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Parenting Via Facebook

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by FigureSpins, Feb 10, 2012.

  1. FigureSpins

    FigureSpins Well-Known Member

    I don't this was the BEST idea, but he does say a number of things that parents of teens bite back on a regular basis because of the "Choose your battles wisely" advice that is the norm today.


    The cigarette is really off-putting, too. *chuckles*

    ETA: Just saw the ending - totally out of control and unnecessary. He should have sold it or given it away.
    I wonder if the authorities will step in?
  2. antmanb

    antmanb Well-Known Member

    So, the best way to teach your child not to write stupid open letters to your parents on facebook that include swear words is.....to take a computer that he must have paid for, spent time updating and buying new software, and empty a gun into it?

    If his daughter lacks intelligence, it is pretty clear where that lack of intelligence comes from :rofl:
  3. suep1963

    suep1963 Well-Known Member

    I've seen this up on facebook--along with the comments of "more parents should do this" and "way to go dad"

    so if we suddenly have a run on shotguns, take cover!
  4. FigureSpins

    FigureSpins Well-Known Member

    I thought the people cheering him on just hadn't watched through to the end; he does start to ramble and repeat himself before he pulls out the gun, so you do lose interest. I started this thread before the end came.

    The Facebook friend that posted it thought his solution was far more effective parenting than just getting rid of the laptop! I was surprised by her response, but I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this is going too far.

    To me, his speech was okay parenting, although it was obviously done in anger. Putting it on Facebook was questionable, but he referred to prior situations that apparently had been resolve privately, yet she crossed the line again with him. Tit for tat, well, it works for some people. The gun, though, was crazy and pretty damn scary.

    What happens when she does something really bad other than bad-mouthing them, or involves other kids in a keg party or something? Is he going to threaten them with a gun?

    This guy's the poster child for gun control. Your 15-year old pisses you off so you video yourself shooting her laptop? Who's the responsible adult here?
    Kasey and (deleted member) like this.
  5. nerdycool

    nerdycool Well-Known Member

    Why should they step in? That gun is most likely registered to him, they appear to live out in the country where gun laws are different than when in town, he is not threatening anyone, nor do I think it implies that he will threaten with a gun in the future, and his target is something he himself bought.

    Anyway, a friend of mine posted this on FB, and I watched until the end before commenting. Honestly, I'm of two minds about it. My first response was that it was awesome, because so many parents "take away" something from their child to teach them a lesson, but always give it back in the end, while the child has learned their lesson for maybe a week before they're back at it. This guy ensures that that won't happen. And since his daughter seems to be a repeat offender for this type of thing, merely taking away her laptop for a week doesn't seem like it would work very well.

    But on the other hand, he could have just sold it. Shooting it was a little extreme since the punishment didn't really fit the crime, but who knows? Maybe she needed to see it to get it through her head that they're done coddling her, and since she has to pay back the computer, it ensures that she will be finding a job.
  6. julieann

    julieann Well-Known Member

    Who cares what he did to the laptop? If he rolled over it with his truck would you take his truck away from him too? Extreme…. perhaps, but totally legal.
  7. Skittl1321

    Skittl1321 Well-Known Member

    I don't see any problem with him shooting the laptop, and I HATE guns.

    He paid for it, and he paid a lot more to upgrade it the previous day, but he had enough (I can't imagine that letter was the only problem), and the lap top was no more.

    No different than when my sister had a pair of SEXY white pants in high school that my Dad paid her $100 for them and then cut them to shreds. Sure he could have donated them, but he wanted to make a point. (Thankfully, the point wasn't taken as "buy slutty clothes and make money")
  8. BigB08822

    BigB08822 Well-Known Member

    I am kind of torn on this. I think he went a little over the top with shooting the laptop. On the other hand, as someone else mentioned, it is nice to know that by doing that he is sticking to his word and she wont be getting her laptop back in a week. But shooting it, on camera? Kind of too much. The other thing is that her letter was private and posted on her FB. I know it was bad mouthing her parents but adults have to understand the the digital age makes computers and FB like a kids diary. They don't want their parents to see what is on there. Sure, she sounded like a spoiled brat but how much of that is the parents fault? He also said she was 15. I didn't think you could even work at 15, thought you had to be 16. So I am not sure about the obsession with her getting a job. Why not give her more chores and an allowance or just stop buying her nice things and tell her she can buy them when she is 16 and has a job.
  9. Badams

    Badams Well-Known Member

    Maybe shooting the laptop was over the top, but sometimes it takes something over the top to get through to some kids. No human was hurt. As to the kid wanting something to be private on facebook, like a diary...I think there's another lesson here. Nothing is really private on the internet, no matter how hard you try to keep it private. She gets 2 lessons all wrapped in one. :) Maybe she will get herself a nice little paper diary with a little lock and key.
  10. nerdycool

    nerdycool Well-Known Member

    While I understand your point of view, I also have 2 issues with it. One, it should be drilled into every person who uses a computer that nothing is private on the internet. Even if you have super-duper privacy settings, things can be found out if someone really wanted to know. And like the dad said, he works in IT, so she should know better than to think her stuff couldn't be seen by him... especially when she practically invited him to look by asking him to upgrade stuff for her. The second thing is, it's the parents' responsibility to make sure their child isn't up to no good. So while it may have been an accident that he came across this (or not, I don't know), it was ultimately within his rights as a father to intervene.

    That was one of my impressions also. Kids who grow up being expected to do chores tend to not question it like the daughter was doing. So it made me think that they really didn't give her any work until fairly recently.

    The things you can do are limited (like, you can't work in a kitchen or work a till), but yes, you can legally get a paycheck at age 15. The jobs are more along the lines of busing tables or folding clothes, but they're legal. Or she could be babysitting or mowing lawns. Almost none of them are glamorous, which is why I think she was dragging her feet.
  11. Prancer

    Prancer Strong and stable Staff Member

    Gee, I wonder where the daughter got her exhibitionist tendencies.

    Not a fan of the "look at me!" school of parenting.
  12. MacMadame

    MacMadame Cat Lady-in-Training

    I have to admit, I was rather upset when he shot the computer. It's such a WASTE. Yes, it's his and he can do what he wants with his property but I can't help but think about some poor hard-working student out there who can't afford such a nice laptop and could have really gotten a lot out of it.

    I wonder if he realized what would happen though. He seemed genuinely upset making the video. OTOH, we all know the advice to not write & send emails when you are mad and I think making & posting videos on FB while mad is included in that advice.
    Angela-Fan and (deleted member) like this.
  13. Scintillation

    Scintillation New Member

    He reminded me so much of my childhood best friend's father, but he is far too big of an IT geek to ever consider putting a bullet through a computer. He would however make his daughters go move rocks around their land if they ever disrespected him.

    It would've been nice to see him give away the laptop to someone else, but I agree that he seemed incredibly upset while making that video. It would've been more effective if he had taken some time to cool down, get his thoughts in order, then sit down and proceed to rip her a new one while giving the laptop away.
  14. PeterG

    PeterG Well-Known Member

    He owns and a gun and is not able to control his anger (over something as simple as his child venting about life not being fair). And he not only doesn't have the intelligence to keep their private life private...but he posts his idiotic behaviour for the world to see.

    If this is good parenting...Goddess help us all!
  15. Prancer

    Prancer Strong and stable Staff Member

    It will be interesting to see if we get an update on this is, say, six months. This kind of thing always draws a lot of applause from the "those darn kids need to taught a lesson and MY dad would have done much worse" crowd, but IME, at least, reacting like this usually makes the rebellion worse. Posting this on his daughter's Facebook feed so her friends can see it is a bad idea in more ways than one, IMO.
    antmanb and (deleted member) like this.
  16. Japanfan

    Japanfan Well-Known Member

    I didn't like this man at all to be honest, he had a rough edge that was a bit frightening. Nor did I like that he shot the laptop. I'd prefer for guns not to be a tool in disciplining children.

    Hannah certainly wasn't very smart to post her rant on Facebook, especially given that her dad is in IT.

    On the one hand, I suppose parents can jump on the Faceback bandwagon to communicate with their kids. But on the other hand, I kept thinking that he should have been talking directly to Hannah rather than to a camera. . .

    I know teenagers can be difficult. I tormented my own poor parents terribly in my teens.

    But it seems to me that there is a major problem here between the father and daughter. If there weren't, would either be sharing their anger and resentment on FB?
  17. Angelskates

    Angelskates Well-Known Member

    And to the world. I keep wondering if they actually want to fix the situation, because it seems to me it's all about attention seeking rather than working on their relationship. What did the father hope to achieve?
  18. Ozzisk8tr

    Ozzisk8tr Well-Known Member

    So if she gets Dad's gun and shoots him during the night, I wouldn't be surprised. What a pathetic family. So many Americans love of guns is just so frightening to me.
    PeterG and (deleted member) like this.
  19. joeperryfan

    joeperryfan Well-Known Member

    Just my two cents, but is there a chance the father wanted to show his daughter how quickly things spread on the internet and how they are not private at all? Or maybe he really wanted to embarrass her using her own methods. Kids don't understand the extent of what they do online unless it bytes them in the posterior, of course it's also the parents job to explain that nothing is private online.
  20. FigureSpins

    FigureSpins Well-Known Member

    The father's already posted several responses via Facebook and in interviews.

    He later recanted this somewhat, saying he wasn't going to let her make money off of the situation. On Facebook, he keeps posting about his fundraising for charity and how people are making donations to the cause.

    Probably hoping to make the Telethon later this year.
  21. MacMadame

    MacMadame Cat Lady-in-Training

    I'd be interested as well. The stuff he's posted make it seem like he and his daughter have sat down and talked and that they have a better understanding now. He seems to think that shooting the laptop was the shock she needed to take him seriously. He mentioned that when they talked, she said she didn't remember prior talks. My daughter is like that. She says what she has to in order to get her way and minimize the damage but it doesn't penetrate.

    I also think it's interesting to see the reactions that are extreme on both sides. Like the one advocating for spanking being brought back as acceptable discipline -- because hitting people solves all parenting woes as we all know no kids had discipline problems back when spanking was the norm :rolleyes: -- and the ones predicting his daughter will become a prostitute or commit suicide -- because punishing kids destroys their pysche :rolleyes: or something.
  22. Prancer

    Prancer Strong and stable Staff Member

    I read a little of his page yesterday, until I couldn't stand to read any more.

    First he said he wasn't a great dad and he had his bad days. The video day was his worst day ever as a father--except the only thing he would change about it would be his hat and the cigarette in his hand. So maybe his worst day was still a pretty good day, I guess.

    Then he went on at length about how he has flaws and failings.

    Then he concluded with a nice long self-righteous rant about how he was raising his kids "old fashioned" and the way kids are raised today sucks, the schools suck, child labor laws suck, and Obama is an idiot.

    Yeah. But he doesn't think much of himself as a father or anything. :rolleyes:

    But spanking still is the norm--roughly 80% of preschoolers in this country are spanked. I always :rolleyes: at people who think spanking needs to make a comeback--it's never gone away. I also think it's rather hilarious how most people who advocate spanking will always talk about how often their butts were busted when they were growing up. If spanking is such an awesome disciplinary tool, you'd think it would be more effective than that.

    At the same time, kids are pretty sturdy and can take a whole lot worse than having their laptops shot to death. I actually thought that was kind of funny, if sinfully wasteful.

    But we shall see--or not. Does anyone know what happened to that girl whose mother made her go stand out on the street with the sign saying she would work for food? Or if this kid's grades improved? Yeah, me, either.
  23. PeterG

    PeterG Well-Known Member

    Wow. :eek: I think her parenting skills pale in comparison to his grades...
  24. MacMadame

    MacMadame Cat Lady-in-Training

    I think that's a misleading statistic though. I've spanked both my kids. Maybe 1 or 2 times each when they were very little and I was very frustrated. But I don't really believe in spanking (I think it's pretty ineffectual as a punishment) and it's not something I'm proud of or did regularly.

    I know a lot of parents like me who don't really believe in spanking but find themselves doing it a few times over the course of raising their kids for various reasons (frustration, trying something new because the other stuff isn't working, etc.). When I was growing up, though, most parents spanked regularly and firmly believed in spanking as a discipline technique.

    So I believe 80% of today's preschoolers have been spanked. I don't believe 80% of preschoolers are spanked on a regular basis as part of what their parents believe to be proper discipline.
  25. Prancer

    Prancer Strong and stable Staff Member

    Let's say that you are right. None of that negates the fact that spanking is far from obsolete. You can think spanking is wrong all you like; if you do it, you do it, regardless of your philosophical stance.

    Now let's say that the majority of Americans approve of spanking--which they do, according to polls. Take the 65% of Americans who approve of spanking, add in the parents who don't believe in spanking but spank sometimes, anyway, and it seems to me that you have a norm that is alive and well.

    Depending on your statistical source, spanking may be even more common than that:

    Well, depending on where you look for statistics, anywhere between 65% to 90% of American parents are spanking their kids. Here are some statistics I found:

    - 68 percent of American parents think spanking is not only good but essential to child rearing;

    - 90 percent of parents spank their toddlers at least three times a week; two-thirds spank them once a day;

    - One in four parents begin to spank when their child is 6 months old, 50 percent when their child is 12 months old;


    I think those are tad high, but they are within the spectrum of the stats I've seen.
  26. julieann

    julieann Well-Known Member

    I think if a poll was done in prisons, spankings are not the reason most of the inmates are in there. I could be wrong though, I've never done one.
  27. Prancer

    Prancer Strong and stable Staff Member

    Assuming that spankings leads to incarceration is a classic post hoc fallacy; correlation is not causation.

    The argument usually runs that most convicted felons were regularly spanked and are still convicted felons, ergo spanking doesn't do a whole lot to deter antisocial behaviors.

    I'm not sure where the prison poll reference came from?
  28. MacMadame

    MacMadame Cat Lady-in-Training

    But a poll that asks have you EVER spank is going to show really high numbers because it's going to include everyone who spanked even one time. The telling stat is how many parents spank *regularly* and consider spanking a legitimate tool in their parenting arsenal. And how has that changed over time.

    I don't have numbers for that but it seems like spanking was done by 95-99% of parents when I was growing up and done quite regularly and frequently and it was assumed that good parents spanked and only lazy or overly permissive parents didn't spank.

    I think that's changed, but your statistics mean it hasn't changed as much as I think. :cool: Plus, I haven't seen stats for 1955-1975 which is the period I'm comparing today with, I'm only going by my own experience.

    But I will say we had neighbors who spanked regularly and believed spanking was justified via their Bible readings and even they didn't spank their toddlers 3x a week!
  29. julieann

    julieann Well-Known Member

    Who said it came from anywhere, it's just a question. Kids who got spanked end up in jail, kids who never got spanked end up in jail. Kids get into trouble, period, it's not the discipline people have trouble with it's the form it takes.

    Would anyone have cared about this dad if he didn't shoot his daughter's laptop? Doubt it.

    I have a hard time believing these two statistics, I wonder who was in their survey? But you know what they say 82% of all statistics are made up.
  30. Prancer

    Prancer Strong and stable Staff Member

    That number has varied quite a bit over the years, but the 65%-70% of Americans who approve of spanking has been a constant in several polls for the last decade.

    I dunno. My parents weren't big on spanking and I don't recall my friends being spanked much, if at all, but that's hardly a representative sample.

    I do think that's pretty high and IIRC, that figure comes from a study that interpreted "spanking" very broadly to include just about any physical control/discipline. I've had a lot of students do research papers on this topic, and weekly spanking isn't at all uncommon for young kids.

    However, the more educated that parents are, the less likely it is that they will spank, which is probably why you know very few people who spank. The majority of college graduates do not advocate spanking, although it's a rather small majority (I think it's 55% don't/45% do, something like that).