual abuse, grooming, etc. Failure to complete it results in suspension or termination.

They also introduced a "body safety" class a few years ago that is mandatory starting in pre-K and given by the guidance counselors. Unlike the 5th grade Family Life class, parents are NOT allowed to opt their child out and all students must participate in the lessons. Because presumably the child whose parent doesn't want them discussing this is precisely the child who needs to hear it most.

 

[overedge]

Investigating a situation where a coach was training a pair, when it is later alleged that the male skater was abusing his skating partner, is not assuming that the coach knew about it and did nothing. And an investigation like that would not just be around the coach's conduct - it would also involve other parties who might have or should have been aware of what was going on.

If the coach didn't know about it, an investigation can be very useful in helping the coach identify the signs that indicated something was wrong, and help them to be aware and to know what to do if similar things happen in the future.

If the coach did know about it and did nothing, and that's supported by the findings of the investigation, that should lead to a penalty for the coach.

If the coach did nothing wrong, then they should have no reason to fear an investigation.

 

[Vagabond]

Sexual assault victims are under no obligation either to speak up about what happened to them or to remain silent. This is true regardless of whether the incident is recent and regardless of whether it suits the assailant's convenience.

 

[UGG]

Sexual assault victims are under no obligation either to speak up about what happened to them or to remain silent. This is true regardless of whether the incident is recent and regardless of whether it suits the assailant's convenience.

THIS.

If people don’t want victims talking, blame the abuser. If they had not committed sexual assault, the victims would have nothing to say.

 

[aftershocks]

I actually remember people on FSU discussing that at the time, but it was well known she had Pancreatitis. It was on her biography and spoken of in interviews. So I don’t think you can blame people for not automatically thinking she had an eating disorder....

It's definitely not about blaming anyone, though. Thanks for offering your rembrances. It might have been helpful if more questions had been asked at the time to ensure attention to Namiotka's health was fully taking place.

Looking back reveals the importance of self-reflection and it demonstrates how widespread aspects of skating culture and the larger culture implicate a degree of shared culpability, which is not about blaming, but about opening ourselves to a greater degree of understanding, and acceptance. Those qualities are probably needed before real change can begin to happen. Still, everyone works through complex emotions at their own pace.

 

[AxelAnnie]

You have obviously not worked with sexual assault victims or been a victim to make such a statement. Why not do a little research or google “why sexual assault victims don’t tell” you might find it enlightening.

Oh, you are incorrect. I do know, I was a victim, and I handled it myself.

And I know why victims don't tell.
My daughter who is a Licensed Professional, in this field, with degrees from Georgetown. She was a CASA rep and dealt with many abuse cases.

It is said that Ashley told two people. I am still interested in who she told, and what action if any was taken.
Not to question her veracity, but to see why the adults in her life let her down.

You made a lot of assumptions about me.

Have you watched: At the Heart of Gold - very enlightening.

Ashley could have, perhaps, made a difference for others had she not waited until John killed himself to make her allegations.

It is usual for rape victims to not want to testify at trial. Who can blame them. Sometimes what gives them courage is the hope/knowledge that their testimony will save other girls/women from the horror she suffered.

 

[annie720]

I actually remember people on FSU discussing that at the time, but it was well known she had Pancreatitis. It was on her biography and spoken of in interviews. So I don’t think you can blame people for not automatically thinking she had an eating disorder....

Chronic pancreatitis can cause severe weight loss because sometimes it just hurts too much to eat. Even when/if the inflammation is taken care of, it can still hard to put on weight My neighbor is dealing with a flare-up now and looks skeletal.

 

[aftershocks]

^^ So Namiotka's appearance was attributed solely to pancreatitis then. It raises the question of when the eating disorder began, or whether both conditions were occurring at the same time. She just seems to be in an unhealthy physical state to be competing. Maybe subliminally that's one reason why the judges seemed to lowball their scores.

... an investigation like that would not just be around the coach's conduct - it would also involve other parties ... an investigation can be very useful in helping the coach identify the signs that indicated something was wrong, and help them to be aware and to know what to do if similar things happen in the future.

As I said, questions and investigation should go forward, not only centered around Sappenfield and DiGregorio.The point is definitely to raise more awareness, and to teach coaches and other authority figures about possible warning signs, so that any abusive situation does not go unnoticed, and thus allowed to escalate.

 

[tony]

Oh, you are incorrect. I do know, I was a victim, and I handled it myself.

Sorry to hear you were a victim, but your posts in this thread make it very clear that you expect everyone with similar experiences to do just as you did. That’s not how the world works, and that’s not how it’s ever going to work regardless of training or awareness or other variables. You, if anyone, should be among the most sympathetic towards other victims since you have been in their shoes, but you’re not and that’s simply baffling.

And I know why victims don't tell.
My daughter who is a Licensed Professional, in this field, with degrees from Georgetown. She was a CASA rep and dealt with many abuse cases.

Then— again, you should be a whole lot more understanding than your words suggest. We are all born different for a reason. ETA- and instances like this are part of why your daughter has a job to begin with, so it sounds.

 

[VGThuy]

Oh, you are incorrect. I do know, I was a victim, and I handled it myself.

And I know why victims don't tell.
My daughter who is a Licensed Professional, in this field, with degrees from Georgetown. She was a CASA rep and dealt with many abuse cases.

It is said that Ashley told two people. I am still interested in who she told, and what action if any was taken.
Not to question her veracity, but to see why the adults in her life let her down.

You made a lot of assumptions about me.

Have you watched: At the Heart of Gold - very enlightening.

Ashley could have, perhaps, made a difference for others had she not waited until John killed himself to make her allegations.

It is usual for rape victims to not want to testify at trial. Who can blame them. Sometimes what gives them courage is the hope/knowledge that their testimony will save other girls/women from the horror she suffered.

You keep bringing up Heart of Gold, but what about the fact most of the gymnasts who finally brought Nassar down did not come forward until many years later? How is that different from what Ashley did?

 

[mollymgr]

There is the huge report about abuse in the Boy Scouts today. Sometimes it takes a long time for people to come forward to expose the problems within an organization. But everyone who comes forward, helps build courage for the next person to say something. It is just sad reading all the accounts.

 

[Vagabond]

The adult in Ashley Wagner's life who let her down was John Coughlin.

 

[Japanfan]

Ashley was 17 when it happened (Ashley is now 28). Who did she tell at the time? And what did they tell her to do? And then she waited until after John died to come forward. My point is that for eleven years Ashley, as she gained fame, stature, recognition in the sport, remained silent.

I think we all have a responsibility to protect each other.

I don't think it is fair at all to say that Ashley had a responsibility to come forward at the time. She was traumatized and in her own words, afraid of "being seen as a the girl who made trouble".

Had she come forward, it is likely she would have been dismissed, disbelieved, even ridiculed. There is reason that sexual harassment and rape are largely under-reported.

The Me Too movement has given women courage to come forward, and in Ashley's case, she felt compelled to do so when a 13 year old won the National title.

The timing was just right for her to come forward.

 

[Vagabond]

Some may view this article as off-topic, inasmuch as it pertains to survivors of child sexual abuse in Australia, but certain aspect of human experience are universal.

Dr Cathy Kezelman, president of the Blue Knot foundation, a national organisation helping adults recover from childhood trauma, says Australia’s royal commission into institutional responses to child sexual abuse had found it takes an average of 24 years for people to speak about their abuse. “Some never do,” she says. The Blue Knot helpline has received calls from people disclosing for the first time in their 70s, 80s and 90s.

I haven't found any articles how long it takes for perpetrators of sexual assault or child sexual abuse to speak up, but it would not surprise me if a far larger percentage of them never speak about what they did.

 

[Tavi]

Oh, you are incorrect. I do know, I was a victim, and I handled it myself.

And I know why victims don't tell.
My daughter who is a Licensed Professional, in this field, with degrees from Georgetown. She was a CASA rep and dealt with many abuse cases.

It is said that Ashley told two people. I am still interested in who she told, and what action if any was taken.
Not to question her veracity, but to see why the adults in her life let her down.

You made a lot of assumptions about me.

Have you watched: At the Heart of Gold - very enlightening.

Ashley could have, perhaps, made a difference for others had she not waited until John killed himself to make her allegations.

It is usual for rape victims to not want to testify at trial. Who can blame them. Sometimes what gives them courage is the hope/knowledge that their testimony will save other girls/women from the horror she suffered.

I’m sorry if you were abused. Nobody should have to go through it. But I think your anger towards Ashley is misplaced and inappropriate. She explained quite eloquently why she didn’t make her allegations public for so many years, and as I’m sure you know very well, many young women in elite level gymnastics and in the equestrian community were also abused at young ages and didn’t report it immediately, for similar reasons. Regardless of what happened to you and who you think was to blame, all of these women deserve compassion.

 

[4rkidz]

Some may view this article as off-topic, inasmuch as it pertains to bout survivors of child sexual abuse in Australia, but certain aspect of human experience are universal.



I haven't found any articles how long it takes for perpetrators of sexual assault or child sexual abuse to speak up, but it would not surprise me if a far larger percentage of them never speak about what they did.

I’ve worked with both perpetrators and survivors and I think more keep it secret especially when it takes place in childhood/young adulthood, even more so in cases of incest.

 

[canbelto]

If abuse is a cycle, then I think the non-helpful responses to abuse is a cycle as well. Silence, shame, self-doubt, fear. And if we recognize how difficult it is to break the cycle of abuse, I think we should also recognize how difficult it is to break the response to abuse. Yes in a perfect world Ashley Wagner would have had the fortitude to speak out while this Safesport investigation was ongoing, and perhaps if she had JC might have felt a need to respond, and it would have empowered other victims of his. Perhaps. But silence, shame, self-doubt, and fear are very strong forces.

This has not much to do with anything but a long time ago I had a not-very-enjoyable fling with a guy. I came down with a UTI. The guy hung up on me and never called ever again. When I told my girlfriends they said "Of course, why'd you tell him? Guys think that's gross. You should have just pretended to be sick without telling him." Since then I've had UTI's, and have difficulty talking about them. This wasn't an STD. I did nothing wrong. This was just pure biology. But to people whose advice I trusted, I was in the wrong for talking about something "gross."

I cannot imagine how sexual abuse survivors feel.

 

[AxelAnnie]

I’m sorry if you were abused. Nobody should have to go through it. But I think your anger towards Ashley is misplaced and inappropriate. She explained quite eloquently why she didn’t make her allegations public for so many years, and as I’m sure you know very well, many young women in elite level gymnastics and in the equestrian community were also abused at young ages and didn’t report it immediately, for similar reasons. Regardless of what happened to you and who you think was to blame, all of these women deserve compassion.

I am not angry at Ashley. I don't know why you think that.

 

[another sk8rmom]

They were coached by Jeff DiGregorio at UDel

There was a period if time when Bridget did move to Colorado Springs to train. My daughter had just started skating at Skating Club of Wilmington and at one of the club events I spoke to her mother who mentioned the move. Being new to the skating world, it really surprised me and was even more strange to me that her parents would allow her to go alone and stay with another family. Her mom said “this is her dream and we want to do everything possible to help her”. Mom also said that she was going to fly out every two weeks to visit Bridget. I don’t recall how long Bridget stayed in CO or who her coach was while she was there.

 

[Vagabond]

Yes in a perfect world Ashley Wagner would have had the fortitude to speak out while this Safesport investigation was ongoing, and perhaps if she had JC might have felt a need to respond, and it would have empowered other victims of his.

In a perfect world, John Coughlin would never have assaulted anyone.

 

[skatfan]

I am not angry at Ashley. I don't know why you think that.

I don’t sense anger, but I do see a lack of compassion for those survivors who haven’t acted in ways that you deem appropriate. You are quite judgmental in fact.