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Rebuildling trust in a work relationship

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by BaileyCatts, May 10, 2010.

  1. heckles

    heckles Well-Known Member

    Employers are rethinking the tradition of firing people on Friday evenings. The reason is that many now believe it's better to fire the person early in the work week so she can look forward to filing for unemployment and calling new employers the next morning. In some states, I think North Carolina is one of them, the employer must fire the employee at the beginning of a shift because it's believed that if an employer knows that he plans to fire the employee at the end of the work day he will treat the employee poorly all day.

    Good luck to you this week. Hope it works out well.
  2. Aussie Willy

    Aussie Willy Hates both vegemite and peanut butter

    Totally agree. I have had situations with jobs where it didn't work out, but it then only led onto better things. Now I am in a job where I have opportunities and am happy. That probably would never had happened if it hadn't been for being sacked from a job about 4 years ago. Because being honest that particular job made me miserable.
  3. GarrAarghHrumph

    GarrAarghHrumph I can kill you with my brain

    As others have said, IMO, this is the thing they're going to use to get rid of you, but the other issues you mentioned are also a factor - attitude, fitting in, unapproachable demeanor. But the straw that has broken the camel's back is the lying, and IMO, you are very likely going to be fired, and you need to steel yourself up for that.

    Someone else up thread gave some great advice re: showing up tomorrow. Show up. It's going to SUCK, but show up.
  4. SceneIt

    SceneIt DoneIt

    I wish you the best this morning. I hope they don't present you with a severance package that they have been putting together during your time off. If so, they don't want you working there any longer and there's nothing that you can do about it.

    Everything happens for a reason. I do think you handled the situation badly. If anything, the moment you sit in their offices, they will pass you a written severance agreement you will have to sign. If they don't right away, apologize for handling this so poorly, don't admit to something you didn't do,and stand your ground.

  5. mrr50

    mrr50 Well-Known Member

    I wish I had read this thread earlier. GOOD LUCK! If they give you something to sign today, make sure you READ it. As stupid as that sounds, I can't tell you how many times people sign things that are not in their best interest.
  6. Jenny

    Jenny From the Bloc

    I agree with all those who said Bailey should show up for work this morning, and hope she did. IMO your reputation for professionalism is something that should be protected above all else, especially when one incident threatens to blow a 22 year record.

    I also agree that this is a really harsh reaction for something that was definitely wrong, but in the context of a 22-year service record, is relatively minor. There has to be more to it - and my guess is that in this climate, they are looking for excuses to get rid of people. Let's be honest, even if the work has been good, any of us are replaceable with someone who is cheaper. And who doesn't create any morale issues by not getting along with others.

    Bailey, I'm sad to say that even if you don't lose your job now, your worklife there isn't going to get any better from here. I also know that after 22 years, it's not easy to just find something else.

    I think you need to take this opportunity to have a good think. As Garden Kitty said, from your posts here you are obviously an intelligent and interesting person, you can be proud of your work over the past 22 years, and you have a sister who supports you. Lean on those things as you sort out your emotions over this and put things into perspective, and for heaven's sake, take care of yourself!

    There's a new book making the rounds, haven't read it but it's getting great reviews, about a NY magazine editor who was on top of the world for years, and then it all fell apart when the magazine folded and she lost her job. If you have some time off, it might help you sort through your feelings - her name is Dominique Browning.
  7. Stormy

    Stormy Well-Known Member

    Here's the thing....if your boss was so great and so nice and you had such a great working relationship, why did he all of a sudden turn on you? If you had such a wonderful relationship, why did you feel the need to lie? Maybe he wasn't as great as you thought?

    Also, you didn't ruin your life. I know it feels like that now, but this could be a great thing. It could be an opportunity for you to find something else other than your job that you can enjoy, which it sounds like you sorely need. Other than the job search, you will need something to occupy your time so you start a new hobby, or try something new you've wanted to do. This could be a good thing in the long run, it really could.
  8. Gypsy

    Gypsy Watching the Leaves Change!


    Just hang in there and stay strong.

    Please let us know how things are going and remeber we are here for you!!!
  9. talulabell

    talulabell Well-Known Member

    I've been following this thread, and I'm with everyone who's wishing you well today. I'm sure, no matter what, today will be tough. I hope you had the chance to really explain what happened (as calmly as possible). Good luck.
  10. WindSpirit

    WindSpirit OmnipresentAdmeanistrator

    Hey BaileyCatts, I just read the latest. You must be there now. Keeping my fingers crossed and sending good thoughts.
  11. Southpaw

    Southpaw Saint Smugpawski

    Jumping in to say Good Luck, BaileyCatts!
  12. skatesindreams

    skatesindreams Well-Known Member

    I'll be thinking of you all day!
  13. mon125

    mon125 New Member

    Good luck!!!
  14. numbers123

    numbers123 Well-Known Member

    I am going to second what gardenkitty said here. It has taken me two plus years to recognize that my situation was a "business" decision and not a reflection of who and what I am. It is totally confusing, frustrating, etc. to face something like this after years of employment and good performance reviews.

    I even had one HR person in that organization tell me it was all wrong to be doing what they did to me.

    I know that I won't be able to change what happens, but it has indeed taken me two plus years to come to that and still have nightmares over it so I know that it will be hard for you too.

    Since they were basically buying me out by changing my job description/eliminating my position, I had time to ask to review the documents. I faxed them to my brother, the lawyer, and he said it was the typical, yadda, yadda, yadda. I have been told that even with severance, you can apply for unemployment - too late for me, but maybe in time for you.
  15. Moto Guzzi

    Moto Guzzi Well-Known Member

    (((BaileyCatts))) I just read this whole thread, and I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hope everything will work out for you. As others have already told you, you have not ruined your life. You have many good qualities that will make you an asset to any employer. If you are, indeed, fired from your job, your company probably is not the best place to work if one relatively minor incident will cancel out 22 years of good service. You deserve better than that.

    We all make mistakes, but the important thing is to learn from them and not let them make you feel badly about yourself. You didn't do anything malicious in an effort to harm your boss or your company; it was a mistake and nothing more.

    Best of luck to you in getting this issue resolved. If you must find another job, so be it. Look at it as an opportunity to move on to better things.
  16. BaileyCatts

    BaileyCatts Well-Known Member

    Promptly at 8:30am this morning I got a phone call from the HR lady. All she said was she and her manager (the head HR person) would like to "talk to me for a few minutes at noon on Tuesday". That's it. Guesses on what that means .. "talk to me for a few minutes" with my department HR person and the head HR person? My boss won't be there, he is traveling. They are having me go to the head HR person's office, which is one floor below where I work. Its noon time .. I will definitely run into people in the hallways and elevators and parking lot going out to lunch. They couldn't have me come to a lobby conference room or something where I won't have to run into people I know? :-(

    I am definitly not going to sign anything right that minute unless I have the time to fully read it and understand it, even if it is just one paragraph long.

    What about my stuff? I know that's not really the important thing anymore, but I have 22 years worth of stuff there. Containers and storage units and tray dividers and supplies, things that I bought with my own money that you wouldn't think was "personal items" like pictures and trinkets, and I want every last thing back. I've been trying to make a list and imagine my desk, but I still know I am missing things. Is it okay for me to ask if I can be escorted to my desk AFTER HOURS when no one is there so I can make sure I get everything back? Because I know I won't if someone packs it and sends it to me. I even have stuff stored in cabinets in the hallways (like a radio and some other stuff I can't remember), a locker in the bathroom (don't know the number, I just know which door to open). I know its not important in the grand scheme, but I want every last little thing back. I have personal papers in my desk I want back too. They are scattered everywhere.

    What about my personal documents on my computer? I mean like my personnel reviews, my resume, back in the 1990's I typed up both my grandmother's funeral sermons, I have pictures of my cat on there. Will they let me have anything off the computer?
  17. genevieve

    genevieve drinky typo pbp, closet hugger Staff Member

    Are you on PST (meaning you've got a few hours)? Find a way to get everything personal off your computer NOW. Your personal effects will be returned to you (hopefully you will get to pack them yourself, but if not, make a list and you'll get it), but personal files on your computer won't be. If you are terminated they will probable lock your computer while you are in the meeting.

    Don't spend time worrying about 'what it means'. You know what it means - it's most likely either a disciplinary meeting or a termination meeting. Use this time to get calm and focused. It might help to write out your side of what happened so you can refer to it. Even if they don't ask, you should tell your side of it.

    Above all, stay calm. I know that is difficult, but it's critical.

    Good luck.
  18. BaileyCatts

    BaileyCatts Well-Known Member

    They already took my laptop from me, so I can't even try to get anything off of it. Luckily I think I do have all my cat's pictures, but I don't know about the other things, and I don't want those girls reading my old personel reviews or my resume or stuff like that because they will have to give it to them to get my work documents off of it, and I just know they will read every single thing.

    I am on Eastern Time in Ohio.
  19. genevieve

    genevieve drinky typo pbp, closet hugger Staff Member

    HR should clean the laptop before giving it out to someone else. It would be completely inappropriate for them to give out a laptop with someone else's reviews on it.

    So the meeting has already happened (isn't it 12:45 there)?
  20. Norlite

    Norlite Well-Known Member


    Noon Tuesday gen.
  21. BelleBway

    BelleBway a monkey stole my title

    I know it is way too late for this now, but I would advise anyone reading this not to use work computers for storing the only copy of personal files- always save a copy on your home computer or on a flash drive, etc.

    When we terminate people, we do not allow them access to their computers because we do not want to take chances that they will leave malicious files or tamper with network files, etc. We haven't had anyone ask us to retrieve any documents- but admittedly the people we've let go have only been around for a short time. I know that they had personal photos on their desktops but they must have had other copies of them. I would guess that we would be understanding if someone asked to retrieve some files but we would want to be the ones doing the actual retrieval. (i.e. have the terminated employee stand over one of our shoulders) If your company has a specific policy against using company computers for personal use or if they are a larger company, they may not be very sympathetic.

    Like gen said: if you need files from your work computer, try to get them ASAP.

    Best of luck with everything- I know that this must be horribly difficult for you but whatever happens, it's not the end of the world. (((BaileyCatts)))
  22. genevieve

    genevieve drinky typo pbp, closet hugger Staff Member


    In that case, you've got the time to get your personal stuff, the stuff that's strewn all over the office, out of there. Seriously: take the radio, the stuff from the locker, anything that is yours and not easliy identifiable as your personal property home TONIGHT.
  23. Garden Kitty

    Garden Kitty Tranquillo

    Baileycats, I know it's still very stressful and I can understand why all these thoughts are occupying your mind now. But if you do end up leaving the company, I think you'll be surprised at how quickly you stop thinking or caring about the other people at work. I doubt HR would let the other people have access to your documents, but even if that were to happen, who cares what those people do or think - they won't be a part of your life anymore - and it sounds like you'll be happy about that.

    When I think back to my old job, I remember people who were considered so important, and what they said or thought made such a difference to me. But now that I'm not there, what they say or think has no impact on me - except to the extent I let them effect me.

    Good luck tomorrow.
  24. skatesindreams

    skatesindreams Well-Known Member

    BaileyCatts, were you already at work when you got the call about tomorrow's meeting?
  25. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

    I was listening to a very enlightening interview by Ed Catmull, co-founder of Pixar. Someone in the audience asked him a question. If they had an extremely talented, intelligent, best-of-the-best programmer but who couldn't get along with others in the team, what would they do?

    His answer: Pixar obviously has their quirky characters so they have quite a lot of leeway in that regard ( :lol: ), but if that person could not work well with others in the company, they would let him go.

    To them, a company's success has nothing to do with how good each individual employee is, but how well they work with each other. It can be personal, but yet not personal at the same time. You have to be dead honest with each other and not be afraid to rip each other's work to shreds. That's what it takes to get the consistently high-quality output that Pixar produces. And yet, it's done with the knowledge that you're genuinely trying to improve each other's work, and that even if you don't work well with others in the team, that's all it means - that you don't work well with that particular crew. It doesn't mean that if you're let go, that you'll never find work anywhere ever again. It's all about a very specific chemistry in a specific group.

    With that in mind BaileyCatts, definitely think of this as an opportunity. So what if you're introverted? Everybody in my lab is pretty introverted. We don't even have lunch together, forget about hanging out after work. :lol: But we go into work with that understanding, so we're not pressured into any social obligations and we're definitely not afraid to be honest with each other. That's the most important thing. If everything that happened at this company stressed you out because it was always a social obligation, it really is best to move forward and find a new work environment, hopefully one that matched you better.
  26. *Jen*

    *Jen* Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you're going through this BaileyCatts.

    I would assume that you've been terminated, and prepare yourself for that. However, it is critical that you get your side of the story across. Write it out like someone suggested, so that you can refer to it, even if they've already terminated you. If you aren't composed enough to do so, ask the HR person to read it out loud. It may be too late, but it sounds like they were looking for an excuse so even if you'd said it last week, it wouldn't have been good enough.

    But you need to say it - you'll regret it if you don't, and it might make some difference.

    Also, the most miserable periods in my life have led into the best and happiest ones. This might be a blessing in disguise. Focus on the positive points - that you'll never have to see the people you hate again. It's hard, and you have every right to be miserable, but try not to drown in it.

    Are you able to take your sister or a friend to the meeting tomorrow?
  27. tarotx

    tarotx Well-Known Member

    Remember to go into the meeting as cool and collective as possible. They are either going to fire you or discipline you. The first case they don't deserve you being anymore emotional since they haven't really given you a chance to defend your actions. And the second you don't want to give them more cause to fire you. If I was you I'd begin to put a resume together and look for a new job either way.
  28. BaileyCatts

    BaileyCatts Well-Known Member

    No I was still at home since I don't work until 9am, so it was basically to prevent me from coming to work. I am still on paid administrative leave so I am not even at work so I cannot even get anything or do anything. I am trying to make a list, but I know there are things that I am not even thinking of that I would only remember when I see it. Its 22 years worth of stuff.
  29. genevieve

    genevieve drinky typo pbp, closet hugger Staff Member

    Oh, I didn't realize that they were telling you not to come in to work until the meeting, I thought you were at work today. That's very odd...at this point I would assume they are stalling while they hammer out the legal details of a separation agreement. Can you go in before the meeting tomorrow to gather some of the stuff together?
  30. GarrAarghHrumph

    GarrAarghHrumph I can kill you with my brain

    It's completely appropriate, should they ask you to leave, for you to ask them if you can go back to your desk to gather personal items. If they seem hesitant, ask if you can be escorted, and yes, after hours is completely fine.

    They can say no, but there is absolutely no reason why you can't at least ask about this type of stuff.

    I wish you the courage to face whatever comes next. Deep breaths. One way or the other, it'll be over soon, and you'll be moving on.