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Skating Novel - Need Feedback

Discussion in 'The Trash Can' started by TanithandBenFan, Sep 1, 2011.

  1. TanithandBenFan

    TanithandBenFan Author of the Ice and Edge Series

    Last summer I posted a link to a skating novel I was writing. I didn't realize how rough it was until I joined a few critique sites and found out how much I needed to learn. I've spent almost a year learning, rewriting and polishing the manuscript. I hope by the end of the year to have it ready for submission.

    My question is if the first page makes you want to continue reading. The first chapter has been the most difficult part of the book to write! I've received lots of varying opinions from my critique partners and wanted to test the opening here. I've included the rough "back of the book blurb" and the opening of the first chapter. Thanks so much for any feedback you can provide! :)

    Last edited: Sep 1, 2011
  2. misskarne

    misskarne #AustraliaForTheTeamEvent

    I will reserve any judgement until such time as I find out what age group this is pitched to.

    What is your target age?
  3. TanithandBenFan

    TanithandBenFan Author of the Ice and Edge Series

    It's Young Adult, possibly could also be considered YA Crossover.
  4. GarrAarghHrumph

    GarrAarghHrumph I can kill you with my brain

    Your opening is *way* better than it was. It's much more action-oriented. You're no longer telling us, you're showing us. You've obviously made major changes to this, and for the better. I encourage you to keep going.

    This bit makes it feel like a romance novel. "...but fell into Chris’s strong arms." Is it a romance novel? If it is not, then consider revising and taking out the reference to his "strong" arms, rather than just his arms. Likewise, Sergei and his "deep" blue eyes, rather than just blue eyes.
  5. TanithandBenFan

    TanithandBenFan Author of the Ice and Edge Series

    Thanks, Garr! Yes, it is a romance. I just edited out "strong" (I realized that might lead people to think Chris will be the love interest when it will be Sergei). Thanks!
  6. Zemgirl

    Zemgirl Well-Known Member

    If you're interested in getting reactions from romance/YA readers and authors, you should definitely submit this to Dear Author - they run first pages of works in progress every Saturday and you could get a lot of useful feedback from doing that. You can check out the first page archive here to get an idea of how it works, and can find more about how to submit your own first page here. I suspect some people might want to see more focus on Sergei, as it's mostly about her relationship with Chris at this point.

    I'm not too familiar with YA fiction, so I'm afraid I can't offer anything on that front. There are quite a few sports-related romance novels, but other than Summer's End, I can't think of any that have featured figure skaters - so you might have found a good niche for yourself.

    Good luck!