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When an invitation says 'No Gifts' do you still bring one?

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by sequins, Jun 7, 2011.

  1. sequins

    sequins Active Member

    I need some help here. I am invited to a 60th anniversary and I was invited over the phone and I was told not to bring a gift, just bring something to eat. It's in the afternoon and it's like a potluck get together, I guess. Anyway I"m wondering when they say 'No Gifts" I know people still bring them and I feel kinda awkward if I don't but really what could they possibly want or need. A card was already sent as their anniversary was a month ago. So what do you do?
  2. numbers123

    numbers123 Well-Known Member

    I would honor the no gifts. My parents had asked the same thing for their wedding anniversary and were a little annoyed by those who brought gifts.
  3. Holley Calmes

    Holley Calmes Well-Known Member

    Don't bring a gift! They have asked you not to. I'm sure anyone married 60 years has enough "stuff."

    If you feel wrong not doing anything-and I understand that-bring flowers or a card. Donate in the name of their favorite charity. Believe me-at this age, people are just happy to see you. The best gift you can give is your presence. Why do we think that our company is not enough? In fact, I think the "no gifts" request is simply saying-"you're all we need!"
  4. gingercrush

    gingercrush Well-Known Member

    Don't send a gift. They're said no gifts so you don't gift.
  5. sequins

    sequins Active Member

    Ok Thanks. No gift. I think the same I just wish everyone would honour it. But then that's just me feeling uncomfortable even though I know it's not about me.
  6. purple skates

    purple skates Shadow Dancing

    No gift. Your presence is enough.
  7. pat c

    pat c Well-Known Member

    Your gift is your presence. Take yourself, some food and have a good time. :)
  8. genevieve

    genevieve drinky typo pbp, closet hugger Staff Member

    agree with the no gifts - I think if you really feel uncomfortable not giving a gift you could make a donation in their honor to a charity they either support or that you think would be a good fit for them.
  9. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

    Yes, in that case it'd be a gift without the actual stuff that people can find annoying to deal with. :)
  10. jlai

    jlai Title-less

    I've told people "no gifts" for years and I still get Xmas and birthday presents. Oh well.

    I do get 1 or 2 persons to donate in my name every Xmas and birthday but I really want the donation in lieu of gifts...

    But yeah, no gifts means no gifts.
  11. manhn

    manhn Well-Known Member

    No gift! When I bought my place, I told people not to give me any housewarming gifts because I didn't want "stuff" in my place (and don't get me started on plants--I hate plants!).

    If you really, really, really want to give a gift, a charitable donation is great or a gift certificate to a restaurant. Something easily disposable.
  12. JasperBoy

    JasperBoy Aging in a great place

    By all means honour the No Gift request. However, if you have a good photo of the couple, especially with you, put it in an inexpensive frame and give it to them. That is meaningful and personal but not really a gift.
  13. manhn

    manhn Well-Known Member

    Then they have to put the frame in their house. STUFF!
  14. Aussie Willy

    Aussie Willy Hates both vegemite and peanut butter

    Just take the food as they have asked but no gift.
  15. Aceon6

    Aceon6 Hit ball, find ball, hit it again.

    This is a pet peeve of mine. When hosts say "no gifts" they really mean it. If something can't be used AT the event, don't bring it.
  16. gkelly

    gkelly Well-Known Member

    If they are wine drinkers, you could bring a nice (but not extravagant) bottle of wine along with whatever food dish you bring. Then they can open it and serve it to the group as part of the potluck, or they could consider it a gift and put it aside.
  17. CynicElle

    CynicElle Well-Known Member

    Totally with the "no gifts" crowd. Yes, some people might ignore that, but when I ask for no gifts, I'm always happier with the people who honor my request.
  18. Jenny

    Jenny From the Bloc

    I'm not sure I'm with the donation idea - other guests might feel upstaged, and the couple might be uncomfortable because they don't know how to thank you.

    I say bring the food, and if you want to do something extra, as Aceon6 said, it should be something for the event - an extra bottle of wine, or some flowers for the couple that can be put on a table, or even a bunch of balloons if they are fun.

    The other thing you could do - although I'd say this would mostly be for family or close neighbours - would be to help out with set up, serving, clean up etc.
  19. mag

    mag Well-Known Member

    I agree, no gifts should mean no gifts. It drives me nuts when people take gifts anyway. That said, it is always good manners to show up with a nice bottle of wine and some flowers when you are invited to dinner, so I would do that along with whatever potluck item you are taking. (Sending the flowers in advance is even nicer. Then they don't need to search for a vase while greeting guests!)

    If you like taking photos, you could ask in advance if the couple would like you to snap photos of all the guests for them. It is always difficult to take pictures at your own party so they may appreciate the offer.

    Have fun!
    PeterG and (deleted member) like this.
  20. Kasey

    Kasey Correcting President Trump's grammar on Twitter :)

    By all means, no gifts means no gifts. Flowers, wine, food (especially since it is a potluck) and good company are all welcome additions I'm sure.
  21. genevieve

    genevieve drinky typo pbp, closet hugger Staff Member

    the other guests shouldn't even know about it. there's nothing to give, a letter comes from the charity after the fact (or before, if you give far enough in advance), directly to the honorees. I suppose someone could come in brandishing an envelope or card and making a big deal about having given in the couple's honor - but anyone who would do that would probably be just as loutish if it were a traditional party with gifts. :scream:

    As for the recipients feeling uncomfortable...I would hope the giver would select a charity that is in line with their politics or whatever, but I can't see any other potential pitfalls there. If the charity is remotely on top of things, the recipients don't know the level of the gift - it could be $5, or $500.
  22. Andrushka

    Andrushka Well-Known Member

    If they said "no gifts" then...don't bring a gift.
  23. Angelskates

    Angelskates Well-Known Member

    Even better than flowers that need a vase is the ones that come in boxes with moist foam. There's no need for a vase, the whole thing is disposable. I'd take food and maybe flowers, wine, or even a nice juice or box of chocolates.
  24. Dave of the North

    Dave of the North Well-Known Member

    My in laws had their 60th on Sunday. Most people gave them cards, some gave money/gift cards, they got a few gifts. We had said no gifts on the notices at the place they live, but forgot about putting it with the announcement in the paper.
  25. Civic

    Civic New Member

    Look at it this way. A 60th wedding anniversary is a remarkable achievement. The pot luck aspect tells me that they prefer a low-key celebration. They're probably just grateful that they're both still alive and that their marriage has endured. They want to celebrate this rare milestone with their family and friends but they don't want a lot of fuss. Honor their request. Forget about a gift.
  26. overedge

    overedge Janny uber

    A nice card would be OK if you want to give them something tangible, instead of just saying "Happy anniversary".
  27. AliasJohnDoe

    AliasJohnDoe Headcase Addict

    I've read somewhere that most people on their 60th Anniversary don't want gifts. At this time in their life, they are looking/trying to get rid of things. Not collect more.

    The "No gifts" policy should be honored. Like others suggest, flowers, wine or a card is acceptable.

    I find the elderly love their "red" wine.
  28. taf2002

    taf2002 zexy demon

    No gift but definitely bring a card & write something personal inside. My mother said those were the best gifts she ever got. She got over 200 cards & absolutely loved reading all the messages.
    Vash01 and (deleted member) like this.
  29. Jayar

    Jayar Well-Known Member

    I always take a card. It gives me the opportunity to express how much that person means to me. It's not a gift. It's a sentiment. If you've already sent one, you are more than done with your obligations.
  30. mag

    mag Well-Known Member

    Another nice gesture is to put a picture of the happy couple, taken as far back as you can find, in the card. If you're in the picture, even better. We asked for photos for my grandparents 50th anniversary and then put them all in an album. A few years later when my grandmother was in the hospital she spent hours looking through the album.